Zac’s been living with me for about six months now. It’s February now, almost time for Valentine’s day. Zac has been so happy here it’s not even funny anymore. But I think a lot of the time it’s just an act.
He has been staying in my guest room on the second level, the only other room on the second level. Occasionally he would climb into the bed with me, just holding me the whole night.
So to get things straight, I’m a sober virgin with him. I haven’t really thought about him in a sexual way, he’s more of a normal boyfriend and I don’t have to worry about that at all because he knows he doesn’t want to ruin this.
He hasn’t met my parents yet, but they haven’t been home when we’re there. Zac comes with me to all my shows, sits in the audience and claps and howls loudly. I can say he embarrasses me every time I come out but he does it on purpose. And I really stopped caring.
Now I sit in the living room, flipping through a People Magazine. I come across the star tracks, always looking through it to see if I happen to make it, and I did this time.
But Zac was in the picture with me.
I read the caption. Ex-MMMBopper Zachary Hanson that disappeared from a hotel in New York six months ago is here. Back, happy… and has a girlfriend. Ginger Stevens , a long time model for Calvin Klein and various others is his love interest now. Guess he’s not missing anymore…
I shut the magazine as Zac walked into the room. "What are you hiding from me?" he asked, clearly seeing that I didn’t want him knowing what was in my hands.
"Nothing."
"Don’t lie, it’s not nice. What’re you hiding from me?" I showed him the magazine, feeling guilty and showed him the page. He glanced at it, then threw it back at me. "Maybe you should just hide it."
I heard the front door open. Apparently Zac heard it too because he was giving me a strange look. No one but me and him came in without knocking.
"Ginger!" I heard, and recognized the voice. My eyes grew wide.
"Mom!" I yelled, jumping over the couch and running over to the front door. I left Zac behind, but I didn’t mean it. Zac decided to follow me.
I gave my mom a big hug, totally not expecting her to be home. Zac walked into the front hallway. My mother glanced at him. "Have I come home at a bad time?" she asked.
"Wha…" I turned around and noticed Zac. He waved. "Oh no! He lives here now." She gave me a strange look, so I whispered his situation to her, and that he’d been living here for about half a year.
"Oh!" she said. "Well then I guess I should introduce myself." She walked over. "I’m Donna Stevens."
"Zac Hanson."
"Well since you’re accustomed to this house, you can help Ginger carry in the bags."
"Mom!" I said.
"I don’t mind," Zac said. I could tell he was just sucking up a little bit, but I shrugged it off. I grabbed his hand and took him outside where the car was.
My dad was unloading it, and seemed pretty much done. There was nothing left in the trunk, and two bags were on the ground. "Daddy!" I said, hugging him. I introduced him to Zac.
"Dad, Zac, Zac, Dad." Quick introduction but I grabbed a bag. "Traveling lightly?" I asked.
"We’ll be gone in two days, your mom just wanted to rest for a little while in her own home before we go to Italy." I shrugged, used to having my parents around two days out of the year.
We both took a bag and set it in my parent’s bedroom, on the first level. I don’t know why, but they wanted a room on the bottom floor so I agreed.
"I really don’t think I’ve been in here before," Zac said.
"Well normally you’re in either upstairs, in the living room or in the kitchen." He shrugged, and we walked out of the room and back into the living room.
Immediately Zac sat down, but not in the way a normal person would. He had his feet over the top of the couch, and his head hanging over the bottom. I laughed, considering every time he sat down, he sat like that.
"Zac, what is with you and that?" I asked.
"Well I—" he felt someone take his feet and flip him over, off the couch. He landed on his feet, and threw his head back, getting his hair out of his face. "Why did you do that?" he asked my mother.
She was laughing. "I’m sorry, Zac. You just totally left yourself open for it. It was a perfect opportunity. There was feet hanging over the couch so I just flipped you."
He sat down on the couch, normally this time. "Like I was saying, before I was so rudely flipped over," he said, eyeing my mother, "It’s just a habit. I did it all the time at home, I’ve done it all my life so it’s just something I do. But I don’t do it until I get actually comfortable somewhere. If it’s my first time in a house of course I won’t make a fool out of myself and sit all weird, or if I’m doing an appearance on Rosie or something, I’m not about to sit like that. Not yet, at least."
My mother gave him a strange look, then looked to me. "Ginger, you sure found the weirdest guy to bring home," she said.
"I’m proud to be weird!" Zac said. My mother shook her head and walked away. She walked back in a few minutes later with a surprise for me.
She handed me a large box. "What’s this?" I asked. She smiled and told me to open it. I opened it up, my eyes growing wide. I pulled out seven different pairs of my boy cut shorts, in seven different colors. "Dude!" I yelled.
I got deep purple, deep green, deep blue, deep brown, khaki, faded jean and maroon. "So, is that your fashion statement?" Zac asked. I nodded.
"I have like a million pairs of these. I love them. Thank you so much, mom!"
"It’s sort of an apology for being gone for so long." I smiled and nodded. When she walked away my smile faded. I lowered my voice to a whisper.
"She tries so hard to please me with gifts, but she doesn’t realize that all I really want is to get to know her. I don’t know her at all. Before you came along I had been on my own for about four years. She barely saw me, and even before that I had a nanny who took care of me while her and my father went to parties every night. I have enough of these, even though I love them, I have three pairs in each of these colors."
Zac didn’t know what to say. He was the one who abandoned his family, but it really didn’t matter. Occasionally he went out with his brothers, but others he was either with Tina or by himself. They say that he’s best friends with his brothers, but they rarely talked. Taylor always made smart remarks that Zac hated and Ike was never around. Out of what they all said, not even half of it was true. They weren’t close. His mom was just there, overlooking their schoolwork. Their tutor took over everything.
Zac never told any of his brothers anything, lack of trust you could say. If he told Tay something, half the world knew in an hour. Maybe less than that. No one really got along, he remembered being in a fight with Ike for about a year, constantly retorting horrible things to each other every time they saw each other, covering it up as playfulness on a show.
Ike even had the nerve to come up to Zac during a show and tell him he was off, when it was Ike that was off. Tay had his foot-stamping and carelessly hitting any key he felt like, throwing everyone off who was trying stuff. For the Albertane Tour, they shut off his keyboard and let the back-ups play because he was to careless and didn’t do anything about it. They badly needed a break, not from the music because that was what brought them together to show the brotherly love they didn’t have.
They badly needed a break from each other.
This was what Zac considered a break, that never ended. He didn’t want to reunite with his family, he didn’t want to ever let them know he was alright, bad enough his mother read People every single week so the whole family would know he was still around, and still with me.
"ZAC!" I yelled, for the seventh time. His head shot over to me, and he saw the look on my face.
"Hmm?"
"Where the hell did you go, Zac? Are you back yet?" I asked, getting up on my knees right next to him and tapping on his forehead. "Hello?!" I called out. "Did I just hear an echo?"
"Funny," he said, pulling me down and kissing me. It was sweet and gentle, like all his kisses were. He was never did it in a violent way or anything remotely close to that. Everything was so gentle, that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much.
I sat close to him then, taking a deep breath. "Zac?"
"Yeah?"
"When did you realize that you loved me? I find it odd, we’d only met twice and then it was just like wham! I love you."
"It had to be right after you came out of the shower a long time ago, probably the day before I decided to leave them," he said. He didn’t realize that he called his family them. "You weren’t wearing any make-up, your hair was a mess and you had on totally unfashionable clothes, and you were still the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life."
"Not exactly one of my prime moments, Zac."
"But you were still beautiful. I took one look at you and then I knew that I love you and that I probably will forever."
"After you told me, I was so surprised. I didn’t know what to say, I never had thought about it, and when I did, I realized that I loved you too."
"Love’s a strong word," Bryan’s voice said. I rolled my eyes and turned around to say hi. He gave me a smile and walked over. Zac looked over and smiled, not feeling like talking all of a sudden. He had just told someone he would love her forever.
"Hey Bry," I said to him. He shook his head.
"You two are mushy, as usual. Can’t you save that for when I’m not around?" he asked. Zac laughed.
"Bry, you’re always around."
"Exactly." Zac was O.K. with the whole Bryan thing. It was strange, considering back home Zac had his best friend, Tina, and felt the same way with her as I did with Bryan.
I sighed, and put my head against Zac’s chest, him holding me close as he usually does. I don’t know why, it’s just our way of sitting together, all the time.
"Bryan!" my mother called out from the doorway. Bry looked over, and smiled. "I haven’t seen you in so long!"
She ran over to him and gave him a hug. I shook my head. My mother loved Bryan more than she loved me. I could tell she wanted us to hook up so bad, and when she found out about Zac she did not look happy.
My mother covered him in kisses, almost tackling him. It was so obvious she wanted us together, but I was totally happy with Zac. As I watched her, I realized that Bryan wanted that too.
Two days brought the departure of my parents. They just come and go, like they were never there. I love them so much, but I’m actually happy they left.
But I’ll never forget what she said to me right before she got into the cab and left. "Get rid of Zac. He’ll just break your heart when you least expect it. He doesn’t love you like you think. Go with Bryan, he’ll treat you right."
I almost slapped her, and I yelled at her as the car drove away. Zac was inside, my parents didn’t even say anything to him. They barely acknowledged him.
I felt so bad for my Zakky, he had been so left out. I was the only one who paid attention to him, my parents didn’t even glance in his direction once.
When I went back inside, he was in a little ball on the couch, watching TV, and looking really lonely. I knelt down next to him, he didn’t even look at me. He hadn’t really slept the whole time, worried that they would do something to him if he was asleep.
He stared at the TV, much like an autistic boy would do, not knowing I was there. His face looked dead and alone, no emotion at all. I tried taking his hand, but he wouldn’t let go of his other one.
"Zac, look at me." He still didn’t look. "Look at me." His eyes slowly glanced over to me. He looked over my face for a few seconds, but then went back to the TV.
"How am I supposed to know you’re listening to what I say if you’re paying attention to the TV and not me." He looked back over to me, his eyes sinking into mine. "I’m sorry."
He almost laughed, shaking his head. "I am, Zac. It’s my parents, they don’t like new people. My mother has been set on hooking me up with Bryan since the first day I met him, when I wasn’t even a month old. When she found out you and me were together all that was shattered, and she got pissed. My dad still doesn’t like the fact that I am with someone, whoever it is. Please, Zac. I’m sorry."
"Whatever."
"No, not whatever. I’m really sorry and you’re acting snobby. You weren’t like this two days ago."
"Two days ago I hadn’t met your parents. They hate me…"
"They don’t hate you, they just don’t like the fact that you and me are together."
"Yeah, that’s why they didn’t even look at me."
"Well how am I supposed to know they would shut you off?" I asked him. "You tell me. Didn’t I spend all the time with you that I could?" Zac got up and started walking to the door. "Where are you going?"
"Out. I’ll be back when I start caring again." And he just left. I stayed where I was, staring at the vacancy of the couch. I don’t know why he was mad at me, he was being selfish.
Yeah! He was selfish! I see my parents for the first time in at least a year and a half, for two days even. He’s been living with me for six months, I see him every day. I spend all my time with him and for a simple 48 hours he can’t be ignored. And I still paid a lot of attention to him.
But it’s really not his fault, I’m all he has left. He got rid of his parents, all his friends, his whole life for me. I was really all he had left.
I sat there, in that same position, until he came back.
That was some four hours later. He stumbled into the house, stumbled into the room, and fell on the couch. My eyes grew wide when I saw him.
He had a large bruise on his face, his left arm seemed hurt pretty badly, and he had a large rip in his shirt near his shoulder, with blood staining it.
"Zac! Oh my god, what happened to you?" I said, gently taking his face and looking in his eyes.
"He got into a pretty bad fight with another guy. He looked like him too," a voice said from behind. I flipped around, seeing a girl who was a real slut, I could tell from the way she was dressed.
"And who are you?" I asked her.
"I’m Heather." I guess she saw the way I was looking at her. "Yes, I’m a prostitute. You are?"
"Ginger," I reluctantly said, turning my attention back to Zac. He seemed a little out of it.
"If you think I’m hurt, you should of seen the other guy," he said, smiling. I didn’t smile back. For some reason, I don’t think this fight was with a stranger over something stupid.
"Zac, do you know the guy you got into a fight with?" He nodded. I bit my lip before asking, "Who was it?"
"Ike. I told him I’d hurt him…"
I thanked Heather for bringing him home and made her leave. I made sure she was gone before I went back to the living room. Zac was lying there, staring into space, a light smile on his face.
"Zac," I simply said to get his attention. He looked over. "How the…why would you get into a fight with Ike? He’s your own brother."
"Not anymore," Zac said, trying to sit up.
"No, you stay down there." I quickly walked over to him, kneeling down next to him. I thought he was going to take a nice walk down the street, blow off some steam and come back.
"Me and Ike have hated each other for a few years now, and he got me pissed when he screwed my best friend at that party when I met you." I shook my head, falling to the floor and now sitting Indian-style.
"You’re brothers, something you shouldn’t be taking advantage of and you go out and beat each other up. You wait there," I said, getting up and going to the kitchen.
I came back with a rag and some of that cleaning out stuff for cuts and whatever. I don’t know the name, so sue me. I carefully took off his shirt, and dabbed some of the cleaner stuff on the towel.
"O.K., this is gonna sting," I said. He tensed up as I put the towel against the gash on his shoulder. He winced, and I took it away, but put it back.
"You’re torturing me, you know that," he said.
"It’ll stop stinging after a while," I said, wiping off the excess blood, and cleaning out the gash.
"No, not with the stuff, you’re just torturing me. The way you are, I’m sure you don’t mean it but sometimes it seems like you’re doing it on purpose. The way you move, the way you talk, the way you act. It’s sorta like you’re off-limits."
"No!" I said, tending to the other few scratches he had on his chest. Kinda felt weird, doing this for him. I hadn’t even seen him without a shirt on before. Talk about pathetic, we’d been living together for six months and I hadn’t even seen him without a shirt on before.
He looked down at me, trying to figure out something. Why would someone like her, so beautiful, a model even, who has guys drooling over her every move, want someone like me? What is it that she likes about me?
I finished cleaning out his cuts, and put the cap to the bottle of stuff back on, and put the towel on top of it. I took his left arm, inspecting it. I’m the farthest thing away from a doctor but I try. It just had a few bruises, nothing was out of place, so it looked alright.
I felt his eyes on me, and it seemed really awkward. I put his arm down, I looked to him. Of course he was staring at me, smiling. I smiled back, and scooted closer to him.
"Do you feel alright?" I asked him. He nodded. I smoothed out his hair, tucking it behind his ear. He seemed really calm for someone who just got beat up. He took my hand in his, not saying anything. It really felt like a first time realizing we loved each other.
I let my eyes find his, and we stayed that way for a long time. Finally, he pulled me down and hugged me. "I love you."
"I love you." Silence overwhelmed us, and I think I heard Zac sniff. I pulled away, and his eyes were glazed over. "Are you O.K.?" I asked him.
"Ginger, we’re supposed to be brothers. The whole world has this image of us loving one another, being so close but we’re not. We never were. I mean ever since Tay was born, Ike hated him, when I was born both of them hated me. I don’t get it. All three of us absolutely love the other ones—Jessie, Avie, Mac and Zoe I mean. We love ‘em so much, but we hate each other. I just don’t get it."
I didn’t know what to say. I was like the whole world. I thought they really got along and stuff like that and once I found out that Zac was in a fight with Tay I was surprised. But now that he told me all this, I had no clue what was going on in his life.
"The only reason I would want to go back is to see my little brother and sisters. I love them so much. I swear, it’s so much fun being with them. And then either Tay or Ike will come along and ruin it all. I really don’t mean to hate them, but it’s something that just happens."
I still had nothing to say.
So I sat there like a dork, sinking this in. He looked at me again. "You’re so lucky you’re an only child. You don’t have to go through this. You may think it’s wonderful to have siblings, but it’s really not. It’s just a big hassle that ends up giving you migraines."
"I don’t know I’ve always wanted siblings." His eyes lit up.
"Want mine?" I shook my head. "Damn. I don’t want them. But then again I really don’t have them anymore. I would figure if they wanted to find me, they could of by now. Wouldn’t you think so? I mean if I could of found your house this easily I think they could."
"I dunno."
"You’re really a lot of help." I shrugged and smiled brightly.