It all started back in the olden dayz.... the year 2000 to be precise.... Many tales have been told about the discovery of "puke juice" AKA CIDER, but only one is true... recently historians have recovered the following story.....!
Way back in October of 2000 a few wasters from the Condemned CRue, took a trip to the depths of hell.... Little did they know this trip wud change thier lives forever! For that day they discovered Cider! 3 quid for 3 litres of PURE FUN = Endless fun.............. well this was what everyone thought, until one by one the crue fell to this deadly POISON!
........... After hours of lighting fireworks and running away from a crazed butcher in a landrover.... the full effect of the cider cames through.....
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Unfortunatly the other half of the story couldnt be red.... it appeared to be coated in a vomit like liquid.... so we cannot tell what happened to the Condemned Cruew....
today i am going to tell u aload of bollocks about cider....
OK! Lets get started..... first I would like you take all your clothes off..... That's good now you're naked....
Shit.... sorry slipped my mind there.... Whatever.... NOW i will talk about sider..... cider.....
SIDEFFECTESSSSSS.....
1- The drinker becoms dizzy and head spins lots not physically.... but inside thier head!!!!
2- Drinker starts to sing and slap people for no apparent reason.
3- Drinker stumbles over invisible objects for no apparent reason
4- Drinker may dribble and talk aload of general bollocks to you, but dont worry this is perfectly normal.
IF! you notice any of your friends have the following symptoms they may be infected with the Evil vitus... CIDERANGITIS.... the only way to get rid of this virus is by sending me lots of money, I will then send you the secret antidote so that you can cure all your friends..... Please send all money... in CASH..... to 12 riley close NARIDGE, NORFUCKIN WAY
If you do not give the person medication it is likely that they will suffer copious amounts of vomiting.. usually on people nearby as ciders vomiting range can be upto 2 meteres, due to it's high amount of fizzyness.....
In a recent survey conducted by..... US..... we found out the following.....
%age of cider drinkers under the age of 15- 89%
%age of cider drinkers that vomit when drinking cider-99.9%
%age of cider drinkers that drink cider for it's great taste- 1%
%age of cider drinkers that drink cider to get fucked out of thier heads- 99%
%age of cider drinkers that drink on the Brundall rec-89.9%
%age of cider drinkers that will recive liver transplants in later life- 86%
%age of cider drinkers that think cider tastes like puke- 100%
Test results are actually aload of bollocks and I just made them up..... test was never really conducted.... oh well fuck it... lets drink sum cider.