The next day Zac went over to Bronwyn's house in a subdued state. He was happy, actually he didn't remember the last time he'd been so completely happy, but the reason he was over here was to break up with Bronwyn and that wasn't a good thing. They'd been dating for nine months and although he hadn't been around all that much, nine months was still a long time.
Instead of going in he rang the doorbell. Bronwyn answered the door a bit confused. "Zac? Why didn't you just come in?" she asked. He shrugged.
"I don't know." He went inside with her and sat down with her in the living room.
"Listen, I'm sorry for getting mad like that last night. It's really not any of my business what you happens between you and other people," she said. He sighed.
"Don't be sorry," he said. "I usually tell you everything."
"So what's up?" She could feel the tension in the air and he knew it. "Is there something�wrong?" she asked. He nodded.
"Yeah," he said. "Uh, listen, Wynn, I think it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore."
"What?" she asked. She was completely surprised. "You mean, like we should break up?" He nodded. "Why?" He searched his mind for an excuse, something other than "I'm gay," but nothing was coming. "Is there someone else?"
"Sort of," he said.
"Sort of?" she asked, her voice rising. She stood up. "Sort of! Either there's somebody else or there isn't, Zac."
"Fine then, there's somebody else!" Zac said. "Listen, Wynn, I don't want this to end badly. I still want to be friends with you."
"That's not possible."
"How is it not possible?" he asked. "We were friends before, why can't we be friends now? Just because we're not together anymore."
"How the hell did this happen, Zac?" she asked. "Two days ago you come over here, tell me you love me, and now all of a sudden we're breaking up? That's not the way it's supposed to work."
"I'm sorry!"
"You're sorry?" she asked, throwing a pillow at him. He dodged it and it hit the lamp. The lamp fell off the table and broke but Bronwyn didn't seem to care. "How the hell can you say that?"
"I am!"
"So you didn't mean it when you said you loved me," she said.
"No, I didn't," Zac said truthfully. "I didn't. I felt guilty and I was trying to prove to myself that you were the one I'm supposed to be with but I was wrong. I'm sorry I led you on like that, but�"
"Get out!" she yelled.
"What?"
"Get the fuck out of my house! I don't want to see you again." Zac got up.
"Fine. I didn't want it to end this way, but if you're going to act like that, fine. I'll leave."
"Fine."
"Fine!" He turned and left quickly. He ran to his car and got in. He hit the steering wheel, causing the horn to go off. He didn't want it to end like this. Bronwyn had been a really good friend before and now it looked like they were never going to talk again. He started the car and his phone rang. He quickly picked it up, still parked outside Bronwyn's house. "Hello?"
"Hey," Ben said. Zac smiled.
"Hey Ben," he said. "How you doing?"
"I'm just fine. I have to tell you about this hot guy I kissed last night�oh wait, that was you." Zac smiled.
"Who would've thunk it?" Zac asked.
"Do you want to go out for lunch?" Ben asked.
"Sure," Zac said. "Nothing too public, though."
"Oh, come on Zac, you're in the closet. It's not like we're going to start making out in public or anything. We're just two friends, who happen to be guys, having lunch. No one will suspect a thing."
"All right."
In about fifteen minutes Zac met Ben at Panera. After getting their food they sat in a booth away from everyone else. "So where were you this morning?" Ben asked. "I called your house first but your mother said you were out."
"I was at Bronwyn's house," Zac said. "Although I wasn't there for very long�" Ben raised an eyebrow.
"Did you break up with her?" Zac nodded. "Oh. How'd she take it?" Zac shook his head.
"Not very well," he said. Zac opened his mouth to continue but looked at Ben's plate for the first time. "Did we order the same thing?" Ben looked at Zac's plate.
"I think we did."
"Wow," Zac said. "Imagine that." Ben shrugged. "Anyway, I told her I wanted to be friends but she was so pissed off that she just kicked me out of her house and told me she never wanted to speak to me again."
"Don't dwell too much on that," Ben said. "You said you never wanted to speak to me again and look at us now."
"But I didn't mean it," Zac said. "I was just in denial. Bronwyn sounded like she really meant it."
"So did you."
"I don't know," said Zac. "We'll see."
"So what'd you tell her?" Zac gave him a questioning look. "I mean, what was your reason for breaking up with her? You didn't just say 'I think we should break up' and that was the end of it, did you?"
"Well it started that way," Zac said. "I started to just leave it at that because I didn't want to say the real reason. I ended up saying there was someone else." Ben paused. "What?"
"Well don't you think she's going to be looking to see you with someone else?"
"I don't think I'm going to see her again period," Zac said. "She's going to stop hanging out with us because she's got all of her girl friends that I don't even know about. She'll stop hanging with us because the only reason she started to hang with us is because of me."
"Oh come on, she had fun with us."
"No she didn't. She complained all the time. 'Zac, when are we going to start hanging out with my friends? Zac, Jayden hit on me. Zac, I don't like your friends.' Blah, blah, blah�it's a pain in the ass and I'm kind of glad she's gone."
"At least it wasn't as bad as my last girlfriend," Ben said. Zac had almost forgotten Ben had actually dated a woman. "She was about two years older than me. Her name was Bonnie."
"Bonnie?" Zac asked. "Who the fuck names their kids Bonnie anymore?" Ben shrugged.
"I don't know. I thought her name sucked too. Anyway I dated her for a while until I met my first boyfriend, Clint. Well, Clint totally flipped things upside down for me. I thought I had something good going with Bonnie, you know, but there was something missing between us. When I met Clint and I was like 'Oh my God, this is what I'm missing' so after a period of denial, I broke up with her, but I made the mistake of telling her I was gay. She flipped out; she was screaming and crying�it was really nasty. I never saw her again after that and good thing, too. She probably wouldn't be able to handle seeing me with a guy."
"I doubt Bronwyn will either," Zac said. He opened his mouth to continue but was cut off.
"Look who it is!" Ben and Zac looked over and Jayden came up to them. He was alone and Zac was a little afraid but Jayden was smiling. "Hey guys." Jayden sat down next to Zac.
"Hey Jayden," Ben said. "Ironic seeing you here."
"Yeah, well I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop in for some chow," Jayden said and stole a bite of Zac's sandwich.
"Thanks, Jay," Zac said.
"So what are you two doing here together?" Jayden asked, his mouth full of food. "I thought you hated each other."
"We patched things up," Ben explained. "We'd gotten into this massive fight and then we talked things through and now we're having lunch."
"Oh, that's awesome," Jayden said and took a sip from Ben's drink.
"Why don't you get your own food, Jayden?" Zac asked.
"Well I'd have to pay for it, wouldn't I?" Jayden reached for Zac's sandwich again and Zac stopped him.
"You take one more bite of my sandwich and you're going to have to pay me." Jayden gave him a look.
"Fine. I'll get my own. I don't like it anyway," he said. "I'll be right back." Jayden got up and left. Zac sighed and propped his head up with his hand. Ben gave him a sympathetic look.
"It's okay, Zac," he said. "He didn't notice anything."
"I know, but it just got me thinking. How long am I going to be able to pull this off?" Ben said.
"For as long as it's still okay for you. When it gets to be too much and you're lying to everyone, then you should come out."
"But I'm lying to everyone now!"
"But you're not ready now. Give it some time. The right moment will come to you," Ben said, giving him a smile. "Anyway, Jayden has no idea." Jayden came walking back and sat down next to Ben this time.
"That was fast," Zac said.
"Well I just got some soup," Jayden said. "They already have it made. So, what was this fight about? It wasn't about Ben being gay, is it, Zac?" Jayden gave a pressing look to Zac.
"No," Zac said, returning the look. "Does it look like it concerns you in any way?" Jayden groaned.
"Whatever," Jayden said. "You're so secretive sometimes, Zac." Zac shrugged and suddenly felt a foot rub up against his. He looked immediately at Ben who smiled. Zac gave him a look but he didn't stop.
"Stop," Zac mouthed. Ben gave him an innocent look and continued.
"So anyway," Jayden said, "Zac, did you see Bronwyn?"
"What?" Zac asked, looking at Jayden.
"She called me earlier looking for you. Did you see her?"
"When?" Zac asked. Jayden shrugged.
"I don't know," Jayden said. "Two hours ago, maybe?"
"Oh," Zac said. "Yeah, I saw her."
"What'd she want?" Jayden asked. Zac looked at him. He took another spoonful of broccoli cheese soup in his mouth and waited patiently for Zac to answer. Zac didn't want to say; of all of his friends Jayden was the closest to Bronwyn and the news would probably upset him.
"I don't know; I didn't stay there very long." Jayden gave him a questioning look. "We broke up."
"You didn't!" Zac nodded. "Oh, come on Zac! I liked Bronwyn! You know, you always do this. What the hell was wrong with her?"
"I just didn't like her anymore," Zac said. "And what do you mean I always do this? I broke up with her; that's between her and me."
"Well I'm never going to see her again! It always happens when you date somebody; I finally get to know her and I like her, then you break up with her! I liked Bronwyn."
"If you like her so much, why don't you go out with her?" Zac quipped. Jayden gave him a look.
"Maybe I will." Zac rolled his eyes.
"Whatever."
"So, Ben," Jayden said, turning to Ben. "What about you? How's it going with Todd?" Zac's head immediately shot over to Ben. Ben was looking away and Zac noticed Ben's foot had suddenly stopped rubbing against his leg.
"Who the hell is Todd?" Zac asked.
"His boyfriend, watch your tone," Jayden scolded.
"Ex-boyfriend," Ben said. He looked at Zac. "We broke up a few days ago."
"How come you never said anything about this Todd?" Zac asked.
"You broke up?" Jayden asked. "Is everybody breaking up with everybody now? Todd was a cool guy." Ben shrugged.
"Yeah, maybe when you were around. He was an ass. I dumped him." Jayden shook his head. "Anyway, he wasn't that important. We only dated for a couple of weeks and I never even let him get to second base." Jayden paused.
"What exactly is second base for you?" he asked. "I mean, what exactly do you feel up?"
"What do you think?" Ben asked.
"Oh," Jayden said. "Well I've gotta take a leak. I'll be back." Jayden got up and walked over to the bathroom. Zac kicked Ben under the table.
"Ow! What the fuck, Zac?"
"How come you didn't tell me about Todd?"
"I didn't think it was that important!" Ben said. "Jesus Christ, you kick hard." Zac gave him a look. "Come on, Zac, I met him while you were on tour and I broke up with him before you came back! You know I've had other boyfriends."
"And that doesn't bother me, but I figure you'd at least mention this guy." Ben shrugged.
"I told you. I didn't think it was that important. I'm dating you now." Zac paused. "What?"
"Are we dating?" Zac asked.
"Uh, what does this look like?" Ben asked, gesturing to their surroundings.
"It looks like lunch with Jayden to me."
"Jayden just happened to crash it," Ben said. "This is a date." Zac sat back and took a sip of his drink through its straw. "Okay?"
"Yeah," Zac said. "But stop playing footsie with me while Jayden's here. It's making me uncomfortable." Ben shrugged.
"Fine, have it your way." Jayden came back and sat down next to Ben again. They finished their meal without much else said and Jayden announced he was leaving.
"I think I'll go over to Bronwyn's," Jayden said, getting up. "I'm sure she could use some good consoling after today's dreadful turn of events."
"Whatever, Jayden," Zac said.
"Fine." Zac gave him a thumbs-up and let him leave. He threw his trash out right next to the booth but then sat down next to Zac again. "Can I seriously go out with her?" Zac nodded. "Really?"
"Go ahead, Jayden," Zac said. "I'm not interested in her anymore."
"All right," Jayden said. He got up. "See you ladies later. No offense, Ben." Ben shrugged and Jayden left.
"Do they all treat you like that?" Zac asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Like you're a different species or something." Ben smiled a bit.
"It's not like you think, Zac," he said. "I don't feel alienated or anything like that. They're really accepting guys. I mean sometimes they ask really insensitive questions but I know they don't mean it."
"Do you let them ask you bizarre questions?" Ben nodded.
"Yeah," Ben said. "They're curious. I actually encourage them to. The more they know about gays the more comfortable they are with me. It's just broadening their horizons. I think everybody should know about all cultures. Ignorance leads to prejudice. It never hurts to ask questions. It's how you learn."
"Is this like when black people use the n-word with each other? Can I call you a faggot and get away with it?"
"I'd prefer you didn't," Ben said. "I mean, how would you like it if I called you a fag?" Zac nodded, understanding. "There are some people that use that because it lessens the harshness of the word. It's a term straight people use to demean us, so if we use it with each other, it kind of takes it away from them and it takes some of the harshness away. Me, I just prefer not to use it at all."
"I get it."
"So, you want to get out of here?" Zac nodded. "We can go back to my place." They got up and dumped their trash before walking out of the restaurant. "So I'll see you back at my place, then?" Zac nodded.
"Yeah." They parted and drove off.