| Chrissy Simpson's and Jam Master's Crazy F***ED UP family! |
| Jam and Chrissy have some crazy ass bitches on their fathers side and jam's here to walk you through describing each and every one in as much detail as he can. Hang on for this wild ride. Dad- He once made us run into taco bell and steal hot sauce. He also wears bikini cut panties. Leopard print MEOW! Stepmom-She eats hot dogs raw. She once made us mexican spaghetti (beans, rice, taco sauce, beef, spaghetti sauce and noodles) and paid us to eat it. Grandma-She was obsessed with a beauty product called melaluka. Melaluka was this crazy ass shit that always smelled like cough syrup. She also has lived with Laurie for longer than I can remeber. Laurie- Crazy non relative lady that lives with my grandma. Secretly I think they love each other. ohh lesbiens. Ginger- Laurie's daugher who ran away from home and joined the army. Then she had a little girl named kya. My neck my back lick my uhh just like that. CRAZY Aunt Donna- She once told me that she wanted to be a wal-mart greeter. Then she asked to be one but they wouldn't let her because she isn't retarded or a senior citizen. She also looks like a crack addict. Uncle Pat- He is a tad bit portly. He always wears maroon sweatpants and tivas. He assembles the bikes at wal-mart for display. He likes giving people massages on picnic tables when we go camping. Grandma and Grandpa Archer- They live in a motorhome outside of Aunt Donna's and Uncle Pat's trailer/house. Uncle Eric-Bastard who left us on a beach for 2 hours while he went parasailing. THis may not sound that bad but it costed 5 dollars to parasail and we didn't have any money and the only way he would pay for us is if we did 2 hours worth of work. Aunt Sarah- Dullist person alive. It's like sasha on crack. Uncle Greg-He loves everything that has vodka in it. He is a man nanny in new york and he is also gay. Aunt Sandy- This bitch lives for flea markets. Great grandma williams- She looks like a gnome and she has fangs. More stories when they come to me. Also maybe even some pictures if I can find some. |
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