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| This is a tale of total fiction. Or faction really. It contains real people in a totally believable situation, so who's to say it isn't real... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| OLD MESSAGE BOARD | PROLOGUE | ?OLD MESSAGE BOARD | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� McSean had just retired. It was the end of an era and, fittingly, it was also the end of a refreshing bottle of Lucozade for the recently retired tyrant/webmaster. Lazing in a computer chair and gazing at the dazzlingly blurry screen. He was contemplating the future and how he now had so much of it. He was also contemplating why the author was devoting literally no space to describe him. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Because if you don't know who McSean is, it would be very wrong of you to have actually read this far, you dolt. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He was also busy ignoring the rest of the world. The rest of the world was not, unfortunately, ignoring him. Cue phone call on red flashing presidential phone. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yep?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| OLD MESSAGE BOARD | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Mwahahahahahaha." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| To elicit such maniacal laughter could mean only two things, McSean thought. Either he was a) a comical genius, or b) just plain comical. Settling for the former as less ego bruising, he replied: "That's nice. But this conversation isn't really going anywhere so I'll have to curtail it about now" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Do that, and a power most unholy will be unleashed upon the world; the like of which you have never...well...ok, maybe ONCE...seen before!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Piss off" McSean agreed, and went to hang up, when one lingering whispered word halted him with spine-tingly torso-paralytic bowel-hyperactive fear... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� "Rooooooooo-nan" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| <click> | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chapter 1: The "Pointless" Quest (Surely story?) Begins | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� McSean was most disturbed by this disturbing word. It brought back disturbing yet repressed memories of disturbing guitars, disturbing vocals and even more disturbing columns. The disturbing Ronan was last featured disturbingly long ago in a disturbingly true column by the disturbing McCrib on Glastonbury and the multiple disturbing deaths. But thankfully, if you don't have a disturbing memory disorder, McSean Fighter Jets had nuked Ronan (A previous and disturbing entity known for his disturbingly BAD, repeat BAD, musical talents) out of oblivion...into oblivion...whatever...to prevent him killing more with his own disturbing brand �of music. Could he still be disturbingly alive? Was that disturbingly possible? Unfortunately, this wasn't the most disturbing thing on McSean's mind at the moment. It was the author's disturbing total and utter lack of a theasaurus. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Disturbing indeed... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� Soon realising he would need recruits, and extra followers to swell his ranks in order to discover the plot behind the voice behind the phone call behind Ronan (which is probably the best place to be as he can't see you...yet), McSean set out to contact others to his cause. Starting with...McJack... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� He courageously and speedily hopped onto the second nearest bus, but was immediately thrown off for hopping too speedily and smashing the driver's nose. So he got to McJack's courageously and less speedily. When there he...<detail discontinues here as the author has never been inside McJack'[ (I wonder why? I thought I was sooooo lovable in my youth. But those days are gone forever...) house and actually doubts it exists-possible cardboard exterior>... stepped over the stallion eating a Mars bar, and entered the abomination that was McJack's room, to discover him in his favourite occupation. He spends about 23 hours a day in this state. It helped him win his trophy as "World's Laziest Man" (Narrowly beating Rick Waller) a title he bore with pride and the pride of his equally lazy yet not quite so phenomenal phriends. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Asleep. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| In this state, McJack had superpowers untold to normal men-he is: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| i) Unawakable | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ii) Unmovable | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| iii)Unfathomable | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| and | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| iv) Jack | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����� So McSean decided to sit it out. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����� Fool. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� A few days or hours or maybe even minutes (it's hard to tell in the big/small dump/mansion of Jack's box/room/orange peelers/reality television) later, McJack was roused by means of strangulation and the situation was explained. Fortunately, McJack was the world's leading philosopher in the field of "Ronanism" and suggested getting Alex "The Kid" Gray to look up Ronan and his possible survival into this new era. The reason?His superiority with PCs?His fast fingers?His stylish hair? No, I just had to include him somewhere in this story. After hasty MSN conversations it was arranged for this to be "made so". So it was. In the meantime, the now duo decided to search once more. Who next? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� "How about Cribble?" mentioned McJack. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ����������� This was the first in a line of (not-so) interesting and insane cock-ups. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| >>>CHPT.2 to follow-National Trust Commandos<<< | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chapter 2. National Trust Commandos (The Yarn Keeps on Kicking) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| If you aren't here...You aren't worth it...but contact me anyway and I'll see what I can do... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||