�[i know is] now �
leading mercies, sweet caring souls, i gather
my desires.. but there is still so much
flesh to be cut away. always ever distracted
separation of where i would rather walk
i am frustrated with everyone....[!]
i know what it will take. You. i wish
to let no heart down. only a hope for best
i had no intention, no intention of finishing
saying in words, to move to other worlds
now you can leave, now you cannot miss or need
... you rather anger me. removing heart.
'in God we trust, but all others we need data.'
we cannot solve everything
there are many things arresting
all trains of thought stopping my heart
simply do not understand
i do not trust, i do not like how they
make me feel. always in the dark
more memories to file away forgotten....
needless[forbidden] seduction... but was there
ever a soul truly seduced? i know not [there wasn't]
i shy from showing any knowledge. could be
seen walking towards, stop thinking child
you know precisely how to sour, disrupt quietly
thought, thought, thought, hmm do i know
what shall end in this conclusion... tangible
words meet ever silent, eyes watch, waiting for
the moment to dissolve... stealing in its
childishness... no.. i am not forming a
habit... shh.. do not think.. you might find
something empty and shallow
at last when words would say you
cease to ask and care... and i see
no reason to lay my heart down to
be hurt yet again
one never could understand that eyes have
never left... though distance imposes and
heart lays silent.
never pulled away with intent
of being gone
yes, there was allowed room for assumptions
did one begin to assume, something that
never seemed like [you.] words stay
missing as the ones i know i should give
hold too much weight to be false
or with any touch of being empty.
left to watch, the memories finally
beautiful again. thank you.
should all protection be let down?
i believe i have forgotten how.
yes, what a change.. i was
never like this.
words should cease, He has said.
focus on Him. just love, live in
harmony. sigh... help me fight[flesh]
words allow themselves legs.. but inside of walking or standing they flood.. swim in the
violence of saline. a last they beg for, and yet again.. sadly.. something impossible.
someone who would soothe, be soothed, someone to love that would not hurt. where
hurt would not have to be ignored. or feared. but there is never one to seek or any to be
found. always just a desire. He comforts. still long for the strength of a friendship, just
someone. but here it seems [i have aged so much, and never will there be one to understand.
except Him. so desire Him to take me, if only He would, but it would be selfish.. and
there is still so much i wish He would let me do for Him, with Him. i wish the eyes
would stop the shedding, i am sure He sees a child caught only in her grief, too selfish to
let it simply pass and trust. for if to let it flow as to relieve the storage, the heart would
find room to let dehydration become the only ceasing. sigh. need to wait. need to be
patient... learnt in these hours.. silence for now is ok, footsteps are fashioned by His
will. and i trust Him for the ground destined to be touched [followed] still asking pins
and needles be removed, sutures and objections. the staleness be refreshed.. the distain
sent to be bathed. to be removed, this human heart and eyes, to be replaced.
He has been opening windows and doors... finally He opens enough for me to take notice
and breathe fresh air.
sigh, and anything shall happen. i will not prepare for anything. i will take each moment
as given? hmm..... rush of understanding and peace... though mingled with torments.
hereunto.
nonfiction
a message, a witness, a truth [an ache]....