1. My friend's got a girlfriend/boyfriend...

Live with it. If you fail, try again. If you absolutely positively can't, find another friend currently not "involved," and bitch privately. In discussions with the "involved" friend, be sure to mispronounce the girlfriend's/boyfriend's name. When they finally break up, never mention it all again.


2. How do I deal with language barriers?

Face it, Russian-speakers will never stop speaking Russian. Moldovans will, but you're not going to like it. Well, get yourself a translator (read: girlfriend/boyfriend). When you finally learn the language, you may just as well dump the translator.


3. Choosing a major at AUBG

If you think we will discuss this question here, leave the page immediately. Although, the family members unanimously agree on one thing: COS sucks. Also, none of the family members is an English major, but we would all like to be.


4. My friend is an Economics major

Weep and prepare for the worst. That is, to live with theories, graphs and the omnipresent Erdinc.


5. My friend is a photographer

Relax and try to enjoy it. When he/she eventually tries to take a picture of you, don't make any effort to look good on the photo. You won't anyway. Also, avoid such words as "framing" and "light" in casual conversation.


6. My friend is a journalism major

Develop a fierce hatred for journalism as a concept. Never fail to remind your friend of this hatred of yours. This will catch your friend's attention every time, and turn and otherwise boring discussion about the inverted pyramid into loads of fun for the entire family.


7. My friend is an Underground lover

You are doomed. From now on, Свиняки will become an indispensable part of your life, and 5 a.m. -  a perfect time to go to bed.


8. Your friend is 5, 6, and 7

Your friend is Gohi. Sigh with relief - she graduated. On the other hand, you sure will miss a lot.


9. My friend is a History major

Run! Before he/she will get to his/her favorite American president, or the Ottoman land reform on newly conquered territories. If all the words your friend utters sound suspiciously like "махмурлук" - it's not hangover, it's an overdose of AAnscombe. If your friend dives into lengthy contemplation of how History is better than any other science, or even worse, pseudo-science, take a deep breath - there's nothing else you can do. Of course, you can also agree immediately and quickly change the subject.


10. My friend is into Ben's simulations

Congratulations! You've got yourself an alternative view of the world. Yes, the USA can invade Pakistan. Yes, Afghanistan can conquer half of Central Asia. And yes, Russian troops are there since the last simulation. If you receive an e-mail from your friend signed "Viktor Chernomyrdin" or "Javier Solana," it's not MPD, don't call the ambulance. Yet.


11. My friend is a MUD player

There's nothing you can do about it. Don't even try. On the other hand, you can call him "мудак" with no consequences.


12. I'm homesick

a) You're a freshman and will get over it.

b) You're a Moldovan. You're not homesick, you just miss the drinks


13. My friend is depressed

Ignore him. You'll be amazed at how fast it passes. If it's a she, take her to Vienska.


14. I am depressed

Get really wasted. Wait till the hangover comes. NOW you're depressed. Contact the psychology-friendly club, seeing someone more pathetic than you will cheer you up.


15. My friend is 9, 12, and 13

Your friend is Victor. First rule to proper behavior: do not date girls he has chosen for an eternal soulmate. It pisses him off, and you risk . If you are already dating one, you can't be helped. Kill yourself and get it over with. If you are one, you need endurance and taste for good beer. But you probably would not qualify for the position if you did not have them, anyhow.


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