Title: HSU - It's Christmas Time, Pretty Baby
Author: Emmy
Timeline: After Dor's 'No Exchanges' (was that the title?)
Notes: Mary Sue! Mary Sue!

"You are impossible."

"Me?'

"Yes, you."

"How am I impossible?"

Emmy put her hands on her hips and gave the General her own Look. "I have no idea what to buy you for Christmas, and I only have a few days left to shop."

"I told you," he said, leaning back in his chair....then leaning forward quickly to pause the Elf Bowling game.....then leaning back again. "You don't have to buy me anything."

"Of course I do!" Emmy said, plunking into a chair and pouting. "You're not helping. You must want something." Emmy grinned as the General's eyebrow arched in a rather tantalizing manner. "Besides that."

The General gave her a devilish smile.

"Oh well, Dande is dragging me out this afternoon to try on froofy-ass dresses. I'll stop at the mall on our way back and see if I can't get inspired," Emmy said, flopping her head to the side to rest on her shoulder in a rather bored manner.

The General's face suddenly turned a bit serious. "Emmy?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

He sighed. "I'm not quite sure how to approach this."

"Just come right out with it," Emmy said.

"Now, I want to answer this as honestly as you can."

"Don't I always?"

He smiled. "Well, yes. I was just wondering. Does it bother you that Dande and Qui-Gon are getting married?"

"Huh?" Emmy said. "I think it's about damn time he took responsibility for that baby."

The General shook his head. "No. What I mean is.....does it bother you that.....I mean.... Does it make you wish that, say, you and I were getting married or having a child?" The General's eyes suddenly grew very wide as Emmy burst out with uproarious laughter.

"You.....you.....you think," Emmy tried to say as laughter shook her body.

The General smiled with a hint of relief. "I'll take that as a 'no' then."

Emmy leaned her head against the back of the chair as her laughter began to slowly subside. Then she took a very amused deep breath with a few last chuckles and said, "You think that because Dande is getting married that I want to get married?"

"Well," the General said, shrugging his shoulders, "it was just a concern I had. About all of you. I just wanted to be sure that no one was feeling...."

"Let me tell you something," Emmy said. "You know what marriage is for a woman? It's spending the *rest of your life* as Misses Somebody with a name that isn't yours, cleaning up dishes, toilets, and other messes that you didn't make....not to mention in-laws, loss of ownership of the remote control, and having to constantly consult somebody else on *all* financial matters. Does that sound like something that any of us would want to do?"

"Point taken," the General with a gentle smile.

"And I have a dog, I don't need children."

Now it was the General's turn to laugh.

"I'm serious," Emmy said. "I'll be more than happy to be a surrogate aunt to the Wench baby. Lasher doesn't cry in the middle of the night, he doesn't talk back, and he won't come home fifteen years from now with five rings in his eyebrow and a stud in his tongue." Emmy paused for a moment. "Oh geez, don't tell me you wanna get hitched and have a kid, too!"

"No," the General said quite definitively.

"Thank God," Emmy said. "You had me worried there for a minute."

"I just wanted to make sure that everyone was happy with the way things are," he said.

Emmy stood up from her chair, walked around his desk, and then settled herself on his lap. "That's very sweet of you," she said, rubbing her nose against his. "But the very reason we're all here with you is because we don't want ordinary real lives like everybody else," she grinned.

"Oh?" he said. "What *do* you want?"

Emmy pressed her forehead against his. "Something extraordinary."

The General raised his arms and combed his fingers through her hair. "Perhaps I can help with that," he said with a smile.

~*~

"So," Judy said, polishing the bar as Emmy nursed a margarita with her lunch, "got all your shopping done."

"No," Emmy groaned. "The General is impossible to shop for."

"Tell me about it," Judy said.

"So you haven't bought him anything either?"

"Not yet."

"Oh good, I don't feel so bad," Emmy said as she chomped down a french fry. "Oh, but get this. He was afraid that we all wanted to get married since Dande was." Emmy smiled and continued chomping fries as Judy laughed loudly.

"No way!" Judy said, continuing to laugh as she leaned against the bar.

"Yesssss," Emmy said.

"What a sweetie," Judy said.

"Yeah," Emmy said with a smile. "He is. Which is why I'm going *crazy* trying to figure out what to get him. It's really difficult being with a man who isn't into material possessions."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Judy said.

"Oh well, we'll think of something," Emmy said, finishing off her margarita. "Can I get another one, please?"

Judy raised an eyebrow.

"Dande is making me go try on dresses today," Emmy said.

Judy smiled. "Coming right up," she said, scooping some ice into the blender.

~*~

"I've got it!" Emmy exclaimed, marching into the Tattler office.

"Really?" Julia asked, not looking up from her layout table. "Bow on the butt?"

"Huh?"

"The dress," Julia said. "Does it have a bow on the butt?"

"What dress? And why in the hell would I buy something with a bow on the butt?"

Julia looked up. "Your maid of honor dress."

"Phhhh," Emmy replied, flapping her hand. "I think Dande was ready to club me, but I'm not wearing anything that makes me look like an Easter egg."

"So what have you got then?"

"Huh?"

Julia rolled her eyes. "You just walked in here saying you've got it. Got what?"

"Oh! What I'm going to give the General," Emmy said.

"Great! What is it?"

"You'll see. And I need a tape recorder. A handheld. You have one that I can borrow?" Emmy asked.

Julia walked over to her desk and opened a side drawer. "You can use this. It's all digital, no tape, you can download it right to your computer if you want."

"Perfect," Emmy said with a smile, taking the recorder and walking back toward the door. "I owe you one."

"So what are you going to do with it?" Julia asked.

"Seven o'clock. Pub," Emmy said as she walked out the door.

"Ooookaaayy."

~*~

The General checked the large stack of boxes as the UPS man keyed his name into the data pad.

"Wow, looks like Santa has already arrived," Kendra said as her eyes scanned the various packages.

"No peeking," the General.

"I'm not peeking."

The General smiled. "It feels good to finally have all the shopping done."

"Yeah, you made it just in time. But now you have to wrap everything," Kendra said as she gnawed on a gummy fish.

The General's smile quickly faded. "Wrap."

~*~

"Well, where'd it go?"

Lasher just stared at his beloved mistress, unfazed by the large clump of snow sitting on his nose.

"Where's your ball?" Emmy said staring down at the snow-covered ground in search for a tennis ball in the dark.

Lasher gave her a big doggie grin.

"You'll probably find hundreds of them once the snow melts."

Emmy turned and smiled as the General approached.

"But I am here to solve all your problems," he said.

"Aren't you always?" she asked.

"Well....yes, of course I am," he said with over-dramatic confidence. "For example," he said, pulling his hand out of his winter jacket to reveal a fluorescent orange tennis ball.

"Our hero!" Emmy exclaimed as Lasher barked.

The General threw the ball as Lasher took off into the dark, the jingle bells on his collar giving the only indication as to his location.

"Thank you," Emmy said, putting her arms around the General's waist.

"It was just a ploy to get you alone," the General said with a playful tone.

"Very clever," she said. "It was by no means an excuse to escape wrapping presents, right?"

"I'll have you know that all my gifts are wrapped," he said. "Mostly."

Emmy laughed. "Oh, this was so much easier when our parents did it," she sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well now it's just a lot of work. When I was a kid, Christmas was magical. Lots of warm fuzzies and pure excitement and wonder. I never questioned the logistics of a guy delivering gifts in a sleigh with flying reindeer. It just *was*," she said. "Now that I'm all grown up, I miss being a kid when it comes to Christmas. It's just not the same when there's no mystery and excitement to it."

"I have an idea," the General said, taking her hand and leading her away from the building.

"Where are we going?"

He smiled. "You'll see."

~*~

"Oh my God, I can't even see the bottom of the hill," Emmy said with a nervous laugh.

"Trust me," the General said, tightening his arm around her waist as she leaned back into him.

"I don't know much about being Jedi," Emmy said, "but I have this feeling they didn't take you sledding in the middle of Coruscant."

"How hard can it be?" the General said, placing one hand on the ground as he pushed them and the wooden sled forward to the edge of the downward slope.

"Wait," Emmy said, "you need to grab hold of the rope to steer!" Then she yelled and laughed as they careened down the hill and then became momentarily airborne as the sled hit a protruding tree root, and they tumbled into the soft snow.

"Steering, huh?" the General said.

Emmy laughed as they lay immobile for several moments, looking up at the snow falling from the dark sky. "Okay, that's cold," she said, slowly rising to her feet and brushing the snow off her legs. "Now," she said, finding the sled and towing it behind her. "Let me show you how it's really done."

~*~

"I thought you were going to steer," the General said as he and Emmy laid once again in the snow as the sled made its lonely way down the rest of the hill.

"Well, I tried, but your foot was in the way."

"I think you're telling stories," he said, climbing to his feet. "How could anyone steer a slab of wood?"

"You're the Jedi, you tell me," Emmy said, taking his hand as he helped her up. "After all, you could have whammied it."

The General gave her a dubious look.

"Besides, the purpose of sledding is to always end up on your ass, soaking wet in the snow. That's half the fun," she said. "Although maybe that was more appealing as a kid, too," she laughed.

"Time for a warm up," the General said, giving her a big bear hug and a warm kiss.

"Okay, this part is much better than kid stuff," she said.

The General smiled and said, "I think I've got this all figured out, though. Let's try this again."

"Oookaaayyy."

~*~

"I thought you said you had this all figured out," Emmy said, flopping over on top of the General at the bottom of the hill.

The General raised his head and looked around while still laying flat on his back in the snow. "Hey, we made it all the way to the bottom this time."

And then Lasher ran up next to them and shook cold, wet slush all over them.

"Oh yeah, that's even better," Emmy laughed, shielding herself with her arms.

The General stood and lifted her to her feet. "How about we go back inside, find some *dry* clothes, and warm up by the fire while opening presents?"

"Now?" Emmy asked excitedly.

"Sure. Why not now?" he said.

"C'mon!" she said happily, grabbing his hand and leading him forward.

~*~

"Here, open yours first," the General said as he and Emmy sat on the sofa in the lounge, the beautifully lit tree casting dancing glows and shadows on the walls.

"We're supposed to take turns," Emmy said, swinging around and laying her legs across his lap as her back snuggled into the corner of the sofa.

"No, you go first," he said, a near-excited grin on his face. "Go on," he said impatiently.

"Okay," she laughed, taking the first gift in hand. It was flat and rectangular, almost like a book but feeling a bit different. She carefully unwrapped the paper and turned it around. "Oh my God," she gasped as her face lit up. "When did this happen?"

"I commissioned Julia to take it," he said.

Emmy's grin spread from ear to ear as she looked at the framed 8x10 of she and Lasher sitting out on the lawn together, she laughing as she embraced him. "She's very sneaky. I had no idea!" She looked up at the General. "Look at that big grin my baby has on his face," she giggled.

The General smiled, wishing he had a camera to capture her bright eyes and beautiful smile. "I'm glad you like it," he said.

"I love it," she enthused, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a big kiss. "Thank you so much. It's so thoughtful," she said, grinning at him again and then laughing as Lasher snored beside the fire.

"Open this one now," the General said, handing her another rectangular package, but this one most definitely a box of some sort.

"But you have to open one of yours!" she said.

The General leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. "Open."

"Don't even try to mind whammy me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he chuckled.

"I've got my eye on you," Emmy said as she ripped the wrapping paper.

"I should hope so," he said with a smirk.

"Well!" Emmy said as she opened the box and saw the burgundy velvet lingerie. "Lovely. And the right size."

"Don't sound so surprised," he laughed.

"Have you been going through my underwear drawer again?" she asked suspiciously.

"Silly grrl," he drawled.

"Silly General. So, more presents?" she chirped.

"Does my upbringing of simplicity and non-materialism mean *anything* to you?" he asked with mock indignation.

"No," she said.

His face broke into a smile. "You're impossible."

"What else did ya get me?" she said with a big, cute smile.

"Wellll..... This one is just silly," he said holding up a red bag. "But since you're a silly grrl--"

"Gimme," Emmy said, grabbing the bag out of his hand. She quickly ripped it open and exclaimed, "Moose Munch! Oh, I could live on this stuff."

"I thought you might like it," he said. "Alright, I guess it's my turn now."

Emmy blinked.

The General gave her an innocent smile.

Emmy blinked again.

The General laughed. "You really play hardball, don't you?"

"Mmm-hmm," she replied with a smile and enthusiastic nod of her head.

"Here," the General said, handing her the last gift. "I hope you like it."

Emmy grinned and mercilessly ripped off the paper. "Tiffany's!" she squealed as she saw the telltale blue box, throwing her arms around his neck.

"You haven't even opened it yet," he said. "How do you know I didn't buy you a wallet and wrapped it in a Tiffany's box."

"Because you value your life," she said, giving him a big smooch on the cheek.

"There is that," he said.

"Not to mention how you madly adore me," she added.

"Yes, but love can not be measured by monetary purchases," he said with a silly grin on his face.

"Oh hush, you sound like that silly ol' Master of yours. He's not a woman, so what does he know?"

"Oh just open it," the General said as the box remained clutched in Emmy's hands.

She grinned again and then slowly, lifted the lid.

"Now I really wish I had a camera," the General said as Emmy's mouth hung wide open as she sat speechless.

"Oooohh wooow," Emmy gasped as she gazed at the platinum and diamond garland choker necklace. "It's beautiful," she said, removing it from the box and looking at it in the glow of firelight and Christmas lights. "Even more beautiful than the one that bounty hunter wrecked."

"Well, this one is bounty hunter proof," he said. "As are you now," he added as he kissed her forehead.

"Put it on me," she said, handing it to him.

The General reached around her neck as she held her hair up and hooked the clasp. "Ah yes," he said, "it's perfect for you."

"I love it. Doesn't really go with this old sweater," she giggled.

"Well, that's why I got you this, too," he said, pulling a small box out of nowhere.

Emmy laughed and opened the box, revealing diamond stud earrings, also set in platinum. "Oh my God," she gasped. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said as she grabbed his head and planted kisses all over his face. "I'm going to wear them every day. And I'm going to go buy myself a ring to complete the set!"

The General laughed.

"Hey, I have a diamond mine *and* the Galactic Power Ball money. I gave a ton of it away to charity, not to mention the ski lodge and beach resort I bought for the school, so I get to blow the rest on me!"

"The Christmas spirit is so heartwarming," he said.

"Shut up," she laughed, grabbing at his ribs and nipping at his earlobe. "Now you have to open yours." She reached over and picked up a small box. "I'm afraid you only get two presents from me because I had no idea what to get you. Well, three but--"

"I told you," the General said, "you didn't have to buy me anything."

"Hush," Emmy said. "Open this."

The General peeked into the bag, a very naughty smile spreading across his face as he pulled out its contents. "Chocolate body paint?"

"Comes with two brushes," she added helpfully.

"I think I like it when you buy me gifts," he said.

"Of course you do. Now open this one," she said, handing him a small package.

The General began to carefully unwrap the box.

"Oh, just rip it open," Emmy said.

He arched an eyebrow at her and continued doing it his way. Setting the paper aside, he opened the box. His eyebrow arched even higher. "A key?"

Emmy tried to suppress her grin. "Yep."

The General lifted the key out of the box.....and then he saw the logo on the key fob. "No," he said in disbelief.

"Yes," she said with a happy lilt to her voice.

"You didn't," he said, his eyes wide.

"I did."

"Where?"

"In the--" Before Emmy could even answer, the General was out of his seat, walking quickly down the long hallway that led to the garage. "Well, hold on," she said, hurrying after him.

"So this is why you forbade me from this entire wing and all the garages," he said. He turned on his heel quickly to face Emmy as she ran smack into him. "You are too good a liar," he said, wagging his finger at her. "I actually believed that you had found leftover ysalamiri over here."

"Yeah, I'm good," Emmy said with a big smile.

The General backed up the rest of the way to the door that led to the garages. "Wait. I'm not going to open this door and really find a bicycle or skateboard, am I?"

Emmy gave him an indignant look and crossed her arms. "Would I do that??!"

The General's smile grew bigger as he darted around and opened the door.

Emmy waited expectantly for his response.

"Oh, this....." he finally said, walking with reverence toward his brand new metallic black Porsche 911 Turbo. "This is....."

"Well, I figured you always have to drive everyone else's car.....of course, this isn't exactly a snow vehicle, but--"

"Snow will be gone soon," he immediately interjected, unable to take his eyes off the car as he walked around it, his fingers gliding across its surface.

"Okay," Emmy laughed quietly.

The General stopped and looked up at Emmy. "Zero to sixty in four-point-two seconds," he said, a wicked smile breaking across his face.

"Oh my God, you have the Porsche stats lodged in your brain, but you have to put me in your Palm Pilot," Emmy said.

"Welllll....." the General said, prowling over to her. "I could put you in my pocket, but I don't think you'll fit," he said, snaking his arm around her waist.

"I could try," she said, lowering her hand and slipping it inside his pocket.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome."

"What would we ever do without a diamond mine and lottery winnings?" he said as he pressed her against the wall.

"Well, we'd still have lingerie and chocolate body paint," she offered.

There went the eyebrow again. "Are you suggesting something untoward?"

Emmy grabbed his head and kissed him full on the lips. "Who me?"

"Who else but you," he purred.

Suddenly Emmy pushed him back. "Gotta catch me first," she said as she turned and jumped up the few stairs to the hallway and scampered toward the main stairwell. "No Force cheating!" she laughed out loud as she continued running while the General quickly gained on her.

"I'm not the one who cheated," he said, reaching out and grabbing her as she clutched the banister and tried to swerve up the stairs.

Emmy squealed as her hand slipped from the railing and everything up-ended as the General slung her over his shoulder. "Hey!" she laughed in protest.

"You said I had to catch you," he said matter-of-factly as Lasher danced around them playfully.

"Bite the bad General, baby," Emmy said to the happy canine as he tried to lick her face.

"Ha!" the General exclaimed. "I have you now! Not even your dog can save you because he likes me better," he declared, patting Lasher on the head as the dog positively beamed at him. "Isn't that right, Lasher?"

"Put me down!"

"No. I don't think so."

"Pleeeeease. You're giving me a head rush."

"Yes, I have that effect on women," he said, still standing at the base of the stairs.

"I promise I'll be good," Emmy said.

The General just laughed. "Don't write checks your mouth can't cover."

"Hey!"

"Yes, yes," the General responded, walking casually into the Lounge with the Diva still over his shoulder. "Now, where did we leave that chocolate?"

"Oh, c'mon, you're making me dizzy now," Emmy said as her temples began to throb.

"Alright," he said, bending forward and setting her on her feet.

"Whoa," the Diva replied as her equilibrium tried to re-establish itself while she rubbed her face. And as the General turned to grab the jar of chocolate body paint from the table, she reached over to the sofa, grabbed a pillow, thwapped him on the back of the head, and turned to run toward the stairs again with an evil cackle.

"Oh, now you've done it," the General charged playfully as Emmy bounded up the stairs with Lasher giving chase.

"Last one up the stairs is a--Hey no fair!" she protested as the General brushed past her and stood waiting for her at the top.

"Last one up the stairs is a what?" he asked.

Emmy stopped two stairs short of the top. Then she grinned and darted right for him. "An incredibly irresistible woman," she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his shoulders.

"Oh really?" he said with a tease in his voice.

"Especially when armed with chocolate sauce," she said. "Which you seem to have left downstairs," she added, nibbling his earlobe. Then she gasped when her back suddenly hit the wall, and he gave her a kiss that sizzled her synapses.

"Don't move," he said.

Emmy laughed as he shot down the stairs with a blur, returning in a hurry with a stack of presents.

"You really need to try these on to make sure they fit," he said, handing her the Victoria's Secret box and quickly ushering her through her front door.

~*~

"Obi-Wan?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I have a serious sugar buzz."

The General laughed, squeezing Emmy to his chest. "Well you're the one who spilled it all over me."

"I didn't spill it," she said, swatting his arm. "You bumped my arm on purpose.

"Well, maybe just a little," he said, shifting over to the side of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"We obviously need a shower now," he said with a grin.

"Or a bath," Emmy responded as she sat up.

"Or both," he replied with a waggle of his eyebrows.

~*~

"Remind me never to go to sleep with wet hair," Emmy said, trying to yank her curls down.

"It's very you," the General said, reaching over her pat her hair. "Wild and out of control."

"Very funny," Emmy said, pulling up the sleeves of her flannel jammies as she set Julia's small voice recorder on the kitchen table where they sat.

"Now, explain this to me again," the General said. "You want to record me reading for what reason?"

"Just trust me," Emmy said. "This is a very good idea."

"But what am I reading?"

"This first," Emmy said, handing him a book.

The General gave her a curious look after glancing at the colorful cover.

"Trust me," Emmy said again.

~*~

Not so early Christmas morning, various sleepyhead Ho's kicked over a shiny red gift bag sitting in front of each of their doors.

Naturally, the Diva had wrapped each gift with extra padding in anticipation of this.

One sleepyhead Ho in particular by the name of Darry rubbed her eyes as she tried to focus in on the tag attached to her shiny red gift bag, smiling slightly upon reading the words: Merry Chanukah. Your gentile, not genteel, friend, Emmy.

Darry pulled out all the extra padding from the bag and then unwrapped what turned out to be a CD in a blank jewel case, 'Words to Inspire and Swoon By' written on the face of the CD.

"Hmm," Darry said quietly, removing the CD from the case and turning on her stereo.

And then she smiled as the General's voice sounded smoothly from the speakers.

"Congratulations. Today is your day. You're off to Great Places. You're off and away. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the grrl who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care. About some you will say, 'I don't choose to go there.' With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find *any* you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. *You'll* start happening too.

Oh! The places you'll go!"

~*~

The General stood inside the garage staring out at the falling snow with a look of great consternation. Sighing, he closed the large garage door and turned back to face his new Porsche.

Well, he could at least sit in it if he couldn't drive it yet.

Settling himself in the car and savoring the scent of new leather upholstery, he finally noticed a small package sitting on the passenger seat. 'Maybe this will explain it. Love, Emmy' was written on the tag.

She had said there were three gifts.

The General's brow furrowed in a curious manner as he unwrapped a CD in a blank jewel case, the words 'Why We're Here' written on the face of the CD.

Pressing the button on the garage door opener, the General started the engine, grinning as the car purred. Slowly backing it out of the garage, he drove slowly to the far end of the driveway, being careful not to slide on the icy patches.

Stopping at the very edge of the driveway and turning off the engine, he left the key in the ignition to keep the stereo running. Inserting the CD and looking out over the white valley in front of him, he listened intently and turned up the volume.

"His smile," came Laure's voice.

"His smile," Judy said.

"His smile," Julia said.

"His smile," Darry said.

"His smile," Ellie said.

"When he's all wet and smiling," Kendra said.

"The moaning and panting isn't half bad either," Darry said.

And then laughter, including his own as he listened to their voices.

Listened to his grrls.

Speaking with love and laughter about their General.

The End