Zac came home from work on Monday to a dark house. The storm brewing outside made six o'clock seem like midnight. Immediately he flipped on the hall light to see where he as going and walked into the black living room where his wife sat, rocking back and forth. Confused, he kept his distance in case she needed it. She had gone to the doctor earlier that day and he'd called to see what had happened when she was supposed to be home, but nobody answered. He'd called the cell phone but that was off. Ginger hadn't been in the best mood since Friday night at Kristina's house, but Zac expected that. This, however, was not expected.
"Ginger, honey, is everything okay?" Ginger shook her head. "Where are the kids?"
"Kris."
"What did the doctor say?" She put her hands over her face.
"I'm dying," she whispered.
He didn't know what to say. His numbness overcame him and he stared at her, rocking back and forth and crying into her hands. She needed him then and he knew it, but he couldn't move. She was quiet at first, but when he was still in the hallway and not next to her, she began to sob and he moved. He sat next to her on the couch and put his arms around her. Resting his chin on her head, his numbness melted into his fear and he was shaking just as bad as she was. They sat, rocking back and forth, crying together.
"Baby�it's okay."
"No! No it's not okay! I'm twenty-five, Zac, and I'm dying! Don't you understand what that means? I'm going to die, Zac. I'll never see you again. I'll never speak to you again. I'll never get to touch you again. Never." She held onto both of his hands tightly. "Never."
"You don't know that, Ginger. You don't know�"
"I know everything. He told me everything. They can't get to my tumor. Not this time. They can't do anything for me. It's already terminal. They're giving me six months. Six months until I'm gone. Six months is hardly enough time to finish my life." She wiped at her eyes. "You don't understand, Zac. There are so many things I want to do. I want to see Jenny and Chris grow up. I want to see Chris walking and talking and I want to send him off to school. I want to see them graduate high school, get married, have their own kids�I want to grow old with you. I want time to be with you." She put her hands on the sides of his face and looked straight into his eyes. "I want to be with you. And I can't do that."
He didn't say anything. He didn't have anything to say. He'd never been good at comforting people, especially when they needed it, and she really needed it at that point. He didn't know what to tell her. He'd never been in this type of situation before and now it wasn't just affecting her, it was affecting him. This was his wife. He gave up everything for her�everything he could ever want or need he gave up so he could be with her.
He remembered meeting her for the first time. She was a punk kid, listened to heavy metal screamer music that only the stoners listened to, with her four tattoos, tongue ring, so much eyeliner and make-up it was easy to see what category she belonged to. She was over-zealous and confident and wouldn't ask for help if she was hanging by a pinky over a hundred-foot drop into an ocean full of hungry crocodiles and the boards were breaking loose. Now�now she was just his wife. Her tattoos were there, carefully hidden, her tongue ring wasn't as showy as it used to be, and she dressed like a mother instead of a punk teenager with authority problems. She wore mother clothes and talked to her children like there was nothing else in the world, took every moment like it was meant to be precious, and now the girl that wouldn't ask for help was crumbling into his arms and crying like he'd never heard before.
They were laying on the couch now, the tears were quieted but the fear was still there. She had her eyes closed on his chest, listening to his heartbeat through the thoughts that were breaking her mind. He held her as tightly as he could without making it uncomfortable, two grown-up kids in a grown-up world not prepared for what they were going to face.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I know you do, Ginger. I love you too."
They laid on the couch and didn't say anything. Zac still didn't know anything and he didn't want to know anything. He didn't know how long Ginger had been home and how long she had been dealing with this, he didn't know how long the kids had been at Kristina's house, he didn't know if Kris knew, he didn't know anything and he rather liked it that way.
When Ginger calmed down (as much as she could upon hearing that she was going to die), Zac left her there and took the short walk to Kris and Taylor's house. Ginger didn't want to say anything to them just yet and Zac understood. Ginger said she'd start dinner while Zac got the kids.
Zac walked into Kris and Taylor's house and Kris saw him immediately. "Hey, Zac," she said. "How's Rose doing? She wouldn't tell me about what the doctor said." Zac shook his head. "You're not going to tell me either?"
"No," he said. "No I'm not. Where are my children?"
"Watching wholesome television with Taylor," Kris said, pointing to the living room. Zac looked over and Taylor was watching MTV.
"Taylor, what garbage are you having my children watch?" Zac asked. Jenny looked up.
"Daddy!" She ran over to Zac and he smiled. He picked her up.
"Hey darlin', how was your first day of school?" he asked.
"It was great! I have twenty-two kids in my class," she said. "I counted."
"Twenty-two? Wow, that's a lot of new friends." She nodded. "Do you like school?" She nodded again. "That's good." Zac set her down and walked over to Taylor, who was holding Christopher in his lap. "Give me my son."
"Well," Taylor said, looking up at Zac. "Kris and I decided that we're keeping him." Zac raised an eyebrow.
"Really?"
"Yes. You can still visit him and all, but we're keeping him."
"Taylor, just give me my son."
"All right, it was worth a shot," Taylor said. Zac shook his head and took Christopher from Taylor.
"I swear, Taylor�" Zac said.
"Kris was the one who suggested it!" Zac turned to Kris who hid behind a cereal box.
"I'm leaving now," Zac said. "Maybe Ginger and I should find someone else to watch our kids."
"Oh come on, we're not that bad," Kris called after him as he opened the front door and walked out. "I'll call you later!" Zac rolled his eyes. Holding Christopher, Jenny ran out in front of him. "Jenny, stay by me." Jenny stopped and waited for him to catch up as they walked down the street towards home. Zac paused.
"Daddy?" Jenny asked. "Why're you stopping?"
He just realized what it would be like without Ginger around.
Now that there was nothing to do to hide the fact that she was dying, Ginger stopped covering up her symptoms. When she had a headache, she had a serious headache and had problems even moving. When she was dizzy, she laid down and waited for it to go away. When she was sick, she allowed Zac to take care of her, and when she thought about the end of her life Zac was there with a box of tissues so she could openly cry.
When it came time to tell Kris and Taylor, Ginger was a nervous wreck all day. Zac was at work, his last day actually, and when he came home Kris and Taylor were coming over and Ginger was going to tell them. It'd been a week since she went to the doctor and she knew she shouldn't have waited that long to say anything.
It was Zac's last day at work. He'd quit his job for the time being so he could be at home with Ginger these last few months of her life. Surprisingly enough, nobody seemed to stop him. He still had a job for afterwards, but he wasn't so sure if he wanted to take such a permanent, grueling job, if he was going to be a single father to two little kids.
When Zac got home he went into the living room where Ginger was sitting with Christopher. She looked as nervous as she felt and Zac didn't seem to have any objection to it. Ginger looked over when he walked into the room and tried to smile. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. "They said they'll take me back whenever I want to come back," he told her.
"That's good," she said. He kissed her forehead. "I don't want to tell them, Zac."
"We have to tell them, Ginger. They're our family and our closest friends. They have a right to know." She nodded. "But I understand what you mean." She closed her eyes and put her head against his chest, Christopher crawling onto the floor in front of them. Zac put his other arm around her and held her close to him.
"When are they coming?" she asked. He looked at his watch.
"About fifteen minutes."
"All right," she said. She sat up. "All right."
Fifteen minutes came too soon and Ginger had pulled her knees to her chest in the dark room when Kris and Taylor came in with a joyful "Hello!" Zac got up to greet them in the foyer. Ginger smiled at Christopher, who was looking up at her, and made a silly face so the little boy would smile. When he did, Ginger was happy. Zac came back in the room with Kris and Taylor who didn't seem as happy as they when they walked in the door. Zac sat next to Ginger and Kris and Taylor sat on the couch across from them.
"What's going on?" Kris asked first. Whatever Zac had said, it definitely set the mood.
"Well," Ginger said, taking Zac's hand. Kris did the same with Taylor. "I think it's about time to tell you what the doctor told me last Monday."
"Yes," Kris said. "I think it is." Out of anything, Kris had been mostly offended that she wasn't in the know. Ginger usually told her everything before she even halfway mentioned it to Zac. That was the way it'd been all of their lives and this was the first time it had happened differently. Ginger felt a bit bad because of it, but she didn't let it affect her. In this instance Zac had more of a right to know.
Ginger cleared her throat. "Well, I went to the doctor and I explained to him what was going on. I told him I thought I was sick again so he ran all the tests he did before, and then he gave me a CT scan. He told me, yes, my cancer is back." Kris tensed visibly across the room. "And he told me it's located in an inoperable place in my brain. They can't cut it out and they can't do any kind of treatments either. So it's just going to get bigger and bigger�he gave me six months."
"Six months�before what?" Kris asked. Her voice was very shallow and hard to hear. Ginger wiped a tear from her eye.
"Before I die." Kris let out what Ginger believed to be both a gasp and a cry and put her hands over her mouth. Ginger didn't say anything as she continued to cry. Taylor didn't say anything at all, but put an arm around his wife. She lowered her hands.
"They can't do anything?"
"No," Ginger said. "There's no way to operate without killing me, and it goes the same with any kind of treatment. Doing nothing just�prolongs my life."
"I cannot believe this," Kris said, putting her head in her hands. "I don't believe it." Ginger didn't say anything. At that moment Jenny came walking in the room.
"What's going on?" she asked. Ginger put her hands over her eyes. She did not want to tell her daughter. That was even worse.
"Do you want me to�?" Zac asked. Ginger shook her head.
"No, I'll do it. Jenny, come with me." Ginger got up and took Jenny into the next room. Ginger sat Jenny down on the couch and sat herself next to her daughter. "Jenny, do you remember about two years ago when Mommy got sick?" Jenny nodded.
"Are you sick again?" Jenny asked.
"Yes," Ginger said. "Yes I am. But this time I'm not going to get better. There's no medicine to help me get better." Jenny looked confused.
"What's going to happen?"
"I'm going to die, sweetie," Ginger said. Jenny didn't say anything. "I'm not going to be around any longer. Daddy will still be here, but I won't."
"I�I don't understand."
"You will, honey," Ginger said, giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead. "It's going to hurt, and it's going to be really hard for a really long time, but you're going to understand. You know I was only a little older than you when my Mommy died." Jenny began to cry and Ginger gathered her up in her arms, trying not to cry herself. "Jenny, I need you to be strong for me. This is going to be really hard on everyone for a very long time and I need you to stay strong. I need you to help Daddy with Christopher."
"Mommy, I don't want you to go," Jenny said, burying her head in Ginger's shirt. Ginger took in a deep breath as tears fell out of her eyes.
"I don't want to go either, Jenny."
"Then why are you going?"
"Jenny, baby, there are things in your life you can control and things you can't control. I can't control dying. You can't control that either. You can, however, control how you act when it happens. You can spend the rest of your life crying about it and blaming yourself, or you can see the good in it. This sickness is really painful and I've been hurting a really long time. When I die, it's not going to hurt any longer." Jenny continued to cry. "It'll be okay, honey. Right now you don't have to do anything. Right now you can cry all you want."
Zac walked in. Ginger looked over at him, tears falling out of her eyes and Jenny still crying into her chest. He stood there, biting his lip. He couldn't do much else but watch. Ginger turned back to her daughter and cried with her. Zac came over and sat down on the couch. Jenny looked over and let go of her mother and began to cry on her father.
"Daddy, Mommy's going away!" she said.
"I know, Jenny," Zac said, looking at Ginger who was now biting on her nail, her arms pulled tightly into her body as she watched as Zac held their daughter. "I know."