"ZAC! Stop it!"
He hesitantly stopped tickling me and let me go back to staring at the ceiling. We had been on the tour for a week now, only having done two dates, and now Zac informs me we do sixteen only in the US. We do twenty in Europe.
Oh well, I didn�t care. More time in Europe. I hadn�t heard from anyone back home, and only gave the number to my mother, Kris, and Amanda, telling them not to give it to anyone else. I have absolutely no idea what�s been going on, how Kevin�s doing or whatever. But no news is good news, right?
It seems that Taylor or Ike, don�t know which, is claustrophobic and can�t sleep in those little bunks most tour busses have so we each have a small little room with small little beds. Zac was in my room, and I had been laying in the dark, with a horrid migraine, hoping the rocking of the bus would eventually let me sleep and then Zac comes pounding in, ruining the peace and making my head pound.
Now he�s laying down next to me, gently running his fingers through my hair. It had a calming effect, almost making me fall asleep. I closed my eyes and let my breathing slow a little bit, and drifted off.
Of course, I was asleep for two seconds and the phone woke me. I grabbed the phone and put it to my ear. "What?" I rudely asked. After the person on the other line told me immediately what, I stiffened. Sighing, I sat up. "You�re kidding right?" I waited for a response while tears welled in my eyes. "Um, well, thanks for telling me, bye." I hung up quickly and turned to Zac.
"What happened?" he quietly asked. Something about what my facial expression told him, he didn�t want to talk too loud, afraid he would be out of place.
"Kevin�he died this morning, just a little while ago," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. Zac took me in his arms, and I started sobbing. "Zac, why did he have do die!?"
Zac held me tighter and stroked my hair. "I really don�t know, sweethart, I really don�t know." He hadn�t called me anything except for Ginger from the moment I met him, and it felt rather weird. I pulled away from him.
"You don�t know how grateful I am for you bringing me along. I needed to get away from everything. I needed a place to hide and you gave it to me."
"It�s not a big deal."
"Well it is to me, Zac. I have someone set out to kill me! Seriously, he wants to shoo t me dead but he didn�t�he did something worse. He killed one of my best friends." (so he�s not exactly my best friends, but we can pretend, can�t we?)
"Don�t worry, you�re safe with me." I sighed, and looked out of a small window, having almost forgotten that we were in a bus. Then I realized that this wasn�t exactly the way out.
"I gotta go back."
"What?" Zac asked, totally shocked. It had only been a week and he was planning to spend like a few months with me. "You can�t just go back, Ginger, we haven�t even begun to do anything, it�s only been a week."
"I know, I mean this is really fun, I like being with you and all but I need to be at home. Everyone�s feeling really horrid there and I�m here having a ball, I can�t do that. So when we get to the next city, I�m taking a flight home." Zac looked hurt, but tried to hide it.
I gave him a tight hug. "But we�ll meet again, we always seem to do so. It�s rather odd that we do, you pop up all the time and I fall in love with you all over again." As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. But it wasn�t that big of a deal, cause I knew that it was way different from being in love and actually loving someone.
"I fell in love with you when I first saw you," he said. This was all too weird, we weren�t even going out, just seeing each other every now and then, but not long enough to actually have a relationship or anything, and he would always end up pissing me off. But now it wasn�t like that, he just was a sweet boy this time around. This time maybe have been really good, but I was needed elsewhere.
I felt Zac�s sigh, even though it was silent. Looking up to him, he had a gleam in his eye that wasn�t so positive. "What is it, Zac?" I asked him. He looked down to me.
"Well, I can understand you leaving me before cause I did or said something stupid, but this time I didn�t do anything and you�re just leaving. I really enjoy having you around."
"I really like being around, Zac. I really do�but this is really important." I didn�t exactly know what to say, I knew I had to get home soon. I liked Zac, a lot, but I was far from loving him.
"I don�t know when I�ll see you again," he admitted. "This tour is gonna last for a long time, like a few months and then we�ll be working on a new CD, that�ll take a while, then we gotta promote the CD, shoot the video for the first single, and go on every single show known to man to talk about it, do a few charity concerts�I�m afraid I won�t have any time for you!"
"We�ll get by, Zac. Don�t worry about it. I�ll still be at home, unless something comes up and I got your cell phone number if it�s an emergency and I know you won�t be at home." He laughed.
"It won�t be the same as seeing you."
"I know that, but at least it won�t be complete separation. I�ll still hear your voice and stuff like that." It was nearly impossible to not use the word love�the term had always been taken so loosely. I had used it a million times with guys I had used, played, whatever.
There was something about Zac that was so different, I felt that I couldn�t use him. It seemed that he actually really liked me, possibly loved me, I didn�t know, but I couldn�t say it back.
It was something I just couldn�t do.
And I didn�t want to spend my time with him just using him for all the stereotypes of a normal relationship, you know, kissing, touching, fucking, whatever.
Suddenly he got up. "May I have this dance?" he asked, holding out his hand to me. I took it.
"Sure, but it would help if we had some music." He pulled me up, giving me a look.
"Don�t you have any imagination? I am a singer, you know." I sighed, and let him pull me close to him. I didn�t feel like putting my head on his shoulder, so I just looked at whatever was behind him.
Zac gently sung something, I was oblivious to the words but it had a sweet melody. Realizing that we could never really be, together, realizing that our schedules would always conflict, I started to cry, silently.
Swiping away the tears from my eyes, I let the moment take me over. Shutting my eyes, I tried to think that we weren�t doing this, we weren�t dancing in the tour bus with no music but Zac�s sweet voice, and I wasn�t falling for him.
It just couldn�t be.
Silently I walked through the cemetery, a soft sun shower coming down, and of course it came down at the worst time. I wasn�t exactly appropriately dressed for the occasion, I had on a plain black tee with my short blue shorts, with my red hair put up in a ponytail that was sticking out of my black hat.
Amanda�s mother, Marely, was the only one who knew that I was coming, and she had taken all of my stuff. It was really the worst time for me to come home, the day and hour of the funeral.
I went through all the tombstones, glancing at each one and feeling truly sorry for their families. Finally I reached a clearing, small as it was, with a whole bunch of people standing by their chairs, a priest talking, saying things about a boy he never knew and probably could care less.
When the priest diverted his eyes to me, Amanda turned around. She was sitting in the back row on the last chair, wanting to be away from everyone else. She ran over to me, not saying a word and crying silently, and hugged me.
"I�m happy you came," was all she said, before she led me back over to everyone else. I was oblivious to the tears streaming down my face, I just stared at the casket, that was just then to be lowered into the ground. It shouldn�t have been him, it should have been me, I know it.
I kept thinking things like that, totally depressing myself.
It was hard to contain myself, not to totally explode. I knew who did it, and I knew he was aiming for me. If only he didn�t rape me, if only he had done it somewhere else, if only we hadn�t been caught�
"Stop it!" I said to myself, not very loudly. No one noticed, and I hadn�t realized that the funeral service was over, and people were leaving, some paying their last respects.
I sighed, and ran away, tears streaming down my face. I couldn�t let anyone see me, so I ran away from the crowds, deeper and deeper into the cemetery, almost losing my way.
Since it was almost completely surrounded by trees, it was easy to get lost. A shot rang out in my mind, and I fell to my knees. I just stayed there and sobbed until my heart couldn�t take anymore.
I heard a click�not one in my mind, an actual click, and something cold against my forehead. I looked up and there stood my fear, the person out to kill me. He was about 5 foot at that time, a scrawny kid with blond hair and blue eyes.
I only feared him because he had a loaded gun I knew he would use it. "Jeff!" I squeaked.
"Yeah, yeah, it�s me. The killer is Jeffery Grace, let the whole world know, why don�t ya Ginger? I didn�t mean to kill Kevin, I kinda feel bad about that, but I�m over it now. I really wanted to kill you, but you decided to move, and I hit him."
"Jeff please don�t do this�"
"What can I do? You got me expelled from school! All my friends are there, and now they think I�m a rapist or something."
"In which you are," I stated.
"Hello? Do you have a brain in there?" he asked, knocking my head with his fist. "Who is the person with the gun to her head? Hmm, could it be, you? I wouldn�t make any smart remarks or you�ll be joining Kevin."
"Jeff there are other ways to settle this."
"But this is my way," he stated. "Simple scenario, all I have to do is pull this friendly trigger and BANG! Ginger is dead." He smiled, and my fear grew, but for some reason, I felt bold.
"Then why don�t you just kill me Jeff? It�ll be easier, and it�ll put me out of my misery." His smile grew, and he laughed.
"Why don�t I? I don�t know�I like to see you suffer. Here�s the deal, you little bitch, how bout I kill off all your little friends, creating a large time gap between each one just to make the suspense greater �oh God, who�s he gonna get next?� and finally come around to you. Nice plan, huh?"
"No."
"Well that�s the way it�s gonna happen. Who should I kill first? Hmm, well let�s start with�oop! Forgot, can�t tell you! Why don�t you go off to your little life and wait?" He motioned for me to get up. I�m afraid of a boy shorter than me, I thought.
"Oh yeah, and by the way, I spent that forty dollars I got from you in New York for my own pleasure." I sighed, and he motioned for me to turn around. "Turn around and walk away, forget about this." Then he went into a thinking position. "Wait, don�t forget about this, just don�t tell anyone. And to show you that I�m serious�"
Jeff pulled the trigger and I fell. "That�s only a reminder," he said, walking past me. Luckily he only hit me in the leg, or I would have been in serious trouble.
"So, someone just shot you?" the doctor asked, wrapping up my leg. The bullet went right through, luckily not really ripping anything or getting any bone or whatever.
"Yeah, it�s been happening a lot lately, I mean drive-by shootings are becoming really popular in this area," I said, almost awkwardly. My mother stood skeptically beside me.
"Laura, this is the second time you�ve been shot in a month, I don�t think this is just some drive-by thing," she said. And she was dead serious, she never calls me Laura.
"Mother, I told you, the other time was in New York, I got shot cause I got mugged in the middle of the night cause I walking alone in the street. I know it was stupid but I�m fine now." She gave me a look, and the doctor said I was free to go.
The ride home was uneventful, my mother didn�t say a word, after what happened to Kevin and now me getting shot, she decided to draw some conclusions and make up a conspiracy theory.
"I know you�ll just criticize me about this, Ginger, but I know what I know and it�s not common at all for shootings to happen here unless their linked. Kevin gets killed, and I�ve heard you think, I know you think the bullet was supposed to hit you, and now you get shot the second time. You need to let me know what�s going on," she told me when we were in the house.
"I want to but I can�t!" I suddenly shouted. She looked at me, surprised. "Mom if I tell anybody about it I get my head blown off." I could tell she thought I was bluffing it, apparently she had forgotten I got shot twice.
"Sure," she said, rolling her eyes. I got fed up with her, and limped out of the room, and upstairs, into my room. Quickly I grabbed the phone, and collapsed onto my bed from the pain. It had never hurt so much to have been shot before.
"Damn!" I said, dialing the number to the only person I could tell. After three rings, I wanted to hang up. It�s his cell phone, how long can it take to answer it?
"Hello?" a breathless Zac said into the phone.
"Zac I got shot again, he�s after me and now he�s gonna kill all my friends before he kills me," I said, my voice breaking. I had never cried so much in my life than I did that day.
"Ginger, calm down. Did you talk to him or did he sent a note or what?" he asked.
"I talked to him. I went to Kevin�s funeral, afterwards I was stupid and was just running and he was there and he put a gun to my head and told me he was gonna kill all my friends and Zac I was so scared."
"Ginger, please! I can�t help you if you don�t calm down. What�s his name?"
"Jeff."
"O.K., it figures you know this guy, so how do you know him?"
"He went to school with me for like three years, and I had a major crush on him in the 6th grade and everyone made fun of me for it cause he�s a little puny dork and stuff but I never knew he was this bad until like a month or two ago when he got me expelled and�"
"Expelled?" Zac asked, with enough enthusiasm to last me a lifetime.
"Yup, he got me expelled. Like a month or two ago. I suppose you wanna hear the whole story."
"Yeah," he told me. So I told him the whole story, from him luring me into the bathroom and finally holding a gun to my head if I wouldn�t fuck him. I couldn�t really understand why he would go from being a somewhat nice guy, of course he had some glitches but I would have never of thought he would of done something like this.
But he did.
"Why would you get expelled for something he did?"
"I don�t know, Zac. I really don�t know. My school would not let any student have their side of the story put in. They saw what they saw, they didn�t see his gun, and they expelled the both of us. That�s the thing."
"Well, let�s go to a happier topic, tomorrow it�ll be 1999!" Zac said. I sighed, not really ready for a new topic.
"Yeah. It�s pretty amazing." We started talking about that, and other things and ended up spending a few hours on the phone, only getting off because he had to start the sound check for that�s day�s performance. I found it rather funny. When I called him, they were about 50 miles outside Seattle, and when we got off they were at the actual stage, ready for the sound check. Everything had been set up and everything.
"Well, I figure I should go now, I can�t exactly be on the phone with you and do the sound check at the same time. I would try but Taylor�s annoying me!" he said, pointedly.
I heard Taylor say in the background, "shut up, Zac, and get off the fucking phone! Mom�s getting pissed!" And I heard Zac�s sigh.
"I guess I�ll talk to you later," he said.
"Yeah, later," I said, and hung up. "Whatever. He didn�t really help much, all he did was cheer me up for a little while, but now that I�ve hung up, I�m depressed again, and I�m talking to myself!" I sighed.
I got up, wincing as I did, and walked out of the room. The pain was subsiding, kinda, but I was able to walk without it hurting as much. The pain was tolerable, so I walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
My mother was reading some magazine at the kitchen. I grabbed some bottled water and headed over to the pantry. "It seems you had a nice conversation with Zac," she said.
"You listened in on my phone call?" I asked, a worried tone in my voice. My mother laughed.
"No, but I knew you were on the phone for a long time, and it was with Zac, so it seems you had a nice conversation with him."
"Yeah. For once we�re actually getting along," I stated, the normal tone in my voice returning.
"Well that�s better than being mad at him all this time, now isn�t it?" she asked. I stopped, and turned around, facing her.
"O.K., who the hell are you and what did you do with my mother?" I asked.
"Ging, it�s the same person it�s always been, just that I happen to start caring about your life right about now. I realize that you may not be around as long as I think you would be."
I froze, not being able to believe she just said that.
"Mom, I�ll be around for a very long time." She smiled, and went back to her magazine.