Title: HSU - Well That Explains Everything
Author: Emmy
Rating: PFM (Please Forgive Me)
Disclaimer: Umm...heh.
Notes: Nobody kill me! Think outside the box! This idea hit me in the shower, and I'm just running with it. You all know that Obi is my perfect man, so I just couldn't think of any other reason why he would behave the way he has been.

"Hak! Hak! What the hell are you doing?!" the Diva yelled at 8:35 Saturday morning when she saw the beefalow setting up folding chairs in the grassy area in the middle of the trailer park.

"Ya! Das General dit a schlep das booters ond da grassen."

Emmy put her hands on her hips. "Huh??"

"Gen told him to bring the chairs onto the grass."

Emmy turned to see Kendra standing behind her. "I thought you weren't coming to this stupid thing."

"I thought you weren't either," Kendra said, gnawing on her gummy fish breakfast.

"Well, I was awake and all," the Diva said, glancing casually around.

"Wanted to get a mark on your target, eh?" Julia said, walking up from behind and checking the area for a good vantage point.

"Don't tell me you guys are actually filming this?" Emmy said as she watched Sere setup a tripod.

Sere shrugged. "Never know when something good might happen, like this chick getting her head twisted off or something."

"Oh General, that's so funny!" came a giggling voice from behind one the trailers.

"What the?" Kendra said, craning her neck to see who was coming up the walkway.

"Oh. My. God." Emmy said as the General, dressed in his padawan clothes and robe, walked up the common area with a little pixie on his arm.

"Grrls," the General said, beaming happily. "I'd like you to meet Melody Truebliss."

"Hello everyone," Melody said in her perky little voice.

An instant later, the Diva grabbed Melody by her perky little neck.

"Emmy!" the General yelled.

"Go Diva!" Kendra yelled.

"I told you this would be good," Sere said.

~*~

"Bitch fight!" Xani yelled enthusiastically as he watched the scene from the window of Dor's trailer.

~*~

"Yes! I've been lookin' for a good fight!" the former Mediator turned...something...yelled as she ran up to the scene and grabbed Melody Truebliss by her perky hair just as Emmy's grip on her perky throat loosened under the General's grip on Emmy's pissed off arm.

~*~

"Tag team bitch fight!" Xani yelled.

~*~

Emmy gasped with horror and outrage as the General pulled her off Melody and then unceremoniously flung her to the ground.

"You will stay *right* where you are!" he yelled sharply at the Diva as she made a move to stand.

All other Ho mouths dropped open with shock, including the Diva's.

Except for Laure who was too busy pulling Melody's perky hair with one hand and squishing her perky face with the other hand as she dragged her across the lawn. "He's my man, you got that? You want him? You have to go through me first."

"This is good stuff," Sere gushed.

"I can't even believe I'm seeing this," Julia said.

"Laure!" the General yelled, stalking after her as she continued to drag the screeching Melody Truebliss toward the tiger feeding area. "Stop this instant!" he yelled a moment before Laure dumped Melody Truebliss into the tiger poopy. "Laure!"

"Are you starting something with me, Kenobi?!" Laure said as she turned to face him.

The General frowned at Laure's tone, not to mention her aggressive stance.

"Don´t you give me that look," Laure said with a quick talk-to-the-hand gesture and head bob full of attitude.

The General grumbled something incoherently, brushing past Laure to pull Melody Truebliss out of the pile of tiger manure.

"What the hell is he doing?!" the Diva yelled. "He pushed me down, and he's helping *her*??"

"Here we go," Laure said, rolling her eyes and turning back toward the gathered Ho's, just in time to see the Diva fly by and launch herself at the General, shoving both he and Melody Truebliss back into the tiger shit.

"You can bite me, Kenobi!" the Diva yelled, half-hysterical as she stumbled back, narrowly avoiding falling down herself.

~*~

"You see that? You see what he did?" Emmy said, pointing at the small TV in the makeshift pub as they watched the video of the morning's events.

"I can't believe he rescued her like that," Judy huffed.

"But did you see what he did to *me*??" the Diva said. "Threw me right down to the ground!"

"Oh shut up, Diva, we have bigger trouble than your bruised ass," Laure said, taking a swig on her Corona. "We need to figure out what is wrong with the General and how to get him back to normal."

"He threw me down on the ground," Emmy said through clenched teeth.

Laure set her beer bottle down with a noisy clunk. "Yes, he did. What do you expect us to do about it?" she said, giving the Diva an impatient glare.

"Fine whatever," Emmy said, flapping her hand. "Where's this Truebliss bitch now?"

"Gen's got her in his trailer," Kendra said as she sucked down a megarita thanks to the donations from Wangers.

"He what??" Judy said.

"Yeah," Kendra replied forlornly.

"We are SO painting that trailer tonight!" Emmy proclaimed.

"And if he doesn't shave soon, so help me...." Judy mumbled as she tried in vain to get a chipped beer mug clean.

Just then, da Mastah stepped through the door of the pub.

"Oh terrific," the Diva groaned.

Qui-Gon looked quickly around the trailer and then opened the screened door. "You may come in now, Wishpuff."

Emmy made gagging motions.

"Hello everyone!" Dande said as she entered the pub.

"Hey Dande!"

"Hiya Dande!"

"How's it going, Dande?"

"Dande, the General threw me to the ground!"

"What??" Dande asked, hurrying over to the Diva as the other Ho's rolled their eyes.

"Impossible," Qui-Gon grumbled.

"Look! We have video," Emmy said, quickly picking up the remote while the other Ho's groaned.

"Emmy, we've watched that like five thousand times," Judy said.

"Just look what he did to me," Emmy said to Dande as she pointed at the TV.

"Oh my," Dande said, glancing over at Qui-Gon, whose eyes got a little big.

"You see!" Emmy said.

"Laure, I...." Dande started. "I've never seen you behave in such a....like that."

Laure shrugged and sipped her beer.

"Excuse me," the Diva said, standing up from her creaky stool. "*Who* is the one who was abused and thrown to the ground?"

"Well, he didn't *throw* you," Qui-Gon said.

Emmy made The Face.

"But I will admit that Obi-Wan is not behaving like himself," Qui-Gon continued. "Maybe I should talk to him."

"No!" several Ho's yelled at once.

"Mastah Darling," Dande said, "what they mean is that...they are working things out with Obi-Wan already, although they do appreciate your offer."

"Wouldn't talk to that bastard right now for all the diamonds in the world," Emmy said.

"There's not enough water to make me go near him," Kendra said.

"I'd do him if I could ever find him," Judy said.

"So much for solidarity," Emmy snorted.

"I'm just being honest," Judy said.

Dande, for her part, just made doe eyes at her Mastah Darling.

~*~

The images on the television screen flickered in the dark room. General Kenobi grimaced as he watched the videos of his grrls. Then he strained against the rope that bound his ankles and wrists as he watched the man that looked like him laughing as he placed plastic trolls in front of his Laure's trailer. She would hate that...she would be hurt by that. He frowned at the other man's pathetic attempt at apology that followed the first video clip.

Obi-Wan then watched with disgust as the other man yelled at his Kendra, threatening to kick her off campus if she painted another trailer. His heart sank as much as Kendra's face did when she saw the man she loved berate her so.

And then once more, a growl of anger when he saw the other man roughly pull his Emmy away from that wretchedly perky woman.

"You'll never get away with this," Obi-Wan growled.

"Oh, I already have."

"That man is not me," the General said.

"But they don't know that."

"They will."

"No. They won't. What I have given them is how you will exist from now on. If you agree to the terms, I will let you return to them once in a while."

"I will never agree to your terms," the General growled looking up at his captor with angry, intense eyes.

The plaid-shirted, pot-bellied, bespectacled demagogue pulled a chair in front of the General and sat down to face him. "You will," he said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "You will."

~*~

Subject: Stick this in your pipe and smoke it Date: May 19, 2001 From: [email protected] To: [email protected]

Listen here, Kenobi. You've gone too far this time.

Your Triumph? Your Porsche? Gone!

You? Dead!

Don't let me see you.

Bite me, Emmy

The Diva clicked the Send button, threw her wireless mouse across the music auditorium, and stomped to her bed, throwing herself face down on it and yelling into the mattress.

Then she rolled over onto her back and yelled at the ceiling high above her, the noise echoing throughout the hall.

Lasher hid his head under a table.

Draco ate the last of the new leather shoes, rather unfazed by the sound of pain.

~*~

"Did you hear something?" Kendra asked.

"Nope," Tara replied. "But I smell something."

Kendra sniffed the air. "Smells like...."

"FIRE!" the two Water Ho's shouted with simultaneous glee as they caught site of Kymira's burning trailer.

Kendra excitedly dialed 911 on her cell phone. "Hello? We have a fire!" she happily exclaimed.

"Bring the water!" Tara shouted with joy.

~*~

"Things are going exceedingly well," Melody Truebliss said as she read the Diva's latest email.

"What happens now?" the man with a stony, angular face and slicked back hair asked as he sat in a chair next to the desk in Obi-Wan's padawan clothes and robe.

"Before long the chemicals we planted in that geyser will have them all under control."

"They don't seem very under control," the man replied.

"All in good time," Melody replied. "With a slow poisoning like this, they'll never suspect a thing. And then we can carry out the Master's plans."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and the stony, angular face and slicked back hair instantly morphed into that of the General. "Come in," he said.

"Finally," Judy said, stepping into the trailer. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I'm busy," he said.

"I need some help with the new inventory," Judy said with a twinkle in her eye.

"I said I'm busy," he replied gruffly, never getting up from his chair. And then he winced in pain as Judy took hold of his new facial hair and pulled his face upwards.

"You will shave," she said flatly before turning and exiting the trailer.

~*~

"So what do you think?" Emmy asked the biologist who had come to campus the following morning to investigate the safety of the geyser water.

"Well, at first glance it looks like it's coming from a clean source," the biologist said as she examined a sample in a small glass container. "But I'll take this back to the lab and run some tests."

"I need a spa," Emmy said.

The woman smiled. "I'll see what it looks like."

"No, you don't understand," Emmy said. "I *need* a spa. This water *has* to be good."

"Right," she said a bit nervously. "I'll be in touch."

~*~

"There is no fun, there is only the Force."

"There is no fashion, there is only the Force."

"There is no love, there is only the Force."

"There is no passion, there is only the Force."

"There are no women, there is only the Force."

"ENOUGH!" Obi-Wan yelled as the recorded voice of his captor repeated over and over in the empty room.

"There is no fun, there is only the Force."

"There is no fashion, there is only the Force."

"There is no love, there if only the Force."

"You wouldn't know the Force if it bit you in the ass!"

"There is no passion, there is only the Force."

"There are no women, there is only the Force."

"There is no fun, there is only the Force."

Obi-Wan groaned and slumped his head forward, willing to give almost anything to be able to kick the bottles of Zima that circled his chair.

~*~

"Something is *definitely* wrong," Shana said.

"Duh," Laure said, shrugging as everyone gave her strange looks.

"What'd you say?" Judy said as she turned off the blender.

"The General," Emmy said.

"Oh yeah. Him," Judy said curtly, pouring the next round of megaritas.

"What are we going to do?" Tara asked, the high from the spray of firehouses quickly fading upon realization that there was no willing General to share it with.

"I know!" Kendra said. "I bet that's not really the General!"

Several dubious glances shot Kendra's way.

"No really! I bet he's some clone or something! Somebody has probably kidnapped *our* General and replaced him with a fake! Like some morphing alien creature!" Kendra stated excitedly as the idea took on greater form.

Emmy sighed. "Maybe I can find that note that Darry wrote and really have him committed."

"I'm serious!" Kendra said.

Judy patted Kendra's hand and handed her another megarita. "That might not be a bad idea," she said to Emmy. "I think this is a much bigger problem than we first suspected."

"Why doesn´t anybody ever listen to me?" Kendra said.

"Listen to yourself and then answer that question," Kymira said.

Kendra folded her arms and kicked the temporary bar, causing all the drinks to slosh.

"Watch it," Shana said. "You're wasting the good stuff."

"Fine," Kendra mumbled.

~*~

"You are duty bound to train Anakin."

"No, I am not."

"You are duty bound to train Anakin."

"No, I am not."

"Are too."

"Artoo may serve drinks in Judith's pub, but that's as far as I'll go."

The plaid-shirted, pot-bellied, bespectacled demagogue stomped his dirty tennis shoe on the hard floor. "You are duty bound to train Anakin!"

A cocky smile spread across Obi-Wan's face. "Bite me."

~*~

Kendra scuffed into her trailer, slamming the screen door behind her that bounced against the door frame.

She sighed as the phone rang.

"Hello," she said despondently.

"Kendra?"

"Dor?"

"Yeah. Hey, I tried to call around but nobody else is home."

"Oh, they're all at the pub talking about the General."

"Is he still nuts?"

"Dor, I really think he's some morphing alien creature who really isn't the General, and our General is someplace else but not here, and he's probably sad and lonely and needs us, but nobody believes me, but I work with him everyday so I should know, right?"

"Yeah sure," Dor said. "Anyway, could you just tell everyone that we made it here to Telos, and tell Emmy that I upped the limit on Xani's card so make sure that Draco doesn't go hungry, kay?"

"Well okay, I guess I can pass that on to--"

"Thanks gotta go bye."

Kendra frowned at the sound of the phone clicking. "Why won't anyone listen to me?!"

"Quiet!" came a voice that sounded like the General's from outside. "Quiet hours began twenty-three minutes ago!"

"Oooh!" Kendra bristled, throwing the cordless phone onto the sofa. "I'll get that morphing alien creature and his little bliss bimbo, too!"

~*~

"Jedi are peacekeepers."

"Then why do I carry a weapon?"

"Jedi are peacekeepers."

"Then why am I a General?"

"Jedi are peacekeepers."

"Then untie me."

The plaid-shirted, pot-bellied, bespectacled demagogue glowered (although under all that facial hair, it was difficult to tell). "Jedi are peacekeepers who dedicate their lives to the Force and--"

"You don't get out much, do you?"

The weeble wobbled over to the wall and flipped a switch, the nasaly drone filling the room once again:

"There is no fun, there is only the Force."

"There is no fashion, there is only the Force."

"There is no love, there is only the Force."

"BOLLOCKS!"

~*~

"Alright, everybody out!" the Diva declared, marching into the pub late the next morning with a roll of prints under her arm.

Four miners looked up from their rickety chairs.

"Who told you you could sit around and drink?" Emmy said. "Get off your butts and dig me up some diamonds!"

The miners just stared at her blankly.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified, thinking I could never live without you by my side."

"What the?" the Diva said as she turned toward the corner of the trailer where Laure was practicing at the mike.

"But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how you did me wrong. And I grew strong."

Emmy glanced over at Judy who shrugged.

"And I learned how to get along. And now you're back. From outer space...."

Emmy shook her head and turned back to the miners. "I said out!"

The miners stared at her blankly.

Emmy dumped her roll of plans on the table in the center of the room, marched over the window, and yelled, "JAEL!!"

With that, the miners scrambled out of the pub and darted back to the rugby pitch.

"Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now! 'Cause you're not welcome anymore!"

"She's really getting into this, isn't she?" Emmy said as Shana wandered over.

"Well, beats the alternative," Shana said. "What do you have there?"

"Architectural plans," Emmy said.

"The new buildings?" Judy asked hopefully. She *needed* her pub back.

"Well, it's just a draft," Emmy said. "They're having a hard time figuring out how to incorporate all our requests into one building."

Shana and Judy shifted their heads to the right as Emmy unrolled the plans. Then they shifted their heads to the left.

"Uh. Interesting shape," Shana said.

"Yeah well, nobody could really agree on anything so they just put it all in there."

"Eh, it works," Judy said. "Where's the pub?"

"Oh my God you guys, you aren't going to believe this!" Kendra exclaimed as she rushed in the door.

"What?" Judy asked.

"There are chickens flocked all around the General's trailer!" Kendra said.

"Well, we painted a rooster on it last night," Emmy said.

"This means that Melody Truebliss is a Princess!" Kendra said.

Emmy, Shana, and Judy just looked at Kendra without saying anything.

"Yeah? And?" Emmy finally said. "Tell us something we don't know."

"But don't you see? I bet these Princesses kidnapped the General! And this other General was hired or something....or....or they bought him at some morphing alien sale or something!" Kendra said.

"Kendra, I understand that the water shortage has been stressful for you," Judy said.

"But--"

"But I really think you just need to relax a little," Judy continued.

"But I´m serious!" Kendra said.

"Of course," Judy said. "Now come sit at the bar and have some gummy fish."

"And I spent oh so many nights just feelin' sorry for myself. I used to cry. But now I hold my head up high! And you see me! Somebody new...."

"So you still planning on building a spa where the geyser is?" Shana asked as Judy attempted to talk Kendra down.

"Yeah," Emmy said. "Just waiting for the results of some water samples."

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Who's knocking?" Shana asked.

"Obviously nobody who lives around here," Judy said, picking up her bat.

"FBI! Open the door!"

"Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I! I will survive!"

Emmy and Shana exchanged nervous glances.

"FBI?" Judy said, not quite sure if she should put down the bat.

"I'm a Federal Agent!"

"Judy, what did you spend my money on??" Emmy said.

"Nothing! Much."

Emmy huffed and walked over and opened the door.

"Ma'am, I'm Agent Mulder, could I come in?"

"Where's your badge?" the Diva asked.

"Uh," Mulder said.

"Don't lie to me," Emmy said.

"I. I don't have one," Mulder mumbled, looking down at his shoes.

"So what do you want then?"

"Could I just have a moment of your time? Please?" Mulder asked, offering his trademark puppy dog eyes.

Emmy sighed. "Fine."

Mulder entered the pub, and the Ho's eyed him suspiciously. Mulder glanced around and then turned to face Emmy. "You sent samples of water to a biology lab."

"Yes," Emmy said. "What does that have to do with you?"

"I have my sources," Mulder said. "What's important is that there were very high levels of Princessichlorians and Wankerchlorians found in the water sample. Higher levels than would occur naturally."

"Higher than in Testosterone County?" Shana asked.

"*Ten times* higher," Mulder said. "I've been working on a case for some time now, tracking Princess activities in the tri-county area."

"Tri-county?" Judy asked.

"Yes."

"Wait," Laure said, finally intrigued enough to stop singing and get in on the scoop. "What's the third county?"

"What third county?" Mulder said.

"Well, there's Estrogen County and Testosterone County," Laure said. "What's the third?"

"Oh. Lucas County," Mulder said. "Anyway, I have reason to believe that your water system has been intentionally tainted with Princess and Wankerchlorians."

"Well, that would explain a few things," Emmy said.

"And historically when these artificial levels have been found in the water system, it usually is accompanied by some sort of extra-terrestrial activity," Mulder said.

"I told you!" Kendra shouted.

"Shhh," Judy said, shoving a handful of gummy fish at her padawan.

"Huh?" Laure said.

"I have reason to believe that there may be an alien living among you," Mulder said.

"Well, what exactly do you mean by alien?" Emmy asked.

"This particular alien has the ability to change himself into any likeness," Mulder said.

"I told you! I told you!" Kendra shouted, jumping off her stool and running over to Mulder. "He's here! In the trailer with the big rooster on it!"

"Kendra!" Judy yelled as her padawan ran outside with Mulder giving chase.

"Great!" Emmy said, storming out of the trailer.

"This is just what we need," Judy said, grabbing her bat.

"Just when things couldn't get any weirder," Shana said, following outside as well.

"Do we get to kick some Princess ass again?" Laure asked with a gleam in her eye.

~*~

"And then you live in a cave on Tatooine for the next thirty years to keep an eye on Luke."

"I don't think so!"

~*~

"Freeze! I'm a Federal Agent!"

The Ho's pushed Mulder further inside the General's trailer as they tried to get in on the action.

"Where's your gun?" Emmy asked.

"Uh," Mulder said.

"Terrific," Shana said.

"What is going on here?" the General shouted.

"GAH!" Judy yelled upon seeing him with a full beard.

"My eyes!" Laure yelled when she saw his hair.

"Agent, what can I help you with?" Melody Truebliss asked, placing her hand on the General's arm as she stepped around him.

"Hey!" Kendra yelled. "Get away from him you bitch! *I'm* the secretary!"

"I thought you said he was an alien," Shana said.

"It's the principle of the thing," Kendra said.

Suddenly, Mulder lunged forward, revealing a sharp weapon as he pushed the General down on the floor and stabbed him in the back of the neck.

And each Ho let out a horrified scream and ran into the trailer, pushing Mulder out of the way, and gathering around the....

"What the hell is this?!" Emmy yelled when she saw the man on the floor was not the General at all, but instead some ugly guy with even worse hair with green goo oozing out of his neck.

"Sorry," Mulder said. "These tend to make a bit of a mess."

"Ewww," Judy said, stepping back as the entire body turned to green goo.

"I told you!" Kendra said.

"You!" Laure said, grabbing Melody Truebliss by her perky hair and yanking her around the desk. "Where is he?!"

"I'll never tell you! Never!"

"Oh really?" Laure asked. "Somebody find Cal."

~*~

"And then you face Anakin again as Darth Vader."

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan laughed. "A Sith Lord?

"And you allow him to strike you down."

Obi-Wan laughed even louder. "Oh, I don't think so!"

~*~

Melody Truebliss squirmed in the chair, but it was no use. The Ho's had hog-tied her tighter than...well, tighter than a hog.

"And then when I was seven, my big sister kicked me in the face."

"ALRIGHT! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING! JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!!"

Outside, Laure glanced at her watch. "Lightweight."

~*~

"Xani, why are those angry masses approaching the house with torches?" Dor asked.

"Eh, fuck 'em," Xani said, giving a casual glance out the window.

"Disgusting peasants," Pelham sniffed. "Don't they have anything better to do?" Then he gave the phone a dirty look when it rang.

"Hello?"

"Dor!"

"Em?"

"We're storming the Ranch to rescue the General? Wanna come?"

"I´m so there!"

"What are you doing?" Xani asked rather petulantly as Dor hung up the phone.

"Shut up," Dor said.

"Make me."

Dor smacked him across the face.

"Tease," Xani said.

~*~

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch:

"Put these on."

Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose at the old padawan clothes. "Only for my grrls."

"You don't have girls!"

"I. Do."

~*~

"Wait here, we won't be long," Shana said.

"My pleasure," Lando said as he powered down the ship.

"Okay, I'm thinking we should sneak around those bushes over there," Emmy said," and then we can crawl on our bellies to the side door of the garage over there."

"Ever hear of a front door?" Laure said, marching off the ship and straight up the driveway.

"This is so exciting," Dande said as she batted her eyelashes at Lando.

"Dande?" Dor said. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Emmy said we'd be home by dinner, so I left Cara with her daddy."

"Locked and loaded," Tara said, checking the water pressure on her super soaker.

"He really better be here," Kendra said as they ambled up the driveway. "I'm about to suffer serious DT's without some wet General."

"Ethan let me borrow his gun, look!" Jen Jen announced, waving it around.

"Watch where you point that thing!" Kymira said, ducking out of the way.

"Okay ready?" Shana asked as they reached the front door.

"Take no prisoners," Judy said, getting a good grip on her bat.

"We're rolling!" Julia said, she and Sere with cameras ever at the ready.

"Let's do it!" the Diva yelled as Laure kicked the front door open. Ho's spread out down the hallways as they entered the house.

"There he is!" Jen Jen yelled upon spotting the plaid-shirted, pot-bellied, bespectacled demagogue trying to sneak around a corner.

"Get him!" the Ho's yelled in unison, taking off in separate directions, each hoping to be the first to find the General.

~*~

"How many rooms does this loser need anyway?" the Diva mumbled to herself after finding yet another empty room. She sighed disgustedly when she reached the end of the hall, smacking the last door and half-heartedly pushing it open.

And there she saw The General tied to a chair.

"He's here!" Emmy joyfully exclaimed. She then ran over to him, jumped right into his lap, and kissed him enthusiastically all over his face.

The General made grunting noises.

Emmy finally came to her senses. "Oh sorry," she said, quickly untying the gag and throwing it to the floor before wrapping her arms and legs around him and squeezing him within an inch of his life.

"Love," he managed to say as she crushed him in her embrace. "As happy as I am to see you, could you help me out of this?"

"Oh! Of course," she said, scrambling off of him and then noticing the circle of Zima.

"Obi-Wan!" Laure exclaimed as she appeared in the doorway, running over to him and giving him much of the same enthusiastic treatment as Emmy had.

One by one, they all made their way down into the room as Emmy was finally able to untie the last rope from his arms. "Poor little Obi hand," she said, kissing his wrist where the rope had rubbed it red.

The General smiled as his grrls helped him to his feet.

"Need some water?" Tara asked, offering him the water bottle in the holster on her hip.

"Thank you," he said, taking the bottle and hugging her close.

"I knew he wasn't you! I knew it!" Kendra said kicking the chair out of the way and snuggling up against his back as she hugged his waist.

"I was so worried about all of you," he said. "I saw videos of everything."

"And we kicked some ass!" Laure proclaimed.

"Yes, you did," the General laughed, brushing his fingers through Laure's hair.

"And we'll burn every last one of those damn tapes now," Julia said.

"I think that is a very good idea," the General said before kissing her on the forehead.

"But when did this happen?" Jen Jen asked, finding her place in the General's embrace. "I mean, we didn't...uh..."

"Boink the alien?" Kymira helpfully added.

"Eww, I hadn't thought of that," Tara said.

"No," the General said quite emphatically. "This was a concerted effort to make me into a celibate monk and to make you all hate me."

"That would *never* happen," Judy said. "And I whacked the little geek with my bat just to make a point."

"What would I do without you grrls?" the General asked, putting his arms around Judy and Shana.

"Probably still have a bike," Shana said. Then she laughed when his face turned white. "Kidding."

"Skittles?" Dor offered.

"Absolutely," he grinned, hugging her as well.

"So are you ready to go back to campus?" Emmy asked.

The General beamed as his grrls surrounded him. "Always."

The End