HSU: Twas the Fight Before Christmas
Author: Jael
Disclaimers: My apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for
Ho-ing up his poem. Also, I'm sorry for the Ho's I
left out-- I just couldn't get all of your names to
rhyme! All mistakes are mine.

* * *

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the "U"
Not a creature was stirring to go to the lieu;
The stockings were tossed by the clinic's desk chair,
In hopes that Dr. Cicero soon would be there;

The Hos were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Jedi danced in their heads;
And Max in his armor, and I in the GAP,
Had just come upstairs after beer off the tap.

When in the next hall there arose such a clatter,
The General sprang from his bed to see what was the
matter.
Away to the Diva he flew like a flash,
Tore open his tunic and threw off his sash.

The bra on the breast of the new-fallen Ho
Came unclasped in an instant, oh what a show.
When, out on the lawn invaded a tanker,
With a banner from Hooters, those boys from Wanker!

With a leap from the tower, the Warrior Princess,
She slices and dices, purees and minces.
More vapid than wenches, her sisters they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by
name;

"Now, DARRY! Now, KENDRA! Now JUDY and EMMY!
On SERE! On TARA! On JULIA and ELLIE!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now bash away! bash away! bash away all!"

All into the battle- they let their hair fly,
A knee meets with groin, a hit to the eye,
So out to the side-walk the wankers they flew,
With a lawn full of boys, Darry kicked with her shoe.

And then, in the mad chaos, I heard on the speakers
The General said, "My grrls are all keepers!".
As I drew out my sword, and was whirling around,
The Wankers all fled with a whimpering sound.

He was dressed all in leather, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all skin-tight, he had FM-boots;
A silver light-saber he had strapped to his waist,
Oh how this man had incredibly good taste.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how hot!
Like those boys from Wanker, he certainly was not!
His full luscious lips were drawn up like a bow,
And the beard and his chin were sexy to Hos;

His bottom lip he held tight in his teeth,
And the Force it encircled his bod like a wreath;
He had broad shoulders and a little flat belly,
That looked really great when covered with jelly.

He was smiling and happy, like a naughty little elf,
And I blushed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And passed out the presents; then turned with a jerk,
He was proud of his Grrls for facing their foes,
And taking the *Stance*, he *Looked* at the Hos;

He swaggered his hips, to his grrls gave a wink,
And away they swooned, even Laure the shrink.
But I heard him exclaim, as was walked out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-KNIGHT!"