Title: HSU Fic: Ding Dong Merrily on High
Author: Laure, Still Freezing Mediator
Rating: MHSHR (My holiday spirit has returned)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Poor, very poor. Own a whining fallen emperor; not willing to trade him. Timeline: After Photographs and Memories

Laure double-checked her bag to make sure her elfette outfit was intact, then left her bedroom. Commo reclined on the sofa in her office flipping through the channels on the television he'd commandeered from somewhere.

"Beloved, I'm bored."

Seated behind the desk, flipping through Vogue, Kymira rolled her eyes.

Laure crossed her arms over her chest and tapped one foot. "Have you done your Christmas shopping?"

Commo frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. "I do not understand this 'Christmas'. I shall declare it illegal to practice the worship of a fat man in a red suit."

"You have no power, dear, remember?" He scowled, and Laure continued blithely, "No one cares if you understand the holiday, but presents are required."

He held out his hand. "All right, my love. Give me one of your small hard tokens and I shall send Quintus to the market."

"Get your lazy butt off the couch and go to the market yourself." Laure turned to Kymira who began to shake her head wildly. "Find your EA, and go with Commo to the mall and buy me something terribly expensive and completely gorgeous."

"Do I have to go?" Kymira asked in her most put-upon voice.

"Only if you want peace and harmony in this office. I don't trust any man, except for the General...maybe...to buy the right thing. You know what I like and where I shop."

Sighing heavily, Kymira held out her hand. "Small hard token, please."

Laure scowled and turned back to Commo. "My money is NOT buying your Christmas present to me. Sell some of those antique baubles you brought with you."

Commo looked scandalized, then resigned. Finally, he pointed to his foot. "I am wounded. I cannot go to this mall."

"Oh no, I'm not buying that anymore. It's a walking cast. Get up and walk." With that last command, Laure strode out of the office, bag swinging from her newly manicured fingers.

*****

"So, he's been locked in his office all morning?" Tara asked Kendra.

Kendra grinned and slapped the elf-puck to the end of the shuffleboard. "Yep, and he asked for his new platinum card."

Tara grinned back. "Neat."

"I just hope he avoids the fruit basket page."

*****

In the Library, Dorotea glared morosely at the bright and shiny decorations that Jen had strewn about. Pelham sat beside her, brushing her hair.

"Would you like a red satin ribbon in your braid, my lady?"

She shot him a shocked look.

"Well, it *is* the holiday season."

"Do I *look* like I want to wear anything holidayey?" Dorotea retorted. As usual, she was dressed from head to toe in black.

"It's just a commercial joke anyway," Xani proclaimed as he paced around the Library, bored since Dorotea had taken away his EB2 game.

"And I have such lovely gifts for the two of you," Pelham sighed, making do with the normal black ribbon.

Xani stopped pacing, an evil smile lighting his face. "Shopping...right..."

Dorotea narrowed her eyes. "What?"

He just continued to grin.

*****

"Twenty pounds of margarita mix. You havin' a party?"

Judy cocked an eyebrow at the delivery boy, as she signed the paper on his clipboard. "No, this is our regular order. You new?"

"Hired on for holiday deliveries. This must last you half a year or so, huh?"

"Two weeks." Grinning, Judy handed the now gaping kid a candy cane. "Have a safe drive back to Liquor Barn."

As the young man left the pub, Logan chuckled and swigged more of his beer. "Wait'll he sees the keg orders."

Seated next to him at the bar, Ellie munched on a frosted Santa. "I think it's time to bake more cookies. We're almost out."

"How many dozen have we gone through?" Judy asked as she stored the margarita mix.

"Oh, at least twelve this week."

Next to Ellie, Jen groaned. "No wonder my jeans are a bit tight. I thought I'd shrunk them."

"I'm sure the General would be happy to start everyone on an exercise regime," Judy said with a grin, as she snagged a cookie of her own from the tray.

"Not again," the other two Ho's groaned in unison.

"Last summer we barely survived his insane need to jog," Jen protested.

"Work the calories off another way." Ellie shrugged and grinned at her EA. "I can think of some fun ones."

"Maybe I'll try out my new set of power tools at my next appointment."

*****

"So, do we take the holiday photo before or after the party begins?"

Sere gave her sibling a pointed look. "Before. Tanked Ho's is not really the look we're going for."

Julia grinned back. "Well, it's more honest."

"Think the General will be in uniform or a tux?" Sere asked a bit wistfully.

"Don't suppose we could suggest nekkid..."

Laughing the two Ho's resumed cleaning their cameras and discussing which tripod to use for the all Ho's and General picture.

*****

Laure strolled down the hallway, the little bag continuing to swing, a sinful smile on her face. As she passed the Dean's office, she heard Emmy discussing payroll options with their new alpha-like doctor, and rolled her eyes.

"If we pay you by the injury, we'll go broke," the Diva said lightly.

Dr. Ross chuckled. "How about we continue negotiations over dinner tonight?"

Laure stuck her head in the office. "How about you just take a flat fee for consulting, get paid every Friday, and we send you a 1099 at the end of the year."

Emmy scowled at her colleague, but replied sweetly, "Thanks so much for the suggestion. Don't you have someone insane to tend to at the moment?"

"Need an appointment?" Laure replied with a nasty snicker before quickly retreating.

"Who is that again?" Dr. Ross' voice followed her out into the hallway.

"A We..."

"I'm not a Wench," Laure shouted over her shoulder as she continued down the hallway.

*****

Snuggled in their bed, Darry and her servant were doing some online shopping.

"Okay, that's eight presents for you. A dirk, a basketball, a case of hershey's syrup, a subscription to Playboy, stock in Craftsmen Tools, a pair of tartan boxers, Plunkett & McLaine, and a horse," Darry said, clicking the confirm button. "Now...what did you get for me?" she wheedled.

Cicero grinned and placed a kiss on her shoulder. "Can it be a surprise?"

"Oh...I guess..." The Nurse shut down the laptop and set it aside, then wrapped herself in Cicero's arms. Just as she was about to kiss him, he pulled back, frowning slightly.

"That reminds me, I have to...Thursday night, I have plans to watch something called basketball with Pelham, Maximus, that short fellow who smokes cigars, and some others. Can you go out with the loud, angry woman?"

Darry frowned back. "Why would you want to bond with the guys when you can be bonding with me?" He looked a bit puzzled, and she shrugged. "Oh wait, Thursday night...I have to work out something with the Dean about the contract for the new doctor, so, yeah, I'll be out probably really late, well after midnight."

"Yes, that should be enough time. I mean, fine." He happily kissed her.

*****

Ignoring Crow, Laure strolled through the open door into the Office of the Director of Student Affairs. Shana sat behind the desk, sucking on a candy can and stamping papers.

"Are those the semester grades?"

Shana nodded and shoved one pile aside, reaching for another. "Everyone passed, except the remedial Ho's. Oh, except for Tara. In her one hour of good mood a week, Emmy approved Tara's reintegration into the regular class schedule for next semester."

"Good. I was planning to hold the Dean to her statement about that. Now I don't have to. One less chance for her to call me a Wench."

"What's up with that anyway?"

Laure shrugged. "Does the Diva need a reason for anything she does?"

Shana snorted. "So, we on for dinner? Scott got the four of us reservations at the new Italian place."

"Commo should like that. If he survives the Mall."

"He's at the Mall?" The OSA director burst into laughter. "Oh, boy."

"I foresee much drinking tonight. See you at seven," Laure replied, grinning as she retreated from the office.

*****

Entering the outer office of the President's suite, Laure smiled at Kendra and Tara, who were trying to beat each other at EB2. "I'm here for my appointment."

"Oh...yeah.." Kendra glanced at the written version of the calendar to confirm. "He's alone. Go on in."

Laure knocked once, then opened the door into the inner sanctum. The General jumped to his feet, a horridly guilty look on his face. Closing the door behind her, Laure frowned in disappointment.

"You're not wearing your kilt."

Obi-Wan's guilty look grew. "I'm so sorry, love. The time got away from me."

"It's okay." Laure held up the bag. "We can both change now."

"Um...I know this is horrible and wrong, dearest, but can it wait a few minutes? I'm right in the middle of something."

"I've been looking forward to this since yesterday. What's so important?" Seeing his eyes drift to his computer, Laure scowled and strode towards his desk. "Please don't say you're playing that damn elf game."

He looked instantly contrite. "Oh no, Laure, never. You're much more important than that silly time-waster." Sighing, he sank back down into his chair and cradled his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Laure rounded the desk, dropping her bag in a chair.

Obi-Wan slumped back, gesturing angrily at his computer monitor. "I've spent the last two hours trying to order some presents online. I haven't gotten one thing ordered successfully."

"I thought you went to the mall last week?"

"That trip was...rather unsuccessful, I'm afraid. I thought this would be easier. Every magazine trumpets the ease of online shopping. These sites are disasters. At one, every time I put something in my shopping cart, it disappears. At another, I can't even *find* my shopping cart. One site won't let me order without an account, but then I can't figure out how to sign up for an account. One hides its shipping arrangements till the very end, and then I discover that nothing will arrive until January. I'm at my wit's end."

Smiling at how cute he looked at his wit's end, Laure sank down onto his lap, before turning her attention to the computer. "Maybe I can help."

"Love, this is your time. I can worry about all this later." He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Obi-Wan, dear, what is the thing I love to do most in the world next to making love with you?" Laure looked back at him and grinned as his eyes lit up.

"Shop."

"Bingo."

*****

Still occasionally snickering over the image of Commodus butt first in the snow bank outside the Mall, Kymira sat on a bench near a goldsmith's shop where the fallen--literally--emperor was attempting to pawn off some of his antique jewelry and coins, trying to tune out the children bleating for Santa.

Turning one glaring eye towards the jolly red fellow sitting on a huge combo chair/sleigh about twenty five feet from her, she caught sight of Xanatos slithering around a group of children. Curious, Kymira rose and snuck towards him. As she came up behind him, her eyes widened as his voice reached her.

"It's a complete fraud. There *is* no Santa. That's just a fat, out of work bum, who drinks and smokes too much when off duty."

As a little girl burst into tears and Xani chuckled behind his hand, Kymira grabbed her cell phone from her purse, dialing while she stalked back to the bench.

"Jen? Ky. Put on your boss..." She tapped her foot angrily while she waited. Children weren't for her at the moment, but she remembered when her illusions of Santa and the Easter Bunny had been shattered. She had been much older than the children Xanatos was tormenting, but it had still hurt.

"What is it, Kymira? I'm busy pacing," Dorotea said through the phone.

"Do you know where your Greysider is?"

"Uh...no..."

"He's at the Mall telling kids there's no Santa!"

In the Library, Dorotea sighed heavily and growled, "I'll be right there."

Hanging up, Kymira saw that Quintus and Commodus were exiting the store, counting their money. She joined them.

"How much did you get?"

"Many green papers."

Grabbing the money from the RB, Kymira quickly counted, whistling softly at the amount. "Wow, guess your crap was worth more than I thought."

"This will buy Laure many pretty things?"

"This would buy Laure a new car, not that she needs one. Neiman Marcus, this way." She sailed down the mallway, leaving Quintus to help the limping former ruler of the world.

"For your help, Lady Kymira, I shall buy you something pretty, too," Commo called after her, making her grin in anticipation. Romans with no clue about money might not be so bad after all. Now, where was that sporting gear store...Maybe they sold cross bows.

*****

As Laure clicked on an icon and the confirmed order began to print, Kendra's voice sounded over the intercom.

"Um...General...your next appointment has been waiting a bit impatiently for the last six minutes."

"Oops," Laure said, grinning not at all apologetically, as she rose from the General's lap.

He stood with her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry, love. We spent the whole two hours sorting out my shopping."

Rising on her tiptoes, she kissed him tenderly. "I don't mind. It was fun."

Sliding his mouth down to her ear, he murmured, "Tomorrow, I promise, the kilt, the boots, the stance..."

A shiver went through her and she giggled. "Anticipation...makes it even better."

They separated reluctantly, and Obi-Wan took her hand, raising it to his lips. "Thanks to you, I'm almost done with my shopping, and everything will arrive before the first of the holidays is upon us. I owe you..." His smile turned wolfish. "Well, you'll have to wait and see."

Chuckling, Laure picked up her unopened bag, and nearly skipped out the door.

Emmy scowled at her. "Oh great, you probably traumatized him for life making him dress up like Santa Claus or something."

"I know someone who deserves coal and switches in her stocking."

"Ha."

Laure sailed past the Dean and headed for the front door. Edmund had her coat waiting for her and helped her into it.

"How do you always know...Never mind. Could you deliver this to my room?" Handing him the bag, Laure left the building and walked down the well cleared paths towards the cottage. It was a sunny yet crisp day, but she felt all warm and tingly. It was the way she usually felt after spending two hours with the General. Cuddling and laughing and talking were as good as sex.

That was rather amazing.

Two yapping puppies met her at the door along with a smiling Dande. The cottage smelled like ginger and cinnamon, and a fire glowed warmly from the fireplace. Qui-Gon sat in his chair, feet crossed in front of him, reading, while softly playing Christmas carols filled the air.

"Are you baking? It smells wonderful?"

The Wench took her friend's coat and led the way into the kitchen. "Gingerbread men. I made them with light sabers."

Laure laughed lightly and eyed the cookies. "They're so cute!" She joined Dande at the table in the nook, looking out over the snowy garden through a large bow window.

Dande poured cocoa for both of them, adding a candy can to each mug. "You seem very happy."

"I've been with Obi-Wan."

The Wench's eyes lit up. "And you enjoyed yourself? Did you wear the cute elf costume?" she asked a bit wistfully, glancing down at her mounded stomach.

"Actually, I helped him order gifts online. He had made an incredible mess of it."

Dande's eyebrows arched. "And you're glowing from that?"

"Must be the cold air," Laure replied with a grin.

"Helping can be rewarding in itself. Men don't like asking for help, but do appreciate it when their women do for them."

Taking a sip of her cocoa, Laure replied, "Being helpful is a trait everyone should have, and it feels especially good to be able to help Obi-Wan. He's usually able to do everything he needs to do on his own, and he gives so much of himself to all of us." She shrugged slightly and watched the puppies tumble into the kitchen. "You'd think I'd be disappointed at spending two hours just helping him buy things for other grrls, but...I feel great."

"The Christmas spirit."

"Spending time with a gorgeous, generous, loving man...who loves me."

Both women smiled at each other.

*****

"Xani!"

Surrounded by whimpering, weeping children, Xanatos stiffened and turned to face the wrath of the Librarian.

"Leave those children alone or I'll make your parts fall off permanently. "Grabbing his ponytail, Dorotea jerked him away from the kids and down the mallway.

"OW!"

"I swear! You're not happy if you're not causing misery to someone..."

Hearing a shrill and familiar voice, Kymira poked her head out of Brookstone and grinned at the sight of Xani trailing Dorotea, pouting and scuffing his feet on the floor.

"Baby," she murmured. "Wish my master had been here to see this."

As if on cue, Sere and Julia broke from the crowd of shoppers.

"Aren't you glad we needed more film?" Sere asked her sibling as they joined Kymira. Julia was holding a camera and grinning merrily.

"You got it on film?" Kymira asked hopefully.

"Of course."

"You know, Sere, maybe we should just follow Xani around. He's always good copy."

All three Ho's grinned evilly.

"Lady Kymira, would my beloved Laure like a Big Dial Doctor's Scale?"

Rolling her eyes, Kymira turned towards Commo and shook her head. "No, definitely not. But, she'd probably like that foot massager.

End