"Ginger�Ginger baby, time to wake up," Zac said, a small smile on his face as he shook his wife awake. It was his birthday and he was hoping she'd have a good day. During all of his past birthdays that he'd spent with her, she'd been sick in one way or another. Sometimes it was just simple stuff, like last year when she was pregnant with Christopher he made her so sick she was throwing up nearly all day, plus she was having a major mood swing so he couldn't even help her out.
Ginger, still asleep in the bed as the time reached eight-thirty, was so still Zac began to noticeably panic. "Ginger?" he asked again, shaking her shoulder a little harder this time. She still didn't respond and she had yet to move. "Ginger!"
"Leave me alone," Ginger muttered, turning onto her stomach and putting his pillow over her head. Zac let out a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the bed next to her.
"Ginger, baby, you need to wake up," he said, rubbing her back with his right hand. "It's eight-thirty."
"I don't feel well today, Zac," she said from under the pillow. "Let me sleep a little longer." He had a feeling she was going to have a bad day. They were getting more frequent and the problems that went along with them were getting worse. He was losing her fast and neither of them wanted to admit it. He knew once eight o'clock hit and she wasn't awake that she was definitely having another bad day.
"All right," he said. He stood up.
"Whoa, whoa," she said, pulling the pillow off her head and looking up at him. "Where are you going? That felt good."
"I hate to disappoint you," he said, giving her a smile, "but I just came up here to wake you up. Our children are running uncontrollably downstairs and I have to keep an eye on them before one of them gets hurt."
"What about me?" she asked, looking up at him and giving him the puppy-dog eyes that she knew could win him over. "Who's going to keep an eye on me?"
"How about this?" he asked, sitting back down next to her. "You get up, get dressed, and come downstairs and I'll rub your back there. Christopher's been getting into everything now that he's a crawling machine." Ginger sighed. "Can you do all of that? Want me to help you out?"
"No, I'm okay. It might take a bit, though," she said, pulling herself slowly into a sitting position. "I'll be down in a minute."
"All right," he said, eyeing her a moment. "I love you." He kissed her and stood up, then walked out of the room and downstairs to the living room where his children were. Christopher was trying to reach for one of Jenny's crayons on the table (most likely so he could gnaw on it) and Jenny was finishing coloring a picture she'd gotten as homework the previous night. The only reason Zac didn't make sure she finished her homework was because Ginger had a terrible day and he was so busy taking care of his wife, he hardly had time for his children. That was beginning to become a problem, but Kris was coming over more often now to help.
"Jenny, how are you doing with that?" Zac asked, glancing at Jenny's picture.
"I'm almost done, Daddy," she said, giving her father a large grin. Her front tooth was loose and she was beginning to whistle a bit. Zac thought it was the most adorable thing in the world but Jenny often complained about it.
"All right. As soon as you finish that, come in the kitchen and eat breakfast. The bus will be here in twenty minutes." Jenny nodded and Zac picked up Christopher, knowing he was only going to cause mischief, and went into the kitchen. He had an unmade bowl of cereal out for Jenny and had already taken out some baby food for Christopher. "Are you hungry, dude?" Zac asked Christopher. The child didn't say anything as he leaned forward in Zac's arms for the food. "I guess so." Zac sat Christopher down in his high chair and began to feed him. About five minutes later Jenny came running in and sat down at the table. Zac poured the milk in her cereal and she began to eat carefully on one side of her mouth, avoiding her loose tooth.
When Jenny was finished with breakfast, Zac put on her shoes and sent her off to the bus stop on the corner of the street. As he watched his daughter go, Zac finally realized that it'd been a good fifteen minutes since he woke Ginger up. "Ginger?" he asked, looking up the stairs. "Ginger, baby, where are you?"
"I'm okay!" Ginger yelled from upstairs.
"Are you sure?" Zac asked.
"Yes! I'm getting dressed!" Zac looked outside and Jenny was talking excitedly with her friends at the street corner as they waited for the bus to get there. Zac saw it pull up and Jenny get on when Ginger came slowly down the stairs. He felt her before he saw her; she came up from behind and put her arms around him. He looked down at her. She didn't look good.
"Hey, you," he said. He kissed her forehead. "How are you doing?"
"Terrible," she muttered. She put her head against his chest. "How is Jenny?" She hadn't seen her daughter in a day and a half and Zac knew how much that hurt her.
"She's just fine," Zac said. He turned Ginger towards the living room and began to carefully walk her over there. "She did most of her homework last night but she had to finish it this morning. Her tooth is going to fall out any day now."
"Oh, that's good. She's been complaining about it for a while now," Ginger said. They reached the living room and Zac set Ginger down. Zac put his arm around his wife. "I'm having problems moving my fingers."
"Which ones?" he asked, taking her hand.
"These two," she said. She pointed to her left index and middle finger. "They're going fast. Last night they were just fine and now I can barely move them." She tried to grip his hand and he felt only a weak stretch as she concentrated on moving her fingers. "The rest of them haven't really done anything yet, but I'm sure they will. Dr. Phelps said this was going to happen." Zac looked away. "Zac? Zac, are you okay?"
"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'm fine." She knew he wasn't. She put her head against his chest.
"I'm still here now, baby," she whispered. "I'm still here."
"I know," he said. She put her head against his chest and sighed. She didn't know she was the one who was going to end up consoling all her friends. Her husband was supposed to support her and she was ending up supporting him. She could hear his heart beating and it set her at ease. Closing her eyes, she listened to his strong, steady heartbeat and felt his chest rise and fall lightly with his soft breath. He was stroking her hair and it was calming her tremendously. She wanted this moment, this quiet moment at home with her husband, listening to his heartbeat, to last forever. She knew it was in vain. Soon, sooner than the both of them expected, she was going to die. The heartbeat in her chest was fading away and she could feel it as each day went on. The tumor in her brain was sucking the life out of her body and her heart was working so hard to keep up, it was beating weaker and weaker with every passing moment. It was only a matter of time before it gave up.
Christopher started to cry and Ginger opened her eyes. She was comfortable where she was but Zac got up, causing her to sit up on her own, and went after Christopher. She laid herself down on the couch and reached for the blanket she always had when she was sick and watched as Zac picked up his son and took him out of the room.
By dinnertime Ginger hadn't moved very much and when Jenny came home she was actually asleep. When Ginger woke up Kristina had already taken Jenny and Christopher out to celebrate; Jenny's tooth had come out during lunch at school. They weren't back yet and Ginger found that she couldn't move any of the fingers on her left hand. Soon it was going to spread to her arm and probably before it got any further than that she was going to die.
"Zac!" she called out. He was in the room in an instant.
"Yes, dear?" he asked, a smile on his face. He tried to smile whenever she was around now but he found it was getting harder and harder to do when she looked so miserable.
"I'm up," she said, struggling to lift herself up with her right arm.
"Yes, dear, I can see that," he said.
"Just wanted to let you know," she told him, looking up at him with her empty violet eyes. When he'd first met her there was such a fire in those eyes, such a passion that he knew he wanted to be a part of. So many things drew him to her that first night years ago, and most of it had to do with how beautiful she looked from across the room, but when he first saw her he thought he was just going to have a nice fling while he was in town. When she turned around and looked up at him for the first time with those bright eyes he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life�the rest of her life�with her. Now he only had a few more glances left with her and that hurt like he couldn't even explain. Her death was going to be one thing, but being with her and knowing he only a had a little bit of time with her left hurt more than he ever thought it would.
"I love you, baby," she told him.
"I love you too, Ginger," he whispered, his eyes filling with tears. As soon as she saw this she began to cry herself and he put his arms around her.
"I don't want to go, Zac!" she said into his arms. "I don't want to leave you! I don't want to leave my children, my friends�I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know what's going to happen and that scares me. I'm so scared, Zac."
"I know," he whispered, trying to think of a way to console her but he couldn't come up with anything. He was scared too. She was going to die and he was going to be alone. He'd been alone before and he didn't like it. How was he going to raise his children without a mother? How was he going to continue living without the person he knew was created as his other half? He didn't want to think about it, but it was there, it was happening, and as long as he lived in the shadow of the wall he'd never be able to get over it.
"I don't want to leave you, Zac," she whispered.
"I don't want you to leave either," he told her. "But there's nothing we can do about it. We can sit here and be afraid or we can look death in the face and stare it down." She looked up at him. "We're sitting here in the dark and it's a beautiful day outside. I say we go down to the beach."
"Zac�"
"Come on!" he said, getting up. "It'll be fun. We haven't been down there in forever and it's, like, five feet away!" She still looked skeptical but she nodded. He pulled her up and the two of them left the house and went out to the beach. Zac laid out Ginger's blanket on the cool sand and the two of them sat down. Now that the sun was setting it was a perfect scene to witness.
It was a cool day. Now that it was late October, the weather was getting out of the heat that the summer brought and was getting ready for a typical California winter. Sweaters were optional and the sun was always shining. Ginger always said she loved the California weather, despite how hot it could get at times, and lived for a cool Christmas where she could go outside in a bathing suit and lie on the beach, trying to get a tan. She didn't go out that much anymore and he began to wonder if she'd lost her lust for life. It was an easy thing to do in her kind of situation.
"I'm going to miss this," she suddenly said. "I know we didn't come out here that much, but this is the most beautiful thing in the world. This is why people are created, to see things like this. Sometimes I wish I could have gone places like you and seen the things you've seen, but upon wishing that I could travel the world and see all the miracles in life, all the great landmarks and monuments�I forgot how many miracles there are right here in my backyard." He didn't say anything. He only nodded and tightened his grip around his frail wife. "I'm going to miss you, and the kids, and Taylor and Kris�I don't know where I'm going and I don't know if I'll get to see you guys again." She sighed. "What are you going to miss, honey?"
What was there to say? "Everything," he breathed. "The way your hair glows in the sunlight, how passionate your eyes are, the sound of your voice and how you smell, the way you taste when I kiss you�I'm going to miss waking up in the morning with you in my arms. I'll miss your wit and your perception of the things around you�." He trailed off. This was getting to be too much for him.
"What about my tattoos?" she asked, looking back up at him with a smile on her face.
"Believe it or not, I'll miss those too," he said. She let out a small laugh, her smile showing off her teeth a moment before he leaned in and kissed her, the memory of kissing her the morning after they met hitting him. She tasted like a minty fresh orange and that taste never left him through the years. His hands covered hers and he realized how limp her left hand was.
"I can't move my fingers," she told him, knowing exactly why he had suddenly hesitated.
"None of them?"
"None," she said. They looked back out at the setting sun over the ocean. "Can I ruin your birthday again?" It seemed like such a rude statement but coming from Ginger, it was expected that she was going to ruin it.
"Go ahead, baby."
"I slept with Taylor," she told him. He didn't know what to say. It was the last thing he'd expected to come from her lips and it definitely ruined his birthday. "I never wanted to tell you but if I don't say anything before I die I know eventually someone else will and I wanted you to hear it from me."
"So you lied�?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "No, I didn't lie to you. It happened the first time I was in Tulsa. Before you suspected anything." She looked away. "I was young and I was stupid and he was so persuasive�it only happened the one time and I never let it happen again. I'm sorry, Zac�"
"It's okay, Ginger," he said, pulling her tightly up against his chest. "It's okay. It's in the past. Don't worry about it."
"Are you mad?"
"Yes," he admitted. "Yes, I am, but at this point it really doesn't matter anymore. You and I are married, Taylor and Kris are married, and you don't care about him." She shook her head.
"You're right."
"I slept with Kris."
"What?!"
"No, I didn't," he said, smiling at her shocked face. "But it was funny to see your reaction." She hit him with her right fist.
"You bastard!"
"I'm sorry! I had to lighten the mood somehow!" She gave him a look but kissed him. "I'm glad you told me, though," he told her. "It was better coming from you. If Taylor would have told me I would have hit him."
"You're still going to hit him."
"True�" She gave Zac a smile.
"Do me a favor, Zac," Ginger said. He nodded. "Get remarried."
"I�I don't think I can do that, Ginger," he said. She shook her head. "No, Ginger, I can't, I�"
"Do it, Zac," she said. "I love you and I will always love you but you're still young. You just turned twenty-four today. You have your whole life ahead of you. Jenny and Christopher need a mother and I'm going to be gone. You don't have to do it right away, you don't even have to do it soon, but I want you to do it. I don't want you alone for the rest of your life."
"Ginger�"
"Promise me," she said, looking straight into his eyes. "Promise you'll do this for me." He sighed again.
"All right."
It was his first and last lie to his wife.