When Zac went home that evening he was smiling. Taylor was over, as usual, and noticed Zac's pleasant mood immediately. Zac skipped over to the staircase, singing under his breath, which confused Taylor. "Where've you been?" Taylor asked. Zac turned around, still smiling.
"Oh, hey Taylor!" Zac said. "Man, it's so weird to see you here. It's like you're never around anymore!" Taylor gave him a look. It was actually quite the contrary. It seemed Taylor was here more often than Zac was.
"You're the one who's never around anymore," Taylor said. Zac shrugged, grinning goofily, and went up the stairs. Taylor followed behind. "Were you with Ben?" Zac shrugged.
"Maybe, maybe not." Zac went down the hall, passing Jess's room. The door was open and Jess and Nix were wrestling roughly on the floor. "Hey Nix."
"Hey Zac," Nix said, which allowed Jess to overpower him and pin him on the floor.
"Yes, I win!" she yelled. "I am so amazing!"
"That doesn't count! Interference!" Nix called and Zac shook his head, laughing as he went past the room. Taylor continued to follow. Zac went into his room, still smiling and singing, and Taylor came inside behind him.
"So did you get laid?" Taylor asked. Zac immediately turned around, the smile on his face gone and a devastated look replacing it.
"What?"
"Well, come on, Zac!" Taylor said. "You're smiling from ear to ear, you're skipping around the house, you're singing, and when you passed by Jess and Nix you didn't even flinch." Zac turned around.
"So what if I did? What's it to you?"
"You know, Zac�"
"I don't want to hear it," Zac said. "I know what you're going to stay and I don't want to hear it. We were careful, we used protection, and we both got tested. Don't be saying shit I know you'll be saying."
"Fine. When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?" Taylor asked, crossing his arms.
"Tomorrow." Taylor was obviously taken aback. "I already planned that it would be tomorrow. Ben's coming over."
"Do you think that's a good idea? Having him here?" Taylor asked. Zac shrugged. "I mean you're going to come out with him here?"
"What are you boys talking about?" Zac froze, looking over at the door where his mother was standing, a hand on her hip. "Come out of what?" Zac didn't think she was that daft, but maybe she was just hoping she had misunderstood. Zac sighed and looked down.
"Mom, maybe you should just go away right now," Zac said. "Taylor and I are talking."
"I'm your mother, Zac, I would like to know what you're talking about." Zac shook his head. "I would like to make sure I didn't hear what I just thought I heard." Zac could feel tears in his eyes as he continued to look away.
"Maybe you did," Zac said. "It all depends on what you think you heard."
"I think," she said, "I just heard my very respectable Christian son say he coming out. Now I know I'm a good deal older than the both of you, so it might mean something else these days, but where I come from it sounds like you're�one of them." Zac took in a deep breath and looked at his mother.
"It's not like you think it is, Mom," he said. "Things are different now. People are more understanding�"
"I am not understanding."
"And that's why I would like you to leave," Zac said.
"Not until you tell me the truth." Zac looked over at Taylor, who was trying very hard to disappear.
"Fine," Zac said. "You want to know the truth? This wasn't how I wanted to tell you, but fine. I'm gay."
"Oh my God," she said, and looked ready to faint. Zac looked back down at the floor. "Taylor, could you excuse us please?" Taylor was happy to leave. "Close the door." He closed the door behind him. "Sit down, Zac."
"Mom�"
"Sit down!" Zac immediately sat down in the chair at his desk. "You listen to me, I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but�"
"Nothing's gotten into me!" Zac yelled. "This is who I am!"
"It cannot be who you are, Zac. You can't just be gay�it's a choice. You're living in sin."
"Mom, it's not a choice. You're so wrong."
"I am not wrong."
"Yes you are! You have no idea what being gay means yet you insist that you're right because you're so fucking stubborn!"
"Zachary!"
"Mother, this is not a choice! I didn't wake up one morning and go 'you know what, I think I'm going to like men this week.' "
"But you've had girlfriends before."
"Because I didn't know what the hell it was that I was feeling! I knew it was wrong but I didn't know what was wrong. When I finally realized what it was, I was happy. Don't you want me to be happy?"
"Of course I want you to be happy," Diana said. "But this is not the way."
"You're so wrong," Zac said. "I cannot believe this. I know the way I am, Mom, and I'm gay. I'm happy being gay. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life and you're completely taking it away from me. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand."
"What the hell is there to understand? My son, my pride and joy, is defying everything I have ever instilled in him. Is this your sort of rebellion? Are you mad at me for something?"
"You just don't get it," Zac whispered. "This isn't about you. This has nothing to do with you, or Dad, or anything you could possibly imagine. It's just something you're born with." He sat back and looked up at her. "It's not exactly in my control."
"Of course it is."
"Would you just stop it already? You don't know the first thing about this so don't think you do. You think it's wrong, fine, that's your opinion. It's not going to change a fucking thing. You don't have to accept it, but this is who I am. It's how I'm going to stay. I have a boyfriend and I'm happy."
"A boyfriend?" Diana asked, eyeing him. "So you're serious about this?"
"Yes!" She sighed.
"So who is he?" she asked.
"Ben."
"Ben? That boy you've been spending all your time with?"
"Um, yeah," Zac said. "That would be your first clue."
"Don't be smart with me, Zac," she said, shaking her finger at him. "Now one of these days I may be able to understand this, and one of these days I might not think my sweet little angel is headed for eternal damnation in hell, but I will not tolerate any of that."
"So can he still come over for dinner tomorrow?" Zac asked, cautiously. She sighed.
"Well, I did say he could, and I won't go back on my word," she said. "He can still come over. I'll speak to your father about this whole matter and he may still kill you, I can't guarantee he won't, but I'll speak to him."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Give me a hug, sweetie," Diana said. Zac got up and hugged his mother. "I still love you."
"Really?" Zac asked.
"Of course! You're my son, even if I feel like I don't know you anymore."
"Mom, of course you know me," Zac said, pulling away from her. "I'm still the same person. I'm not any different."
"Of course you are," she said. "You're doing all of these ads that I don't know anything about, then I open a magazine and you're standing there in your underwear�" Zac looked down. "And now this. It's like you're a different person, Zac."
"But I'm not."
"It's okay," she said. "You're just not my little boy anymore. It'll just take some time to get used to." She kissed him and walked over to the door. She opened it and Taylor, Jess, and Nix fell in. "Well, it's nice to know we had a nice, private conversation."
"They already knew anyway," Zac said, waving it off. Diana looked a little upset at this.
"Can I just ask you one thing, Zac?" she asked, turning to him as the three on the floor got up and quickly left.
"Yeah, Ma."
"How long have you been like this?"
"Almost four months now," Zac said. "Ben and I have been together the whole time." She nodded and left. Zac sighed and flopped down in a chair. He felt so much better.
"Hey baby," Zac said upon opening the front door the next day to reveal Ben, who looked absolutely amazing. Maybe it was because they'd finally been intimate with each other, or maybe it was because Zac was now allowed to openly admire him, but either way Ben still looked gorgeous.
"Hey," Ben said, cautiously looking around. Zac hadn't spoken to him since the day before, so Ben didn't know about the discussion Zac had with his mother.
"Come on in," Zac said. Ben walked in and Zac kissed him.
"Whoa," Ben said. "Um�aren't we not supposed to do this?"
"I told them already," Zac said. Ben smiled.
"You did?" Zac nodded.
"Yeah," he said, and closed the door. "It didn't happen like I expected it to, but it still happened." Zac held onto Ben's hand as they went further into the house. Ben felt a little uncomfortable, but most of all he was happy.
"So how'd they take it?"
"Not good, at first," Zac said, "but I think things are better now. Nix is here with Jess in case the rest of the family makes you feel uncomfortable. We can all go down in the basement and relax or something. Watch some football." Ben looked over at Zac and they both burst out laughing.
"Zac? Is Ben here?" Jess asked, walking into the room. "Ben!" She ran over and gave him a hug. "Come on in the living room, we're watching the parade."
"All right, the parade!" Ben said. He grabbed Zac's hand and excitedly ran into the living room where Jess plopped down on Nix's lap, who was sitting next to Taylor. Most of Zac's family was in there as well, which made Ben kind of uncomfortable but Zac went in with his chin up and sat down, still holding Ben's hand. The hardest part about being in there was Zac's father, who immediately noticed Ben and Zac holding hands and tried very hard to ignore it.
"Did my commercial come on yet?" Zac asked.
"You did another commercial?" Ben asked. Zac nodded. "For what?"
"The Gap." Ben gave him a look. "What? It's cool! I haven't seen it yet but apparently I look damn good."
"Whatever," Ben said, rolling his eyes.
"No, it hasn't come on yet," Nix answered. "Did they say it was going to be during the parade?" Zac nodded. "Well I haven't seen it yet."
"Okay. You'll be able to tell it's me. I actually get to talk in this one. Well, it's not so much talking as singing."
"Singing?" Ben asked.
"Yeah! I told you, it's going to be so cool. I got a shit load of money for it too."
"Zac," Walker warned. "Watch your language."
"Sorry," Zac said. He turned to Ben and lowered his voice. "But I did. I am buying you a car for Christmas."
"Hey, why don't you buy me a car for Christmas?" Jess asked.
"Do you look like my boyfriend?" Zac asked, his eyes drifting to his father who shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. Jess gave him a look and put her head against Nix's chest.
"Zac, don't buy me a car," Ben said.
"Why not?" Zac asked, turning back to him. "I want to." Ben shook his head. "Oh, come on! I just want to get you something nice!" Walker got up and left the room. Zac noticed immediately. "Am I being too forward?" Zac asked.
"Just a little bit," Taylor said. "He's still trying to come to terms with it, Zac, and you're rubbing it in his face." Zac sighed.
"All right. But I am so still buying you a car for Christmas," Zac said, turning back to Ben. "What kind do you want?"
"A Bentley," Ben said.
"A Bentley? Yeah fucking right, Ben, I love you but I don't love you that much."
"Aww," Jess said. Zac and Ben turned to her. "I'm sorry, it's just I've never heard you say it before. It's so cute. Go ahead, keep fighting."
"We're not fighting," Zac said, rolling his eyes. "Ben just obviously can't be bought off with nice things. How about a Benz? I'll buy you a nice Benz. I'll even make it green�" Ben sighed.
"Fine, you can buy me a car."
"All right! See, it's not so bad." Zac kissed Ben as his mother walked in and she was shocked to see it.
"Oh, my," she said. Zac looked over.
"Oh, hi Mom," Zac said.
"Hi Mrs. Hanson," Ben said.
"Hello Ben," Diana said. "Zac, honey, did you commercial come on yet?" Zac shook his head. "Well make sure you tell me when it does. Jess, I need your help in the kitchen."
"Okay, Mom," she said. She gave Nix a kiss and followed her mother out of the room.
"She hates me, doesn't she?" Ben asked when Diana had left the room.
"No she doesn't, honey," Zac said.
"She does! I'm the one that turned you, she's got to have some sort of animosity towards me," Ben said. Zac shook his head.
"She doesn't. She's just uncomfortable. Everybody is." Ben sighed. "Don't worry about it, honey. Before you know it, it'll be just fine." Zac gave his hand a squeeze and Ben smiled.
"Wait, is that you?" Nix asked.
"It is me!" Zac said. "Mom! My commercial's on!" Everyone ran into the room to see Zac in a pair of cargo khaki pants and a T-shirt, looking very hot indeed, sing a hard rock rendition of a Hanson song while a set of dancers moshed to it. The camera focused on a crowd-surfer with the pants on and then cut to the Gap logo and the phrase "Cargo mosh."
"Oh, honey, that was great!" Diana said. She kissed the top of his head and most everybody left the room. Ben turned to Zac.
"I thought it was good," he said. "At least now you're not just a pretty face." Zac nodded.
"That's what I liked about it."
"And you looked massively hot." Zac smiled.
"I know." Zac looked up to see his father leave the room again and it got uncomfortable. "Do you want to go down to the basement?" Ben nodded.
"Yes please."
"Great. Let's go. You guys too," Zac said to Nix and Taylor. They all got up and went downstairs.