About an hour later most of the boys were plastered but Ben was nursing his second martini. Zac had one beer (and it took him most of the hour to drink it) and was happy with just the one. They spent most of the hour in the VIP room until Jayden got restless and announced he wanted to go down to the dance floor.
"I need to pick up a chick," Jayden said. "Or at least get off on her in the bathroom later." Jayden laughed and nudged Zac.
"Yeah, you do that," Zac said, shaking his head. Jayden stood up.
"So who's coming with me?" Carter and Nix got up while Ben pulled one of the olives off the toothpick in his martini and ate it, then plopped the toothpick with the second olive back into the glass. "Zac?" Zac shook his head.
"Nah, I don't want to go down there."
"Zac, come on," Carter said. "This isn't about Bronwyn is it? You're not cheating on her if you dance with a girl downstairs."
"That's not really my thing, guys, you know that." Jayden shrugged.
"Whatever," he said. "Let's just go." Jayden, Carter, and Nix left leaving Ben and Zac alone. Ben looked at Zac.
"You know there's a Sky bar upstairs," Ben said. "They usually play much better music than this crap and it's more secluded."
"Yeah, this music is kind of crappy," Zac said, listening to another repetitive dance mix of a rap song that all sounded pretty much to Zac, even if he was a musician. "Let's go." Zac stood up with Ben, who still had his half-drunk martini in his hand. They went out of the room and to the stairwell. Ben led him up a few flights of stairs to a door. Ben opened it and they walked out onto the roof. There was one of those freelance local musicians with an acoustic guitar playing a bluesy kind of music. Zac felt much better out here. Not only was there much less people, but the music was sounding great and the view was awesome, despite how boring Tulsa could be. Ben and Zac walked up to an empty table; the tables were raised so they were obviously just meant for standing and drinking. Ben set his drink down on a cocktail napkin.
"So how long are you in town for?" Ben asked.
"Just until the morning," Zac said. "We leave to go out on tour."
"I thought the tour didn't start until Thursday," Ben said. "It's only Saturday." Zac looked at him, confused. "Oh come on, Zac, if I'm going to be friends with your friends then I'm going to have to know a little bit about you."
"Yeah right," Zac said. "Like my friends even know anything about what I do. Half the time they have no idea where I am or whether I'm coming or going." Ben shrugged.
"I'm also kind of a fan."
"Are you really?" Zac asked.
"Yeah." Zac smiled.
"Well�I don't know what to say to that," Zac said. "So, are those good?" Ben gave him a confused look. Zac gestured to his martini.
"Oh," Ben said. "Yeah, but I guess you just have to get used to it. You want a try?" Ben picked up the glass and held it out for Zac. Zac shrugged.
"Yeah, it wouldn't hurt." Zac took the glass from Ben and took a sip. It wasn't bad; it was better than the first time he had beer. "That's not bad."
"No, it's not," Zac said, setting the glass down again. "In fact, I think I'll get me one of those." Ben smiled and Zac walked over to the bar, getting himself a martini. It never hurt to try new things. When Zac returned there was a short silence between him and Ben. He didn't really know Ben at all and although it was awkward knowing this kid had been friends with his friends, it wasn't uncomfortable. Actually, there was a strange sense of comfort Zac felt immediately upon meeting Ben. He couldn't place it, but he felt at home with Ben.
"So," Ben said a minute later, "this Bronwyn, is she your girlfriend?"
"Yeah," Zac said, smiling. "Yeah, she is."
"Oh," Ben said. "How long have you been dating?"
"About seven months," Zac said. "But it's not really seven months because I'm never around. I know it's really hard on her but we've been trying to date each other for years now but it never quite happened."
"What do you mean?"
"Well Wynn and I have been friends for almost four years and I was attracted to her right away, but she had a boyfriend. So I dated someone else, and it just turned out that one of us was always dating someone. We were never single at the same time until, well, seven months ago. I asked her out right away because I knew if I waited a moment later something would come up."
"Oh," Ben said. "Well that's cool."
"So what about you?" Zac asked. "Do you have a girlfriend?" Ben laughed, shaking his head.
"No," he said. "No I don't."
"Oh, why not?" Zac asked. "You're a very attractive guy." Ben smiled.
"Well thank you," he said. "But me and girls�we don't get along very well." Zac nodded, not completely understanding.
"I'm sure you'll find somebody soon," Zac said.
"Yeah, but sometimes the pursuit is half the fun," Ben said. Zac shrugged.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"And sometimes the pursuit is all the fun," Ben said. Zac nodded. "I mean I was in this relationship once with this, um, person. I'd had a crush for a year but it was never reciprocated so that just made me want it more. When I finally got it, it was a total drag and it was over in less than a week. Then I looked back and realized that I spent a year thinking I was in love with someone, but it turned out I just wanted what I couldn't have."
"Yeah," Zac said. "I've been through that before. It's like she didn't want me at all, so that made me just want her more, and when she finally relented and agreed to go out with me it was terrible. It didn't go past the first date." Ben nodded. "Oh, man, I love this song." The musician had switched to a Coldplay song.
"Me too," Ben said.
"Really?" Ben nodded. "Man, we have more in common than I thought we would." Ben shrugged.
"I'm just full of surprises." After a few lines into the song Ben began to lightly sing along and Zac was taken aback to hear that Ben could really carry a tune.
"You really are full of surprises," Zac said. Ben smiled and took a sip of his drink before continuing to sing. Zac sang along with him, making sure to keep his voice down in case anybody was listening. Although there weren't that many people up here and Ben and Zac were pretty much by themselves at their table, Zac didn't want to draw any unwanted attention to the two of them. It almost looked like they were on a date: two guys standing at a table with drinks, singing along with the bluesy musician at a mike.
Another hour or so later Zac was starting to get tired. He'd been up since six o'clock in the morning and although he was used to living on the least amount of sleep possible, he was at home and resting before the tour started. It was bad enough he had to get up in the morning to pack and get to the airport before their flight left at ten o'clock. It was almost midnight, and although he was sure most of the guys hadn't even started partying yet, he was still tired.
"You look tired," Ben said, looking at Zac, concerned.
"Yeah," Zac said. "I am. I'm not exactly one to stay out late."
"Neither am I," Ben said. "We could find the guys and go." Zac nodded.
"Sounds like a plan." They walked across the roof, passing by the musician with this acoustic guitar who was briefly in between songs. "Nice set," Zac told him. He smiled and began to play the opening chords of MMMBop. Within two notes Zac recognized it and shook his head. "Don't even think about it." The man immediately switched to a different song, his smile growing. Ben and Zac went back downstairs and found Jayden, Carter, and Nix back in the VIP room.
"Hey, where'd you fly boys run off to?" Jayden asked, giving Ben a look.
"Oh, we went up to the Sky bar," Ben explained. "It was a bit more of our scene."
"Maybe your scene," Jayden said, giving him a look. "Zac's a bit more like us." Ben rolled his eyes.
"Actually I had fun up there," Zac explained. Jayden looked at Zac.
"Uh-huh," he said, skeptically. "Anyway, so we're all back here now. Great."
"You know, I'm getting tired," Zac said. "I think we should just call it a night."
"Call it a night?" Jayden asked, looking at his watch. "It's barely midnight! Come on, we've got hours of partying left."
"I've got a flight to catch in the morning and I've been going all day," Zac said. "I'm exhausted. I'm just ready to crash for a few hours before I get ripped out of bed to go to the airport."
"You know, if they don't want to leave, I'll take you back to Jayden's," Ben offered. "I'm about ready to go."
"Really? Great," Zac said. "Let's go, then."
"I've gotta pee first, I'll be right back," Ben said.
"Don't be checking nobody out in there, Ben, we don't want a repeat of last weekend," Jayden said. Ben rolled his eyes and left. Zac watched Ben walked out of the room, confused, until a question arose in the back of his mind. He sat down next to Jayden.
"Can I ask you something?" Zac asked, his voice low enough so only Jayden would hear, as if Carter and Nix were listening anyway.
"Sure, Zac."
"Is Ben, um, is he�?"
"Yeah, Zac, he's gay." Zac's mouth dropped.
"Oh my God, why didn't you tell me?" Zac yelled, causing attention from Carter and Nix. "Oh my God, and he's going to take me to your place? I'm going to be in a car, alone, with him? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
"Did you tell him Ben's gay?" Carter asked. Jayden nodded.
"We knew you were going to react like this," Jayden explained. "We knew you might be uncomfortable with it, so that's why we just didn't mention it. We knew you'd figure it out sooner or later. Ben's usually so open about it; I don't understand why he didn't act like himself tonight."
"Oh my God so he's like, openly that way?" Zac asked. Jayden nodded. "Geez! And you guys can handle this?" The three of them nodded. Zac shook his head, completely bewildered, then his mouth dropped again. "Oh my God, I took a sip of his drink! I called him attractive! He's not going to think I'm hitting on him, will he?"
"Zac, no," Jayden said, shaking his head. "You don't get it, do you?"
"Well I guess I don't!"
"Zac, this is disgusting. Ben is our friend, all right? You're just being completely homophobic and it's not cool at all."
"I am not homophobic!"
"So, since you're not homophobic," Carter added, "you wouldn't care that Ben thinks you're hot, would you?"
"What!?!" Zac yelled. "When did this happen?"
"Earlier," Carter explained. "When you went out to get some more drinks, he told us. I believe his exact words were 'Oh my God, Zac is so hot.' " Zac almost screamed in frustration. "You are so homophobic."
"I am not!!" Zac yelled.
"You are! You're being prejudice against him. He's still a good guy, Zac. You seemed to be getting along with him before you knew," Jayden added. Zac shook his head in disbelief. "Well, whatever, he's still our friend and you're going to have to get used to that." At that moment the door opened again and Ben came back in.
"Hey, Zac, let's go," Ben said. He had no idea what had just happened. Zac looked at Jayden who pushed him.
"Go ahead," Jayden said.
"Um, okay�" Zac said. He reluctantly stood up and followed Ben out of the door. As it was closing, Zac heard Jayden speak again.
"I knew he was going to react like that." Zac cautiously caught up to Ben and they walked down the stairs in silence. Zac wished he'd had more to drink so he wouldn't be so tense, but in this kind of situation being loose around an openly gay man who had mentioned Zac was hot was definitely not a good idea.
They left the club and went to Ben's car, a nice white Toyota Corolla. Ben pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors. "Get in," he told Zac. Zac opened the door and took a deep breath before getting inside, feeling the tense air as soon as the doors shut, closing the both of them into the car. Ben locked the doors, which made Zac nervous as he put on his seat belt. Zac looked around for something to say.
"Um," Zac said, "Nice car."
"It's a piece of crap," Ben said, smiling to Zac, "but it gets the job done." Ben started the car and began to drive. Ben noticed the tension and glanced at Zac, who quickly looked away. A bit confused, Ben shook it off. A moment later Zac reached out for the radio dial as Ben did, and their hands touched. Zac immediately pulled back and Ben turned on the radio. It didn't help the situation at all.
"So�" Zac said, "Driving, eh?"
"They told you, didn't they?" Ben asked.
"Yeah," Zac said, looking at his hands. "Um, why didn't you mention anything?"
"This is the first time I've met you, Zac," Ben said. "You haven't been here the whole time I've been here and I've really gotten close to your friends. They think so highly of you and they're always talking about you�I'm just the new guy. I wanted you to get to know me before you knew about that."
"But you still could have said something�"
"They also told me you're a complete homophobe and I was afraid how you'd react," Ben said. Zac scoffed.
"I'm not a homophobe," he said, rolling his eyes and obviously lying. "I mean, come on, I wouldn't freak out and start yelling or anything like that." Ben shook his head.
"I hope it doesn't make it awkward for you," Ben said. "I want to be friends with you and I don't want me being gay to interfere with that. This is who I am; it's who I've always been and who I'll always be. I'm very happy the way I am. It's not like I'm going to make a pass at you or anything. You have nothing to worry about." Zac was still noticeably uncomfortable. "Come on, it's kind of like I'm a chick friend, only I'm really a guy�"
"What?" Zac asked, looking at him.
"Well are you constantly afraid your chick friends are going to hit on you?"
"No!"
"Then don't be afraid I'm going to hit on you." Zac shook his head and looked out the window. "I'm sorry, Zac. You won't see me for another two months. It'll give you plenty of time to think about it."
"Think about what?"
"If you can be comfortable around me. I mean your friends have no problem with it. It was a little weird at first, yeah, but it's fine now. Nix got a little weirded out when I told him I think he's got beautiful eyes but now he just plays it off."
"Well Nix has always been a little�"
"Nix is anything but gay," Ben said, smiling. "He's just not as masculine as the rest of you." Zac shrugged.
"You don't have that, like, gay-dar thing they're always talking about on Will and Grace, do you?" Ben burst out laughing. "What?"
"I'm sorry," Ben said, shaking his head. "Not every gay man in the world is like Will and Jack, let me just make that abundantly clear. I don't have the power to pick a gay man out of a crowd unless he's open about it."
"Are you open?"
"Not as much as Jack," Ben said, glancing at Zac.
"Well come on, if you were like Jack I would have known the moment I met you," Zac said. "But are you open�like�could you pick you out of a crowd?"
"I don't know. Probably. You tell me."
"I'm not gay."
"I know you're not," Ben said, glancing at him again. "I mean you can tell right now because we're talking about it. Maybe when we see each other again you can let me know." Zac bit his lip and looked out the window again.
They didn't say a whole lot the rest of the way back to Jayden's house. Zac got out of Ben's car and unlocked the door to his Beemer, which made Ben smile.
"Now that's a nice car," Ben commented. Zac looked behind him. Ben had one hand on the steering wheel and one arm folded and hanging on the windowsill. "Is that new?"
"No, not really," Zac said. "I got it for my birthday last year but it's kind of the first time I've had a chance to really drive it around here. I haven't been home much since then."
"Well it's still a nice car," Ben said. "So I'll see you in a couple of months, then?" Zac nodded.
"Yeah," Zac said. "In a couple of months." Ben drove off and Zac got in his car. He shut the door and with both hands on the wheel, he sighed and rested his head against the rim of it. "Oh my God," he muttered.