"Jenny, no! Jenny, get away from there!" Ginger yelled. She pulled her two-year-old daughter away from the stove.
"Mom!"
"Not while I'm cooking," Ginger said. Over the past five months Ginger had spent more time alone that she ever did in her life. Kris still came over all the time and Janey was over just as often, but she didn't have a boyfriend and that was a weird feeling. Jenny was speaking more now, little baby talk that didn't make a whole lot of sense, but every time Ginger heard that little voice she was filled with such pride she almost cried. "Go play." Ginger pushed Jenny over to her play area in the living room and Jenny started playing around with her blocks that Kris had left out the last time she was over.
Ginger pushed her hair from her face and drained Jenny's macaroni about five minutes later. She added cheese and poured her and her daughter two bowls. "Come and eat your dinner, Jenny." The two-year-old version of Ginger ran back over and began to eat her dinner. Ginger looked at her. Over the past year Jenny's eyes had turned into the most gorgeous violet color that Ginger had all of her life. Every day Jenny was looking more and more like Ginger and less and less like Zac, but every time Ginger saw her, she still thought of him. She turned to her food.
"Mommy?"
"Yes, Jenny?" By the time Ginger looked at Jenny she was covered in cheese. Ginger stifled a laugh; she hadn't looked away for more than a minute and already Jenny was completely covered in yellow sticky cheese.
"Where's Daddy?"
Ginger knew exactly what Jenny was talking about. It'd been coming out of her mouth since she learned how to say it. She was talking about David. It'd been quite a bit of time since Jenny had seen David, and Ginger was hoping she'd forget about him, but it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon.
"David," Ginger said, correcting her daughter. Jenny looked at her blankly. "Say it with me, Jenny. David."
"Dave?"
"Close enough," Ginger said. "He's not your daddy. His name is David. Listen to me, and I'm sure you're not going to understand all of this, but I have to say it anyway. Daddies aren't as important as your friends make them out to be. David was not your daddy. Your daddy is somewhere else and you've never met him before. You don't need to meet him. He's never tried to see you so you don't need to see him."
Jenny didn't say anything. Ginger was sure she had no idea what Ginger was talking about, but it needed to be said. When Jenny finished dinner Ginger took her into the bedroom and changed her clothes. "We're going to the store, Jenny, and getting you a new jacket." The sales papers had said that all winter coats were on sale (although it was still summer) and Ginger figured she should take advantage of it.
Once Jenny was changed and cleaned up, Ginger left the apartment and went down to the parking lot where her car was. She'd finally gotten around to getting herself a car. She'd had the money for a while, but then she met David and he always drove everywhere. When that was over, she went out and got herself her first very own car. She brought her parents with her so she wouldn't be swindled, and ended up leaving with a very, very nice Toyota.
"Here we go," Ginger said, buckling Jenny into her car seat. "All set. Ready to go. Target, here we come." Ginger got behind the wheel and pulled out onto the road. She'd never liked driving but lately she'd had even more freedom since she had her own car and was able to go places by herself without having to borrow a car or bother somebody else into taking her. She was used to living on her own by now, but she'd never actually gone anywhere because she never really needed to. The grocery store was walking distance, as was work, and she always said she needed the exercise.
Pulling into the parking lot at Target, Ginger looked around. She hadn't been to a Target since the last time she had to buy clothes for Jenny. Her clothes, when she bought them, usually came from a department store, but she hadn't bought clothes in ages. She hadn't needed to. Jenny grew out of her clothes so fast Ginger thought it was pointless to buy her expensive things, so they came to Target and got something she liked every time.
Ginger took Jenny out of the car and carried her towards the store. Jenny kept wiggling around, wanting to walk, but Ginger refused to set her down in the parking lot. Once in the store, Ginger put Jenny down and kept a hold of her hand. "Carts!" Jenny said, pointing to the section of carts.
"No, Jenny, we're just getting you a jacket and that's it. We don't need a cart," Ginger said. The only reason Jenny had pointed it out was because she liked to sit in the cart while her mother pushed it. Ginger started walking deeper into the store, going down the side aisle towards the toddlers' section of the store. She was randomly looking around when suddenly she saw something she did not want to see. "Let's go this way, Jenny."
"Mommy�"
"This way!" Ginger said, forcing Jenny to turn around and walk in the other direction. Jenny began to whine but Ginger picked her up and walked quickly away. She was just about to turn the corner into another aisle when she heard it, something she'd been dreading for three years now.
"Ginger?"
"Shit."
"Mommy!" Jenny said in the same tone she always used when Ginger swore.
Ginger could feel the tears in her eyes as she continued to walk. She turned the corner but it kept coming. "Ginger? Is that you?" She couldn't get away and she knew it. She stopped and turned around.
"Hi Zac," she said, her voice low. Her entire world flipped upside down as soon as she realized that she had Jenny on her hip. Of course she'd known all along that Jenny was with her, but now it just registered. She was holding his baby on her hip and he had no idea.
Everything had been going fine until now. Everything was perfect. Yes, she'd had her problems since him, what with the baby and all, but her life was the absolute best it could have been until that very moment. In the back of her mind she always knew this moment would come but she wanted to be prepared for it. She wanted to be able to know what to say, to have it planned out, written out and stuffed in her back pocket in case she forgot something, but this was definitely not planned. Anything would have been better. She could have not come today. Could have come the next day, or the next. Could have left Jenny with Janey or Kris and things would have been a million times better. Could have run away and not given in to him. She didn't and she was scared out of her mind.
Neither of them had said anything for a while but she could tell he was staring at Jenny. There was no doubt that this was her daughter. It looked too much like her to be anything else besides her sister, and Zac knew her parents weren't alive any longer. He knew and it scared her. Ginger, however, was staring at the floor and trying to think of something to say to him�anything�to make the tension go away but nothing came to mind. Nothing at all.
And suddenly it seemed like the last three years didn't happen. She was never away from him, that fight never happened and things were good in the world because they were together. Upon realizing this, Ginger shook her head. Of course the past three years happened. She had proof sitting on her hip.
"So," Zac finally said. "Is this your daughter?" Ginger nodded.
"Yes. Yes, this is Jenny." Zac didn't say hi. Jenny didn't either. Usually Jenny said hello to anyone Ginger stopped to talk to, whether it be an employee at the store she was asking for the location of an item or someone Jenny had known all of her life. She must have sensed the tension. Instead she buried her head in her mother's shirt and didn't say anything. "Um�what are you doing here?"
"Oh," Zac said, holding up the CD in his hand. "The new Ataris CD came out today and I had to get it."
"No," Ginger said, shaking her head. "I mean, what are you doing in Tampa?"
"Oh�" Zac said. "Yeah, well, I was in the area doing some things for work and I looked up Kris. She mentioned you were in town." Ginger stiffened. "I decided to stay a couple of extra days to see if I could find you. I guess I did�but I didn't go looking for you here. I promise you that."
"All right," she said.
"Would you�would you like to go somewhere and talk? Would you like to talk at all? I mean because I completely I understand if you never want to speak to me again." Ginger shook her head.
"No, no, I definitely would like to talk to you," Ginger said, glancing down at Jenny. She had her thumb in her mouth and was looking away. "Um�we could go to my place? It's, like, five minutes away."
"Okay," he said.
"You can follow me there." He nodded. They left the store together, pausing briefly for Zac to purchase his CD, and then went to Ginger's apartment, completely forgetting about Jenny's new jacket. "It's not much," Ginger said, opening the door to her apartment and walking inside, "but it's home." Zac followed her in and looked around. Since the first time Ginger walked into the apartment, it had definitely changed for the better. It was painted and refurnished, completely redone and made up to par so it didn't seem like such a dump, like it looked from the outside. It was quite cozy now, and Jenny's toys strewn about added comfort.
"It's very nice," Zac said, looking around. "I'm guessing you're not married." Ginger shook her head. "Are you seeing anyone?" She shook her head again. She'd had this conversation before, last time with David, but this time it seemed a lot more comfortable. "Do you mind me asking who Jenny's father is, then?" Ginger laughed nervously.
"Um�" she said. "I�don't think I want to say. Not right now, at least. Let me get settled in."
"Okay." Ginger set Jenny down who ran off to her play area and began fiddling around with some of her toys. "So�how have you been?"
"What a question to ask," she said, spreading her arms out on the counter and tapping her nails. Zac was sitting in front of her on one of the stools on the opposite side of the island. "I've been here and that's really all that matters." Zac propped his head up with his hand and asked one of the questions she was waiting for him to ask.
"Do you hate me for what I did to you?" She sighed.
"Not entirely," she told him. "I did at first. I really, really did at first. I had nowhere to go and nowhere to live, so I ended up calling my brother of all people to help me out."
"You called Alex?"
"Yes, I did. I had nothing else to do! I was in a town with absolutely nobody I knew. Everybody I knew was you and your family and I was sure after what I did you all hated me. I couldn't call Kris because I was sure she'd never want to talk to me again, so he was all I had left. He was the best guy in the world to me, though. He wired me money to come here, he bought me this apartment and he really helped me out the first few weeks when I didn't have any money. I got myself a job and things got better."
"What about Jenny?" Zac asked.
"What about her?"
"When did she happen?" Ginger shook her head.
"I can't talk about her just yet, Zac," she said. "It'd be better if you just didn't ask about her until I was ready to tell you." He nodded.
"All right. That's fine. We can talk about something else," he said.
"What about you? How have you been?" she asked.
"I wasn't too good in the beginning but I'm a lot better now." She nodded. It was the same way for her. "I moved out of the house maybe ten minutes after you left," he said. "I stayed with Ike until I found a place for myself. It was either me or�or him leave and he said he wouldn't so I did. The band died right away�"
"Oh my God I cannot believe I did that to you!" Ginger said, putting her hands over her eyes and turning away.
"No, no Ginger you didn't do anything. I don't blame you for anything." She lowered her hands, still turned away, and felt tears in her eyes again. "It turned out for the better. I got a job as a writer and producer in LA, and I've been really, really successful. That wouldn't have happened if I had stayed in the band. I'm a lot happier now than I ever was before."
"I can't believe it. I just�I still can't believe it," she said, turning back around.
"I really don't blame you for anything," he said. "If I didn't always rush into things I would have realized I should have never done that to you. One of these days I'll ask you to forgive me, but not yet. I don't think I deserve it yet." Ginger wiped at her eyes.
"I don't think I deserve it yet," she said. "No, I know I don't deserve it yet. I don't deserve any kind of forgiveness, or apology, or pardon. You don't even know the whole story."
"What whole story?" Zac asked. Ginger looked over at Jenny. Zac followed her eyes to her and he grew confused. "�what about her?" Ginger bit her lip.
"She's your daughter," she said.
Zac didn't say anything. He ogled at Jenny, playing adamantly with her toys. She tossed her red hair aside and pulled the string on her toy. She was facing Zac and eventually noticed his stare. She looked up and gave him a smile before going back to her toys. Finally he turned back to Ginger who was fighting back tears (and had been since she saw him in Target). "Me?" he asked. She nodded. "That's my daughter?" She nodded again, a tear slipping out of her eye. "When was she born?"
"September 10th, 2004. She's almost three." He looked back over at Jenny.
"Oh my God�"
"She's been wondering about you her whole little life, Zac," Ginger said. "Go talk to her."
"I�oh I don't know what to say to her."
"Just say hello," Ginger said. She walked over to Zac, pulled him off his chair, and brought him over to Jenny. She looked up.
"Hello," Jenny said this time.
"Hi Jenny," Zac said. He sat himself down on the floor in front of her. "Whatcha got there?"
"Woody," she said, holding up a talking Woody doll from the movie Toy Story.
"Tell her," Ginger whispered.
"I�I don't know."
"Zac, she's two. She's not going to have any questions about where you've been," Ginger said. Jenny looked at her mother, then at Zac, her father.
"I'm Zac," he said to her. "I'm your father." Her eyes lit up and she dropped her Woody doll.
"Daddy?" Zac nodded. She got up and climbed into his lap, putting her tiny little arms around his neck, resting her head against him. Zac awkwardly held her, looking over at Ginger, who openly cried.