"How was your game, Fran?" asked Jeanne. Fran just shrugged and sat down. "Did you win?" Fran nodded. "Why aren�t you talking?"
"No reason." Fran looked around the office, and settled again on Jeanne�s desk. That picture of that boy, her son�was his name Timothy? It didn�t matter, he was a spitting image of Kyle. It almost frightened Fran. She figured it was the hair, the same hair that Fran had adored on Kyle. Or maybe it was the eyes, the bright eyes that lit up the room.
"Does he remind you of someone?" Jeanne interrupted. Fran looked over, and didn�t say anything. "It�s just that you�ve been staring at him for quite some time now, and you questioned about him the last time you were here." Fran bit her lip and refused to answer. "I know what you think of me, Fran. I know I�m just a stranger to you and you don�t want to break open old wounds, but I�m just here to help you. Obviously many people care about you, otherwise you wouldn�t be here."
"He reminds me of Kyle. The one who died in the accident. It�s something about the hair, or the eyes, I�m not sure. But then again I could just be wanting to see Kyle so much, that I see it through your son." Jeanne nodded. Fran noticed how tense she had become because of the mention of her son. "You know, from what you�re telling me, it�s not good to keep things bundled up inside."
"I�ll let out when you do." Fran gave her a look. She only returned it. "Tell me about Kyle." Fran sighed and sat back.
"He was your typical guy," Fran started. She paused to take a shaky breath. "He was as competitive as I am, probably even worse. He was a sore loser too. I saw that side often because he insisted on playing a one-on-one with me before every game. I always won. And I continued to tell myself that one of these days I was going to let him win, but that never happened. He died before I could. He didn�t want to show it, but he was sweet. I loved him a lot." Fran paused and looked out the window, tears threatening.
"Was he your age?" Jeanne asked, and glanced at her recorder.
"No, two years older. I had a feeling that if I wasn�t going out with Taylor, I�d most likely be dating him. But I shouldn�t be thinking about that, it�s not healthy. I miss him a lot, more than I thought I ever would. It�s just that I didn�t know anything was going to happen." Fran took in another shaky breath and blinked a few times, keeping her tears in her eyes.
"Fran," Jeanne said. Fran closed her eyes and put her face in her hand. "It�s alright to cry." Fran just shook her head. "It�s alright. I don�t mind. No one minds. You�re a teenage girl, you should cry every week."
"When my father died, " Fran said, and looked up, "I told myself that I wouldn�t let anything affect me. I told myself that I wouldn�t cry in front of anybody. My mother also said that it was weak to have others see you cry." Jeanne only shook her head. "And I can�t live up to that! For some damn reason I can�t even live up to myself."
"Who have you cried in front of?"
"Taylor, a few times. Tyler and his father, Coach Curtis. Once, in front of my team when Kyle died. And I beat myself up over it. It was never anything big, just a few tears. I never bawled, I haven�t bawled in years." Jeanne let out a breath. That was horrible. "I have this thing about me, this tough feeling that I have to live up to. To cry is to show weakness and I can�t do that. People see right through weakness and take advantage of it. I can�t have that happen, not with the life I�m leading."
"What kind of life is that?"
"Not caring. Not caring what people think of me, not caring who comes and who goes. Just being there and taking on what�s there. But the truth is, I care. I care a lot. I care about my father, about Kyle, about my hockey. It hurts." Jeanne looked up at Fran.
"It�s supposed to."
"Why?"
"To make you stronger. You can�t be strong without failing. No one�s perfect, we all know that. No one can live their life without problems, without stress, otherwise life would just be boring. It�s just that you�re life is harder than others. It makes you a stronger person, in the long run."
Fran remained silent. As much as she wanted to be the stronger person, the better person in the long run, right now sucked. "As much as you don�t like it, you�re gonna be fine. Everything will come together, you know." Fran looked away. "It will come together. Life�s hard, and it�s going to get harder. Wait. In time, you�re gonna have an easy life. Everything�s going to be so much easier for you because you�re so strong now. When other people are having crises, you�ll just sit back and relax because it�s all over."
"I don�t think it�s going to be that easy."
"Not now, at least. It doesn�t seem that easy now, but in time everything will just fan out and you�ll have so many paths open to you." Fran sighed. "I went to your game last week. I used to live in New York, I was a big Islanders fan�" Fran snorted.
"The Islanders suck."
"You shut up. They were great back then. I know how the big leagues play, and what they want. You got it, Fran. It�s only your comeback game too, after being off for as long as you told me. If you can get better I wouldn�t be able to believe it." Fran smiled at the compliment. "You�re the best out there, that�s why you�ve got your name on your back."
"And I�m a favorite."
"And you�re a favorite." Fran laughed. "I see how the others react around you. I know how your teammates watch you in awe as you score goal after goal and not even by yourself. I want you to know that you�ll get it big, someday." Fran shrugged. "You will, and if you keep working as hard as you do, I want to be there watching you."
"Well thanks," Fran said.
"Hey, I do what I can." Fran smiled. "Now that we�ve bonded, what can you tell me about your�"
"Time!" Fran interrupted, looking at the clock. Jeanne laughed as Fran scrambled out of the office. She was just happy that she made all her patients pay in advance. Fran opened the door and looked back in. "See you next week, Jeanne. Maybe I�ll tell you about my father."
"You better, cause otherwise your money�s just going to waste." Fran smiled and darted out of the office. She grabbed her skates that she wasn�t allowed to wear in the office and stuck them over her socked feet. It was funny how no one paid attention to her feet. Both times she had been over there she hadn�t worn shoes because she skated over.
Fran skated down the hall of the fancy office building and darted into an elevator before any security officer could catch her. When the elevator reached the bottom, Fran skated out of the building and into downtown Tulsa, a security officer yelling at her as she did so. "Damn kids! You have no appreciation for office code."
Fran looked back. "Well you have no appreciation for free-spirited kids!" She quickly skated off, her long hair flowing behind her in the wind. She skated down the grid of streets before making her way to the suburbs and back to Tyler�s home. She jumped the curb and dodged the runners as Tyler�s driveway approached.
Tyler was in the driveway with Matt, practicing for the upcoming game. Fran, seeing that they weren�t paying attention to her, skated as fast as she could and ran into Matt, sending him flying into the grass. She began to crack up as he sat up and brushed himself off. "You know Fran, if I didn�t fear you, you�d be dead by now."
"Yeah, that�s why I�m still alive." Fran sat down in the grass next to Matt and faced Tyler. "You two really suck, you realize that. If I was playing, then I�d be whooping your ass so bad it�s not even funny." Despite that, Fran had a large grin on her face.
"Well why don�t you? You against me and Matt." Tyler grabbed her stick from the garage and tossed it to her. Fran looked down at her stick, then to the two guys, ready for her challenge.
"You know what? I don�t really feel like it right now. Maybe later." Fran got up and skated to the garage, putting her stick back in it�s corner before entering the house. Tyler glanced at Matt. That was completely not expected.
"I should go anyway, it�s almost dinner time and my mom would kill me if I�m late again," Matt said. Tyler nodded. He put the net and the sticks back in the garage before entering the house. He took off his skates and looked around the house for Fran. He found her in her room, looking out the window from the windowsill.
"What�s up, Fran? You always want to play with us. It�s not like you to turn down an opportunity to kick my ass." Fran looked over and blinked a few times. She looked almost at the brink of tears. Tyler was immediately concerned. He knelt by the windowsill, looking up at her. "What�s wrong?"
"I told Jeanne about Kyle today. You know, what he was like and stuff. It just got to me; how much I miss him. And it�s hard on me to keep it inside, to not tell you that I miss him and how much it hurts me that he�s gone." Tyler sat next to her, and stuck an arm around her. She pushed him away. "See, it�s the sympathy. It�s the sympathy I can�t handle. There�s nothing you can do and there�s nothing I can do."
"Fran, my sympathy is something that�s not going to go away or anything. I�m here, I�ve always been here. I know how you feel because I live it too. If you need to let anything out, I�m here. Taylor�s not here, so I�m his fill-in. I know how much you trust him and how easily you�d just crawl into his arms and cry, but you won�t with me. What�s there with him that�s not there with me?"
"I love Taylor in a completely different way than I love you." Tyler looked hurt. "But I don�t love you any less." He looked away. She bit her lip before crawling into his arms. She put her head against her best friend�s shoulder, her eyes glazed over. "I miss Taylor too."
"I know." She stayed in his arms, like the person she always knew she had to be. She felt the tears welling up, but this time she knew what she had to do about them. She held onto her best friend.
And she cried.