Title: HSU Halloween Fic--Dress Sense
Author: NurseDarry
Rating: SFE (Spoooooky Fashion Emergency)
Disclaimer: Boys, I could really use these guys for just a little while, ok?
Thanks: Dande for daz Hakenspeak, Emmy for the beta
Timeline: After Halloween is in the Air
*********************************************
Darry sat on the General's lap, braiding his padawan hair. How he actually made the braid grow from real hair, rather than paper-clipping it on, probably had something to do with Dor's leftover magic, and was something Cal could do with learning.
"I do so love how you look in your padawan clothes."
The General tightened his arms around the Nurse. "And you'll look great in your costume, too." Darry smiled and fastened a tie at the end of the General's long braid. Then they sat quietly for a few moments, watching the sunset through the windows of the General's office.
"I better go get ready," Darry said at last, nuzzling the General's chin.
"I'll see you at the party," he replied, planting a big kiss on her lips before unwrapping his arms from around her.
~*~
"NurseDarry, I think I need to see you. Can I come to the Clinic?" Cal followed Darry down the hall.
"What is it?" she snapped, turning.
Cal was dressed as the General. Or would have been, if the General weighed 90 lbs and had short unmanageable hair and gangly arms. The leather trousers hung off Cal's frame, the black shirt, open at the collar, displayed no robust chest, but rather, pale unappealing skin, and the boots looked like they were three sizes too big.
"Well, it's kinda personal. It's for my costume, and seeing as how you're the Nurse and must know anatomy, I thought you could help…"
They reached the Clinic. Darry could hear someone inside watching an Errol Flynn movie and practicing piratespeak.
Cal held up a pair of rolled up socks. "Where exactly do these need to go?"
Darry looked at the socks, looked at Cal, then pointed in the direction on the Cottage.
"Go see Dande. NOW!"
~*~
"Avast, me hearties!"
"You said that really well. You've been practicing, haven't you?"
"Uh huh…."
“Hey Cic…?"
"Huh? Uh…"
"Your hat keeps hitting me in the head. D'you think you can take it off until we're…uh…through here?"
"Uh huh…."
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh, shit."
~*~
"You know, I'm pretty sure that Judy Garland wasn't wearing a white lacy Victoria's Secret push up bra and panty set under that costume," Ellie said as Darry sewed her padawan into her costume.
"Yeah. So? Hey, how do you know what I´m wearing?" Darry tied the sutures into a knot and stood back to look at her handiwork.
"Turn around." Ellie said. "I'll do your buttons up properly."
~*~
"Mmmmm…that's sooo nice. I love it when you run your fingers through my hair."
"You look different with brown hair."
"Do you like it?"
"I don't know. Is it…uncomfortable?"
"It's called a wig."
"Oh. I don't think I've ever seen one before."
"Yes you have. You probably were just sitting too far away to notice."
"Huh?"
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh, shit."
~*~
"How was I to know this was actually a real gun?" Emmy said, inspecting the business end of the Farscape prop.
"Where'd you get it from?"
"Ordered it on line from the Sci-Fi Channel Store."
"You're lucky you just singed your fingers."
"Yeah, you should see the wall of the Library. There's an enormous hole in it."
"Ha! Well, Cic will be pleased to know he wasn't the cause of the Library's destruction this time."
"Huh. Speaking of Cic, turn around."
"Why?"
"I'll do your buttons up properly."
~*~
"Ouch. Watch where you stick that thing."
"Huh?"
"The broadsword, silly. Do you really need to have it in your hand at the moment?"
"No, I guess not." CLANG.
"I'm sure you can find something better to do with that hand."
"I could put it here, maybe?"
"Oh…yeah, that's a good place for it."
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh, shit."
~*~
"It's not poisonous, is it?" JenJen asked, inspecting the antiseptic Darry was slathering all over her hand.
"Some of them are, I think. I'm not an expert on iguanas. But I imagine you'd be dead by now if it had been. Where'd you put it, anyway?"
"Told Cal to watch it."
"Good one."
"Well, thanks. I better get down to the Crypt and make sure the DJ and bar staff are finding everything they need." JenJen teetered toward the door. "But before I go…"
"What?"
"Turn around. I'll do your buttons up properly."
~*~
"What time will this party end?"
"Cic, you should know by now that the party never ends at HSU."
"Ah…that was funny. I think."
"Hey!"
"If we're gonna be up so late, I guess we really should have napped during our nap."
"Yeah, probably should have."
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh, shit."
~*~
"Here's some Aleve. It's good for muscle aches. You want a whiplash collar?"
"No!" Shana sounded indignant.
"Well, then you might consider lightening up on the jewelry."
"It's part of the costume."
"Shana, the party's not for two more hours."
"I know. I was hoping to build up some muscle tone by then. This stuff is better than free weights."
"Well, here. Take the whole bottle."
"Thanks. Hey- turn around for a sec."
"Why?"
"I'll do your buttons up properly."
~*~
"We could practice reading. Here…what does this say?"
"Uh…vic-tor-ia's-se-cret."
"Very good."
KNOCK KNOCK!
"Oh shit."
~*~
"Have you seen the state of the Library?"
"No, but Emmy mentioned that there was a slight accident."
"SLIGHT?! Did you see the size of that gun?"
"Dor, do you have a medical problem of some kind I can help you with?"
"No, I just came over to bitch about my wall. Why are my walls always falling down?"
"I think you need to loosen those braids a bit. Your face is turning red."
"Well, thank you very much." Dorotea turned on her heel and strode toward the door. "By the way, your buttons are all done up wrong."
~*~
"I think you should go to the party like that. You look very nice."
"I dunno. I think the shoes are a little overstated."
"Yes, but seeing as they're all your wearing at the moment…"
"You don't think I need the basket or anything?"
"Mmmmmm…no…I think the costume is perfect like that…."
"Hmmmmmmm…"
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh shit."
~*~
"Dande, you pin the kilt together, not pin the kilt to his leg."
"I know that," Dande said calmly. "I was just a little distracted by his knees."
Qui-Gon smiled as Darry stuck a Band-Aid on his calf.
"So, did you pour yourself into that costume?"
"I did no such thing," Dande said indignantly, adjusting her golden lasso. "I took my time dressing this evening. Unlike some people."
"Whaddya mean?" Darry said crossly.
"Your buttons are all done up wrong."
~*~
"Take off the eye patch. It covers up your beautiful eyebrow."
"You think I have beautiful eyebrows?"
"I think you have beautiful everything."
"Hmmm… Want me to take something else off?"
"Uh huh."
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Oh, shit."
~*~
“Quick, you´ve got to make my breasts larger.”
“Huh?”
“It´s this damn empire-waisted gown; it makes me look pregnant.”
“Judy, that style makes everyone look pregnant.”
“C´mon…”
“I can´t.”
“What? But I know you fixed Jerome.”
“Sure, his legs didn´t work. Are your tits broken?”
“Er…no.”
“Then I can´t help you.”
“I don´t get it.”
“Look, I can´t fix something that looks and works fine.” Darry motioned to her EA, who was impatiently wandering around the Clinic. “If I could, don´t you think I would have made myself taller months ago?”
“Well, that sucks,” Judy whined.
“Sorry.” Darry turned to walk back upstairs.
“Oh, by the way…” Judy said, motioning to Darry´s dress.
“What?”
Judy started for the door. “Nothing…bitch,” she muttered under her breath.
~*~
“Bloody hell. Can´t a girl relax before a party without the whole world stopping by with a crisis.”
“You´re just doing your job.”
“I know. But what next, I ask you.”
“Well, I could do this next.”
“Yeahhhh, okay…”
KNOCK, KNOCK!
“Oh, shit.”
~*~
“Who knew we´d both be allergic to clown white?” Kymira asked.
“Yeah, that does kinda bite. But this should make you stop itching. See if Jael can airbrush the make-up on for you.”
“Good idea.”
“At least you´re not all swollen.”
“Good thing too, or I´d never gotten into this costume.” Kymira inspected her face, which was slowly turning from red back to peach. Quintus had stopped scratching.
“It´s a great costume.”
“Thanks, yours is too- except…”
“What?”
“Turn around; your buttons are all done up wrong.”
~*~
“The boots are supposed to go over your knees. That´s how pirates wore them.”
“They just feel kind of odd. I´m not used to wearing shoes like these.”
“Here, I´ll massage your thighs for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Mmmmmm….”
“Darry?”
“Mmmmmm…?”
“That´s not my thigh.”
“I know.”
“Mmmmmm…”
KNOCK, KNOCK!
“Oh, shit.”
~*~
“I just gave Shana all my Aleve. Maybe you should wear another hat.”
“I suppose you´re right,” said Kendra removing the three-foot high headdress.
“Now, about that eye.”
“I knew I should have used liquid liner, but the pencil is supposed to give you so much more control.”
“Control, eh?”
“I didn´t mean to poke myself in the eye, you know.”
“I know. Maybe you could ask Ellie to do your makeup.”
“Yeah, good plan,” Kendra admitted. “And speaking of control…”
“Hmmm?”
“Who dressed you? Your buttons are all done up wrong.”
~*~
“So what are you going to carry in that basket?”
“Well, I don´t think Space Dog is going to fit, so I thought I might bring a first aid kit and maybe some fun stuff.”
“Fun stuff? Like what?”
“Like this, for instance.”
“Ah. And what do you use that for?”
“Here, I´ll show you.”
“Mmmmmmm….”
KNOCK, KNOCK!
“Oh, shit.”
~*~
“I have some of his meds here. Just give him all of it. That is, if you can bear to talk to him.”
“He just seems more megalomaniac than usual,” Laure observed.
“Well, look at what he´s wearing, will ya? You´ve got a mad egocentric emperor dressed up as another mad egocentric emperor. What did you expect?”
“I dunno…I´m just so tired…”
“Well, don´t take any of that stuff. You´ll be on the floor. Maybe that´s where you want to be, though?”
“Meaning?”
“That you don´t have enough mad egocentric emperors in your life.”
“Ha, ha. Looks like YOU just got up off the floor.” Laure gestured to Darry´s costume.
“Meaning?”
“Your buttons are all done up wrong.”
~*~
“Right, c´mon.”
“Where?”
“We´re going to the rugby pitch. We need to be alone for more than ten minutes.”
“Yes. That would be nice.”
Darry and Cicero walked out of the Admin building, trying not to be seen by any potential patients. Sneaking over to the small tent adjacent to Max and Jael´s, Darry called out to their neighbours.
“Jael, Cic and I are next door. Please don´t disturb us, okay? I´ll come and get Space Dog in 45 minutes.”
“No problem, Nursie!” came the response.
WOOF, WOOF.
Cic had begun arranging pillows on the furs piled up in the small tent. Darry prepared to lunge.
“Nurzen!” a loud Germanian voice called. Darry turned and found herself looking at a 6 foot 6 inch, 300-pound fairy tale character.
“Haken?”
“Nein, for das evning Haken be das Hansel from dar story, yah?”
“Sure fine, whatever. What do you want?”
“Vos buttonins is alt vrong in das doing of dem.”
Cic leaned out of the tent and yanked Darry inside.
End.