Title: HSU - Do the Right Thing
Author: Dande & Emmy
Rating: DMWAPW (Don't Mess with a Pregnant Woman)
Timeline: After 'Deck the Halls'
Notes: If you've ever been pregnant, you'll relate. If you haven't, you'll not want to go there.

"So even when we're having a nice quiet moment together - just a quiet moment, sitting and talking, for example - she always has to fawn over Lashah. Everytime he takes a breath, her attention is on that dog."

"That is *such* an exaggeration. And what do you mean by *that* dog."

"I didn't say *that* dog. I just said that dog."

"Yeah, right."

"Oh, this is soooo good," Dande gushed, shoving a forkful of salad into her mouth.

"Huh?" "Pahdon?" Emmy and the General said simultaneously.

"Have you ever seen such beeauutiful food in your life?" Dande said, shoveling more salad. "It's so fresh and green and--oh, I think I need another one of these," Dande said, pulling a giant jar of dill pickles out of the refrigerator next to her desk.

"Huh?" "Pahdon?" Emmy and the General responded again.

"Are you listening to *nothing* I'm saying??" Dande said as she ate the pickle. "Just LOOK at this salad!"

"Uhhhhh...." Emmy said.

The General cocked his head to the side. "Dande, I'm--"

"No forget it," Dande said. "If you only want to talk about yourselves...." she added in a martyr-like tone.

"Well....actually.....I think we're good," Emmy said.

"Yes, doing very well," the General said. "How are you?"

"Who me?" Dande said. "Obi-Wan, this isn't about me, this is about you and Emmy."

The General gave Emmy a sideways glance.

Emmy gave the General a sideways glance.

Dande sniffled and then took a big swig of Dr. Pepper. Then she looked out the window. And she sighed. Then she sniffled again.

The General and Emmy sat in silence, staring at the clock. They still had ten minutes left of their appointment time.

Suddenly the clock moved forward ten minutes.

~*~

"Good move with that clock, babe," Emmy said as she and the General marched quickly down the hall away from Dande's office.

"Yes, it seemed necessary," the General said solemnly. "She's really cracking up," he added.

"She's *pregnant*," Emmy said.

"I know, I didn't mean--"

"But yeah, you're right, she's getting really weird. But maybe this means we won't have to--"

"Sit through any more bloody counseling sessions," the General said.

"Exactly," Emmy said as she and the General stopped in front of their respective offices. "But," she said, turning on her heel to face him, "if she drags us back in there, we stick with the you're-jealous-of-Lasher, I'm-jealous-of-everybody plan. Deal?" Emmy said, extending her hand.

"Deal," the General said, giving Emmy's hand a good, firm shake.

Emmy reached forward with her other hand, placing it on the back of the General's neck and pulling him forward for a kiss to seal the deal, accenting it with an audible, "Mmmmwah."

"Have a good day at the office, dear," the General said with a silly grin.

"You, too. I left some money on the kitchen table for you. Have a nice lunch with the girls." Emmy said, patting his cheek and then turning on her heel to walk into her office. "Be sure to have dinner on the table when I get home."

"Don't forget Timmy's baseball game tonight," the General said, turning and walking into his own office.

"You two have been watching WAY too much Nick at Nite," Kendra said as the General passed by her desk with a chuckle.

~*~

"But overall, the men are doing well, General. Especially now that you have returned to lead them."

"It is good to be back, Quintus," Maximus said. "But what of this uprising?"

Quintus frowned thoughtfully, "Nothing of grave concern. As the weather turned, our conditions were more harsh. The men received an....odd memo from General Kenobi. Something about games."

Maximus winced.

"But with the new tents and Direct TV, I think we are far more comfortable now," Quintus said. "Truth be told," he said in a hushed whisper, "General Kenobi had been rather distracted of late."

Maximus chuckled, "He has many obligations."

"Yes," Quintus smiled.

"Braver than us all, I would venture," Maximus said.

"You won't get any argument there," Quintus said. "But there is a matter of rather grave concern that I think you should know about."

"What is it, Quintus?"

Quintus looked around, making sure no one was within earshot. "Commodus is to be a father."

Maximus' eyes grew wide.

"His Lady Laure is with child."

"Quintus, are you certain?"

"Yes," Quintus said, nodding his head. "The Emperor told me himself, a day prior to your arrival."

Maximus looked around the pitch and then turned back to Quintus. "We mustn't say a word of this to anyone."

"Of course, General."

~*~

"What did you plan on doing after lunch, Wishpuff?" Qui-Gon asked across the table.

"Well, Mastah Dahling, I thought we'd talk about names for the baby."

Qui-Gon looked over the top of the newspaper, his eyebrow raised almost to his hairline. "Names? Already? Today we must do this?"

Dande looked at Da Mastah, her big doe eyes pooling with tears. "Don't you want to?"

"It's not that I don't want to, it's just....I'm no bloody good at this sort of thing!...Do you really want me to...." Da Mastah looked at his Wench's expression and sighed.

"All right....Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Do *I* know? Do *I* know? You're the Jedi, can't *you* tell?" Dande asked incredulously.

"Well, you know...I really haven't tried....I suppose I could..."

"Haven't tried? Haven't tried?" Dande's eyes did fill with tears now, big, perfect Wench tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Come here my Wench, let me see if it's a boy or a...."

"Noo, noooo, for whatever reason, you haven't tried up to now, and I don't want to interfere with you reading the paper or anything! I'll just go find out the old fashioned way. Thousands of women have babies every day without the miracle of Jedi insight. In fact...," She said, her voice raising in pitch and breaking periodically, "Lots of women have babies all alone, with no man there to help pick a name, or to..to..to cut the cord...or..."

"Cut the cord? You want me to....WHAT?"

With that bit of male cluelessness, Dande got up from the table and ran out the back door into the garden. Her "LEAVE ME ALONE" Force signature blasting through loud and clear.

::What is wrong with her?:: Qui-Gon thought. ::She was always such a sweet and gentle Wench.::

As he got up to follow her, he hit his head on the overhead light fixture, the one he'd been meaning to fix for months because it hung too low. "BLAST!" Da Mastah muttered, rubbing his head and sitting back down, not really sure what else to do.

Dande snuffled as she made her way past the frozen hydrangeas, muttering under her breath. "Do *I* know if it's a boy or a girl - he asks! ME! Do *I* know!!" Stomping past the wilted peony flowers, fresh sobs broke out. "He doesn't want to cut the cord, I bet he doesn't want to be here at all!"

Dande stopped dead in her tracks by the bare forsythia bushes. Light dawning in her estrogen-clouded mind, she jumped to a conclusion only a hormonally crazed pregnant woman would.

"He doesn't want me OR the baby! He wants to run around with mistletoe in his hair and kiss skinny Ho's!" She said out loud, dissolving into a new wave of tears. "He wants to ride shotgun with chicken feathers in his hair and fight off the evil minions that run Wanker College!"

Deep under the winterized burlap of the rose bushes, two Ewoks took in the scene.

"Yub yub" *Wimen!* Said the first.

"Zub zub" *Oy! Oy!* agreed his friend.

~*~

"She WHAT??"

"That's right," Emmy said, nodding her head and trying to catch her breath after the long run from the pub to the clinic. "She's pregnant."

"Who told you this?" Darry said, pulling Emmy inside and slamming the clinic door.

"Ellie said that Kendra told her that Jen told her that Dorotea told her that Shana told her that Jael told her that Max told her that Quintus told him that Commo told him that Laure was 'with child'"

"Okay, wait," Darry said. "Dor told who?"

"Uh….." Emmy thought for several moments, trying to trace the path. "Jen, she told Jen."

"And Jen told Shana."

"No. Shana told Dor," Emmy said.

"I thought you told Dor."

"Why would I be telling you if I'd already told Dor?"

"I'm confused," Darry said.

"Commo told the boys, the boys told the grrls."

"So who's the father?" Darry asked.

"Well, who the hell else would the father be? Commo, of cour--OH my GOD!" Emmy stared wide-eyed at Darry for a moment. "No."

"Hey," Darry said, shrugging, "accidents happen."

"He wouldn't."

"Maybe seeing his Mastah having a kid made him keen on the idea. That happens, you know. Once your friends start having babies--"

"No. No way," Emmy said.

"And Laure likes kids, so she'd be a good choice," Darry said.

"But he wouldn't do that without telling us first," Emmy said.

Darry laughed. "I hardly think the decision involves anybody but him and Laure."

"But…..what about the rest of us?" Emmy said, her mouth turning down into a pout. "He loves her more, doesn't he?" she said in a weak voice.

Darry blinked, realizing the imminent dangerous drama of this situation. "Let's just back up. We don't know anything for certain. You're right, I'm sure Commo is the father."

"But he might not be!" Emmy said, turning quickly, opening the door, and flying down the hall back toward the pub.

~*~

Laure walked into the pub for a late lunch.

And a distinct hush fell over the room.

Laure glanced around the room, all Ho's blinking at her. "Alright, what are you all up to *now*??"

"Nobody upset her," Kymira whispered to Ellie and Jen. "We have to make sure she stays calm in her condition."

"So?" Laure said impatiently. "What is it? Ky? Are you shooting at people again?"

"No, of course not," Kymira said in a soothing voice. "Everything is fine."

"Just one of those twenty-minute lulls," Jen said.

Laure gave the room a warning gaze as she walked over to the bar. "Judy, you have any fresh coffee?"

"Sure, I--" Judy paused as she looked at the full pot of fully caffeinated coffee. "Nah, this is old," she said, grabbing the pot and tossing it down the sink.

Laure blinked through the hot steam that rose up from the sink. "What. Is. Going. On."

"Woo, cranky already," Emmy whispered to Shana. "This is gonna be a loooonnggg nine months."

~*~

"The Clinic is closed! Can't. You. Read. The. Si- Oh, Dande," Darry said, composing herself. "What the hell?" she said, startled at the sight of the Wench, hair strewn all over, leaves and twigs in her hair from wandering in the garden, tears streaming down her face. "Is the baby OK?" she asked, throwing the door open and reaching for her stethoscope to get a fetal heartbeat.

"Fine" Dande mumbled "The baby is fine. I need a sonogram."

"Why?" asked the nurse. "You've had no problems, no history of trouble, all your blood tests have been normal..."

"I want to know if it's a boy or a girl." Dande said, weeping anew.

"What?? You come to the clinic and bang on the door and make me think this is an emergency when all you want to know is the sex of the baby??" Darry asked indignantly. Flipping her hand she retorted "Go have Qui-Gon actually *do* something and find out, lemmie know what name you pick out. See you later." And she turned to walk back into the clinic.

"He woooon't" Dande wailed.

"What...did...you...say?" The Nurse asked, turning slowly.

"H-he won't" the Wench answered, choking back sobs. "Heh-he was too busy reading th-the paper!"

"@%*!#!! Where the &*^$#@ is my @#%$ing phone!" groused the Nurse.

~*~

"But I'm not that *kind* of a doctor!" Indy said for the fiftieth time as Ellie led him to the clinic.

"Stop worrying!" Ellie snapped, "I am sure the Nurse has it all under control!"

As the EA director and the archaeology professor entered the room, a deliveryman stood next to a huge, industrially packed piece of medical equipment. "Dr. Jones?" He asked. "Sign here for your new ultrasound machine."

Indy looked him in the eye. "Sign....for...what?" Slowly, he reached for his gun, checking over the brown UPS uniform for some sort of Gestapo insignia.

"Sign. It. *Doctor*." Darry said through gritted teeth, purple sparks starting to show beneath her French manicure.

Indy nervously scrawled his name, and the UPS man exited the clinic. Ellie looked at Darry. "OK, he's gone, now, what is going on here?"

"I needed a doctor to sign for the new equipment. Cic's penmanship is way too neat for him to sign as an MD, and Dande needs an ultrasound."

Drying her eyes, Dande looked at Darry "How di-did y-you get it here so fast?"

Darry gave Dande a look-who-you're-talking-to look. "Now, Wench. Up on the table!"

"But I'm not that kind of doctor!" Indy protested loudly, wondering how he'd get out of this one. He REALLY would rather face a snake than do this.

"Oh, how hard can it be? You just squirt the goo on her and rub it around. Besides, I'm a zoologist. I'll figure it out." Ellie said as she grabbed the sonogram wand from the adventurer.

"Amateurs." Darry muttered as she pushed everyone out of the way. "Look, you're scaring the Wench, now stop it!"

Dande cried some more for no good reason as Darry performed the sonogram.

"Helloooo, gorgeous!' Darry said with a smile. "It's a GIRL!! Mazel tov!"

"A little girl!" Dande said happily. "Oh, how wonderful!!" Now she cried with joy. But, she was still crying.

Have you thought of a name?" the Nurse asked.

Dande cried some more.

~*~

"This is all Dande's fault," Emmy said as everyone but Laure remained in the pub long after the lunch hour was over. "She went and got pregnant and put ideas in his head."

"Em, we still don't know who the father is," Shana said.

"Right," Kymira said. "Chances are it's Commo. I'm sure she's boinked him more times since he lives there."

"Yeah, but the General has those Jedi sperm," Jen said. "They've gotta be more potent than a centuries' old emperor's sperm."

"This is ridiculous," Ellie said. "The General would never do this."

"Dande has been mothering him, that's the trouble," Judy said.

"She has?" Emmy said.

"Yeah, he's had breakfast over there a couple times," Kendra said.

"Oh great!" Emmy said. "Now he thinks only Wenches make good moms, so he picked a Wench to be the mother of his child.

"Emmy, Laure's a Ho," Shana said.

"Yeah, but she's the closest to a Wench that he's got besides Dor," Judy said. "And I don't think she's a good choice to raise a child in the Library."

"But what if the baby *is* Commo's, but the General thinks it's his!" Kendra said. "How else is she going to explain this to him?"

"She'll break his heart!" Emmy said. "That ungrateful Ho!"

"I thought you were calling her a Wench," Shana said.

"Don't correct me, I'm on a roll," Emmy said.

"Right," Shana said.

~*~

"Endora?"

"No Dor," Dande said with a sigh. "I'm afraid you've already run through the names from Bewitched, and they just don't seem....appropriate."

"Hagatha? Did I suggest Hagatha too?" The librarian asked.

"Yes, twice. And Samantha, Tabitha, Sabrina, Buffy, Willow, Scully, Maleficia, Tituba, Jeannie, Egraine and ...."

"Ohhh, that reminds me! I got it!.....Morgana, you know, like in Morgana Le Fey?"

Dande crossed herself.

"Oh fine!" Dor harumphed as she stirred her cauldron. "Witches get a bad name. How about Pywaket?"

"Dor, that was a CAT"

"Oh, yeah, right. Hey....I really have it now...Kaeleena!...What do you think? What?...WHAT?! Oh come on! Da Mastah liked her...."

"Bye Dor"

"Whatever! Try to help a friend and all." Dorotea shrugged as Dande left the Library.

Xani sidled up behind Dor and asked, "What's up with Methuselah's Wench there? I passed her on the way in. Talk about messed up! She is projecting very loudly."

"She didn't like any of the names I suggested for her baby girl."

"Ohhhh, did you suggest Reagan?" Xani laughed wickedly.

Three halls down, Dande crossed herself. Twice.

~*~

"Well, yes, Bailey is kinda pretty." Dande thought out loud as Laure continued making suggestions.

"Brandy?"

"That's not really the sound I was looking for." Dande answered.

Laure shrugged. "Hennesey?"

"Laure, where are you getting these names from?"

"Chianti? Sangria? She'll sound Spanish and exotic."

"Umm, are you going to your meetings?"

Martini - uh, Martina?"

"Laure!"

"Tangeray? Cuervo Gold?............WHAT? Those are pretty!!" Ok, wait, wait. Lemmie think.....Jacqueline Danielle?"

"LAURE!" Dande said, her face coloring. "I am *not* naming my daughter after JD!"

"Suit yourself." The mediator said as she turned to take some muffins out of the oven. Commo smelled the yummy treats and wandered into the kitchen. "Ah, it's the Magician's woman! How are you, delicate creature?" he asked. Laure cocked a thumb in Dande's general direction. "She's looking for a name for her baby girl."

"LUCILLA!!" Commo cried out, eyes reddening and lip quivering. "Name her after my fairest sis-OW!!!" The fallen emperor was cut short by Laure dropping a marble rolling pin on his imperial foot.

~*~

The General smiled, hearing the unintelligible rattlings of his grrls in heated conversation. He increased his pace, wanting to get to the pub and take a nice break with them, catch up with them on their day. He rounded the corner and stepped through the doorway. "Good afternoon, Judith."

A distinct hush fell over the room.

The General shifted on his feet as all Ho's watched him intently.

"So, how about Dande and this baby of hers, huh?" Kendra said. "Ow!" she added, rubbing the leg that Ellie kicked under the table.

"Oh…well, it's quite a happy event, isn't it?" the General said with a smile, stepping over to the bar to take his ale from Judy.

The Ho's at the tables stared at each other with "Oh my God" looks on their faces.

"Thank you, Judith," the General said, pausing for a moment before sipping his ale, his brow furrowing at the odd expression on Judy's face.

"I'd better get back to work," Kendra said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Me too."

"Same here."

"Duty calls."

"Busy busy."

"Yep, sure thing."

The General glanced over his shoulder, the rest of his body following his head as he turned all the way around and watched the rapid exodus. He turned back to Judy. "Was it something I said?"

Judy blinked. "Pretzels?" she said, handing him the bowl.

~*~

"I'm tellin' ya, go with Brooke!" Kendra said enthusiastically.

Tara nodded furiously. Or maybe...........Misty!"

"Yeah, yeah! Or…or…or.....Danube! Hey, maybe Seine?" Kendra asked.

"What?" The bedraggled Wench asked.

"Marina? Raina?" Tara ventured.

"Stormy?" Kendra added bouncing.

"Stormy? Misty? Rainy? Girls!! we are talking about naming my daughter! Not a horse!"

"I thought you liked horses! Oh, how about....Ariel?"

Dande looked cranky. "The Little Mermaid? Are you nuts?"

The Wench walked away muttering.

"What the heck is wrong with her?" Tara wondered.

"Dunno," replied the other Water Ho. "Lets go check out the new sprinkler system."

~*~

"Why didn't he ask me to have his baby?"

"Em, do you even *want* a baby?" Darry asked as the Diva sat moping on the bleachers while she sat watching her servant work at constructing more winter tents on the pitch.

"Well, no," Emmy said. Then she perked up a bit. "But I have Lasher. He's my baby. See? I am a good mother. Stop calling me a bad mother."

"Oy! Diva! Get a grip," Darry said. "Number one, we don't know for *certain* that Laure is pregnant because she hasn't come to the Clinic for a pregnancy test."

"Maybe she didn't want to come to the Clinic. Maybe she went into town in order to keep it quiet," Emmy said. "Maybe her trip to L.A. isn't a shopping expedition after all. Maybe she's searching for a nice little bungalow in which to live until she has the General's love child."

Darry sighed. "And number two, if she *is* pregnant, we have no idea who the father is until Laure tells us."

"Well, I'm just going to straighten this whole mess out right now and talk to the General about it," Emmy said.

"No, you're not," Darry said. "What if he doesn't even know about it yet *and* what if he does and doesn't want anyone to know? We need to respect their privacy."

"WHY??"

"Can we just work on the assumption that NOTHING is going on until we hear it from them?" Darry said.

"But--"

"Don't make me hurt you," Darry finally growled.

Emmy shut up. She moped. She sighed. She moped some more. "So are you and Cic going to have a baby, too?"

"This isn't a litter type situation, Em."

"This is all that hippie's fault," Emmy said.

"Yep."

~*~

"Das poor Venchen, dat Heir mit der hair no leiben zee, yah?"

"Ya - umm, yes Hak, something like that"

"Unt vos need einen nomen fer das beebee?"

"Mmmm-hmmm" Dande replied, not really listening to the beefalow drone on.

"Essen einen freuline?"

"Yes"

"Gretle? Gretchen? Inge? Brunne Hilde?"

Dande rubbed her temples.

"Helga? Heidi? Greta? Shotze?"

"My mom had dogs named Greta and Shotze!'"

"Vhat kinen hoonts, Venchen?"

"A Great Dane and a German Shepherd."

"Yah, yah, vunderbar hoonts!"

"Hak, Judy is calling you to move some kegs. We can talk later."

"Oh yah, yah. Das biervench needen zee Haken. Nienen cry Venchen, dat bigges Jedi mon loven zee. Trusten Haken."

~*~

"EMMY!" Dande yelled, throwing open the door to the Dean's office. "You gotta help me!"

"DANDE!" Emmy responded wryly. "Bad day at the Salon? What? What's wrong? You've already ruined my life, so, please, add some more salt to my wounds."

"I need a name for my baby. It's a girl."

"Oh, isn't that sweet?" Emmy said sarcastically. "Cartier? Tiffany? Marilyn Monroe? What difference does it make?"

"Emmy! Please, no jewelry names, ok?"

"Fine. Suit yourself. Call her Belle. She should at least have a Ho name."

"What is it with the Disney names?" Dande said impatiently.

"Don't get your maternity girdle in a bunch there, Mama. Besides, shouldn't that troublesome hippie be helping you with this anyway? Does he know you are traipsing around in the snow asking for name suggestions from the Ho's?"

Dande looked down and muttered unintelligibly.

"What?" Emmy asked, starting to wonder just what was going on here.

"I said, he doesn't know it's a girl yet, and he swore at me and growled and said he didn't care!" Dande said quickly, looking at her hands in her lap. She braced for the Diva's righteous anger at her man.

"He...Swore? Qui-Gon swore? At you?"

"Uhh-huh"

"What. Did. He. Say." Emmy growled.

"He said 'I'm no bloody good at this kind of thing!' But it was not so much that as *how* he said it, and what he *really* meant.

"And what does that ungrateful man *really* mean?" Emmy asked, squeezing a pencil until it began to crackle.

"H-he da-da-doesn't want me!"

"What are you talking about?" the Diva asked.

"Kwa-Kwa- Qui-Gon! I am just an obligation to himmmm."

"Excuse me? Did I miss something here? What is going on?"

"He doesn't care about us...He is just doing what he thinks is right."

The Wench was on a roll now, no doubt, and Emmy tried in vain to cut off the crying jag.

"Umm, well. He came back from the Dead, right? I mean, he was out there in the wild blue ghost yonder.....place. If you and the baby were a millstone around his neck and all, he'd have stayed...away...right?"

"So, you're saying that he thinks the baby and I are a better alternative to being...dead?"

"Exactly! See? Don'tcha feel better now?"

Dande started wailing.

"What?? What'd I say??"

~*~

"I can't believe he won't help her pick out a name," Ellie said as she rolled her shortbread cookie dough.

"I'm sorry, if I were as pregnant as Dande, I'd better DAMN well have a ring on my finger," Kendra said.

"Yeah, well, he is a hippie after all," Ellie said.

"Yes, but Dande is Catholic for goodness sake," Kendra said. "You'd think he could at least get a clue."

Tara snorted. And then the amused expression left her face. "Oh my God. You don't think….."

"What?" Kendra and Ellie said.

"You don't think that the General is going to MARRY Laure, do you?!"

Kendra and Ellie gasped and turned to face Tara.

"He wouldn't do that to us," Kendra said. "Would he?"

"Oh, fine, so we're just supposed to ship ourselves off someplace else so he and Laure can raise their fifteen children here on campus all by themselves," Ellie said.

Kendra and Tara stuck their bottom lips out and pouted for a good long time while Ellie used a very large knife to vehemently chop at her cookie dough.

~*~

"We can't announce this," Julia said, sitting very still in front of the microphone.

"Just play something like, 'I'll Hunt You Down and Kill You and When You're Dead I'll Hunt You Down Some More'," Sere said, a maniacal expression on her face.

"Sib," Julia said. "Take a breath."

"Not. Giving. Up. Obi. Not." Sere said. "Not."

"Let's just calm down and--"

"Not."

"Sere, I--"

"Not."

"I'm not happy about this either, but--"

"NOT."

All of sudden, Julia made an odd screeching noise and banged her head against the console. She sat up rapidly and pointed menacingly at Sere. "I'm not going down without a fight! If he wants to get rid of me, he's going to have to….to…..KILL HIMSELF!"

Sere sat motionless, her eyes wide. This situation was bringing out the hidden Diva in everyone. She swooped over to the microphone as the song ended, her voice suddenly coming out smooth as silk. "Here's an old favorite. So sit back, relax, and GET BENT!"

And then she calmly pushed play.

**I started my life in an old, cold run down tenament slum….My father left, he never even married mom…..I shared the guilt my mama knew…..So afraid that others knew I had no name**

~*~

Qui-Gon frowned as he walked through the halls of the Administration Building as WHSU blared over head.

**Love child, never meant to be…..Love child, (scorned by) society…….Love child, always second best…….Love child, different from the rest**

And after happening to pass by Ellie and Kendra's kitchen window and hear the conversation that was ensuing in there, Qui-Gon was feeling not just a little bit paranoid.

These Ho's were so difficult.

"Obi-Wan," he said with much relief as he saw the General sitting alone in his office.

"Qui-Gon, come in, please," the General said, greeting him with a smile.

"Have you seen Dande?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Only earlier this morning," the General said. "Have you checked her office?"

"Yes, she wasn't there," Qui-Gon said. "I'm afraid I may have….upset her."

The General smiled. "Well, you can hardly blame her, what with being an unwed mother."

**Don't think that I don't need you….Don't think I don't wanna please you…..No child of mine 'll be bearing……The name of shame I've been wearing……Love child, love child, never quite as good……Afraid, ashamed, misunderstood**

Qui-Gon gave the overhead speaker a nasty look and then glanced back at the General. "What exactly do you mean?"

The General rolled his eyes and leaned forward in his chair. "She is about to have a baby. And she has no husband."

Qui-Gon sat up perfectly straight. "I am the baby's father," he blustered.

"Of course you are," the General said. "That doesn't change the fact that she's about to give birth as an unmarried woman."

"Well, what difference does it make?" Qui-Gon said. "I love her, I am committed to her, I am not going anywhere."

The General smirked at Qui-Gon.

"It's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything. What matters are my actions, how I take care of my Wishpuff and our child. What difference does a ring and a piece of paper make?"

The General arched an eyebrow while continuing to smirk.

"What?"

"You have *no* idea how easy you have it," the General said as he began to chuckle.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You really would never survive being me," the General remarked, laughing louder now.

Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. "Thank you for your….help, Obi-Wan."

"I'm sorry," the General responded as he continued to laugh. Then he took a deep breath and sighed with amusement.

"Are you finished?"

"Yes. Sorry. So, have you picked out a name?" the General said.

Qui-Gon gave the General a blank expression.

"You haven't even picked out a name?"

"Obi-Wan, you sound more like your grrls every day."

"I'll take that as a compliment," the General said with a smile. "But the baby really needs a name."

"The baby will have a name," Qui-Gon said. "Eventually," he added, his expression turning a bit concerned.

"Don't *think* about it so much. Let your heart tell you."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Very good advice."

~*~

"Damn! What is it? Do Gooder spawning season?"

Pelham shook his head.

"This is no joke," Dorotea said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hell yeah, it is. Funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time," Xani said. "First the great patriarch gets his Wench in trouble and now Wonder Boy is going to fertilize the entire campus."

"You are completely hopeless," Dorotea said.

"Hey," Xani said, stalking over to Dorotea and rubbing her stomach, "maybe we should have a little brat of our own."

Pelham shook his head again and went back to his reading.

"Don't make me hurt you," Dorotea growled.

"Oooohh. Please," Xani purred.

~*~

"Alright, listen up Hippie Man!"

Qui-Gon groaned.

Emmy marched around the Mastah until she was facing him. "You are going to take THIS," she said, slamming a tiny pouch into his hand, "and make a ring of it. I know a guy. I'll set you up. But ONLY for Dande's sake. And you don't tell a SOUL I gave this to you."

"What is it?" Qui-Gon said.

"A diamond! Hello, McJedi! Round, three-quarter carat. Do it. Thank me later."

"Now listen, Little Diva."

"Don't you 'Little Diva' me. As you will notice, this *isn't* the Summer of Love, we are *not* in Haight-Ashbury, and I am *not* going to tolerate your free wheelin' hippie 'tude, NOT when it comes to Dande and that baby!" Emmy declared, pointing her finger for emphasis.

Qui-Gon made an annoyed and completely flummoxed expression.

"She is a good Catholic Wench, and you're going to do right by her, big man."

"I *always* do right by my Wishpuff," Qui-Gon growled.

"Oh really?" Emmy said.

"Yes. Really." Qui-Gon folded his arms and puffed out his chest.

"So that explains why she showed up in my office all covered in leaves and dirt and sobbing her heart out about how YOU couldn't be bothered to put your damn newspaper down in order to talk to her about YOUR child."

Qui-Gon looked at the Diva, but didn't say anything.

"Nice job. Listen. Alpha to Alpha. You screwed up. Even I know better than that."

Qui-Gon huffed as he exhaled. "I understand that it may be customary for a man and woman to be married when they have a child, but where I come from--"

"We're not living where you come from," Emmy said. "Thank God."

Qui-Gon grumbled incoherently.

"You and Dande and everybody else who are going to interact with this kid live *here*," Emmy said. "Where it *is* customary."

Qui-Gon hinted at a smile. "And living as all of you do with Obi-Wan is customary for your world as well."

"Don't start with me," Emmy said. "None of us is preg--" Emmy pouted. "--nant. Makes a big difference," she muttered. "Gotta go, bye. Don't screw it up any more than you already have."

Qui-Gon watched the Diva's quick exit down the hallway.

Then he sighed and walked out of the building.

~*~

"Just think how cute a little Obi-Wan would be," Kendra said. "We could give him little padawan hair."

"When did this become a good thing?" Ellie said.

"Look, if this is happening, we'd better get used to the idea," Kendra said.

"I need a drink," Emmy said as she walked into the pub.

"What do you think we're doing?" Kymira said.

"Ritas all around," Judy said, pouring Emmy a glass from a gigantic pitcher that was sitting on the table. Judy leaned back in her chair, "Just talking about this baby business."

"Yeah well, I've made a decision," Emmy said.

"No, don't even tell me you want a baby, too," Shana said.

"Hell no," Emmy said. "But I think…." She took a deep breath. "I think maybe we should be happy about this. For him. I mean…..it's the General's baby, after all. Maybe."

The Ho's sat quiet for a moment.

"We could have a party," Jen said.

"Geez, you'll take any excuse for a party, won't you?" Ellie said.

"Wait, Jen has a point," Kymira said. "I mean, I know my Master. She could be really freaking out about this. Maybe if we had a little get together, something quiet, just us grrls, we could tell her that we know and that we're her friends and we'll support her no matter what."

"Not." came Sere's voice from the next table. "Not. Giving. Him Up."

"But that's just it," Kymira said. "If we show Laure our acceptance of this situation, things will work out for the best, I think."

The Ho's sat silent again as they pondered it.

"I think she's right," Emmy said.

"Yeah," Ellie said.

"And it's not like it's the General who's pregnant, so there's no reason he couldn't keep up with his schedule," Kendra said.

"Yeah," Julia piped in. "We'll just steer clear of Laure."

"That works," Judy said.

"Okay, so what do we do now?" Shana said. "'Cause I really wanna go shopping this weekend."

"How about if I close the pub, invite just the grrls, and then ask Laure to come," Judy said.

"Okay," Emmy said. "Let's do it."

~*~

Qui-Gon entered the cottage, much relieved to find his Wench at home. He looked at her sleeping on the sofa for a moment. Then he reached down and stroked her brow as she stirred slightly. Dande sighed, and her eyes fluttered open. She opened her mouth to speak, but he shushed her. "Wishpuff, try to understand. The fact that I didn't use the Force to discover the gender doesn't mean I am unhappy or don't love you and our baby. I love you both very much. I am a man who has trusted in the will of the Force my entire life. Just being able to be back here with you and the child was enough of a blessing to me. It never occurred to me that knowing the sex beforehand was so important to you."

Dande nodded. "It's a girl," she whispered.

"I know."

"You know?"

"I knew the minute you did, love. You've been....projecting very loudly all day. I'd venture to say that Obi-Wan and Xanatos heard the news through your Force signature as well."

"Are you happy she's a girl?"

"Of course I am. How did you feel when you found out?"

"Joyful."

"Exactly. And if Darry told you it was a boy?"

"I'd have felt the same." Dande said, her Mastah's point making sense now.

"As would I."

"She still doesn't have a name." Dande said sadly. "All the Ho's tried to help but--"

"Cara." Qui-Gon said quietly.

"Cara?"

"Cara. My heart."

"It's beautiful, what made you think of it?"

"A suggestion from a much wiser man than I," Qui-Gon responded with a gentle smile.

"Oooh," Dande said, placing her hand against her stomach.

"Is she kicking you?"

"Yes, she is." Dande smiled. Taking Qui-Gon's hand, she placed it over the spot. "Here."

Qui-Gon smiled as he felt the baby kick. "Wishpuff."

"Yes?"

"While I come from a culture with different customs from your own, we love just the same. With the same dedication and purpose. The same commitment to those we love. You understand that."

"Of course," Dande said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"You and our child are the most important thing to me now. You understand that."

Dande smiled again. "Yes, of course," she said, giving him the big doe eyes.

"Wishpuff."

"Yes?"

"Marry me."

"YES MASTAH DARLING!"

~*~

"This is a *bad* idea," Darry said, grabbing an appetizer from the buffet table. "But the food is good."

"Yeah, we just had the caterer out at the mining tents run some food over," Emmy said.

"Well, what the hell do they have to complain about?" Shana said.

"No idea," Emmy said, keeping an eye on the pub door for Laure's entrance.

"Okay," Judy said, putting on her green visor and standing in front of the chalkboard mounted behind the bar. "Given the entries on today's card. Number one, General Kenobi. Number two, Commodus. Number three, the dark horse, Xani."

"Hey!" Dorotea shouted.

"And number four, Qui-Gon. I'd say.......odds on it's a Jedi child. I'll give ya seven to five on the Jedi Trifecta, with the Wack Emperor a definite good bet long shot."

"Right, gimme twenty on the Gen," Kendra said.

"Hell, I'm feeling lucky, I'll put twenty on Xani," Ellie said.

"Don't even!" Dorotea protested. "Oh, here she comes. Everybody look concerned."

Laure marched into the pub and faced the gathered Ho's with much attitude. "Alright, for the last time, what the hell is going on around here?"

Emmy pushed Kymira forward to do the talking.

"Nice move," Darry said.

"It was her idea after all," Emmy said.

"Padawan?" Laure said.

Kymira cleared her throat. "We just wanted to talk to you. To let you know that it's okay about the baby and that whether it's Commo's or the General's," Kymira glanced over to the chalkboard as Judy began furiously doping out odds, "or Xani's or Qui-Gon's, that we're your friends, and we'll support you no matter what."

Laure's eyes narrowed on Kymira. "Huh??"

"We know that you're pregnant," Kymira said. "And it's okay."

Laure's face tightened up, her skin beginning to turn pink….then red.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of or worried about," Kymira said.

"CO! MO! DUUUUS!!!" Laure yelled at the top of her lungs as she turned on her heel and marched toward the door.

Darry laughed out loud. "Told ya she wasn't pregnant."

"She's not?" a handful of Ho's said.

Laure stopped just short of the door, turning around to face the crowd. "I am most definitely and quiet assuredly NOT pregnant!" she barked before turning around and marching out of the pub.

"YES!" Emmy exclaimed, jumping up with her arms in the air.

"Woooo!!" Julia called out. "Somebody pass me a 'rita!"

"Throw that damn Hallmark card into the fire, will ya?" Ellie said, pointing to the flowery sentiment on the table.

"Damn," Judy said. "I didn't even factor that possibility into my calculations."

"He's ours forever and ever," Sere grinned.

"What's this?"

The Ho's paused their joyous laughter to see the General standing in the doorway with an amused expression on his face.

"It's a party!" Jen said. "To thank you for everything you do for us!"

The Ho's all glanced at each other. Then they shrugged and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

The General beamed. "A party? For me?"

"Yes," Judy said, throwing the chalkboard down on the floor. "All for you."

"I don't think anyone has thrown me a surprise party before," the General said.

"Well," Emmy said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "We don't have *near* enough surprises around here, you know."

"Hey everybody!" Dande exclaimed as she waddled excitedly into the room. "I'm getting married!"

"Well it's about damn time!" Emmy said.

"Congratulations," the General said, giving Dande a hug.

"This is so sweet," Dorotea said. "Dande is getting married. Nobody is pregnant who shouldn't be."

"Yeah, I'll drink to that!" Tara said.

Kendra hurried over to the food table, grabbed a knife and scraped the 'Congratulations Laure' out of the frosting on the cake with the baby booties. "Well, I say the bride and mommy-to-be needs to cut the cake!"

"A cake! For me?" Dande said. "You Ho's are the best!" Dande grinned at everybody. "Obi-Wan, your Ho's are the best!"

The General smiled. "Yes. Yes, they are."

The End