Title: HSU: Home Again, Home Again...
Author: Ellie with some greatly needed and appreciated help from Kendra
Rating: WTFHH-What the frack happened here?
Archive: Yep, will send later
Timeline: Just before D&D ‘s holiday epic
Summary: Ellie finally returns home from Egypt and figures out
MUCH has gone on since she left.
Disclaimer: Like George could ever come up with anything as creative as HSU and our version of the General. But the original concept of him was his, I guess.

Ellie sat up from her task in the burning sand of Egypt and rubbed gingerly at the growing crick in her neck. The relentless sun had turned already olive skin into a dark bronze. Reddish brown hair had been bleached a strawberry blonde and a lean physique been worked into taught muscles.

“Indy…” Ellie began as the tanned archaeologist looked up from the artifact he was intently restoring. “Let´s go home.”

It was the first time she had uttered those words in all the months they had been slaving on their dig at Medinet Habu in Egypt.

“Are you sure, love?”

Ellie nodded emphatically and rushed over to be scooped up in strong arms. Indiana kissed her deeply, tasting of sweat and sand, and maybe just a little like whiskey.

“Let´s go collect the hound then,” Dr. Jones added as he placed a hand onto the small of Ellie´s back and led her away from the dig site. After mumbling something in Arabic to the Site Master, he tightened his grip on his woman, enjoying the sweaty grit of a woman in need of a bath.

A couple of showers later (and I don´t mean two single showers), and numerous brothels later, the two doctors finally found their companion. Ellie sighed as she realized why he´d chosen this particular back alley bar, rather than his usual haunts. He was in mid-swing inside a fighting ring when he suddenly stopped. Raising his head to the air he took a large whiff, his nose crinkling as he deciphered the smells of the room. Somehow over thick cigar smoke and stale alcohol he recognized another familiar smell. Then in almost one blink of an eye he leveled his opponent and stepped out of the ring with a sheepish look on his face.

“Logan, I´ve got such great news right now, I´m not even going to lecture you on cage fighting. Though I do think I´ll deny you of the more carnal pleasures of our relationship until you´ve learned your lesson.” Upon hearing the last statement, the Wolverine growled and grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the patron´s table nearest him, eliciting a shriek from them. After dropping the bottle with a crash to the dusty desert floor, he grabbed Ellie forcefully and pulled her close to his bare, hairy chest. He engulfed her mouth with his own, silencing a moan. Dr. Jones just rolled his eyes.

“How such an educated woman could ever be interested in such a roughneck I´ll never know,” Indiana Jones hissed under his breath. “Alright, break it up, we´ve still got a plane to catch.”

Logan turned to the professor and snarled, Indy didn´t flinch. Both men took an arm and led Ellie from the sleazy bar.

~*~

Ellie rubbed tired eyes as she sat in the slightly uncomfortable leather couch of first class. No matter how much money you paid, or how much the airlines tried, no plane ride could be comfortable. No to mention Ellie had never quite been able to relax on them. A Xanax and a few glasses of Piper Heidseik later she had loosened up but couldn´t sleep. She looked to either side of her to the sleeping men that meant so much to her. Sighing she reached out towards the glass of champagne and tried to levitate from the pulldown tray. The glass just shook and spilled causing Ellie to curse to herself, then purple sparks flicked from her fingertips only to die prematurely before becoming a true lightning bolt. This elicited another much louder curse.

“Love, they won´t come back until we get you back to campus and the General,” Indy whispered as he watched her, peaking out of one sleepy eye.

“I know, I just miss it,” Ellie said as she wiped up the spilled drink.

“Oh, just admit it, El, you miss him. It´s alright.”

“No, it´s not,” a scruffy voice growled from the window seat. “He´s kind of a pansy.” Ellie swatted at Logan and received another growl in response, followed by a sly grin. She nestled her aching head onto Logan´s shoulder, breathing in his musky scent combined with stale cigars, then wiggled her free arm under Indy´s and soon fell into a restless sleep.

~*~

Finally back on homeland soil, the trio stepped from the cab and looked upon their beloved campus. There were trailers strewn about the rugby pitch and a new, and extremely large and sprawling, administration building stood where the previous one had, cabaret music wafting from the direction of the pub.

“What the hell!” Ellie screamed as she dropped her bags to the asphalt. There wasn´t a soul to be seen, and even a tumbleweed went rolling past in the wind. “Okay, if anyone starts to hear music from Gunsmoke or Bonanza just hit me.”

“Seems we´ve missed a lot,” the professor concluded sourly.

“Thanks for the expert opinion, Doc,” Wolverine snapped.

“I think Kendra left some details out when she and I would talk,” Ellie fumed. “Well, I´m not going in there,” she hissed and nodded toward the threateningly large admin building. “Get the bags,” she said and stormed off toward the trees and what she hoped would be the safety of her animal clinic.

~*~

“I don´t know what the hell is going on?” Ellie snapped as she paced about the waiting room of her slightly, ok very, dusty animal clinic. “You leave for a mini working vacation, for just a little while, and look what happens…”

“Delusions of grandeur,” Indy interjected as she eyed him curiously. “What?”

“Oh…nothing,” she sighed.

“I´ve left so many messages on Kendra´s answering machine it won´t hold any more,” El exclaimed.

“We could go to the pub,” Logan suggested as he lounged on the reception desk.

“NO! We don´t know what´s happened around here. We´re not taking any chances. What if the campus was taken over by shape shifting aliens or something,” the Ho objected as Indy rolled his eyes.

“Nothing like that will ever happen…Nazis maybe. Shape shifting aliens pretending to be a student or even the General, never,” Indy tried to calm the pacing Ho.

“I don´t know…some of those aliens are pretty freaky,” Logan objected with a growl. Suddenly he jumped from the reception desk and quietly made his way to the front door. “We have company,” he whispered moments before the door flew open and he grabbed the intruder by the waist, his claws extending to the unwelcome visitor´s throat.

Without warning, the claws quickly vanished as Logan grunted loudly and released his prisoner. The mutant doubled over in pain when a borrowed baseball bat connected with his groin. “You! Clawboy!” Kendra shouted in a mixture of shock, anger, disbelief, and dare say emotion.

Logan snarled. “You´ll pay for that,” he promised.

“Yeah, right, I´ll just borrow Judy´s bat once more and really put some hurt on you,” the General´s secretary threatened.

“You´re just a little girl, I´d like to see you try. You and what army?” He snapped as he tentatively stood up to his full height.

“Me and the likes of an army called ‘Louisville slugger´ you overgrown alleycat,” Kendra hissed before she was suddenly smacked on the back of the head.

“Stop it! You´re making me emotional,” Ellie sniffled after hearing the first bickering between Logan and her old roomie in months. “I can´t believe I missed listening to that arguing between you two,” she sighed as Indy shook his head in disbelief, and Kendra and Logan both growled at one another.

“Well, it couldn´t be helped…he tried to attack me. Here I thought the clinic was being taken over by Ewoks or rabid reindeer,” the Water Ho mused.

“Rabid reindeer?” Ellie quizzed.

“Don´t ask. All I can say is that Da Mastah got a little carried away with the Holiday decorating business for the cottage,” Kendra added. “When did you guys get home? Why didn´t you call?”

“We did call…all day!” Logan snapped.

“Oh…well it wouldn´t have done you any good anyway. Most everyone is shopping, or decorating. But the majority of us were in the kitchen baking cookies with the General,” Kendra explained with a grin. “So I definitely wasn´t home. Cause right after that, I had a jacuzzi appointment with the General, and then there was the pre-pre- holiday show of Laure´s in the cabaret and then…what was the question?”

“Forget that! What the hell happened to the campus?” Ellie shouted as she clutched Kendra by the shoulders and shook her soundly.

“Hey! It wasn´t my fault or Tara´s no matter what anybody tells you,” the Water Ho objected. “You see, there was that slight geyser problem, which sank the Admin building and the dorm, the library…hell, most the campus. But then we got to live in these cool trailers...the ones on the far end of campus that now house the miners…but anyway, a few of us got together to make the place more cheery and decided to theme paint the trailers. This sent a few Ho´s over the edge…well that and the gnome statues and all. Then of course there was that matter with the shape shifting alien pretending to be the General after the real General was captured by big head plaid man who was trying to hurt the poor dear. Did you know, nobody wanted to believe me when I kept telling them that it was a shape-shifting alien? Sheesh…”

“I need a seat,” Indy groaned as he sank into a chair.

“…well anyway, we rescued the General. Laure now sings in the cabaret and never wears shoes. It´s a wonder she hasn´t come down with foot and mouth disease going barefoot all the time like that. Then of course Emmy is Emmy, she´s only had one, possibly two, flannel attacks, but that was earlier in the year. Of course now she´s become very fluent in puppy talk, granted Lasher isn´t a puppy any more, but still she could give you a few tips if you need them. And of course Julia is sort of walking on the wild side lately. I blame that really on the Queen of the slugs, Tara. Did I mention Julia stealing Xani´s ship? If Tara hadn´t flipped out on absinthe and then began swearing the slugs were attacking, Julia would not have gone over to the slug side as well…and both of them flipped out at the same time as the General began making shadow puppets while singing odd children´s songs in the woods about the lodge. Of course, Dor is doing well, you see how her blowing up the library because of a bad spell caused the roof to fly off the thing, and all this construction mess around the Admin building. Such an eyesore, it makes the new Admin building look a mess with all this equipment scattered around. But anyway…”

“Does she breathe?” Logan questioned as he too flopped into a seat while Ellie shrugged her shoulders.

“… Dor is fine, rumor is she´s about to get married. Nobody´s really sure who it will be, Xani or Pelham, but Darry´s mom is going to make her choose a hubby whether she wants one or not. And of course, you know Darry married Cic? Yeah, we weren´t invited, one of those spur of the moment deals, cheap birthday present or something. Of course you don´t have to get her a wedding gift, nobody else did, except Laure, and hers never arrived. How do you like the red windmill and the elephant? Dande and Da Mastah are doing well. Seems the big guy is going overboard on Cara´s first Christmas…I think the Toys R Us semi has been delivering gifts non-stop. Dande is baking like there´s no tomorrow; you should put in your cookie request before all the good ones are gone. She´s Obi´s mom, you know? And then there was that traumatizing incident where I saw Da Mastah´s wanger…”

“STOP IT! I have a headache,” Ellie shouted with a wince.

“What? Never mind, I don´t have time for this. Some of us are getting together and sneaking over to Wanker U to steal…err… borrow that ugly statue of some dead guy that´s on the front lawn over there. Slow night, know what I mean? You´re welcome to come,” Kendra added before quickly walking to the door.

“I think I´ll pass…but thanks, I think,” El mused. “Ah Ken… where do I live?”

“Oh that? You´ve got your own swank new apartment right across the hall from mine,” Kendra grinned. “Hak´s been living there since it was built, hope you don´t mind. He was taking care of all your pets, so I figured it was safe. Well, gotta run, have to grab my camouflage gear for the break in! Oh…before I forget… the Gen´s doing great! Sexy as hell as ever, I might suggest a kilting appointment, they´re wonderful! You didn´t get to see him with the black hair, did you? What a pity. See ya!” With that the Water Ho promptly disappeared leaving three very stunned people in her wake.

Ellie turned to the Professor who in turn, looked at the mutant. They all just shrugged again and Ellie lit a cigarette.

“Let´s just stay at the clinic for tonight,” she said as she exhaled a large drag off the Marlboro Red. “I´m not sure I can deal with anything else right now. Tomorrow we can unpack and see what this new suite looks like. I´m a little afraid if Haken has been living there alone.” Little did she know that Haken had taken to some light interior decorating, per the Wench´s teachings and the EA Director´s new digs had turned out pretty sleek.

Ellie looked over at the insistent blinking of the message light on the answering machine and crushed her cigarette out in the ashtray. “And I´ll deal with those tomorrow,” and again, little did she know there was an urgent last minute message from her former roommate telling her of the new EA rules on campus, and the loss of her main staff position. She would be now fully dedicated to her research at the zoological center and veterinary upkeep of all the animals on campus. Though she was sure Lasher and Dande´s dogs were overdue on their shots and would all need check-ups. Let alone, how the tigers must have grown in her absence. All these thoughts elicited another sigh, which seemed to be in abundance amongst the trio, and the lighting of another butt.

Logan stirred again as Ellie flicked her ashes. “I smell something,” he snarled. He relaxed as he continued his thought. “It´s McCoy,” he added as he opened the clinic door to reveal a very large and excited tiger.

“McCoy! How I´ve missed you,” Ellie purred alongside her feline pet. She whispered a few sweet nothings in the tiger´s ear and headed off toward the living area at the back of the research center with tger in tow leaving the two men to collect the bags and trudge off after their mistress.

In a passing thought Ellie felt out for the General´s presence and nudged him with her returning Force ability. ‘At least let him know I´m home,´ Ellie thought to herself as she drew herself a warm bath. ‘I´ll make an appointment tomorrow, after I´ve gotten some rest,´ she assured herself before sinking into the raspberry suds of her bubble bath.

Somewhere across campus, the General smiled. His sweet, wild Ellie had returned to him.

All in all it was good to be home, especially with the holidays approaching. Half-heartedly Ellie wondered to herself, ‘I wonder what everyone is doing for the holidays…´

~fin~

Ellie Former EA Director, but still the Nurse's Apprentice :)