Full House: Weekend Recollection

The Monday morning after a weekend spent mostly at the VA Hospital with her mentally crippled sister had depressed D.J. slightly. Uncle Joey passes by the unhinged door of D.J.'s room and says "You're sexually harrassing me with your eyes you little bitch, get your fuckin' ass out of bed, it's time for school. Cut It Out! No seriously, don't make me undress you." Uncle Joey departs licking his lips and heads downstairs. D.J. pulls the covers over her head drifts off into a recurrence of events sequence as the audience laugh track plays.

A sequence of events of Saturday fades in as D.J. is dreaming. D.J. is required by her father to use a specific routine each time her sister Michelle needs medical attention for asthma attacks and immunizations. Of course Danny would never bother to to do this for his youngest offspring. However, D.J. did it reasonably well, albeit mostly slower than could be done through legitimate channels. On Saturday afternoon she arrived at the hospital, claiming to be a pre-teen runaway that lives in a dumpster with her retarded sister. As usual, a nurse promptly took the pair to the rear of the children's ward and had them stripped after administering a generic inhaler on Michelle. The nurse Juanita, a middle-aged heavy-set black woman asked with mild compassion "Good looooahhd, why you have this padlock on yo' puujammas?" D.J. had no reasonable reply, none that wouldn't wind her up in a worse abusive foster home again, so lied and said she did not know. "Don' you worry tho', I gots a pair of bolt cuttahs near the crazy ward, I will be right back yungins." Juanita returned shortly with bolt cutters and cut the lock off of the homemade fabric secure. The girls were then ordered to disrobe of their filthy clothing and ushered to a white tile room.

Juanita said quickly, "You know the drill" as she surprised the two sisters with a forceful, icy burst from a garden hose; laugh track applauding as the girls squirmed in frozen discomfort. Juanita threw bars of soap at the girls. Juanita exlaimed in disbelief, "Mercy D.J., you have a mighty serious case of jock itch for a chile of yo' age!" Michelle didn't know what to make of the soap, so she bit off a tiny piece. Michelle, like most retards, reacted in a heavily emotional manner to the bitter taste in her mouth as it began to foam, and swallowed most of it on accident. Juanita exclaimed "Good loahhhd," and directed the hose stream square into the tard's open whiney mouth, knocking her onto her naked ass as the laugh track reched climax. D.J. was nearly finished washing herself, and let her idiot-child sibling struggle against Juanita's hose current, bawling as full volume while Juanita chuckled heartily at the reaction she was inducing.

D.J. dried herself off and watched Juanita deliver the thick stream of water to Michelle's tiny hindquarters, pushing her along the slick tiled floor with a white nurse's shoe. Several minutes later Juanita dried Michelle off, sat her down on an examination table and administered a Polio immunization. The tard showed signs of discomfort, but was met with a swift slap to the head by Juanita in anticipation. Juanita remarked "Don't you be lettin' that chile cry in this hospital room!" Michelle sat stunned; cross-eyed as the laugh track played. "Time to see what chile welfare can do about a fosta home fo' you kids," Juanita said as she left the exam room. D.J. picked up her little sister and snuck past the front desk of the hospital and left the building, bare asses visible through the rear of their hospital gowns as the sequence of occurence faded out with the laugh track playing in the background.

Danny was walks past his daughter's room and notices that she was still sleeping. Danny takes off his leather belt, halves it, places the folded end in his palm and savagely beats his daughter with the buckle end of the belt, screaming "Your Uncle Joey *thwap* told your ass to *thwap* get out of *thwap* bed! You remind me of your dead mother! Useless, may she burn in hell! Get out of bed!" Danny Tanner puts his belt back on, buckles it, takes something out of his pocket wrapped in a Burger King hamburger paper wrapper and throws it at his daughter. "Here's breakfast, be careful of the extra 'surprise' I've included," Danny says as he left in the hall chuckling snidely with the studio audience. D.J. unwraps a half-eaten BK Whopper that had been in Danny's left pocket for several days and ate it greedily, dabbing at some ketchup on a snotty kleenex that was wrapped with the burger. The scene closes with the credits rolling over a freeze-frame of D.J.'s face immediately after having seen the repulsive kleenex with about a teaspoon worth of yellow phlegm.
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