And
so begins the story of how fate has chosen my path.
Perhaps
it can be seen simply as the woeful thoughts of a troubled
heart,
Or
perhaps a state of mind that succumbs
To
the ever-present darkness of a cruel world.
Regardless
of what it may be,
The
fact remains that even in all this gloom
I
yearn to try to find hope and happiness
Or
anything to fill that void
That,
Despite
being so empty,
Fills
me inside with a consuming loneliness.
Silent
and reticent
I
look from face to face
Hidden
behind these many faces may be the one
…..but
to no avail.
In
my constant search I only forget
That
I am leaving myself bare and open to the world.
One
by one the cords of the robe
That
have until now protected my heart
Have
come undone
And
I stand waiting to be judged
….and
only too willing
Despite
what any rational thought
Might
otherwise suggest.
In
an attempt to fill that void
I
attach a piece of my soul
To
those that cross my path
Not
realizing that what I am willing to give up
Is
far too valuable and dear
To
be simply pawned off
In
the hope that I might gain something in return.
And
with each passing day,
I
lose more and more of myself
In
a barrage of endless tears
….at
this point having given up too much
to
simply turn away.
I
watch
And
wait
Neverending
moments
That
could fill eternities of time.
Waiting….
For
the simplest gesture
That
would acknowledge my presence.
I
watch from behind grief-stricken eyes
As
I see my life pass before myself,
As
if watching from somewhere far above
At
a surreal vantage where I am helpless
And
cannot take any action.
I
see that one face amidst the many faces
And
I silently take in all of the nuances
Of
a perfect love…
A
timeless love…
An
unspoken love….
Even
though I see my eyes speaking volumes…
Words
written with a sea of tears
Shed
from eyes that lay awake night after night.
Asking
but one question –
What
is that single desire I can fulfill
That
will bring you to realize
What
is hidden inside my heart?
And
then,
Still
watching,
I
hear a whisper echo to unwilling ears….
There
is nothing you can do for me,
For
I have chosen a path
That
does not cross yours.
And
in disbelief,
I
wonder how this can be so…
For
I know that whichever path
You
may choose to tread upon,
There
will still be another
That
will bring you back to my heart.
And
it is this path
That
keeps you close to me
Even
though you may not be before me.
Perhaps
it is a path known only to me,
And
may never be graced by that one soul.
Regardless,
It
is very much a reality to me
For
these paths are not created by choice….
But
by the indescribable love
That
has now become
An
innate pillar of strength inside of me.
In
what shape or form this strength comes to me
I
do not know.
All
I know is that despite all of the emptiness
I
am still able to live in some way
Day
to day….
Perhaps
it is the hope
That
one day
In
the deafening silences of solitude
I
will hear the leaves of the blazing trees
Rustling
in winds that bring tidings of hope.
All
those days spent counting the moments
And
reliving those few memories
Time
and time again
Are
finally coming to an end
As
the seasons of new beginnings
Loom
on the horizons of time.
I
continue to wait,
Still
sensing that my heart will not betray me
By
so faithfully keeping watch
In
this otherwise desolate existence.
I
continue to wait,
Hoping
that those footsteps I hear
Will
one day be at my doorstep,
Allowing
me to at last open those doors
That
have for so long remained locked,
For
within lays an overabundance of love
That
has but one name on it.
One
day,
I
hear a knock on that door,
And
in disbelief,
I
reach to open it…
I
look out into the setting sun
And
realize that there is no one there.
Vainly
I shield my eyes in the event
That
they are deceiving me…..
But
once again,
The
dimming light
That
had so briefly warmed my heart
Is
fading from existence
Leaving
behind another empty endless night……
