�past days.�
the pictures run through my eyes, unanswered.. by the rushed and
buried words that tell.. keep telling me things. and i tell them, they are
wrong, they leave for a while.. then again.. return with the same, or one of
the same.. just in a different order. no. yes, that is what i said... but you
cannot allow yourself to say.. no, that is indeed what i did say. if only you
could taste [but i do not care, so what does it matter.. true, dear soul,
because tides do surely turn.. and none matters.. the reasons fall short the
use of being told or explained. wide.eyed. i do see....]
what is said when i am not there.
how are things better and healing
with absence. do hours of need forget?
and proceed to search. always
surrounded. promises live
forward only those heaven given....
He fashions from us perfection despite
what we are. Taking infection and ache
for slumber and purpose. [His love] slowly
changing if only [we] to give up [our]will.
He holds in time, what i cannot hold, He keeps
this shifting of winds and currents
He let me to myself to show me quite vividly what i would do
and now, since returned, love, has met its ugly fate. to now describe it never
missing.[words make sense.. if only tangible to others.] it needed only time
to have Him burn the flesh and extract the sin. but... now since healed [only
one moment at a step] and He allows my heart to draw near [to Him]... there is
wreck after wreck [bitter, hurt, hate] But.. His arms they cradle... at least
i die in His arms.
for love sends arrows and seizures... it stabs, stabs and reminds of its tired
memory. what fools.. [that mix of beauty and error. we were truly only meant
for one] and now i am separated. i cannot love them both. perhaps He can.
sigh... Love has never left my heart....
here lies our consequence and blessing.
because who am i to keep? why now explain?
as i could not before... all strength but to save
from leaving.
yes... love was pure. intention beautiful.. but
all you could hear was the fight.. thats ok.....
it was rather loud.
so now is love sent to a box to dwell? hid
there to keep since no other values or needs?
for fear i wounded it far too much for
it to ever live again[be of worth]
now again Dear Father, why must my
heart be painfully open? am i left to watch.....
are you for keeps, because [an]other was finally
taken for another kept. do you wander for
a path that speaks to you, while knowing
they are all silent.
what is love and how have you been miss taken.
never arms to fall to, or lips to comfort.
words to repair, or...
this, i always hated, this circle, the way that such
a love would fall and flourish in. in its
members ever fail.
i want none of this, sworn away from this.
the boy is mirroring me....
give me something to destroy myself with
be it a cloud, rain, or wind.
wash here.... all misunderstanding put aside.
you have given me eyes and a heart. i fear,
yes, just the right time... for You now....
[and a spoken end,here i am alive]
to shadows and graves, to the bleeding and
the ache..... here... this is where i go.
nonfiction
a message, a witness, a truth [an ache]....