There is a knock at the door.

"Who the f… is it!!?"

"Warren Daniel?"

"No it isn't. That's my name…"

"So you are Warren Daniel?"

"Hey. Don't I get to ask anything?"

"It's Detective Sergeant Susan Monroe. I 'd like to ask you a couple of questions regarding James Fielding"

"Jimmy!? …Dead Jimmy?"

"…Well, …yes… The late Mr Fielding. That's correct"

"Whatta y' wanna know?"

"Would you mind opening the door, sir?"

"Is that all? Just joking…" [he peers through a foot of door opening] "…Aren't there usually two o' ya…?"

"My partner is right here… He's on a call to the station."

"Shouldn't you introduce him as well?"

"It's Detective Constable Goddard"

[Goddard gives him a nod across the phone]

"Monroe and Goddard? Wow. Pretty fancy set of nametags… Extremely euro… "

"Glad you like them, sir… You can thank my husband …and his father, sometime… Would you mind if we came inside"

[Goddard is muttering into the phone about "a Mr Daniel…" at "117…" and "on a six nineteen"…]

"You know that's very intimidating… What's he doing anyway …ordering pizzas..?"

"It's purely routine. We're just calling the location. And a six-nineteen is an interview with a member of the public…"

"…what, ..with extra Pepperoni…"

"Sir! Would you either open the door, or provide a pretext for refusing us entry? We're really not here to indulge in chit-chat…"

"Sure... Nah, come in… [the door swings open] …Hang on …a sec…"

He turns the TV down. They all stand, formally, in the middle of the room.

It’s intense…

"Can never think of a pretext when I need one …Probably come up with a beauty later, when I won't even need it…"

"We don't recommend 'off the cuff' pretexts. I meant some genuine constraint on your availability"

"Oh. Well. How about… ‘I regret to inform you …but I will be currently unavailable at your interview, very sincerely …please return at a more convenient …century'…?"

"You see, that one doesn't really work…"

"Why not!?"

"Because nowhere do you include in your pretext …exactly WHAT your pretext IS!"

"Wow… Complex stuff..!"

"No. It isn't. Now, Mr Daniel… We understand that you knew James Fielding, …or Jimmy. Is that correct?

"Yep…"

"In what capacity exactly"

"Oh …hugely great bloke"

"Pardon me?"

"I liked him …in a huge capacity…"

[Monroe turns to Goddard who is almost looking for a way out of the room]

"Ah…Constable, perhaps we should just book him on a …5–18 and go from there…?"

"A 5…18? …Oh …yeah ...5–18. That’s the go… Yeah.. For sure"

"What!!?? That was …hopeless. Why don't you book me on a 747, instead!?? I mean, really. Susan. Right idea. Wrong supporting actor… "

"Alright. Settle down. I'd just like to see a sign of your co-operation…"

"Yeah… that'd be …"

"Look, I understand you may be experiencing a certain amount of …grief… over this …incident, which I would take to explain any …attitude you might have …towards an investigation…"

"Well that's …astute. But, 'grief' is such an inappropriate word …the guy owed me a stack of money …well not a stack… that sounds dodgy …an 'amount' of money. And I think he might have slept with my girlfriend."

"I thought you said you liked him"

"Did I?"

"Well, yes, you did"

"Fine well scrap that bit, then."

"Could you think about you answers a bit more, then. Please"

"What else have I answered"

"I mean in future!"

"In the future… ?"

[she ignores him, and launches right in…]

"…So, you’re at Art school? Ever find you need …a little something? You know, your art needs a little …something so ..you have a little …‘something’? Say, a little ...powder?"

"A …powder!?"

…Yeah …well …t-reating the disciples to a little …somethin’ ain’t exactly a crime for me..." [he refrains from adding "..if you get my d-rift.."]

"…Uh huh. And, how does that affect you?"

"…I always have a big meal at the top of the 7^th …"

"…Really… [not following] …So. …Last night?…"

[blurting] "…Yep! …hey, see if I don’t, then! ...care …well …my skin ...goes …all …all …..uummm…" [trailing off …he yawns, cricking his neck…]

"…Yes..? …All..?"

"…Well …aaanyway…" [he looks refreshed, as though it is the beginning of the interview, again]

"Well, Anyway?!" [she feels like cricking her own neck… …but, instead, picks up the thread] "…Listen!! …Did! ..You! ...Go! ..Out! …Last ..Night!?"

"…Yeah…sure …we went …old… ...I mean, …out…"

"…Rrriight…[longish pause] Can you tell me …where?"

"…What…?"

"…Where. …Exactly …That you went!? …Last night!!?"

"…Oh ..yeah ...OK ahh..We [pause]..Went [pause]…to a show??" [he makes it sound as unconvincing as possible]

"…OK ..Good.." [taking notes. She already knows where he went, in any case] "…..so …Dinner and a show?"

"Yeah. I had dinner"

"Yes. But did you have dinner …together?"

"Together?"

"That's right. Together"

"Yeah. We had dinner. ‘To–geth–er’, as you put it. Then we saw a show"

"Right. That’s what I said. Dinner and a Show"

"Right. Then we’ve established that’s what happened"

"No. Because, you said – and I’m reading back here – quote, ‘Yeah, I had dinner’, unquote"

"Sorry. Was that wrong? Maybe you should just crib me the answers instead"

"I see. [Here she actually does crick her neck] Can I get you …a glass of water?"

"No, I’ll stick with the Scotch, thanks"

"Scotch? You didn’t offer me a Scotch"

"Would you like a Scotch, Detective?"

"No, thank you. I’m on duty"

"Oh. …Oh wow….You’re on a real power trip, there..."

"The purpose of my remark was to remind you that this is an official police inquiry into a homicide, to which you might consider giving at least some of your attention."

"OK. Now I’m spooked. Did you want me to ‘lawyer-up’ or something?"

"That would be advisable …if this were a syndicated TV show, and you were a suspect, and I were placing you under arrest, and I had read you your Miranda’s. None like that’s happened, but I can let you know when it does"

"Oh yeah? …A syndicated show’d be good’ay?!"

"I’ve got a suggestion"

"What's that"

"That we get back to the question of the deceased"

"Sure. Look, focus. I’m all for it, babe"

"It’s Detective Monroe remember. Or Susan, if it makes you more comfortable. But let’s keep ‘babe’ out of it, shall we? At least, until you see me working the streets as a hooker.."

"Oh yea …Tops!!"

[letting it slide] "So. Can I put down that you had Dinner and a Show, last night?

"You love that, don’t you? Dinner and a Show"

"Yeah. You know why I love it? Because it’s a fact that I can write in this book, and without getting into a whole lot of ‘theories of evidence’, once it’s in here, it amounts to sworn testimony"

"But, I’m not even under oath, am I?"

"Is that how you plan to explain any inconsistencies?"

"No. Of course not. ‘I don’t remember’ is much better"

"Really? Let me give you some advice, here. Events ‘happen’. They’re not open to collective bargaining. If I ask someone what happened last night, they know they can’t say ‘nothing happened’. Something always 'happens'. So instead they say, ‘I don’t remember’. But that sounds …really bad. Why can’t they remember? Maybe what they mean is, they’d rather not remember. So, it’s even worse than a lie because we don’t have to check it out… You know what we call that?"

"I know this one…"

"No you don’t. We call it 'Building Sandcastles'. Elaborate and pretty. But so vulnerable. When a suspect starts ‘building sandcastles’ well, it’s just a matter of time"

"Before what fr‘instance?"

"For instance!? Take your pick. My point is, that saying something …anything …is better than 'I don't remember' – you just sound delusional otherwise. But, once you've said something, try and stick with it …because the only good reason you’ll have to start changing it is, one, you’re guilty of a crime and you’re intentionally lying, or two, you’re lying by accident, …because you’re delusional!"

"But, you can’t charge me of lying if I can’t remember …or I’m delusional…"

"What did I just say? No. But how’s voluntary or involuntary manslaughter, aggravated assault, conspiracy, or weapons code violations, like discharging a firearm, carry concealed weapon, public endangerment, littering. It doesn't matter. Because, if you can’t remember, then you can’t really refute it. It’s amazing how that frees up the memory …and then the cat's out …isn't it?"

"You really know your chops, don’t you, Detective? Alright, here’s one. Maximum sentence: Passing bad checks, with spelling errors, or Internet Blackmail with intent to commit fraudulent sex"

"Here are some better ones. Obstruction, Failing to comply with a police officer’s request, Provide false or misleading statement…"

"Are you serious!? Give us a break! The magistrate’ll turn round and charge you guys with ‘Being too pompous without wigs’"

"Well, OK. …good luck. It’s usually better to make plans based around you own actions, rather than just hoping the judge’ll see it your way. What are you planning to do? Charm ‘im? They’re not that out of it, you know..."

"Dun’ matter. You'll still have to stand in a wastepaper basket in the corner of the room, with sandwich boards on, holding out copies at arms length of his latest book "The Statues of Liberace", while reciting "I’m the waster of the court’s time" in helium voices…"

"You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?"

"No."

[she peers for a moment to see what nuance he is going for… There isn’t one]

[Goddards phone goes off in his trousers; he turns round, talking into his jacket]

"Yea …yea, nuh, it’s …ohh …a …bout…5 No, maybe ..yeah 10… Right ..yeah ...we’ll …OK …right…" [he turns back as though every that happened was in another dimension, and he’ s just arrived back]

"Was that your girlfriend, Detective Goddard? She sounds very nice"

[Monroe almost laughs]

"Look. [glancing at her watch] I’m writing here… Dinner …and …a Show. Is that OK? …Can you remember that?"

"Remember? It’ll fun’ haunt me forever! Dinner an’ a show. What a breakdown…"

"Now, this is where we want to be, by the way. So, I’m going to ask you …where did you buy the tickets?"

[he looks up, like it just got more interesting…]

"…Wait a minute… are you saying… Do you think… …that …could be… it?… "

[he bursts out laughing…]

"Maybe you should slow down on the barley water…there"

"This…?!" [he looks at the glass, holding it to the light] …I don’t remember slipping anything into my drink…"

[he is laughing again, and checking out Goddard]

"More scotch!? Detective?"

[Goddard gives him an incredibly complex look. Monroe continues writing; learning to ignore him]

"…Uh …now …here’s what I want you to do… Are you listening!?… …Do you have a phone? [glancing ‘round] ..OK. …Now, give this ..girlfriend of yours a call… Ask her out. [looking at him] …Nicely, do you understand? …You have to go out… It’s important. I don’t want to hear that she just broke up with you, or something… alright…?? ….Alright!!??"

"Yea-eehhh. No sweat. Hey, I’ll sweet talk ‘er. Just for you"

"I see… [relaxing a notch] …Should I be keeping notes …or something?"

"nuh…Don’t bother… I’ll give y’ some pointers… "

"..Just stay focussed… …The phone?"

"Rightio. Don't rush me… Rush, rush , rush…

[he picks up the phone and dials fairly methodically, and stops

"…Where are we …going, exactly? [he hangs up quickly] …If you get my …d-rift… [starts redialling …slower, in time to his words] ...And then there’s the fact that my apartment …is full of cops!! …No offence… I mean ..but, …y’ know…"

Detective Monroe looks up, slowly, her gaze trailing ..just behind, and responds …mysteriously.

"...Sure. ..I ..would say …You are going …to …a show…"