Title: HSU: La Chocolaterie de HSU
Author: Judy
Timeline: Post Jael's War story
Rating: MSO (Major Sugar Overload). Oh and some language warnings because Emmy has potty mouth. <g>
Disclaimer: GL is a dork.
Summary: Major apologies to "Chocolat," but we need this after a very crappy week all around. We've got a heroic and loving General, plus chocolate! And Dor, this is especially for you for prodding my muse--such as it is.

BAM!

"What was that?" Judy looked up from where she was giving the General a strategically placed hickey.

"Don't stop now..." growled Obi-Wan in frustration.

BAM!

"There it is again!"

Obi-Wan blinked, the lust-induced haze dissipating. His brow furrowed.

BAM! BAM!

"Dor better not be trying anything..." Judy muttered.

"Pahdon?"

"Oh, nothing. Go check it out."

"Why me?" Obi-Wan pouted as he tugged on a boot.

"Because you've got a lightsaber...or two," the Bartender leered.

Obi-Wan shook his finger at her. "Don't start that or you'll be the one making all the noise."

"Promise?" Judy blinked her eyes, all innocence.

The General motioned for her and Judy felt herself being pulled toward him with invisible hands.

BAM!

The invisible hands dropped and Judy watched as Obi-Wan, lightsaber drawn, quickly slipped out of the storeroom where they had been conducting "inventory."

Judy followed him, pausing to grab her trusty bat from behind the bar.

But nothing seemed amiss. Obi-Wan was standing--stance-like- in the middle of pub. He motioned toward the French doors that led to the patio.

"Just the doors. The wind has really picked up."

The doors were snapping open, then being sucked shut. The General and Judy rushed over to secure them, but the General frowned suddenly and stepped outside. Judy followed him, her hair whipping around her face. Obi-Wan seemed unfazed as he stared off in the distance.

Judy shivered as the wind blew hard around them. There was a chill to it. Several pieces of patio furniture had overturned and off in the distance several chickens went tumbling by.

"This wind is strange. I sense..." Obi-Wan broke off whatever he'd been about to say as a figure in a red cloak appeared. The figure moved steadily toward them, moving with the wind.

Judy stood frozen by the doors, unsure of what to do. She had left her bat inside. But Obi-Wan hadn't taken a defensive stance. He stood there, arms akimbo, head cocked, demeanor curious.

The person in the red cloak stopped in front of the General and pushed the cowl back. It was woman with short, chocolate-colored locks and exotic features. She smiled and handed Obi-Wan a small canvas sack filled with something.

"The wind directs me where I am needed. Today it brought me to this place. Take these and use them to help the people here."

The General accepted the gift, glancing at it, then at the woman. He seemed to come to an understanding with her and smiled. "Thank you," he replied and bowed to her. "My grrls will love this."

The mysterious woman nodded, pulled her cowl back up, and moved on. She disappeared around the end of the building and the wind died as suddenly as it had whipped up.

Judy looked at where the woman had gone, then back at the General, who was staring thoughtfully at the small sack. The bartender was used to odd things happening around HSU, but this ranked right up at the top. "Okay, what the frack just happened?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "The North Wind brought us a gift."

"Huh? Have you been in the absinthe again?"

The General rolled his eyes. "No, no, deah Judith. Just trust me on this. Everyone will love this gift."

"Well, what is it?"

His bluey-greenish-grey eyes twinkled. "Come with me."

****

A few days after the Battle at Ewok Heights, which was becoming known as "Jael's Charge," a number of Hos were in the pub drinking away various sorrows, upsets, and disappointments.

"Fuck!" Emmy yelled. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She gulped down her margarita. "Artoo! Gimme another one!" The droid beeped and rolled over to the margarita tray where the Diva's pre-ordered margaritas sat waiting for her to drink them.

"What's the problem this time, Em?" asked an unconcerned Judy as she finished hanging up a new plaque over the bar. It was an engraved version of Jael's famed rallying speech from the battle. A small picture of Steve with his HandyDandy notebook was taped to the bottom. Judy had placed it in a prime place next to her favorite Munnings horse painting.

"Some fucking idiot keyed my new Mercedes while I was at Nordstrom's. And Cal--do the Ewoks still want him?--tried to fix the scratch with his leftover red face paint, then..."

"Uh-huh. Life sucks," said Judy as she turned to pull a draft for Tara.

"What's wrong with you two?" The barkeep asked Tara and Kendra who both looked depressed.

"The water wall in my office broke today," said Kendra. Tara gave her a sympathetic look. "And the General had to cancel our skinny dipping appointment last night," groused Tara. "He's never done that to me before."

They were distracted from their sorrows when Julia burst through the pub doors, brandishing a folder. "Can you believe what he's doing now? The lies he's spreading? Look at this!" She whipped a photo out of the folder and thrust it at Judy and Emmy.

"AAAAAHHH!" the Hos yelped in horror. Tara and Kendra pressed in to get a look. Kendra covered her mouth and looked like she was going to hurl. Tara quickly squeezed her eyes shut. "That is so wrong!"

"Yes, the Evil One himself is back and up to his old tricks. He's been releasing photos of who he claims is the real Obi-Wan Kenobi in all the Lucas and Testosterone county media outlets. Can you believe this slander?" Julia was outraged. "Will we stand for this?!" She rushed around the room showing the photos that portrayed their General as some ugly-plaid-pajamas-wearing, shellacked, gerbil-faced nerd.

Angry murmurings among the Hos presently turned to loud shouts of disbelief and threats of extreme bodily harm to the Evil One. Julia was standing on a table holding the photos aloft. "Look at these!" She shook the photos at the Hos. "Will we let him get away with this?"

"NO!" the mob cried. Emmy clambered up on the table making it teeter precariously.

"Will we make him pay?!" the Diva Ho yelled. With three margaritas in her, the Diva was also teetering precariously but her Death Glare was still in full effect.

"YES!"

During Julia's rant, Laure wandered in on her way to rehearse in the cabaret. She went over to the bar to get a bottle of wine. "What's with Julia?" she asked Judy who was watching the proceedings with a wary eye. The bartender wanted to be ready at the first hint of danger to her beautiful and new mahogany bartop.

"She found out the Evil One is plotting against the General again. He's releasing pictures of the fake General to the media."

Laure nodded thoughtfully. "I'd better go get my bat."

"Hmm?"

"Well, it sounds like we'll be heading into battle again soon."

Judy glanced up at the plaque with Jael's speech. "Yeah, I guess we need to notify Jael. If we can find her. Do you know where's she staying now?"

Laure shrugged. "Haven't a clue. Let me know when we march on Lucas County." She grabbed her wine bottle and started toward the caberet. As she reached for the pub door, a hand closed gently but firmly around her wrist.

"Laure, deah, I think you'll want to stay a moment," the General purred in her ear.

"Uh," was Laure's response as she allowed herself to be led back to the bar. He winked at Judy who winked back.

The other Hos hadn't noticed him yet, still caught up in their revolutionary fervor. In the background "Children of the Revolution" played on the jukebox--well, actually, it was Artoo, who had a CD player attached.

Grimacing a bit at the angry shouts and cries for blood, Obi-Wan strode over to the group. "Grrls, please," he said calmly.

Immediate silence. Then: "But Obi-Wan, look what is being printed about you!" Julia said as she hopped down. She handed him the folder.

"Yeah, we were planning how to kick the Evil One's butt!" shouted Emmy as she and the table wobbled some more.

Handing the folder back to Julia, Obi-Wan reached up and pulled Emmy from the table. The Diva found herself pressed up against solid, warm General and decided she didn't want to let go, so she wrapped her arms around his waist and hung on. Obi-Wan sighed, running his fingers through her disheveled hair. "Emmy, I don't think you're in any shape to kick anyone's butt right now, but I appreciate the sentiment."

He looked around the room, somehow managing to take in every Ho. Caressing Julia's cheek with his free hand, he smiled at his fierce protectress. "I love you all for your concern, but really, it makes no difference to me what that man does or says, so long as he doesn't harm any of you. Then *I'll* be the one to kick his butt," he said grinning.

"You know about the pictures?" asked Kendra who gave the folder a look of distaste.

"Yes, Kendra. I received a call from a reporter from the Testosterone Daily News yesterday."

Tara and Julia glared at Kendra.

"Hey, I was off yesterday!" she protested. "And besides I can't catch every call that comes through."

"It's all right, grrls. I told the man that I had no comment...well, in a manner of speaking," said the General, giving them all a cocky grin. Several Frosh Hos swooned.

Julia was still not ready to let it go. "Well, still, I don't trust that fat lumberjack. He's up to something and we need to keep tabs on him!"

Emmy mumbled her agreement against the General's black shirt. The others nodded.

"Well, we'll worry about that later. I happen to have news of much greater import to all of you."

The Hos gave each other questioning glances. Settling a now drowsy Emmy in the nearest chair, the General turned to the bartender and nodded. "Judith, deah, if you would be so kind..."

"Of course, General."

Judy went to the kitchen door and threw it open. The Hos rushed to the door and gawked in amazement.

One side of the professional-caliber kitchen had been renovated to resemble a shop. It had bright teal walls and a certain Warrior Princess cum Geek Artist was sitting on a stool putting the finishing touches on her wall patterns.

"Aww...I'm not quite finished," she pouted. Max was moving a display case into place against the far wall. Jael didn't want to admit that she had been watching him get all sweaty and therefore had been neglecting her painting duties.

"It's all right, Jael. I felt that you all needed this place sooner rather than later," said the General who nodded at Max. "I appreciate your help."

"Anytime, Obi-Wan."

Judy handed Max a beer. "I believe you requested one of these." The OG sighed in appreciation as he guzzled the Corona.

Jael dabbed the last bit of paint, then stepped back to admire her work. "Very nice, if I do say so myself." Obi-Wan squeezed her shoulder. "Thank you for doing this on such short notice."

Jael gave the Jedi a cheeky salute. "Just so long as I get to sample what you've got."

The General grinned at Jael's double entendre and leaned in conspiratorially. "Well, why don't we take care of the Diva first," he nodded at Emmy who, even in her tipsy state, had managed to get to the front of the crowd. The General went behind the main counter and pulled something from behind it. He carried a plate with a teal colored cloth covering it. Sauntering up to the group, he whipped the cloth off to reveal...

...chocolate truffles. The plate was piled with little chocolate truffles. He chose one and held it out to Emmy. "Here, Em, it's dark chocolate, just like you like best." Emmy's eyes brightened and she leaned forward to bite into the candy. "Oh!" she mumbled around the chocolate. The Diva grabbed for the reach. "Gimme!" Chuckling, Obi-Wan fed her the rest, then proceeded to hand out truffles to each of the grrls. Some got dark chocolate, some white chocolate, some milk, some with amaretto flavor, some with Bailey's. Each grrl got a truffle according to her favorite taste. The Hos gazed at the little shop with undisguised glee.

On the wall above the main case was a sign: "La Chocolaterie de HSU"

Obi-Wan spread his arms wide. "This is my gift to all of you. I want you to use this place to create that perfect chocolate treat for whatever your mood. And have no doubt, I fully expect to benefit from this." He smiled at his grrls, his body moving automatically into the Stance, which had a number of Hos wavering.

"Now who wants to help me put out the rest of the goodies?" There was a chorus "Me's!" as various Ho's rushed to grab other plates filled with chocolate confections.

Kendra stood the side, arms crossed as she stared at the wall Jael had painted. "But I could have helped," she was saying. "Well, Jael is the head of the Art Department," said Judy as she consoled her padawan. "Here, I don't know if these will be any good but the General made them for you." Judy handed Kendra a plate full of chocolate gummy fish.

**** "A chocolate martini? How wonderful is that! Darry doesn't know what she's missing," said Laure as she contemplated her glass.

"Who says?" groused the Nurse who was making a rare public appearance. She grabbed a jar of chocolate sauce, then left as quickly as she had arrived.

Emmy and Julia sat on the floor, eyes glazed in full sugar overload mode, after downing a plate of truffles and a plate of peanut butter cups.

Shana was stuffing M&M-like candies in her mouth at an astonishing rate.

Tara and Jael were in a corner discussing whether mint chocolate counted as something green, while Kymira and Jen were working on developing molds for various chocolate shapes. JenJen giggled madly while Kymira tried to draw a deathscythe.

Judy grabbed a few peanut butter cups before heading back to the pub. The General stopped her at the door. "I told you those cocoa beans the North Wind brought were special. And now we have two places to take inventory," he said, giving her a quick kiss and hug.

***

Judy was putting some glasses away when Dor trudged in. She looked tired.

"I'm too sober. Need some Maker's," she said without preamble.

"Rough day?" Judy set up a shot glass and poured Dor a double.

"Well, if you count Pelham acting like a freakin' Princess for whatever reason, Xani being himself, Draco scorching my favorite pair of Docs, and me finding Ewok poop in my poor Volvo, then yeah, it's been a rough day." Dor downed the drink in one swallow and plunked the glass down. "Gimme another."

Judy wrinkled her nose. Dor's poor beatup car--Ewok poop stunk big time. She poured Dor another drink.

Dor downed this drink, too, before noticing the sound of laughter and loud voices coming from the kitchen.

"What's going on? Are we having a party that I wasn't invited to?"

Judy smiled. "Why don't you go see for yourself."

"Sure, why not add one more thing to my crappy day." She strode to the kitchen and peeked in. "What the..."

"Oh, Dorotea! There you are," said Obi-Wan as he waved her in.

Dor looked around suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"I opened a chocolate shop for everyone," said the General proudly. "And I have something special for you. Stay there." He pointed at her, then ducked away to grab something off the counter. He returned with a rectangular box. "Here."

Dor took the proffered box, eyeing it dubiously, but she opened it anyway. "Oh!....Wow!"

Inside were two rows of bourbon balls, six on each side. "Bourbon balls! My favorite!" Without thinking, Dor gave Obi-Wan an enthusiastic hug. "Thank you so much!" Then realizing that she was clinging to him, Dor pulled back, suddenly embarrassed. But no one seemed to have noticed and Obi-Wan looked immensely pleased.

"I'd be happy to share those with you," he gave her his best impish grin.

"And I think I'd like that," said Dor with a wink before popping one of the delightful chocolate confections in her mouth.

The End