Top 25 Most Amusing Beck Lyrics
25) plastic donut, can of spam
there's no kindness in this land
24) he's coverin you with bacon and fills your mouth with
raid
he's sendin back all the bills that you've thought you paid
23) alcohol please give me some
22) Getting smacked up by unemployed hand models
Running out into the middle of traffic with beaujolais bottles
21) she dangles carrots
makes you feel embarrassed
20) monkey see, monkey die
laminate your face and paste it up into the sky
19) people with cordless personalities
runnin around in new wave bionic jogging suits
18) Definitely this is the wrong place to be
There's blood on the futon
There's a kid drinking fire
17) Juiced up from Africa to Spain
Ghetto blastin' the diamond lane
Insane in the mundane
16) We spent many years always tryin to get high, smokin broken pencils and beatin up kids, talkin to the devil and drinkin a coke, now we're totally rockin, totally rockin.
We spent many years always tryin to get high,
seemed like there wasn't nothing that we wouldn't try,
we made bongs out of bananas and freebased turpentine
we were always lookin', always lookin'
15) 8.6.82
It's August 6th, 1982.
And uh, we were jammin' over at the house.
My pants caught on fire.
We were smokin' a lotta... whiskey, and uh, chicken.
And uh, got some food and...
I got some food and came home and got a call, uh...
No wait, I got some calls then, uh, came home, then I got some food.
Came home, got some food and then :::cough::: got some calls, uh...
Couldn't find the fridge for a while and...
Wait, first we couldn't...we got the food and then...
No wait, first we had the fridge.
14) Corvette Bummer
all my days I had moldy bread,
robot brains and the flyin airplanes,
hollowed out and filled with dust,
rockin like a hurricane, under the rug,
bored to the core, on a sunken boat,
a worn out candle and a plastic coat,
a ziploc bag, a pelican bone,
a perfect shape, a cardboard reject
overfed, electric comatose,
riding in the air, invisible socks
a broken blanket, flamin sawdust
wakin up in the shadow of a piece of dirt,
gonna fly like a dog,
gonna leap right out the wall,
gonna walk around this town with a can of whiskey
gonna run like a bird,
gonna roll out in the dirt,
gonna run around this town with a phone machine
yellow cat layin flat on the road,
molten lead shootin out the ground,
tinfoil witch burnin under the bridge,
flap your wings and leap out the window,
put a glass eye in the eyes of god,
nuke the kids,
Polaroid cupcake,
take it to the limit, new wave biscuit,
camouflage gimmick, wimp out like never before
gonna jump like a flag,
gonna burn like a pig,
gonna flap around, and pass out on the kitchen floor,
gonna crawl like a rock,
gonna dance like a worm,
gonna take my shoes right off and smell my socks.
Fly like a squirrel,
swim like a chicken,
gonna weedwack a plate of noodles in the afternoon,
gonna melt like a weasel,
gonna fry like a kid,
gonna get my walkie talkie, and some mustard and some mayonnaise, and a
mermaid, and some macaroni,
bricks, and some telephone wires, and phone machines, and a fax machine, and
a...(laughing)
13) Let's Go Moon Some Cars
Let's go moon some cars
Yeah, let's go moon some cars
Yeah, let's go moon some cars, my friend
Let's go moon some cars
Let's go steal some beer
Yeah, let's go steal some beer
Yeah, let's go steal some beer, my friend
Let's go steal some beer
Let's go set something on fire
Yeah, let's go set something on fire
Yeah, let's go set something on fire, my friend
Let's go set something on fire
Let's go shoot some pigs
Yeah, let's go shoot some pigs
Yeah, let's go shoot some pigs, my friend
Let's go shoot some pigs
Let's go steal some beer
Let's go steal some beer
Let's go steal some beer, my friend
Let's go steal some beer
12) Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy...(can I get a little echo on this?)
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
Ozzy
What does it mean?
The fire is green
The demons just came through the window
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Big-league man
The future looks dim
Using [???] forever
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Ozzy! You're the man!
How can I grasp you power?
I'm sittin' here lookin' at this keychain
And you...uh, there's mascara bleeding out of your eyes
The microphone is in flames
And there's a giant chicken claw above your head
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy
11)
Special People
Special people all the time
Special people on my mind
Special people brown and white
Special people getting all uptight
Special people kiss my soul
Special people take control
Special people lick the ground
Special people word up and down
Special people squeeze the breeze
Special people slice their knees
Special people soak up fire
Special people climbing higher
Special people create belief
Special people steal some beef
Special people don't need your plans
Special people got recycling cans
Special people got songs to sing
Special people are happening
Special people stopping fast
Special people hauling ass
Special people are so sincere
Special people got special beer
Special people flick the grease
Special people come in peace
Special people will scrimp and save
Special people will never bathe
Special people in hot pursuit
Special people got the boot
Special people sleep in moss
Special people got the sauce
Special people open wide
Special people ain't satisfied
10) Mexico
come gather round me people, here's a story you never heard
bout me and my friends and some things that occured
we thought we'd get some money we thought that we might go
spend a weekend pleasant down in mexico
i was workin at mcdonalds, doin the latenight run
when a car pulled up the drive thru and pointed out a gun
said give us all your money and three big macs to go
i stuffed them all in a bag and i ducked down below
well the boss got angry when he found out i didn't call the police
i guess i was kinda nervous, there was a warrant out on me
concernin some jaywalkin tickets i couldn't afford to pay
needless to say i got the axe that same day
well me bein outta work just then i didn't wanna go home
my mom said if i lost this job i'd have to go out on my own
so i went over to dave's house and got really stoned
called up some girls but none o'them were home
steve came over and he brought some alcohol
we're all gettin really depressed just starin at the wall
thought if we'd get some money, we thought that we might go
spend a weekend pleasant down in mexico
steve's dad had a huntin rifle and we went and picked it up
we stopped into the 7-11 to try our luck
we raised up that huntin rifle but the counter guy just laughed
as he pulled out an uzi we turned and hauled ass
we were runnin so fast til we came to the mcdonalds where i used to work
we walked up to the drive thru and gave my boss a jerk
said give us all your money and three big macs to go
and suck on this you weasel we're goin to mexico
down south we all got really wasted, dave got a case of the runs
we're all really hungover and gettin low on funds
dave and steve called their parents and took the bus back home
me, i got a job at mcdonalds down in mexico
9) Today Has Been A Fucked Up Day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Looks like tomorrow'll be the same old day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Looks like tomorrow'll be the same old day
There's people runnin' up and down the line
With grocery bags on their heads
And dollar bills pasted onto their faces
Squeegees in their hand
Woo, woo, woo...
Woo!
Woohoo!
Woohoohoo!
8) Whiskey-faced Radioactive Blowdryin' Lady
Alright heres a stupid song i wrote today
yeah
alright, ok this is called uh..
DJ: would this be a world premiere?
yeah this is probably the first and last time you'll hear this one..
ok this is uh.. this is whiskey bottle-no this is called uh whiskey-faced
radioactive blowdryin' lady or something
take out your whiskey bottle there
now you don't even move out of your chair
your getting juiced up beyond belief
i can barely love you, when your getting drunk all the time
you can get out a blowdryer, and blowdry the hair right off of your head
you can sautee my dollar bills, and feed em to the dog while he's watchin'
cable
if i catch fire by mistake, she'll put out my face with a rake,
and i shut my mouth before i even breathe
well i can barely touch you hunny, cause you're gettin' drunk all the time
gotten radioactive tastebuds smeared across the rug,
swallow the keys to the chevy, you're gonna weedwack your way to memphis yeah
everybody knows about your style, you got tin-foil wrapped around your smile
well you're gonna give me a xerox of your buckteeth...
gettin....crap-faced all the time
yodelayodeodelee
7) No Money, No Honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
Ain't no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No honey, no honey
No honey, no money
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
One more time
Keep goin'
One more time
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
No money, no honey
What's your name?
My name's Ken.
6) One Foot In The Grave
This dead hobo on the patio
And an old barbed wire on the funeral fire
Well, you roll out the carpet and it better be red
And it better be long as the troubles in my head
Gonna be livin' one foot in the grave
Well, I was sittin' at home, cookin' up a steak
Satan came down, dressed like a snake
Well, he called my name as I turned up the flames
And then I realized I was out of mayonnaise
Well, you been livin' one foot in the grave
Yeah, don't go throwin' no coupons on my grave
Don't go carvin' no happy face on my tombstone
Woo!
Woo!
5) MTV Makes Me Want To Smoke Crack (version 01)
MTV makes me wanna smoke crack,
fall out of the window and i'm never comin back
MTV makes me wanna get high,
can't get a ride no matter how i try,
and everythings perfect and everythings bright,
and everyones perky and everyones uptight
i watch those videos, i watch em all day
and i plug em in my eyeballs HEEEEEEEY YAH
and the colors are nice, and the pictures are nice,
and the girls are nice, everythings so nice
MTV makes me wanna smoke crack,
fall out of the window and i'm never comin back
MTV makes me wanna get high,
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
well i work at the video store making change
and i'm counting out the pennies
twistin in my brain
condos in the distance,
and smog in the air
no one in the streets, and no one anywhere
i drink when i drink and i eat from a can
and i'm standin by the microwave 'til i feel special
and i'm checkin out the furniture
i wanna buy a sofa
might buy a wheelchair and roll out of this town
and MTV made me wanna smoke crack
fall out of the window and i'm never comin back
MTV made me wanna get high,
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
can't get a ride
MTV MADE ME WANNA BURN FLESH
have a little orgy down in the satellite dish
MTV Makes Me Wanna Smoke Crack (version 02)
rollin...
mtv makes me wanna smoke crack,
fall out of the window, and i'm never comin' back
mtv makes me wanna get high,
can't get a ride no matter how i try,
and everything's perfect, and everything's bright,
and everyones perky, and everyones uptight,
i love those videos i watch 'em all day............
(music stops)
(producer)...beck, what's the problem?
(beck)...uh.. i dunno just stop the tape...
(lounge style)
hey!
all right!
mtv..whoa! makes me wanna smoke crack,
fly out the window, and i'm never come back
mtv makes me wanna get hiiiiiighh! yes they do!
like a rubber balloon, aww get that squeegee,
everything's wonderful, everything's grand,
everything's swinging, all across the land, you know it!
bust out the biscuits, strike up the band,
play those videos, every woman and man.
cause...mtv, whoa! makes me wanna smoke crack,hey!
fly out the window, and i'm never comin back..ooh!
mtv, makes me wanna get high, as a kite,
gettin all uptight..take it!
aww yeah!
fake it till ya make it!
right about now!
steppin under a cold ass fashion,
aww yah we wack that thing,
i work down to that video store, makin some change,
with a sparkle in my step, and a smile on my face,
condominiums, risin above,
and those video's are better than love,
yeah! mtv, 1
mtv, check,
mtv makes me wanna smoke crack!
yeah.
4) Steve Threw Up
steve had a big commotion
the street fair was an ocean
when he took three tabs of bad acid
and off his melting jaw
all the wonderful things he saw
the pretty hair growin on...his sandwich
well he looked out on the fairground
with the spinning things spinning all around
and he felt the food goin down
and coming back
and on top of the ferris-wheel
he threw up on the heel
of the beautiful girl who was laughing
well there must have been some pizza
and there must have been some fries
and there must have been some tequila
and there must have been some wine
and there must have been some falafels
and there must have been some beer
and there must have been some bagels
you could see it all so clear
and there must have been some pickles
and there must have been some saurkraut
and there must have been some catfish
when he laid his bedding down (?)
pineapples, mangos, wild rice, beans, granola, cheetoes, caramel candy popcorn,
ice cream banana fudge, and some corndogs, and mayonaise, steak sauce, ketchup
and mustard, garlic, kool-aid, spam and some egg rolls, sushi, rice-cakes,
oatmeal, cucumbers, biscuits, beef-jerky, pop-tarts, tamales, shishkabob and a
side order of...
BARF!!! BARF!!! RETCH!!! VOMIT!!! SPEW!!! etc...
3) Satan Gave Me A Taco
Satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick
The chicken was all raw and the grease was mighty thick
The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard
I was gettin' kinda dizzy eatin' all the lard
There was aphids on the lettuce an' I ate every one
An' after I was done the salsa melted off my tongue
Pieces of tortilla got stuck in my throat
An' the stains on my clothes burned a hole through my coat
My stomach was a-tremblin' and I broke out in a rash
I was so dry and thirsty and I didn't have no cash
So I went and found a hose, tore off all my clothes
Turned on the water and it shot right up my nose
Some old lady came along and she thought I was a freak
So she beat me with a handbag till I could hardly speak
I was lying there naked, my body badly bruised
In a pool of my own blood, unconscious and confused
Well, the cops came and got me and threw me in their van
And I woke up on the ceiling and I couldn't find my hand
They took me to the judge, his eyes a-glowin' red
The courtroom was filled with witches and the dead
Well, the sheriff was a hellhound with fangs and claws
The prisoners were tied up and chained to the walls
The air was gettin' thick; the smoke was gettin' thicker
The judge read the verdict: said, "Cut off his head!"
Well, they placed me on the altar, and they raised up the axe
My head was about to explode when I noticed the Marshall stacks
I noticed all the smoke machines, cameras and the lights
Some guy with a microphone, runnin' around dancin' in tights
And I noticed the crew and the band playin' down below
And I realized I was in a rock video
So I went and joined the band
And I went out on tour
And I smoked a lot of heroin
And I passed out in manure
I made out with the groupies
Come on here
Started fires backstage
Oh, yeah, started 'em all
Made a lot of money
Oh, yeah, I'm makin' it
And I gave it all away
Give it all to me
Well, the band got killed
Ah, bunch of losers
So I started a solo career
Aha, yeah
And I won all the awards
Get 'em all now
And I drank all the beer
Drink it all up; get funky
I opened up a taco stand
Aha
Just to smell the smell
Oho
Cookin' with the devil
fryin' down in hell
2) Little Drum Machine Boy
[holiday robot funk noise]:
Baruch Atah Adonei Elohenu Melech Ha Olom
Aww yeah
That's the holiday--
Rum-pum-pum-pump
--that's the--
BIIII YATCH--
holiday robot funk!
Rum-pum-pum-pump, Rum-pum-pum-pump.
UH
Baruch Atah Adonei Elohenu Melech Ha Olom
right about now, we're gonna drop some--
Rum-pum-pum-pump--Hanukkah science.
yeah uh, uh, this is it...
I press a button make the gentlemen cry,
I rock a beat to make the hamburger fry,
and I funk this joint and shake that holiday gear
the system boomin' strictly Pioneer, under the rear, bringin' a tear
aww la lal waa
Baruch Atah Adonei Elohenu Melech Ha Olom {x4}
I turn it out in a holiday mode,
safe like a seatbelt in a Volvo,
keepin' it real like a spray-snow tree
we'll shut it down, harmoniously, rockin' softly, 8/0/8 beats.
pimpin' is his game
I get the shit lit like a menorah
this funk's so illegal I think I might need a lawyer
I'm not a firestarter, but my beats gets hotter
get 'em out like an allowance, footwear, I rock with New Balance
Hanukkah pimps on it, check.
check the mic, I rock the pimp
no sweat
meals are mackin', tracks jackin'
ejaculating like buffet tables and record labels
willin' and able, to bring my funk in the place it needs be
lifestyles of the slick and sleazy
spin 'em around, play around, like a dreidel
kinda science that puts ya back into the cradle
oh my shit, sometimes this track is so poignant
somebody please pass me some kinda ointment
put these rhymes together like a thief
clear up your nose like a eucalyptus leaf
droppin' science so you don't even know what hit ya
next thing you know you're 13 gettin' a Bar Mitzvah
pimpin' is his game
Baruch Atah Adonei Elohenu Melech Ha Olom {x4}
pimpin' is his game
Elohenu Melech Ha Olom
Baruch Atah Adonei Elohenu Melech Ha Olom {x4}
I get down, I get down, I get down all the way
yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
wo-ooooooh
I get down, i get down, I get down all the way {x8}
HANNUKAH PIMP {x21}
PIMPIN'
PIMPIN'
PIMPIN'
MENORAH
MENORAH
1) In A Cold Ass Fashion
Fly like the eagle
Fly like the eagle
Fly
Squeegee
Ah, you got it
When we get down to the shrink-wrap on my grave
You know the nitty-gritty never looked so safe
You get whiplash under the bridge
Like a cold-ass lover with the buckskin
Get the squeegee and it's easy to be me
Clean my boots and I'm still feelin' homeless
Your brother is deader than a phone machine
With a bucket of green piss
And I'm tryin' not to look at Satan making love to a dishrag
So load up the gimmick wagon, get out of town
Do me a favor -- don't stick around
'Cause my kneecaps are turnin' slightly brown
Let's be doin' it right
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
And the people don't breathe
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
Steppin' in the beefsteak
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
And the mayonnaise comes
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
Black Twinkie
Gettin' all caught up in a taste test
An' it all basically tastes like crap
I can shake my own hand, give myself a grin
I can pick my own nose and put it back in
I can squeeze the breeze, drink a bottle of lice
Smoke a pack of whiskey with Jesus Christ
I got options, I got cop shows, I get nauseous
And the sweat is Day-Glo
Went to sleep, woke up in a coffin
Took out my eyeballs an' put 'em in a condom
Your daddy's got laxatives on his brain
Gettin' savvy in the back of a train
Mojo weedwhacker cuttin' space
Hot dogs rottin' in the bottom of the suitcase
And your mouth, smells like hair gel
I love you but you don't know how to spell
Where can you duck when they shoot you full of pigeon holes?
And there ain't nothin' like the real artificial
O.G.: original glue sniffer
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
And the people don't breathe
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
Aren't you fightin for some bitch(???)
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
Smeared with sauce
Comin' down in a cold ass fashion
Would you believe, but ya man(???)
Uh, wait...
Talkin' about a cold ass fashion [x16]
[The following three lines are spoken at various times over the above:]
Cold ass fashion, cold ass fashion, squeegee
[Backwards:] [???] up your ass
[Backwards:] [???] hot dog
It's like forty pounds of avacado sauce
Smeared across your boss
You know what I'm sayin'?
You donno when it's comin'
You know, it's like forty-five horses
Runnin' through the graveyard
In yellow panties
That is cold
Fashion