Title: Maxed Out, Part Four
Author: NurseDarry
Disclaimer: Oh Russ, just bite me!
After: Busman's Holiday

~*~

This General has some strange turns. Things around here were just settling after the latest incident and now this. My Jael has been edgy all week, since finding out she's changing jobs. I don't blame her; I have been a soldier all my life. Why would I want to be something different now? If Marcus Aurelius couldn't understand this, it's doubtful General Kenobi will, either. Both are wise, but both capricious.

Poor Jael. I wish there were something I could do to ease her apprehension. She says there is. I like her tone. Will take my hand and lead me to her bed?

No?

What do you mean I'm your new assistant in Public Relations?

~*~

I walk to the Administration Office. I carry with me a pile of unfamiliar clothing. I do not see the guard that's normally posted outside the building. Come to think of it, I haven't seen many of my men this morning. However, I did hear what sounded like a herd of stampeding horses running into the building just after the news started. Odd.

~*~

How I hate this. Selene and Cicero were always much better than I at seeing to the mundane needs of others . I am not sure what is expected of me aside from "smiling and charming the ladies," as Jael has asked of me. Why could I not have just been asked to kill them in a dramatic fashion? That I could do. Escorting prospective students and their parents is a battle I may not be victorious in.

~*~

There are two ladies and a man waiting for me as I reach the gate. My men at least have reappeared. The family seem most impressed by the armed guards around the grounds. Or maybe they're just afraid. I give them my best diplomatic smile- the one I use with the Senators. The younger lady seems go a bit pale. I offer her my arm and she takes it hesitantly. I flex my muscle under the peculiar clothing and the lady almost stumbles. Why does she seem to recognise me? I know no one aside from the people I have met at the University, and besides I am wearing these confining clothes.

~*~

Coming to the building grounds, I see a petite figure bending over the roses. I cannot make it out though; it is completely covered in a piece of material and wearing a mask over its face. It appears to have its hands around something or someone.

Behind it is standing a short fierce-looking being I'm told belongs to Tasha, the architect of this place. I give him a wide berth, but I nod. He nods back. I'm still unsure what kind of man he is. He puts up a ferocious front, but I had seen him frolicking with the tigers when they were cubs. I will reserve judgement for now, and hope we never come to blows.

I pause and see that the covered figure is the Ombudswoman of the University. Why she is covered from head to toe is a mystery. However, not so mysterious is seeing her throttling the scrawny boy named Cal. I often see the women here doing the same. I wonder why this one is on the grounds. I rarely see her outside. And I make a cautious glance around for my nemesis, Commodus, the Mediator's paramour. I do not see him. The scrawny boy escapes and runs to the door as the woman stands and sneezes.

I usher the group into the building, wanting no part of what I just observed.

"Our garden…" I stammer, trying to think of something clever to say in order to distract the guests from the patina we just passed. "…smells of…uh…herbs during the day…and…er…jasmine at night."

The young girl on my arm faints at my feet.

~*~

I leave the girl's mother and father to tend to her, while I make haste to the medical ward.

I enter the building and immediately notice there is water on the floor. It seems to be coming from the Clinic. I wonder at what my servant and his lady could be doing in there. Then again, the last time I saw Cicero he was drunk and had just fallen out of a motorised chariot. Perhaps it is best not to wonder.

I hear voices. Two women and then Cicero's.

"Don't touch them, Tara. You know the Nurse will kill you."

"Damn, I need a chair. Why are you so tall?"

"Please, Lady, I must go. Bob Villa is on the television." Footsteps move up the stairs.

"Frak, he's not going for it."

"Doesn't matter, he's not near as cute wet as the General."

"Darry doesn't think so."

"Yeah, but she's Ungrateful."

I knock at the door. It is answered by two women, both of whom I've seen in the pub. Neither is the Medic. I explain my situation but they both shrug.

Cicero strides down the stairs and rummages around in a cupboard. He hands me two tablets of medicine and a cup of water. I nod as my servant races back up the stairs again, just as one of the women starts to pull a chair over toward him.

Yes, definitely best not to wonder.

 ~*~

The girl better, we continue the tour. We pass the Dean's office and I explain that the woman who works here is in charge of University funding. I remember my one-time love, Emmy telling me that was one of her jobs.

As we pass, we hear a voice. It is not Emmy. Of course, like Jael, she would have another doing her job.

"I dunno, Vito, three-hundred per cent seems a bit steep for an interest rate. Don't forget that little favour I did for you at the Downs during the last race…"

I may be new to this century, but I am not stupid. I understand that language. I hurry on my charges and tell them that the Dean must be watching one of her favoured "Godfather" films.

~*~

The General's office is next. I tell the family that the President is very busy, but he does make a point of seeing to the welfare of all of his students. I knock at the door an open it, peeking in.

The last thing I expected to see was the woman who wears all black, sprawled across the table, with the General painting something on her toes. But that is what I saw. They both look up at me. The General winks and the woman holds her finger to her lips, giving me a smile.

I slam the door hurriedly. "Just painting the office," I explain, giving them the smile I reserve for children and simpletons.

We press on.

~*~

"We have a room for gatherings here," I say as I show the trio into the Pub.

There is a different woman behind the bar than I normally see. She is the one that usually has the two talking machines with her, but today she is holding a different machine and singing into it.

"Testing, testing. Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention…."

She puts down the machine when she sees us.

"Hello Ma-er-Gen-I mean-Spa-um- Mr Miner."

"Hello. This is the Smith family. They're just having a tour around the campus."

"Where's LP? I mean Mr Pelham. Doesn't he normally give the tours?" The woman pours us all glasses of cold tea in glasses embossed with the HSU logo.

"Yes, yes, he does, but I believe he has other duties today."

I notice the girl looking at me again. The bartender notices this too.

"Don't you think Mr Miner looks a bit like a movie star?" she asks. "He gets that a lot."

The family all nod and seem to relax. I have no idea what has just been said.

~*~

"This is the Mediation office," I say as we stroll by the upper offices. "This office is for all of the resolutions of conflict." I'm proud that I remember the correct phrases. In my day, conflict resolution was held in the arena.

We are just passing the door when I see a man come through. He looks just like that bastard Commodus, and he's wearing the ugliest garments I have ever seen. He doesn't see us and I breathe a sigh of relief. If that were Commodus, and I am sure it was, for I know he lives here, he would have been in a foul mood for being made to dress so. Commodus in a foul mood is not something these nice people need to experience.

I stick my head in the door and see Cicero's clinican sitting at the Mediator's desk, slowly banging her head against it.

I decide it's not a good time for salutations.

~*~

Finally we pass by the Library on our way back to the Public Relations office. I open the door slowly, afraid of what we might find.

What we find is the Dean sitting at the desk, the black-haired rogue lying across it, Mr Pelham combing his hair and a dragon on the floor eating a shoe.

~*~

"I think you need Darry for this one," the Dean cum Librarian says.

"What about the two women in the medical tent, er, room?"

"I can assure you they will not be able to handle this. And speaking of handling, LP stop that, the Wench is reading this, and you don't want to gross out Max." Emmy is irritated.

"Sorry," Pelham, takes his hand out of Xani's shirt.

"We need to move them to Brenda's office before they wake up. Darry can hypnotise them or purple lightning them or something."

"Ah hell, Princess, I can do that," Xanatos says.

"No."

Xanatos stands up from the table and picks up the mother. "Come on Pelham, grab the girl."

"Certainly not."

"Jesus," Emmy grumbles and drags the girl by the hair. I haul the girl's father out the door.

We bring the family into Brenda/Jael's office and place them in chairs, occasionally pushing them upright when they start sagging over.

I go to fetch the true Nurse. She follows me back to the office, accompanied by the slightest strains of the Spice Girls. She takes a look at the patients.

"For this, you took me away from my work?"

"You were working on a bottle, no doubt," Emmy growls, waving her hand through the air, trying to disperse the sappy pop music as if it were a swarm of gnats. "Hurry up and get out of here. You know what you're like around Max when Cic isn't with you."

I blink in confusion.

"Don't tell me about it, Diva. I'm about to go nucking futs in there without him."

Cicero's lady casually zapps all three visitors with purple-coloured lightning, and shoves me out of the way, stomping back up the stairs, muttering about her conference with Mr J Daniels.

~*~

"I did it MY WAYYYYYY!" I put down the machine that I had been singing into to thunderous and drunken applause.

I have no idea what this form of recreation this is, but after a day like mine, I needed it.

Fin