Title: A Typical Evening at the Golden Spur
Author: Madam Laure
Rating: DD&SS (Dusty Denim and Sensuous Silk)
Disclaimer: I can guarantee that flannel boy would not want our versions of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, not to mention Xani. Still, they sadly don't belong to me.
Archive: Oui
Timeline: Uh....no freakin' clue.

Leaning elegantly against the end of the long, richly polished bar, Madam Laure surveyed her Saloon with a calculating eye. (Okay, technically it was only one-half hers, but she wasn't in the mood to quibble, and her partner was safely tucked behind the thick velvet curtains that separated the bar from the restaurant).

Speaking of...over the last few minutes there had been a trickle of patrons exiting the restaurant for a night in the Saloon proper. Although only early evening, already several games of poker were in operation and her grrls were beginning to circulate.

As the sun set, more men and even some women strolled through the swinging doors, leaving the cool Spring evening behind for a night of poker, whiskey and cigars.

At the other end of the bar, in deep conversation, sat Emmy and that Frenchie grrl, Jules. Madam Laure shook her head in despair at the sight of their dusty denims, muddy boots, and men's clothing.

Such lovely creatures they would be in silk.

After a hot bath and plenty of soap, of course.

The doors swung open and another leather and denim clad dustball entered, looking furtively around. As she sidled towards the piano player, Judita--fastest bartender in the West--set down the glass she was drying and her towel, and reached beneath the counter for a heavy book. Without a word, she passed it to Madam Laure.

The Madam straightened her crimson silk gown by Worth and flipped open the book, quickly finding the page. Make that pages.

"Calamity Dor," she barked, betraying a spine of steel beneath that silk clad exterior.

Dor startled and nearly fell over her own feet. The piano player halted in mid play and rolled his eyes in long sufferance.

Madam Laure turned a deceptively sweet smile Calamity's way. "What did I tell you would happen if you came here during business hours without having paid your bar tab?"

Scowling, Dor crossed her arms over her chest. "I paid."

"With stolen money that was confiscated and returned to the bank in Wankerville."

"I didn't know it was stolen," Dor gasped innocently.

The piano player, better known as Pelham or the former Lord Pelham, snorted inelegantly. Dor thwapped him on the back of the head.

"Quit it," she hissed at him.

Madam Laure continued to smile benignly as she reached behind the bar. At Dor's gasp of horror, she held up the pink lace confection that might have been a dress if it had been a few inches longer. "You're in luck. One of my servers recently earned enough to stake her own claim. You can take her place." That smile turned a tad malicious.

"I'm a Ho, not a whore," Dor protested loudly, and all activity, mostly halted as soon as the exchange had begun, stopped, the gamblers, drunkards and Hos listening avidly.

"I never said you were, dear. What my grrls do after hours is their own business."

Judita snorted then tried to turn it into a whistle under the look the Madam shot her.

Madam Laure continued, "I need someone to serve drinks, flirt with the gentlemen, light their cigars, maybe do a can-can on occasion."

"No freaking way."

At that loud yell from the hooligan, the Sheriff pushed aside the velvet curtains and strode into the Saloon, followed closely by a pink clad Miss Kitty.

"It's either gainful employment or outhouse digging," the Sheriff said with a smirk, having been listening with most of the town on the other side of the curtains.

Dor's eyes widened, her brow scrunched, and she flitted her eyelashes at him.

"Are you um backed up?" Lord Pelham whispered to her, trying to be delicate.

"They're doe eyes, you idiot," Dor whispered back.

"I say make her dig outhouses," Emmy proclaimed a bit drunkenly. "The old ones are getting smelly."

"Oui, a perfect punishment," Jules added. "Barkeep, more of this delicious...what do you call eet again?"

"Tequilla." Judita filled the proffered glass.

"Eet's very good."

"No one asked you," Dor growled, switching from poorly done doe eyes to an angry glower. "If you'd just accepted the money... Damn wankers in Wankerville don't have anything decent to spend it on, anyway."

"That's not the point, Dor," the Sheriff replied. "Knowing where the money came from, in good conscience Madam Laure couldn't keep it and I couldn't let her."

"Damn do gooder," Dor muttered.

"Dor, you could come work in the restaurant," Miss Kitty offered. "But, you would have to wear yellow calico. And it has pink flowers on it."

"No thanks. Calico is almost as nasty as silk, unless it's black."

Suddenly from outside came the sound of thundering hooves. A horse neighed loudly and a gunshot went off, reverberating through the room. The doors crashed open and Grey Xan swept into the Saloon, guns drawn.

"I'm here to rescue you, Calamity!"

"I don't *need* rescuing," Dor protested, though inside her breast her wenchy heart was beating just a bit more rapidly.

Xani took a look at the pink fru-fru thing Madam Laure was holding and waggled his eyebrows. "Okay, stay here and wear that. I'll be the first to pinch your ass."

Dor growled wordlessly.

"Grey Xan," Emmy barked, "It's time for a reckoning." Though, that came out 'recking' as she was slightly sloshed. She slid from the barstool and nearly fell at Xani's feet.

"As much as I'd love to, it looks like you're a bit weak in the legs." He smirked at her. "Too many hours with a horse between them? Or would that be a marshal?"

Emmy swung, missed and fell on her face.

Deputy Jules pulled her gun and stuck it in Xani's face. "You are under arrest for for...something." The gun wavered, and in a quick move, Xani grabbed her wrist, wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulled her from the barstool and kissed her soundly.

As Jules dropped to the floor next to Emmy, Dor stormed over to Xani and slapped him, then she kissed him.

"Sheriff honey, do something," Miss Kitty pled.

Scowling lawfully, Sheriff Jinn took a manly stride forward, only to find Xani's gun pointed just south of his belt.

"Not another step old man, if you want to be any good to your kitty cat."

With a grin, the villain swung Calamity Dor out through the doors.

"Damn it." Madam Laure stomped her delicately clad foot in frustration and threw down the pink silk bit of nothing.

Smelling a story, Tara slid up to the bar. "What's the problem? You have plenty of money."

"No, they," she gestured vaguely to the room, "have plenty of money, my money."

"How?" the reporter asked, curiosity always hooking her.

The Madam actually managed to blush. "I've lent so much to my young Eastern gentleman friend over the last few weeks, I barely can pay my employees and the liquor bill."

"You know better to lend money to men," the Schoolmarm snorted, walking briskly from the storeroom, calico frock slightly askew, gallows' builder in tow.

"What were you doing in muy storeroom?" the bartender asked with a scowl.

"We got...thirsty." The no-nonsense school teacher turned to the Madam. "Money lending is bad news. That's what banks are for."

"When they're not getting robbed," the Sheriff muttered.

"I had personal reasons to lend Commo the money."

Cic frowned at the name of the Eastern snob. "I thought we ran him out of town on a rail."

"No, no, he's..." Madam Laure blushed a bit more.

"Oh for God's sake, we all know you have him chained to your bed."

Madam Laure gave Schoolmarm Darry a scandalized look. "I never!"

"I gave you the freakin' handcuffs for your birthday. You run a cathouse! Stop being so freakin' delicate."

"Oh, all right," Madam Laure snapped. "Fine. He's paying off his debt to me with manual labor."

"And the more he gets in debt, the more he labors," Darry chuckled.

"You are very evil to be a school teacher of innocent children."

"Have you *seen* any children around here?"

Behind the long time friends, Tara was jotting down every word, her mind turning the conversation into one hell of a front page story.

"Where'd the scoundrel go?" Emmy muttered, stumbling to her feet, Deputy Jules with her, hanging onto a stool.

"Snatched up Calamity Dor and rode out of here," Miss Kitty replied helpfully. "Would you two like to switch to nice, hot, black coffee?"

The two Ho's looked at each other, then pulled themselves up onto their bar stools.

"Tequilla," they both chimed.

Miss Kitty sighed, wondering if there was room upstairs to stash a couple drunken Hos for the night.

"I suppose I should chase after the villains," the Sheriff began, a tad dubiously, not really wanting to leave the warmth and comfort of the Saloon and Miss Kitty's arms to ride all night after Grey Xan and his gang of one.

His kitty patted his bulging bicep lovingly. "They'll be back tomorrow, and you still are wounded." Her hand slid lower, patting his backside.

He smirked at her. "Shall we retire, wishpuff?" The Sheriff discreetly reached down and squeezed her own derriere making her giggle.

"Restaurant's closed," Miss Kitty hollered over her shoulder as she led the way upstairs to her sumptuous, chintz filled apartment.

"No more bar tabs for anyone," Madam Laure declared, slamming the account book shut. "Cash only."

Loud groans reverberated through the room.

At a far corner table, Kendra, Ellie, Kymira and Jen all glanced down at their piddling funds. After recently buying their claims, they had been reduced to playing poker for pennies and even matchsticks.

"Can I pay with candy?" Kendra asked the Madam. "I know lots of uses for chocolate."

Madam Laure pondered that for a moment. "I guess equal trade would be acceptable."

"I don't suppose you have a horse that needs tending," sighed Ellie, the horse doctor.

"I don't ride, dear. But with you buxom prettiness, I'm sure we could come to an arrangement."

Ellie stared in horror at the Madam. "Sarsparilla for me."

"Since she can kill with one glance, I doubt she needs any of my weapons either," Kymira added glumly.

"You're business is picking up, though," Jen consoled her. "Grey Xan and Emmy alone will keep you in beer and whisky."

"True. Should I feel guilty that Xani is paying with stolen money?"

"You're not a do gooder in disguise are you?" Ellie asked.

Kymira shook her head, but a sort of glazed look entered her eyes. "But that handsome marshal is enough to turn anyone respectable."

"And naughty," Jen grinned. "My lingerie and leather goods are selling like hotcakes since his arrival." Her smile drooped. "Too bad I invested so heavily in lube. Only Xani and *censored for the Wench's delicate eyes.*

"Wonder if it could be used as cheap horse lineament," Ellie mused.

As the ruckus had mostly died down, the majority of patrons returned to their prior activities. Pelham began to play a rousing version of 'Greensleeves', and Tara hurried off to write her story and print out the next day's newspaper.

She pushed the swinging doors open and nearly knocked the black clad Marshal on his nicely shaped butt.

"Oh, excuse me."

Marshal Kenobi twinkled his eyes at her and she blushed furiously. "No problem, miss."

"I own the newspaper and I have a late-breaking story and could I interview you sometime?" she babbled.

"I'd be honored," he replied, his sensuous voice sending shivers through her. "Tomorrow afternoon perhaps?"

"Uh...yes. My office is just down the street. I'm Tara, by the way."

"Yes, I know." With a final smile he entered the Saloon, and Tara sagged weakly against the wall.

The Marshall strolled up to the bar and gave Judita a lusty smile. "Good evening."

"Marshal, what can I get you? On the house, of course."

"No, no, I'll pay like everyone else."

"For all you do for our leetle town, I must refuse your money."

"Ah, well then...a beer would be wonderful. I'm as dry as dirt. I spent the day out on the range searching for Grey Xan's hideout."

"'E was jest here, mon cher," Deputy Jules slurred from her slumped over position three stools down.

Marshal Kenobi frowned. "Why didn't you arrest him?"

She blushed and downed her tequilla. "I tried. 'E's sleepery."

"I'm sure you tried your best. It's my duty to bring him to justice."

Behind the bar, Judita swayed a bit at the firm determination in his voice.

Sitting on her gallows' maker's lap at a table with the Madam, Schoolmarm Darry glanced over at the Marshal.

"So that's him, huh?"

The Madam looked towards the bar and arched an eyebrow as she admired that firm backside tightly encased in black denim. "I haven't met him yet. I don't know why we need a Federal Marshal snooping around. He'll probably try to shut me down."

"I've heard he has a thing for the ladies."

At his lovebird's words, Cic squeezed her tightly in jealousy. "There's nothing special about him."

"Of course not," Darry cooed, stroking his scarred cheek. "No comparison to you at all." Lowering her head, she kissed him passionately.

Madam Laure rolled her eyes and rose to join the Marshal at the bar. He turned to look at her, and she found herself nearly mesmerized by the heat in his eyes. They twinkled at her and she found herself smiling weakly.

"I don't think we've been formally introduced," he drawled. "I'm Marshal Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"I know. I'm..." Her brow furrowed as she realized she couldn't remember her name. "It doesn't matter. Delighted."

He took her hand and raised it torturously slowly, his fingers sliding between hers, sending shivers through her. At the touch of his soft and moist lips on her palm, Madam Laure swayed against the bar.

"Oh my..."

"You run a very elegant and welcoming establishment, and I understand the employment opportunities you offer have saved many a woman from poverty and starvation."

"I do my best," she stammered.

"Perhaps we could become better acquainted. I enjoy a woman with a practical business sense." His fingers traveled up her bare arm to toy with the ruffled cap sleeve.

"Would you care to join me upstairs, Marshal? I have a fine bottle of Dom Perigon that is just begging to be opened." Behind her back, the Madam waved her hand furiously at her bartender, gesturing from her to the stairs.

Judita rolled her eyes, then grinned a bit wickedly as she headed for the stairs to unchain and hide the love slave. Wondering if he was naked made her take the stairs two at a time.

"I'd love to join you, Laure." Marshal Kenobi grinned wolfishly, making her heart flutter.

"I'll just go fetch the champagne."

"I'll be waiting."

Madam Laure somehow managed to not slide into a puddle at his feet and headed for the storeroom. It had been years since she had felt so giddy. Finding the champagne in the cool box, she hurried back to his handsome side.

As the Madam and the Marshal linked arms and headed for the stairs, Emmy and Jules grinned drunkenly at each other.

"Think he can boink her into reopening the tabs?" Emmy asked.

"Zat man can boink a woman into anything," Jules replied.

"And it's soooo good."

Laughter filled the Saloon.

End