“So, I like totally told him, ‘Oh my God, like, what is your deal?’ And my best friend Tammy was like ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe you just did that’ and I went and said…”
This was a nightmare. Lauryn was not only an airhead; she was an egotistical valley girl. I couldn’t believe Darling actually put me on a flight with this girl. Thank God we were almost there. Lauryn had talked rapidly about nothing the entire flight.
I gripped the edges of my seat, staring at the seatbelt sign. Go off, please go off! I was thinking as Lauryn chatted my ear off. I didn’t like her. At all. She was a typical blonde bimbo. Long, beautiful hair, blue eyes, oversized chest and tiny waist. I could shoot her.
“So, like, what’s your dish? Why are you here?” she asked me. Finally, something of substance. Maybe I’d be able to converse with her.
“I went last year,” I told her. “Isaac really wanted me to come back, and got Darling to do the convincing for him. I didn’t want to come, I have some problems with a few people, but she’s good at what she does, so I came. Why are you here?”
“Oh my baby, my boyfriend, insisted. I didn’t really want to. I’m not really into the music or anything, but he totally wanted me to. I really just wanted to spend time with him. I went on vacation in Florida and I'm moving so this is our only tine together before I go back to school.”
“Who’s your boyfriend?” I asked. Who the hell could put up with her?
“Zac.”
I blinked. That little piece of bleached blonde, silicone injected shit was dating my Zac? I could really shoot her now. I thought he was better than that! I, of all people, knew how much Zac hates superficial people like that. And Lauryn was as fake as they came.
“Oh,” I said. “Excuse me.” I got out of my seat and used all my willpower to not run away. I walked at a steady pace to the bathrooms, and let myself into the tiny room. I’m severely claustrophobic, but anything is better than having to sit next to Zac’s new girlfriend.
Why? Why did he insist on her coming if he knew I was coming? Did he even know? Did he even know I was coming along? Or did he know and just not care at all? I was bound to find out soon enough. He’d be the one to pick her up; he was that kind of person.
I took in a deep breath and leaned against the wall. I didn’t like her to begin with, and I didn’t like her any more when she told me she was dating my Zac. He wasn’t mine anymore, but Goddammit I still had feelings for him! I still wanted to be with him. If anything, I hoped this tour would bring us back together. We left on such a sour note…I had to find out more about her. Just to see how long it would last. If she were anything like the rest of them, he wouldn’t want to be with her, would he?
I hope they haven’t had sex, I thought. If they had, I didn’t think I could contain myself. He wasn’t like that anymore. It’d been such a long time; he could have very well gone back to his other form of life. If it reminded him too much of me, he could have started just to spite me.
I composed myself, trying to look somewhat decent, like I wasn’t going to beat the living shit out of her. If she kept her blonde charade up, I’d just have to. After making sure I looked all right, I left the tiny bathroom and walked back towards my seat.
I sat down, deeply wanting to ask about Zac. I just didn’t want to seem like I was checking up on him (which was what I was really doing).
“So,” I casually mentioned, “how is Zac?”
“You know him?” Lauryn asked, then chomped away on her gum. She looked like a cow.
“Yeah, I did go on the tour last year,” I told her, rolling my eyes. Didn’t I already tell her that?
“Oh, I forgot. Yeah, Zac’s great. He’s really great.”
“How long have you been dating him?”
“Three months.” I raised an eyebrow. That was enough to do pretty much anything, knowing Zac. “Yeah, but it seems like longer, he moves so fast.” I didn’t want to hear this! “He’s a real great guy.”
“Really?” I wasn’t interested, though.
“And just between us girls, I’ll tell you he’s absolutely wonderful in bed. I mean, whoa.” I resisted the urge to say ‘I know and so does everybody else in the world.’ But as she was about to go on and make another comment about him, I cut her off.
“Alright! Good for you! You’ve had sex with him! So has every other girl on the planet! I don’t care!” I yelled at her. I turned away, nearly crying. I cared; I really did care. She had sex with him. Just the thought of him with her, I could bawl for days. Were we there yet?
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I’ve turned the seat-belt sign back on. We will be landing in Tulsa in fifteen minutes.” I let out a sigh of relief and opened my window shade. It was night already, and my first view of overhead Tulsa was beautiful.
Lauryn didn’t say anything until the plane landed. As we were pulling up to a gate, she turned to me. “What’s your deal?”
“You already asked me that,” I told her.
“No, I asked what your dish was. This is something completely different. Now, I’m being serious here. You’re being bitchy. Why? I’ve done nothing but be nice to you.”
“It’s nothing, alright? It’s nothing worth discussing, obviously.” Obviously because Zac had enough guts to bring her along when he knew I was there. I couldn’t even look at her now. It was just how she was so different from me in every way. She was so stereotypical of a guy in a rock band to date. It’s just she wasn’t typical for someone like Zac to date. I thought he was so much better than that.
As I got off the plane, I realized Zac didn’t know I was coming. The look on his face when both Lauryn and I walked off the plane (she excited but me less than enthused) was classic.
“Baby!” Lauryn squealed, in her very peppy and annoying voice. She threw her arms around my ex-boyfriend. “I missed you, baby. I had the best time in Florida! You’ll never guess who I saw! I saw so many people! Is Florida the place to be? I saw...”
Zac returned her hug, looking straight at me over Lauryn’s shoulder. I looked away, not being able to handle him. We’d seen each other once since we broke up, at Darling and Isaac’s wedding.
I adjusted my bag in my hand. “Baby? Baby, are you listening to me?” Lauryn asked, looking at Zac. He was forced back to look back at her. “Where’s my hello kiss? I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“I’m sorry, beautiful.”
Beautiful, I thought. That was my pet name. I looked over just in time to see that girl shove her tongue down his throat. It made me sick. I had to get away. I started to walk off when I felt Zac’s stare.
“Do you two know each other?” Lauryn asked, turning to her ‘baby.’
“I told you twice, Lauryn, twice on the plane. My God how stupid can one person be?” I walked past them, adjusting my bag in nervous frustration.
“Could you take my bag, baby?” I heard Lauryn ask. I huffed. If it was me, he’d say ‘Take you own damn bag, bitch.’ But, excuse me; this is Lauryn we’re talking about.
“Sure, honey.” I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I won’t kill her. I couldn’t do that to Zac. Him and his bitch. Like he ever treated me like that. I couldn’t believe him; right in front of me!
I turned a corner and ran into Darling. “You!” I yelled, letting the two lovebirds pass me by. “I cannot fucking believe you! First you put me on a horribly long plane ride with that chatterbox blonde bimbo bitch, but you did not inform me that she was dating my Zac!”
“I didn’t? I was sure I did.” I gave her a look.
“You didn’t tell him I was coming either, did you? I don’t think so, because he could have had a fucking heart attack when he saw me walk out of the terminal with Lauryn! Darling, this is already uncomfortable enough for me to go home and I’ve been here for five minutes! What are you doing to me?” I said to her, about ready to cry. That was all I wanted to do. Go home under my covers in my bed and cry and cry until there was nothing left.
“God, Nic, what is your problem?” Darling asked.
“My problem is that I still have feelings for him! And now I walk back here and he has a girl attached to him at the hip, calling her honey and beautiful and everything he used to call me.” I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. “Please give me something to lighten my spirits before I go home and never come back.”
“Amber’s not here. We’re not letting her come this year.”
“Well that’s a start.”
“It’ll be okay, Nic. I think three months of already dating her is getting annoying. Being with her night and day will not be good for their relationship.” I sat down, once again putting my head in my hands.
“Do you have any idea how it feels to be told that your ex-boyfriend is excellent in bed? She told me that and I could have strangled her.” Darling sat next to me and put an arm around me. “All I want is to be with him again.” I sighed. I couldn’t believe I just told Darling that. I shouldn’t have. Knowing Darling and her mouth, Zac would know by tomorrow. “It’s just…Darling look at her! I have no hope standing next to her! Her waist is half the size of mine but her boobs are twice as big! Zac told me he always liked a girl who is smart. She’s an airhead! You can’t have a decent conversation with her without her being stupid. I told her three times already that I know Zac and I’m sure she’ll ask me again before we leave the airport. Darling, she’s everything I’m not and I look like a sack of shit standing next to her. How am I supposed to draw Zac’s attention if she’s around?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, sweetie,” Darling said. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be between the two of you.” I leaned my head back, it hitting against the wall. “Or maybe this is another obstacle you’ll have to overcome.”
“I don’t get it Darling. I was with him for a month. Just a month. That’s nothing. Lauryn and him have been together for three.”
“Lauryn didn’t spend night and day by his side as he overcame some of the worst things to hit him yet. You helped him through a lot, just by being there. You were there all the time. That counts for more than just a month, Nic.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ve seen them together. They’re all talk. They don’t go out very much. When they do, they go to the movies and out to eat at fancy restaurants.”
I huffed. “How square.”
“Exactly. He never took her to a vineyard in Paris to go stargazing. They’ve never been to a park to push each other on the swings and blow bubbles.” I smiled. I still had the tube of bubbles. I actually brought them along, in hope of using them again. “They don’t do stuff with romanticism and meaning. Their dates are not planned at all, there’s no thought to them. Face it, Zac loved you more than he did anyone, or does with anyone. You mean so much to him.” I huffed again. “Sweetness in a bottle.” Isn't that what they called Michelle? I raised an eyebrow. “Just be nice to the both of them. If you’re nice to her, he’ll realize you’re still not half bad. If you get on his good side, become friends again, he’ll be as good as yours.”
“I love you, Darling.”
“I know. Just don’t be rude to him.” I got up. We headed to the baggage claim. I didn’t want to run into Zac and Lauryn just yet; I still didn’t know exactly what to say to them. But, of course, things don’t work that way. I met up with them at baggage claim. I stood next to Zac with Darling on the other side of me. I reached out to grab my bag the same time he did. My hand brushed against his, sending chills down my spine.
“Sorry, Zac,” I muttered, mostly out of habit. As I stood straight again, I saw the confused look on Lauryn’s face again. “Don’t tell me you forgot again,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re joking, right? Just tell me you’re joking.”
“Well I haven’t seen you two hug or even say hello yet. Of course I’m going to think you don’t know each other.” I bit my lip. “Duh!”
“Okay, that’s enough,” I said. Darling held my arms so I wouldn’t charge at her. But she didn’t seem to notice I was seriously planning on hurting her. Zac knew; that was obvious.
“Anyway, say hello. Hug. Whatever. It’s like, totally annoying me.” I glanced at Darling before looking at Zac.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Baby, give her a hug. You haven’t seen her in a while.” We both looked at her blankly. “Go on.”
Either she was doing this to make me uncomfortable or she had no clue. Either way, I didn’t like her. “Come on,” Darling chimed in. “It has been a while. I know neither of you bite.”
“Are you so sure about that?” Zac asked, grinning. My mouth dropped. I knew he was making yet another sexual joke on my behalf. And for some reason, it surprised me. Sure, he used to do it all the time, that’s why I knew what he was talking about before Darling. Lauryn still didn’t get it. But it surprised me he did it now, after all the awkwardness. He was really still the Zac I knew.
“I don’t get it,” Lauryn stated, nearly demanding an explanation.
“You should, you’re the queen of it,” I muttered. Zac heard it and laughed. I expected him to give me a death look for knocking on his girlfriend.
“I honestly don’t know where that mouth has been,” Zac told me. I grinned and put my hand over my lips to hide my smile.
“I figured you would,” I said.
“Hey! That was below the belt.”
“Literally.” Despite him being upset that it was a cut down aimed at both him and Lauryn, he was laughing just as hard as I was.
“No, babe, you’re the only one who’s covered that area,” he told me, and discreetly slapped my ass. i looked at him, surprised.
“You know I wouldn’t.”
“I’m kidding.” Darling shook her head.
“You two are dirty.”
“But what are you talking about?” Lauryn whined. Zac laughed again, but I looked at her. Was she really that out of the loop? Oh God…I glanced at Zac, who shrugged.
“Can I shoot her yet?” I asked Darling, so Zac wouldn’t hear.
“Nicole!”
“Please? I’ll be extra super careful,” I said. “Just let me do it. I so want to. Please…?”
“No. We don’t need you going to jail.” I pouted, but let it go. I could hurt her when Darling wasn’t looking.
Lauryn finally picked out her bag, and we left the airport. We met Louie out in the parking lot. “Louie?” I asked.
“Hey, Nic! How’s it been?” he asked me.
“You know how it’s been.” When I got home last year, he was the only one who told me I should stay on drugs instead of getting better. And that’s the only reason it took me seven months to stop, because he said I didn’t need to quit. I didn’t hate him; he was just trying to make money, the dishonest way. I was disappointed in someone I had once considered to be a loyal friend.
I was still technically in a rehab, again. I was just free to leave and live my own life; I just had someone there when I needed it. And with these people I was just about to live with again, I really needed that help. I’d never seen prolific drug users until I came to this tour.
As we left the airport, I saw Zac link his hand with Lauryn’s, causing me to nearly tear up. I was heading for a nervous breakdown with that boy, already.
“How are we going to do this?” Darling asked, in the car. I was wedged between Darling and Louie, Lauryn in front and Zac driving. “Sleeping arrangements?”
“We’re getting more rooms this year. You and Isaac have your room, Taylor’s got his own, and Lauryn will stay with me.” I clenched my fist. “And there’s just four girls so we’ll put them in a room together.” I kicked Lauryn’s seat.
“Hey! What was that?” she asked. I shrugged. “Oh, okay.” Zac peered at me through the rear view mirror. He knew better. He knew I kicked her seat. He knew I didn’t like her at all. But he wasn’t going to say anything until he got me alone. And it wouldn’t be good if he got me alone.
It was night in the hotel when Zac finally did pull me away. “What the hell are you thinking?”
“Well, there’s that thing I left at home that I wanted to bring, there’s getting in touch with the girls again…that’s all I’m thinking right now.”
“You know what I mean, Nicole. What are you doing with Lauryn? Since the two of you walked off the plane you’ve done nothing short of tormenting her! I know you don’t like her because she’s my new girlfriend, but the fact is…”
“Wait. You think I’m going this because she’s your new girlfriend?” I asked.
“I know you’re doing this because she’s my new girlfriend.”
“That’s silly! I don’t like her because she has absolutely no brain whatsoever. She’s an airhead and she only thinks of herself. She talks way too much.”
“And you don’t? Nic, you’re horrible!”
“At least I talk of things of substance! She told me how her friend ‘like totally found this guy, and he was sooo hot…’ ”
“So she’s not smart! So what?”
“Nothing. Nevermind. It’s not important. You’ve moved on. You have your blonde bimbo girlfriend. I really don’t care. All I know is that I have to sit here and watch. That’s all I’m good for! I don’t even know why I’m here. I should go home.”
“You’re here because people want you here.”
“Who? The last time I checked, there was no one who cared enough about me.”
“I want you here.”
“Why? Why would you even look at me with your bitch around?”
“If you stopped insulting her, maybe you’d look and see that she’s a really great person.”
“Yeah, great in bed.”
“Nicole, stop it. Please. You’re bitter because she’s my girlfriend and you’re not. But I like her. I like her a lot. So she’s not you. No one could ever replace you. You were everything to me.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know you anymore.” I connected my eyes with his. I bit my lip; he was telling the truth. Just by looking at him, I knew he changed completely.
“Yeah, that’s what I figured.” I gripped the doorknob and twisted it. “I’ll leave you alone.” I slipped out the door.
“It doesn’t mean I love you any less,” I heard Zac say. I could have turned around and said everything on my mind, but I kept walking and didn’t even blink until I was inside my room with the girls.
They were smoking. Ten minutes into the tour, and they were getting high. I could really use some—escape from my problems and enter a world where nothing was impossible. Nothing hurt, my heart wasn’t on a line while I was up there. But when I came down, I’d be worse off than before I went up.
I ran to the phone and dialed a set of numbers that I could only with I’d never have to call.
“Hello?” her voice said.
“Rayanne? Rayanne it’s Nic. I need your help,” I whispered into the telephone after going out on the balcony. “Please?”
“Of course, Nic. What’s wrong? Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m spending the summer with Zac. You know all about him. Well he has a girlfriend now. And they’re lovey-dovey all over each other. She’s not his type at all. Now when I walked back into my room, my roommates are getting high and I need it, Rayanne, I really need it.”
“No you don’t. You don’t need anything right now. You’re trying to get back on Zac’s good side, and it’s not going to work if you do the same thing that caused him to break up with you. Just get out of the situation before you did anything you regret.”
“But, I can’t. I can’t, I’m staying with them and there’s nowhere else I can go to get away…”
“Nic, the only way to resist getting back on drugs is to stay away from them. You’re strong. You can do it. I know you can do it. I’ve seen you and you’re great.” I took in a shaky breath as tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I can’t…”
“I don’t want to hear those words coming out of your mouth. You can do anything if you only set your mind to it. You can get over anything. You will overcome this.”
“It’s just so hard,” I whispered in the phone, nearly bawling now. Rayanne was my helper; she was a worker of the clinic, once I connected with. She was the only person who could help me when I felt I needed drugs again.
“Nic?” I recognized Taylor’s voice immediately. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. “Are you alright, Nic?”
“Talk to him. He’ll help you. If not, call me back,” Rayanne said.
“Alright. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I hung up the phone and looked up at Taylor. He sat down on a chair next to me.
“Hi Taylor.”
“Are you alright?”
“Not really. I’m having some problems,” I told him.
“Care to talk?”
“It’s just the girls are doing drugs, and I’ve only been clean for three months. I took me more hell and back to get through it, but I couldn’t ask them to stop.”
“Why don’t you stay with me?” he asked. The question shocked me. “If it’s okay with you. It’s just me in there. I’ve shared a room with someone all my life, and it’s lonely now. I could really use some company.”
“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not! I’m practically insisting here. I came here to ask someone to stay with me, and you need it more than them. I’m not as prolific as them anymore. I hardly do anything, and if I was to, I wouldn’t do it around you.”
“Alright. I’ll stay with you.”
“Great. Let’s go now.” I smiled. We went back inside, grabbed my stuff, and went over to Taylor’s room. As we passed Zac’s room, I heard Lauryn giggle.
“Baby, I love you.”
“I love you too.” I clenched my fist as I kept walking. Can I kill her yet? Please?