NOTES
from "How to Meet the Right Woman" by Roger Ratcliff, David Conaway, and Diana Ohlson. Carol Publishing Group, 120 Enterprise Ave, Secaucus NJ 07094 [ISBN: 1-55972-380-7]
-- Position yourself near entrances to watch potentials as they come in. Restrooms also.
-- Five major steps:
1) SEARCH: Go to where women naturally would go, based on their needs, wants, and interests. Get there before they do, position yourself and observe traffic. Make selections based on personal criteria. Observe behavior and mannerisms for approachability. If women are stationary, move about. If women move about, stay put. Or, alternate between methods, depending on crowd dynamic.
2) GET NEAR: Get in proximity to subject, use natural context for meeting and conversing. Take seat nearby, talk with others nearby, move nearby. Participate in same activity she is in.
3) OPEN: Use liners, queries, ice breakers, humor, or surprises. Ask for help, ask for advice, ask for opinion on event or place. Ask for time, directions, purchase opinion.
4) CONTINUE INTERACTION: Seize attention, gain rapport, build interest, suspense, or attraction. Set up time and place to carry on more involved conversation.
* INSURANCE: (get info you can use to reach her in case you get interrupted: name and workplace, times she comes or goes at place/event, some pattern of behavior you can use to predict running into her next.) Make her name topic of convo. Ask about origin or compliment it.
* QUALIFY: Don't interrogate, but roll convo along lines that will reveal characteristics that you can compare with personal criteria. Look at clothes, makeup, behavior, mannerisms, listen to phrasings and choices of topic. Look for signs of emotional problems. Don't stretch to make a fit. Quickly skip the unqualified, and go onto the next. This can save you a lot of time in the long run.
* EXTEND: Get her to where you can continue further, especially if you are in a setting that won't allow that. Suggest a walk, to see things or get some air. Ask to go for some food or drink together.
5) CLOSE: Gain the commitment for further involvement (number, date, tryst, etc.)
* ASK FOR NUMBER in ways that indicate you'll really call. ("Can I call you after ___" "Can I call you when ____" "Can I call you at ____") Call when you say you will. Your rep for good follow thru will get around. If she insists on getting your number instead, let her know when she can reach you, within a day or two.
* ASK FOR DATE "SOMETIME:" once she agrees, ask for her number, offer to confirm or discuss plans further.
* ASK FOR SPECIFIC DATE: Time, place, and activity. Offer alternatives.
* ASK FOR IMMEDIATE DATE: Right then and there, or later that day. If rapport is exceptional and quick, don't delay. Women like spontenaity.
* If a date is made, always get a number, to confirm.
-- How to avoid a NO:
1) WILL SHE FEEL SAFE? Initially women prefer daytime, in busy public places. Let her choose between being picked up or meeting her there. Best idea is lunch at popular spot. Gain her trust. Reassure her safety in indirect ways. Lead her to conclude you can be relied on, will care for her, will protect her, and will be kind to her.
2) WILL SHE FEEL COMFORTABLE? Keep It Simple, Stupid! Something that lets her relax and be informal. Consider weather, noise, space, exertion. Simple pleasures.
Offer her a choice between simple and informal, or elaborate and formal.
3) WILL SHE BE INTERESTED? Tailor activity to her interests, based on info you qualified with. Don't make it too long and drag it out. Just enough to keep her attention. Spend time reading dating books for ideas on things to do. Ask friends what their most favorite date activities have been. Even better, ask her for hers.
-- Turn a NO into a YES:
1) MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS: Refuse to take rejection personal. Reassure yourself there are too many other eligible women out there to waste time over any specific one.
2) EXAMINE THE MESSAGE: Was the rejection one of two types:
* TENTATIVE ("no, but keep trying, I might still say yes") She may have concerns, or you may not have gained enough of her trust.
OR:
* FIRM ("absolutely not.") If cold, direct, and firm, thank her anyway and immediately move on to next candidate. Don't waste any more time or emotion on her.
3) UNDERSTAND HER MOTIVATION: Continue convo and indirect probing to find and resolve concerns. "Oh really? How come?"
4) OFFER ALTERNATIVES: Revise to fit her concerns. Offer to include her loved ones.
-- WHERE TO FIND WOMEN:
1) Is the place singles, nonsingles, or both?
*singles -- more prospects without attachments, but higher resistance.
*nonsingles -- less prospects but lower resistance.
2) Is the ratio favorable? If unskilled or lacking in confidence, good ratio can help.
3) Will compatible people be there? Choose places along lines of interest.
4) CHECKLIST: adult ed classes, exercise classes, amusement parks, apartment rec areas, pools, museums, dance classes and clubs, bike paths, bike clubs, book groups, reading areas, co-ed sport leagues, camping or hiking groups, charities, parks, civic orgs, cruises, pet owner clubs, environmental groups, festivals, food courts (read a book there while sipping drink), travel clubs, lectures, libraries, parent classes and orgs, political groups, professional societies, religious groups, resorts, self help groups, psychic fairs, support groups, theater groups, volunteer orgs, HBA sections in stores, post offices near office buildings before and after work, lunch counters near offices at midday, home-ec or childcare-ed buildings at colleges, student unions, sporting events, skating rinks, zoos, food places near campuses, places where they enjoy activities with their children if they have them.
-- WHAT TO DO THERE:
1) EXPLORE: on first few visits, explore and observe without intent to meet anyone.
* See who's there: Observe quality and quantity of candidates. Check at different times.
* Get comfortable with the place: Allow for three or more visits to take in the people, layout, and atmosphere.
* Formulate approaches: Pre-plan ways of approach using naturally occuring contexts indicated by the nature of the scene/event.
2) EXPERIMENT: Try out, modify, and improve approaches thru trial and error. Try new things, brainstorm. Keep and improve what seems to be effective.
3) EXECUTE: When you hit paydirt, dig through the mountain. Use what works, and use it often.
-- FIVE HABITS OF WINNING WITH WOMEN:
1) Always actively look for meeting opportunities. Pull your head out, pay attention. Get off your duff, get out of your comfort zone, get out and meet people. In a retail store, merchandise doesn't get sold sitting in the back room.
2) Always look for ways to use the 5 steps. Pre-plan ways to use the 5 steps tailored to the scene.
3) Always look for different places to go. Don't limit yourself. Change routines, explore new avenues.
4) Speak to strangers. Practice striking up convos with everyone, and chatting up women will become natural.
-- SPEND ONCE, MEET WOMEN FOREVER: Take the time to learn how to dance! Take classes, practice constantly, become skilled and proficient. Avoid styles involving dancing in lines or with extra loud music. Start with private lessons, progress to group classes when skill is gained.
-- SIX MUST DO'S:
1) Approach as soon as possible. Don't waste time getting your nerve up.
2) Ask for a date at first realistic opportunity. If indications are positive, get to the point, don't beat around the bush.
3) Get her number. A date isn't worth anything if it can't be confirmed. If she's undecided, you can't sway her if you can't call her. (duh!) If you have her number, you have the choice to call. If you don't have her number, you have no choice. You can't call at all.
4) Ignore the odds. Ask for the moon and you just might get it. There is no law against asking for a date, no matter who the woman is, and there is no woman so beautiful or so special she can't deal with being asked. If any woman actually thinks so, nuts to her. "NEXT!"
5) Let go of assumptions. Give chance the benefit of the doubt, your personality just might persuade her regardless of how unapproachable she might look.
6) Examine results and learn. Don't overanalyze, but make quick assessment of performance in light of how to be better, rather that what went wrong. Set learning goals.
-- SUPER COSMIC SECRET OF SUCCESS WITH WOMEN, WORTH MILLION$:
It's "Lance's 100 Rule." Lance realized his chances of meeting a good woman on any particular outing were about 1 in 100. Since he didn't like being without a woman in his life, he decided to make the maximum effort, going on 100 outings in about a month. Lance says he seldom goes for a month without a woman in his life. This plan won't leave time to sit glued to the tube or hang with the buds.
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