"Thank you so much, baby," Ben said once safely inside his apartment later that afternoon. After dropping Jayden off, Zac and Ben went back to Ben's apartment. "I absolutely love my new car."
"I knew you would," Zac said, giving him a smile. "And it's the least I could do for you." Ben smiled. After Zac closed the door Ben kissed him. "Can we sit down and talk for a minute?" Zac carefully asked. Ben nodded.
"Sure, honey." Zac and Ben sat down on the couch. "What's up?"
"I don't want you to be alone for Christmas," Zac said. "It's a family holiday and if you're not going to be with your family then you should be with mine. You're like family to me�you've always felt like home to me." Ben looked away. "What?"
"Nothing," Ben said. "Go on."
"And I know you've got this thing where a holiday is just any other day with a parade but it's not. Holidays are important. They're fun. I don't want you to be by yourself, so come over to my place."
"Fine," Ben said. "I'll go to your place."
"Great. Then I'll be by here to pick you up. You better be awake when I come here," Zac said. "Don't make me drag you into the shower like I had to today."
"Oh, come on, like you didn't enjoy it," Ben said, grinning.
"Maybe a little bit," Zac said, "but I'm serious. You better be up." Ben rolled his eyes. Zac sighed. Christmas wasn't the only thing Zac wanted to talk to Ben about but it was all he had the guts to discuss. Since Zac came back home this time around there was an obvious difference between him and Ben. Zac had no idea what it was, or if he was just imagining things, but it just wasn't the same and Zac didn't like it. To add to it, Ben looked uncomfortable in the silence and Zac sighed. "Uh�do you want to watch a movie or something?"
"Yeah, sure," Ben said. Ben got up to look through his movies for something to watch while Zac turned on the television and saw himself. "You know I'm starting to get sick of seeing you on TV all the time."
"Me too," Zac said. "So what do you want to watch?"
"I don't know," Ben said. He pulled out a movie. "The Hot Chick? A woman trapped in a man's body."
"Story of your life," Zac said. Ben gave him a look. "Sure, put it in." Ben switched the channel and put in the movie before sitting down next to Zac again. The movie wasn't on long before Zac felt Ben's head against his shoulder. It made Zac smile and he took Ben's hand.
"I love you, Zac," Ben said, looking up at him. "I want you to know that." Zac looked at him questioningly.
"Of course I know that, baby," Zac said. "I love you too." Ben looked back to the movie. Zac took in a deep breath, looking down at Ben. It was still hard to believe he was in a relationship with Ben. It was still hard to believe that he was really gay. Deep down he knew, of course, that this was the right thing. He knew he really loved Ben, but it was still slightly unbelievable.
After the movie Zac went home slightly confused. He and Ben didn't talk all that much, and Zac was almost sure Ben would be all over him as a thanks for buying him an exceptionally expensive car. Zac was lucky to get a few kisses before he ended up just going home.
"Hey Zac," Nix said to Zac as he passed by the living room, where Jess and Nix were watching television. Zac didn't say anything as he went upstairs. Nix followed. "Zac, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Zac said. He went into his room and plopped down on his bed. Nix leaned up against Zac's doorframe. "I don't know what it is, Nix."
"Is it Ben?" Zac nodded. "Are you two having problems?"
"I don't know," Zac said. "I mean Ben and I have fought before but this time I don't even know if we're fighting! Things are just different, you know? Ever since I came back this time around he's been really�distant." Nix sighed. "Do you have any idea what it could be? I mean you go to school with him every day."
"I have no clue, Zac," Nix said. "Well, whatever it is, I hope you guys are okay. You're just so classic together, you know?"
"I have a hard time believing a slash relationship like ours could be classic." Nix shrugged.
"Yeah, well�wait, what?" Nix asked. "Slash?"
"Guy slash guy relationship," Zac said. "Slash." Nix nodded.
"Right. Well, I better get back downstairs before Jess starts looking for me. She's so possessive." Zac shrugged.
"True."
"I'll see you later, man." Nix left and Zac sighed again. He got up, closed his door, and then allowed himself to fall back onto his bed. He was beginning to drift away when his phone rang. He groaned, pulled out his phone without bothering to open his eyes, and put it to his ear.
"This better be damn good," Zac said.
"Zac! It's me," Sheila said.
"What do you want, Sheila?"
"Well, I called to tell you that your interview with Barbara Walters is January fourteenth. That day was just going to be studio work but it's not imperative that you're there, so you'll do the interview instead."
"Great. Can I go back to sleep now?"
"Did I wake you?"
"Yes!"
"I'm sorry," Sheila said. "But that's not the only reason I called. Calvin Klein wants you to do something else for them."
"What is it this time?" Zac asked.
"They want you to do a runway show in New York," Sheila said. "It'll be for the spring line and it'll be in late January. I checked your schedule, you're fine for availability, it's just up to if you'll do it or not."
"Do they seriously want me to do runway?" Zac asked. "I mean, that's like, actually being a model kind of thing."
"Of course they want you!" Sheila said. "You are Calvin Klein right now. When people think of CK they think of you. You are the it boy. Everybody wants you." Zac smiled faintly. Well, he thought. Not everybody. Zac could have gotten up halfway through that movie and Ben would never have known the difference. "So, will you do it?"
"Sure," Zac said. "Why don't I just become their official spokesperson as well?"
"It's not to that point yet, Zac!" she said. "But we'll see where this goes."
"Yeah�whatever. Is there anything else?"
"No."
"Perfect. I'll talk to you later." Zac hung up the phone, dropped it to the floor, and put his face back in his pillow again. He fell asleep quickly.
On Christmas, after the family opened presents inhumanly early in the morning, Zac left to pick up Ben. Upon hearing that Ben was coming over, Jess nearly had a fit and insisted she get to go to Nix's, who had invited her over, and Zac ended up dropping her off there on the way to Ben's apartment.
When Zac arrived, Ben was awake, but just barely. The thing that really surprised Zac, however, was that Ben had absolutely no Christmas decorations up. Ben wasn't Jewish, and he actually celebrated Christmas, but looking around the apartment it was hard to distinguish today from any other day in Ben's life. It was kind of sad. Zac had been thinking about moving out of the house, not until after graduation, of course, but even at his place he'd get himself a tree and some decorations. It was like the Christmas spirit ceased to exist in there.
"Hey honey," Zac said. Ben waved and yawned.
"Let me just brush my teeth," Ben said, pointing to the bathroom.
"And maybe put some clothes on? Take a shower?" Zac asked. Ben was in his boxers and didn't even seem to notice. Ben glanced down and nodded.
"Yeah, I'll do that," Ben said. "You want to join me?"
"As beautiful as that sounds," Zac said, seeing Ben yawn again. It was not an attractive sight. "I already took a shower. I'll wait for you out here." Ben shrugged and went into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and in a moment Zac heard the shower running. He sat down on the couch and grabbed a magazine that was on the table. Ben usually had a nice collection of magazines lying around, ranging from People to Rolling Stone to Cosmopolitan. Zac still didn't find the allure in reading Cosmo. Sure, it had sex tips on "How to please your man in bed" but most of those just consisted of different forms of Kegel exercises. It was a magazine directed towards women and there were no women in this relationship, but Ben swore by it so it was always around.
He settled on the latest Rolling Stone, which he'd read already but never got tired of. It was disheartening to see himself in it so often because it wasn't for his music. It was for an ad, something so superficial as a hard stomach and a pretty face that he never thought he was going to end up being remembered for.
Ben came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, completely naked except for the towel he was using to rub the hair on his head dry. Zac smiled as he watched Ben cross the room. "Nice ass," Zac said.
"You know it, sweetheart," Ben said, giving Zac a smile. "I'll be ready in a minute."
"Take your time," Zac said as Ben walked into his bedroom. Zac turned back to his magazine. "I'll just sit here and stare at my face in a magazine." Ben got changed and walked out to the living room. Zac looked up. "Hey you."
"Why hello, gorgeous, you ready to go?" Ben asked, smiling. Zac put the magazine down and stood up.
"Indeed I am. Give me a kiss." Ben kissed him before they left.
They drove back to Zac's house in Ben's car, which gave Zac an excuse to go back there later. Ben was just thrilled at the opportunity to drive around in a car that was worth more than anything he owned put together, and the car was remarkably comfortable. Zac wasn't lying about the roomy backseat, and was hoping to try it out with Ben later. Zac couldn't help but smile at the Christmas decorations all over the place. Every house had reefs and lights, although they weren't lit. In the windows of some of the more open houses he could see a Christmas tree.
"You know," Zac said to Ben, "it wouldn't hurt to have at least a little bit of Christmas spirit."
"What do you mean?"
"You didn't decorate at all!" Zac said. "I love Christmas and I even decorated my car."
"I decorated my car," Ben said, gesturing to pine air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror.
"Ben, that's an air freshener."
"So? It's in the shape of a Christmas tree." Zac shook his head. "What do you want me to do? Tape stockings to the windows, put lights on the front of the car and go around shouting 'Merry Christmas!' to the strangers who pass by?"
"No, Ben," Zac said, shaking his head. "Nothing like that. The least you could have done was put a tree up in your apartment."
"There's no point," Ben said. "I'm the only one who's going to see it anyway."
"I'd see it," Zac said.
"Yeah, for two minutes. It's just not important to me right now, Zac, okay?" Ben asked. Zac sighed. "I don't know, maybe next year I'll be more in the Christmas spirit but right now things are just so haywire."
"What is haywire?" Zac asked. "There's obviously something wrong with you but you haven't said a word about anything." Ben sighed.
"It's lots of things," Ben said. "There's lots of little things and also lots of big things. The biggest is that this is the first Christmas I'm going to spend without my dad and my brother." Zac paused.
"You have a brother?" Ben nodded. "You never told me about him."
"Joey's four," Ben said. "At the time of the divorce, I was closer to my mother than my dad. I had the choice to stay there with my father or to come out here. My parents had already decided they were going to split Joey and me. I don't know why. I knew Joey would have liked it better in Denver so I opted to come out here. I haven't seen him since we moved out here. Now I don't even speak to my mother, it's Christmas and I'm not spending it with my brother like I know I should be. Joey's important to me. I was fourteen when he was born and I took care of him a lot, you know?" Ben shook his head. "But I don't want to talk about that anymore."
"Can I ask why your parents got divorced?" Zac asked.
"My father cheated on her," Ben whispered. "And she left him on the spot." Zac raised his eyebrows and looked out the window.
"I could imagine why."
"I mean at the time I was so pissed off at him for what he did," Ben continued, as if Zac hadn't said anything. "But now I can kind of understand why he did it. My mother was never around�working�and it was just him all the time. That's not a marriage. He'd only see her every once in a while. He just got lonely." Zac shrugged.
"Maybe her work was just really important to her," Zac said.
"Maybe," Ben whispered. He pulled into Zac's driveway and Zac got out of the car. Ben and Zac went inside where the warmth of family made the both of them feel a bit more comfortable. They hung up their coats on the coat rack and went inside the house. Diana looked up when they came into the room.
"Oh, hi boys," she said. She got up. "Merry Christmas, Ben." Ben smiled.
"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Hanson." She gave him a hug and he looked at Zac, surprised. Zac shrugged. "Come on in and sit down." She brought him into the living room and sat him down. Zac sat down next to him and they watched the parade together. Zac was confused at how warmly Diana was treating him, but it was indeed Christmas. Ben looked down and frustrated, like he had since Zac arrived at his apartment that morning, but in a few minutes the bustling activity of the house and the happiness of the Christmas Day Parade made Ben smile, and it was what Zac was looking for.