�recent past�
here we are unfolded, you are shown most of everything
i am always the bandit, i stole all but my decency
[surely with someone in mind, besides myself]
some were frightened i still believe in truth
never sent out a search party, seeing it was much to, much to late
[for any type of saving i could not conjure myself]
.
when they litter the streets with ill meant prayers
i lay me down to sleep, too rise and kiss your feet
my prayers are of you, of your beauty, i have not realized
.
i realize i am very sedated... my eyes reflect too much
.
one day you will come see me in a dream..
i will not be stuck here wondering of you
i swear i will not be discontent.. so easy...
but standing here.. i feel my life passing by
remembering everything i am not...
wishing for a simple release... of letting go
but it never comes.. i am still here.. you there
.
one day we will realize life is not like this
for happiness so earthly... i promise it doesnt
even matter
(but how... to show.....)
if only youd stop by my house in the summer
there are beautiful sounds here....
the countryside is always lovely i promise
do you not want to get away...
there is peace to be found...
cool taste of handmade icecream...
raw voices enchanting you to forget pasts
i will spend all day running through the woods
with you...
or creating things in the kitchen.. we can make
anything
perhaps make the world ours... give it to Him..
He would be happy......
.
i think i shall die again, for this life time.
plainly given... words i cannot reveal
ah.... but... however selfish of me.....
to listen, to think, i should not have....
even if not so, i have stolen..........
.
a lock of hair to keep, well i never
and now i have said too much, haven't said enough
words litter the pictures of what might have been
will i ever allow myself, to let you see...
the drawing, the beauty in keeping, but..
weeping graces, what should i say, what should i do
a tyrant would slay with more mercy
suture lies, they keep moving too far away to heal
all this i give, when your arms are content
swallow hard, was that something important
.
i thought i heard my name, i am hearing things...
shouldst not even look up, a lifeline might find stability
the eyes of the city watch, [why are they silent]
seen, a name, that is its own
i got much accomplished today.. i didn't die
.
since leaving... i have searched the heavens for answers
so why must we kill tonight....
a set of arms to shed at once, a childs heart
when eyes speak my truth, you cannot see
when words beg listening, you fall deaf
memories spoken, you become silent
.
it is too late, i can see now the paths that cut off once you have being walking across
their soil... they grow behind you a hedge so deep you could never return.. but not tall
enough to block your memory.
does this self forcast all end as so. the times i truly hate being right. dearest God, how
at times do i hate this life and wish for you to take me home. but... hoping that you will
not grant that desire... because there is so much that is left undone... i want to be the
perfect child, though i know it is in my blood to fail.... i want to breathe for You... to
walk with You... in the rust of my heart.. the decay that keeps pulling itself deeper... i
do remember and hold fast. to You. [do you feel special.. ]
and i do not mean to taunt or whisper words to anger.. but is that also in my blood..
feeling.. for sure you will cut this branch from your tree... i ache at the cuts that would
remove this life source from my veins....
a perception of beauty.. there are some that soothe.. and flow with the living
take this cup, take this blood... take this desire..
do you flaunt your flesh in the realm of the undead. the purity in the eyes of the
stained
.
there are too many years running together... to try and sit... think... a timeline... of when and where...
and why things are the way they are... then... i am flooded and quite blind... decide.. it does not matter
but it does.
when was i do not remember.. i started to disappear... what a year and a half ago... two years ago..
sometime... i was fading... and no one did anything? not that i recall.. or say or tried to stop...
funny trick to know when someone wants to be stopped, when they are so far removed. but..
i guess i never want to be stopped? i meant for it to be this way? not completely? all those
beautiful eyes.... the people i knew... the friends i had... they have but vanished... i stare back now...
knowing it is i that has changed? to a point that they would not admit their own changing.
ah, the ache of a lost friend... and to see again... finding memories have already begun to fade... it
hurts.
hmmm.... i will not cry.
she is looking for the eyes, to be called loves wish. visions, quite set beyond imagination, i fear...
always staring me in the face, forever to pass by. thirsting .. shh.... these things do not exist, for
you... the world is this room......
.
nonfiction
a message, a witness, a truth [an ache]....