Title: Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer
Author: Laure, Chanteuse
Rating: GOandT (Goofing off and Tanning)
Distribution: HSU, natch
Feedback: Duh
Disclaimer: Not mine, but GL doesn't deserve Obi anymore, and I think Dande has her brand stamped on Qui. Technically Ridley Scott owns a few characters but since I have a beef with what he did to Ewan's hair, he doesn't get Commo et al either. And Joss let Lindsey leave L.A. so he doesn't deserve him (and I'll throw the Host in, too, just for good measure). Ho's belong to themselves. No one wants to own Cal.

"Laure dear, why is Cal pushing a golf cart into the lake?"

The former mediator, currently lounging songstress looked up from her trashy romance novel and took a sip of her margarita before replying to the extremely befuddled General. "Because it's now a death trap."

Obi-Wan squatted down next to where she reclined on a beach chair on the edge of the lake, and frowned. "I thought they had a maximum speed of about twenty miles an hour."

Trying and failing to drag her eyes away from the way his thigh muscles rippled below the really short jogging shorts, Laure swallowed hard and nodded, dazed. "Scott got his hands on it."

"The mechanic?" At her nod, he continued. "What did he do to it?"

"Super charged it. I told them I'd shove it in the lake if he did that, but did they listen? No, of course not." Her eyes never left his thigh muscles, and one hand brushed across his knee.

As the General's befuddled look turned wolfish, Cal gave a girly shriek and startled flailing about ten feet out in the water. Laure tuned him out, and, when Obi-Wan's attention started to wander to the lake, she squeezed his knee.

"Cal's drowning," Shana remarked as she strolled past, dictating into a mini-tape recorder. "Note to self, buy shares in Golf USA."

Attention pulled from the temptress...er...songstress, Obi-Wan bounded to his feet and charged into the lake. Laure sighed heavily and glared at the Director of Student Affairs.

"Thanks."

"It's torture Cal day, not kill him."

"He's in two and a half feet of water, even he can't drown in that, and you're the one who came up with this idea."

Shana sank down into the adjoining chair and gazed admiringly at the General swimming strongly towards the floundering Padawanabe. From somewhere a loud bell began clanging and people began to pour onto the beach.

"Fire drill," Kendra yelled, whooping as she dashed for the pump, Tara on her heels.

Several miners stood around scratching their heads, then headed for Judy who was pushing her portable bar out of the Love Shack. Taking her sandals off, Emmy stomped over towards the lounging Hos. She was wearing a suit.

"What the hell are you doing dressed up?" Laure asked.

"I was working."

Shana and Laure looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"I *was*! Do you know how many applicants we have for the Fall semester? Way too many. I'm not sharing Obi-Wan with more than a handful of new grrls."

"Hog."

Emmy gave Laure the Ho wave/flip off and turned to watch the General dragging a pasty, limp Cal from the mini-surf.

"What the &#@$% is that bell," Darry groused as she stormed onto the beach. "I was right in the middle of a very important exam."

"Sure, that's why your shirt's on backwards," Ky said with a grin as the Nurse stormed past her, tangled hair flying in the breeze.

"Darry," Obi-Wan called as he dropped Cal to the beach. "I need your services."

"For what?" the Nurse asked, staring down at a limp and rather blue Cal.

"Mouth to mouth as I perform CPR," he replied, beginning heart palpitations.

Darry's eyes widened in horror. "He's faking it."

"Remember your Hippocratic oath," Jen called out helpfully.

Shooting her a nasty look, Darry dropped to her knees and yanked Cal's head back by his fake braid. "That's a doctor. Someone owes me big time for this." Still, she took a deep breath and began mouth to mouth, trying not to gag. "He tastes like fish!" she yelled between breaths.

Suddenly Cal spat up what seemed like a gallon of water, drenching the Nurse as he coughed and choked and whimpered.

"Good man," the General said encouragingly, helping Cal sit up, as Darry growled in outrage.

Rising to her feet, she stomped the few feet to where most of the Regents sat giggling. "I want a raise, a big one."

"For doing your job?" Shana teased.

"You put your lips on Cal, see how you survive."

The other Ho's made disgusted faces, then Laure added, "If she gets a raise, I want one."

"You don't even work," Emmy snipped.

Laure opened her mouth to argue, only to gape as Commo dashed past dressed in a toga and flung himself into the lake screaming, "My chariot."

"Oh for god's sake," his keeper groaned with a roll of her eyes.

"It makes a pretty decoration," Shana said about the half drowned golf cart.

"Bet we can make it into a fountain," Tara added as she walked up the beach dragging a huge hose.

"What are you going to do with that?"

With a smile of gratitude, Tara took a drink from the tray Judy held. "Squirt people, squirt the General."

"I'm going back to my climate controlled clinic. No one need anything. I want my raise in my next paycheck. Don't piss me off."

As the Nurse stomped off, Judy grinned. "I think marriage is mellowing her."

"Well, now that the latest crisis is over, I have work to do," Emmy groused.

"It'll still be there tomorrow," Shana said, tucking her tape recorder into the pouch at her waist and leaning back to get some sun.

Emmy looked around, admired the General brushing water from his naked chest, and tugged off her jacket before raising her legs onto the lounger. "&#*@ it." She tossed a dollar onto Judy's tray in lieu of the potty mouth jar, and took a drink.

They all watched Obi-Wan shake his wet hair, sending spray onto Kendra, Jen and Kymira, who laughed and, since they were all wearing bathing suits, pulled him towards the water again.

"I can get sun anytime," Tara said with a grin before bounding over to them to knock Obi-Wan off his feet and into the cool water of the lake.

Gradually Laure dragged her attention away from wet General to equally wet Commo who was trying to tug the damn golf cart back to dry land. "I suppose I should go get him," she sighed, though didn't move.

"Probably," Judy encouraged as she smoothed sun block on her calves.

Laure sighed again and swung her legs over the edge of the chair just as Commo gave up and headed for shore. He stumbled from the surf just as Max and Jael strolled onto the beach in front of him. Both men stopped, stared at each other, opened their mouths, then Max shoved Commo back into the water where he fell with a splash.

"Crap."

Judy waved an empty glass at the chanteuse. Glaring, Laure threw a quarter in it from the change purse that every Ho carried these days.

As Commo floundered, sputtering Latin obscenities at his mortal enemies, Max took Jael's hand and led her regally down the beach. Stopping at the group of gaping and laughing Ho's, Max said gruffly, "You can do much better, Lady."

Laure growled and jumped to her feet. "I don't want to do better," she flung over her shoulder as she ran down the beach.

"I could have used a knife," Max said with a shrug.

"No killing, dear," Jael soothed, patting his broad chest which gaped through his open tropical shirt, as they continued their stroll...er...patrol of the perimeter.

Hearing the whir of a camera, Laure skidded to a halt and glanced into the shade of a big tree. Julia whispered something to Sere, who took another picture of the fallen emperor.

"I want that film," Laure yelled.

"Yeah, right," Julia snorted, snapping several pictures of the former mediator's backside as it waved in the air as she tugged Commo from the lake.

"My chariot, my chariot," Commo moaned.

"I told you that souping it up would lead to its destruction," Laure chided, running her fingers through his dripping hair.

"The man with the strange red glass eyes worked so hard on it, making it fit for an emperor. He shall be disappointed by its destruction." His eyes lit up. "Mayhaps he can fix it again."

"I don't think so, Commodus. I consulted the oracles this morning and they warned of a fiery death for the next to drive it."

His eyes widened and he swallowed hard. "Yes, yes, it's probably for the best, "he muttered. "But, it is unseemly for me to walk the golf course."

"Only amongst the plebeians, dear. The country club's members are all patricians."

"...Oh." He nodded slowly, then turned towards a group of miners sitting in the sand drinking beer and hollered, "Quintus."

"Have fun, dear," Laure said, turning in time to watch the golf cart sink with a loud glug.

As Quintus joined Commo and they headed off to change for a round of golf, Laure strolled back towards the lounging Ho's. She smiled at the General splashing a large group of grrls, frowned at Julia and Sere who had a video camera mounted on a tripod and were heading into the water to join their man, then smiled again as Lorne came down the path from the cabaret. He wore 50s beach wear and white sun block on his nose.

"I burn easily," he said. "Weren't you due at rehearsal twenty minutes ago, my little songbird?"

"Blowing it off," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Lawyer boy kept us all entertained singing Wayne Newton songs." The Host rolled his eyes. "You've never heard 'Danke Schoen' until you've heard it double time and countrified."

Laure giggled, then noticed that Lindsey had joined Shana and was playing and singing 'Silly Love Songs'. She was going through a large stack of papers and growling at him.

"No work, Shana, remember?" Laure said as she flopped back on her lounge chair.

"...No, this *isn't* what it looks like," Shana continued without a breath, waving a paper in front of Lindsey's face as he sang softly.

"Looks like a hire report for a Gammarian Lizard," Lindsey said with a smirk. "Now, what would you be doing with something that nasty, honey?"

"Siccing it on you," Shana snapped slamming the paper against his chest. He grabbed it and her wrist and tugged her up against him.

"You're very feisty, you know that?"

"Not in front of the General," Emmy snapped, nudging Lindsey and Shana apart with one foot.

Shana ignored Emmy. "Stop going through my locked files."

"Stop locking your files," Lindsey teased, pulling her to her feet. Shana scrambled for the papers before they could blow away, then headed for her office.

"You coming, McDonald?" she yelled over her shoulder as she reached the path to the administration building.

"Yes, dear," he replied with a grin before grabbing his guitar and jogging after her.

"Boy's got it hard," Lorne smirked, taking Shana's seat. "And she'll lead him a merry chase."

"It's what we do best," Judy said with a grin.

*****

An hour or so later, Qui-Gon, pushing a stroller over the sand with the Force, and Dande strolled down the beach, the perfect image of the perfect family.

"Good day, Obi-Wan," Da Mastah said as they passed his former apprentice who was flopped on a large blanket surrounded by dozing Ho's.

"Good day, Qui-Gon," the General yawned. "Dande."

"Isn't it the perfect day to be lazy?" Dande asked, smiling, her arm through Qui-Gon's, their hands clasped together.

"Perfect," Obi-Wan grinned.

The family continued down the beach, stopping only to stare at the sleeping and slowly reddening Cal, before joining the Ho's and Host who were all sunbathing and sipping a third round of margaritas.

"Why is Cal sleeping in the sun? That can't be good for him?" Dande asked, taking an empty seat as Qui-Gon settled next to her in the sand, rocking the stroller gently with one hand.

"He nearly drowned," Emmy replied, eyes closed, basking. "I guess that's as far as he got."

"Oh dear." A look of quiet desperation in her eyes, Dande turned to Laure. "Are you *sure* you won't come back to mediating?"

Laure opened one eye to peer up at the Wench. "Unless there's mediation needed between the lake and Cal I can't really see what use I'd be."

"Moral support," Dande muttered.

Laure grinned. "You'll be fine. Anyway, since I ordered him into the lake, I think he's probably scared of me now."

Something chirruped and all eyes turned balefully on Da Mastah (well, not Dande's). Grumbling, he pulled a cell phone from his pocket and flipped it on.

"Jinn here."

Emmy rolled her eyes.

"Master Yoda, what a nice surprise," Qui-Gon continued, his voice as dry as the Sahara. "...Slow down, Master, I can't...What? What was that?...Xanatos?"

Everyone groaned loudly.

Turning a bit red in the face, Qui-Gon nodded into the phone, then said, his voice conciliatory. "Yes, of course, Master, right away. Yes, I know. Yes, I understand. It shall be...yes, Master Yoda," his voice took on a hint of exasperation. "I shall handle it," he said with finality and snapped the phone shut.

"&*#@^%($" Digging into his shorts, he dropped several bills on the tray Judy extended, as Dande gaped at him. He briefly struggled for control, then said quite clearly, "Xanatos has purchased a time share at the Jedi Temple and he, Dorotea and Lord Pelham are, to quote Yoda, 'havoc wreaking, magic using, Mace a dancing fool turning into.'"

Laure, Emmy, Judy and Lorne burst into raucous laughter.

End