Section 1: Dogma
 
Postulat 1: Infinity*N=Infinity

Postulat 2: If there is a god, then it's God the Utterly Indifferent (Paraphr. Kurt Vonnegut, Sirens of Titan)

Postulat 3: Summa uglov treugol'nika NE ravna 180 gradusam (Lobachevskiy)

Postulat 4: Who needs a cause?

Postulat 5: Fuck Reality!

Postulat 6: Kazhdyi mozhet byt' Bogom, no ne kazhdyi mozhet igrat' levogo poluzaschitnika.

Postulat 7: There is no spoon.

Postulat 8: Murphy was a prophet.

Iz etogo vsego sleduet: Bog odin. On vsemogusch, itd, po poryadku. Odnako, mozhet suchesctvovat', i suschestvuet beskonechnoe mnozhestvo Bogov, tak zhe edinstvennyh i vsemoguschih. Kazhdyi yavlyaetsya sozdatelem vsego, v tom chisle drugih bogov. Odnako, Bog odin.
Bog - sozdatel'. Dal'she rabotayut zakony fiziki. Varianta dva - u boga est' Plan, ili zhe on Sozdal i s teh por otdyhaet. V pervom sluchae molitvy bespolezny, t.k. ne budet On radi kakogo-to smertnogo chma menyat' Plan. Vo vtorom sluchae, molitvy mogut byt' opasny dlya zdorov'ya, t.k. Bog na otdyhe mozhet i pizdyuley naveshat' tem kto ego otvlekaet. Esli by u Boga byl Plan, to on by ego kuril, i ne stal by vypendrivat'sya. Sledovatel'no plana u nego net. Znachit, pohuizm - zalog zdorov'ya. Vsya teologiya/mifologiya - govno.

Section 2: FAQ

Q: Pochemu ya - Bog?
A: Potomu chto ya tak skazal!

Q: Otkuda ya znayu chto ya prav?
A: Bog vsegda prav!

Q: Kto esche Bog?
A: Vse krome ne-Bogov.

Q: Suschestvuet li rai/ad/dusha/ee preselenie?
A: Nado budet - sdelaem.

Q:Horosho, ne nado, otpolzaem.

Q: Suschestvuet li Satana?
A: Sprosi ego.

Q: Tak znachit est'?
A: Net.

Q: Kak togda sprashivat'?
A: Menya zhe sprashivaesh'?

Q: No ya - eto zhe ty?
A: Togda huli ne daesh' pokoya?!?*

Q: Milostiv li Bog?
A: Da, absolyutno (Krome teh sluchaev kogda net)

Q: Togda pochemu on ne szhalitsya nad vsyakimi tam alchushimi i zhazhdushimi?
A: Bog edin i Bog est' vse i vsya sushee (smotri postulaty i Dogmu). Takim obrazom, lyuboye deystviye napravlennoye na Boga, v tom chisle i nim/eyu samim, est' deystviye napravlennoye na vse sushee (zakon deystviya i protivodeystviya v dannom sluchaye ne primenyayetsya). Sledovatel'no, Bogu dostatochno byt' milostivym k sebe, ne tratya lishnih nervov (dazhe esli u nego/eyo ih beskonechno mnogo), i takim obrazom rasprostranyat' svoe miloserdiye na ves' svet (t'mu, polumrak). To, chto konechniy rezul'tat ne udovletvoryaet publiku, est' izderzhki proizvodstva, cardinal difference in point of view (eres', po-nachemu) i chelovecheskoye nedoumiye. Itogo: esli zhelayeh' miloserdiya bez izderzhek proizvodstva, stanovis' Bogom sam, blago teoriya pozvolyayet (smotri Section 1).

Q: Kak stat' Bogom?
A: Seminar v Room 101.
 
Prilozhenie

Odin Den' iz Zhizni Boga (variant ukorochenniy)

12 p.m. Pod'em, utrenniye privetstviye obitatelyam raya.
12:30 p.m. Obil'niy zavtrak.
13:30 p.m. Teoreticheskiye zanyatiya, svyaz' s kollegami, FAQs.
14 p.m. Kofe, teosofskaya beseda, sluhi, news of the world. Nyting session. Dalee--kak veter dunet. A veter dunet tuda, kuda BOG prikazhet, ezheli u Boga est' Plan (togda veter budet eshe i s zapahom). Ezheli Plana net, to i sprashivat' nechego, tem bolee chto FAQ time uzhe  zakonchen.
Final dnya=constant (with minor, therefore negligible, variations). Pivo v Murphy's, bozhestvenniye plyaski i strasti po Underground-u.
Spasibo za vizit v God Online Domain. Prihodite eshe.

Section 3: Otkroveniya i poslaniya Bozh'i (na)

O Milosti Bozhiey

Skazano bylo v Pisanii chto Bog milostiv. A takzhe chto net. I voprosili smertnye - "A huli tak?" Otvechayu zhe im, neschastnym, chtob bol'she ne trevozhili Menya vo vremya nehilogo otryva. Esli ty chelovek razumnyi, i varit tvoy kotelok, i net u tebya gnilyh bazarov, i mudrost' tvoya ne imeet ravnyh ot Moskvy do Nizhnego Tagila, to ne nado tebe nichego i voobsche ty navernoe Bog. Esli ty Bog, smotri vyshe i raduysya, a esli net, to oblomna tvoya zhizn' i ne budet tebe utesheniya i pokoya, da i milosti vse ravno ne budet, ibo ne zasluzhivaesh'. Koroche, komu ona polagaetsya, tomu ona ne nuzhna.

O Grehah

Greshno otkuporit' butylku piva i ne dopit', esli vkusom ono ne mocha nebogougodnaya. Vo vseh drugih smyslah ponyatie "greh" est' fignya lishennaya smysla, i Menya kak, suschestvo po opredelniyu sovershennoe, ne interesuet.