DAY. THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE.
Leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door is a
high cardboard container which states 'Louvre Doors.'
Albert is watching an Asian programme on TV. Del and
Rodney are sat at the table anxiously working something
out on a pocket calculator.
Del
Well?
Rodney
1,992!
Del
That's what it come to last
time!
Rodney
Yeah, I now and that's what
it'll come to this time and the
time after than an' all.
Del
Two grand! Where are we gonna
get two grand from? Look, try
it again Rodney. And this time
see if you can get it lower!
Rodney
Well how can I get lower? Look
12 times 166 equals 1,992!
Del
(Producing another
calculator)
Use this calculator!
Rodney
It's still gonna work out the
same Del! I could do it on
this calculator, that
calculator. I could do it on
me fingers and toes. I could
do it on beads, it's still
gonna come to 1,992, ain't it?
Del
Right bloody help you turned
out to be Rodney!
Albert
Keep the noise down will yer,
I can hardly hear this!
Del
Shut up you saucy old git!
Rodney
Well, even if you could hear
it, you couldn't understand it,
could you, it's in Indian!
Albert
In 1959 I was in Bombay!
Del
You carry on much longer by
tomorrow afternoon you could
be in traction!
Albert
But I like this kind of music!
Del
Ah!
(Indicating television
programme)
Oh yeah, look at that Rodney,
it's one of his favourites
that is. That's that good old-
fashioned sing-along number,
Knees Up Mother Patel. Listen,
we're over there trying to
devise a scheme that is gonna
make us into millionaires, and
all you can do is sit here and
watch bleedin' Indian banjos!
Rodney
Why don't you just stick a
George Harrison LP on yer
Walkman or something?
Albert
You two are gonna be million-
aires! And the Titanic was
unsinkable!
Rodney
Oi, you, there's a fortune to
be made out of this deal!
Albert
Yeah? What is this deal then?
Del
Lowvery doors!
Albert
So what about 'em?
Del
Well what about 'em? I'll tell
you what about 'em! There's a
certain painter and decorator
what gets down the Nag's Head,
and his name is Brendan
O'Shaunessy.
Rodney
He's Irish!
Del
Yeah! That is correct, Rodney.
Now this Brendan O'Shaunessy
has just got a contract to
decorate and fit out a new
housing estate over at Nunhead.
And what has the architect
deemed shall be fitted to all
wardrobes? None other than
lowvery doors! 166 to be
precise!
Albert
Well, you've got one of them,
that's a start innit?
Del
Ooh, he can be a sarky old
bark when he wants to be can't
he, eh?
Rodney
That's just a sample, innit?
You see Del's mate, Teddy
Cummings, right, he manages a
joinery works and he can let
us have hundreds of them doors
dirt cheap! And there's 200
per cent profit on each one!
Del
That's right. It's like print-
ing money! And the cherry on
the cake is that this building
firm is putting up houses all
over the shop, so it's a sort
of long-term, on-going
situation!
Albert
So where's the problem?
Rodney
Well, Teddy Cummings will only
sell them doors in bulk!
Del
Yeah, if we don't get two
grand by tomorrow afternoon
the deal's off!
Albert
Well can't you borrow the
money?
Del
We've tried all that ain't we!
We've been everywhere! The
bank that likes to say yes
said on yer bike!
Rodney
The sign of the Black Horse
gave us a load of old pony,
didn't they?
Del
Even the listening bank cocked
a deaf 'un!
Rodney
Del...you'll most probably
think this is stupid!
Del
What is?
Rodney
Well, it's a long shot I'm
here to tell you. It's a real
long shot!
Del
Oh I know, I like long shots.
You know me Rodney, he who
dares wins! What is it?
Rodney
Oh well, 'ere you are. I was
reading this colour supplement
yesterday.
Del
Yeah?
Rodney
There was an article in it
that really caught my interest!
Del
Yeah, yeah?
Rodney
It was about a butterfly.
Del
A butterfly?
Rodney
Yeah! Not an ordinary butter-
fly though!
Del
Ah!
Rodney
No, this one's a bit of a
rarity. It's virtually unheard
of in this country!
Del
Oh well, that's interesting
innit?
Rodney
I think it's name was, eh, the
Jamaican swallow tail.
Del
Well it don't mean a lot to me
Rodney, that, no.
Rodney
No well here it is. Look it's
scientifical name is Papillo
humerus!
Del
Oh, now, that does ring a bell!
I don't believe what he is
doing to me! Here I am on the
verge of losing the biggest
deal of my life and this
plonker here wants to give me
a lecture about poxy butter-
lies!!
Rodney
No, you don't understand do
you? It's an endangered
species.
Del
Yeah, I know, you'll be an
endangered species if you
carry on much longer Rodney!
Rodney
Look some of these things have
been seen in southern England!
One of them was spotted in
Greenwich Park!
Albert
You wanna whip him down the
quack's a bit lively, the
boy's flipped his lid!
Rodney
Listen mouthy, there's this
private...
(Can't pronounce
the word)
Well there's this private
butterfly collector right and
he's willing to pay a three
thousand pound reward for one
of these butterflies.
Del
Three thousand pounds?
Rodney
Yeah and Greenwich Park is
only up the road, innit?
Albert
You mean, you want us to go
around chasing butterflies?
Rodney
Yeah!
Del
You know what? I think you're
right Rodney!
Rodney
Yeah?
Del
Yeah! It is stupid!
Rodney
Well I said it was a long
shot, didn't I!
Del
Gordon Bennett! I can just see
us three now running up and
down Peckham High Road. We'll
be trying to catch Mars Bar
wrappers! Hey come on, look at
the time. Hey, come on, get
this stuff out of here. We're
gonna go and see if we can do
a bit.
DAY. THE MARKET.
Del is trying to sell a batch of 'Home Hair Trimming
Devices'.
Del
Ask yourselves this, ask your-
selves this, how much do you
spend on hairdressing, eh? Now
it's gotta be six or seven quid
a hit these days innit? You
work that out over a year and
it comes to a national debt!
Right but, for just one pound
fifty you could invest in one
of these super de-luxe
trimming combs! I mean, you
can save yourself a fortune in
the comfort of yer own front
room! Could you just - just
come round a bit closer, come
closer 'cos at these prices I
can't afford to deliver!
Rodney arrives carrying a few boxes. He bends down to put
them in a suitcase.
Man in Crowd
Hey is that sharp enough,
mate?
Del
Is it sharp? Is it - sharp?
Del looks for something upon which to demonstrate the sharp-
ness. Without a thought, he takes a chunk of Rodney's hair
out with the trimmer.
Del (cont'd)
Is that sharp enough for you?
Rodney knows that something has touched his head but doesn't
know what. He feels his head and surveys the sky for low-
flying pigeons.
Del (cont'd)
Invest one pound fifty and you
can save yourselves thousands!
This is a better bet than
Piggott on a favourite! Now
listen to me - listen. These
come recommended you know by
the world's leading hair
stylists. Vidal Sassoon, Teezy
Weezy, Mick the barber, Mick
the Miller - Mickey Mouse,
Sweeney Todd.
(Giving up the
ghost)
Why do I bother?
Rodney
It's been one of them days
innit?
Del
Never mind Rodney, pack up the
suitcase, we'll go down the
Nag's Head for a couple of
swift 'alfs...Two thousand by
tomorrow! I've got as much
chance of winning Miss World!
Denzil approaches. A massive ghetto-blaster is strapped to
his shoulder.
Del
Oi, Denzil!
Denzil
Del Boy!
Denzil raises his hands to slap Rodney's hands. Rodney puts
down the suitcase and holds his hands out but Denzil has
forgotten about it by then.
Denzil (cont'd)
So how's your luck?
Del
Don't ask! Don't ask. If they
made it into a film it'd be a
bigger tear-jerker than Love
Story!
Denzil
Bad as that, eh?
Del
Yeah. I'd go into the details
- only I don't want to see
grown men cry!
Denzil
Listen, you want to hear a sob
story I will tell you a sob
story! I have just found out
that my wife has been lying to
me!
Rodney
No!
Rodney is thinking that she's got another man.
Denzil
Yeah! Every morning she says
she's gonna leave me, and when
I come home at night she's
still there!
Del
Like it. Look at him, look.
Soppy look.
Denzil
I can't stop, I've gotta get
down to the Job Centre.
Del
Yeah alright. Down the Job
Centre eh? You've got yourself
into a growth industry at
last!
Denzil
Yeah, well, the wages are
lousy, but the hours suit me
fine!
Del
See you then Den.
Denzil
See you around.
Del
See you Denzil. Give my love
to Corinne.
(Under his breath)
The miserable old cow! Oh well,
come on, let's go.
Rodney
I heard it took three coppers
to arrest Denzil the other
night!
Del
That's right. One to put the
handcuffs on and two to carry
the radio!
Rodney
You've heard it then.
Del
We've all heard ain't we? Come
on. Let's go. Hey hold up!
What did Denzil get the sack
for?
Rodney
Oh he didn't, he was made re-
dundant.
Del
Hold on, if he was made
redundant, that means he's got
redundancy money?
Rodney
Yeah, I suppose so!
Del
(Calls)
Denzil! Denzil!
Denzil
(Alarmed)
You're not having any!
Del
I'm your friend. Denzil. Denzil!
Denzil!
Denzil
(Running away)
You're still not having any!!!
Del
Oi Denzil, I'm gonna make you
rich, Denzil. Put me down...
I'm a policeman...
Denzil
Please don't make me rich!
Del
Denzil, don't be a plonker all
your life!!
DAY. THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE.
Albert is asleep in the armchair. When he hears the front
door slam we wakes and picks up a dustpan and brush. Del
enters in a victorious mood.
Del
I'm gonna live forever...
Alright Uncle? Had a good day?
Albert
I've been busy doing the house-
work Del. I've made all the
beds except yours and Rodney's.
Del
Oh that's alright. Well sit
yourself down. Go on, you don't
want to knock your old pipe out
do you, eh?
Albert
No that's my trouble. I never
know when to stop!
Del
Yes this is true. This is very
true.
Albert
You're in a better mood than
you were this morning!
Del
Yeah well I've every reason to
be, haven't I! I've clinched
the lowvery door deal!
Albert
Never!
Del
Yeah it's true! I've picked
them up, paid for them, and
Rodney at this moment is
stacking 'em in the garage!
All I've gotta do now is phone
Brendan, and he'll come round
and pick them up and we shall
be rich!
Albert
Where d'you get the money to
pay for 'em?
Del
Well d'you remember my pal
Denzil - called in here a
couple of weeks ago.
Albert
Oh yeah. He was black?
Del
Yeah - well, he still is! Any-
way did you hear that he had
two thousand pounds redundancy
money?
Albert
Yeah.
Del
Well he ain't now!
Albert
Oh come off it Del. You didn't
take the fella's redundancy
money!
Del
Well yeah. I mean, he insisted!
Rodney enters from the hall.
Rodney
I have never seen anything like
it. He did Denzil up like a
kipper!
Del
(On phone)
Yeah, well look, tell him when
he comes in that I've got all
the lowvery doors and they're
in the garage and he can come
and pick 'em up any time he
wants.
Rodney
He chased him he did! A mile
and 'alf through Deptford!
Denzil was 300 yards from his
front door. And he put in a
kick! I tell you, Seb Coe
ain't even in the picture when
he's got a smell of money in
his nostrils!
Del
Okay then Bridie, don't you
forget to tell him now will
yer?
Rodney
He forced lager down his
throat then he frog-marched
him to the bank! Do you know
Denzil was crying when he
handed that money over!
Del
Listen to me, dopey. Listen,
now right, Denzil give me two
grand today, I give him three
thousand tomorrow! Now that
means he gets a grand profit
in 24 hours. Now he ain't
gonna get that at the
Bradford and Bingley is he?
Denzil knows it makes sense!
Albert
What about his missus, she' a
bit of a dragon ain't she?
Rodney
Well let's just say I wouldn't
like to be in Denzil's shoes
when Corinne finds out!
Del
No she'll be alright. She'll
be as sweet as a nut! Denzil
bought her a little present.
Rodney
Oh yeah, a do-it-yourself hair
cutting kit!
Del
No, she's gonna treasure it,
you mark my words. Now listen
gentlemen, listen to me,
because this evening I am
taking you down the Nag's Head
public house, were we're gonna
hold one of them things that
Rodney couldn't organise in a
brewery! After that - after
that, we're gonna go to the
Star of Bengal for a Ruby!
(Produces cans
of beer)
So get that down your neck,
Rodney. Cheers.
Rodney is standing in front of the mirror. He is horrified
to discover that a chunk of his hair is missing.
Rodney
My hair's falling out!
Del
What?
Rodney
My hair's falling out in great
chunks! I'm going bald! Derek,
I am 24 years old and I'm
going bald!
Albert
That's supposed to be a sign
of something.
Rodney
Yeah, it's a sign that I'm
going bald!
Del
Listen you tart. Come here.
Let me have a look at it! Come
on, let me see.
Rodney
Well, what d'you reckon?
Del
Well, let me put it this way
Rodney, if your head was a
tyre you'd fail the MOT!
Rodney
Bloody hell I'm going bald!
Albert
No, it might not be that
Rodney. You might have a touch
of alopecia!
Rodney
I never thought of that Unc!
And there's me fretting, eh?
My head's gonna look like a
bloody egg!
Albert
Get yourself a wig son!
Rodney
Oh yeah, I'm gonna look really
cool ain't I, tryin' to pull a
bird with a Davy Crockett hat
on me head!
The telephone rings.
Del
I'll get that. It could be the
phone. Hello? Brendan. How are
you pal? I see you got the
message then? Eh? What d'you
mean you've been tryin' to
phone me all day? Eh? Well
what's wrong? Why don't you
talk to him? You know. Go and
persuade him.
Rodney
Del, what's up?
Del
It's the architect, he's
changed his mind! He wants
Victorian panel doors now!
(On phone)
Brendan, listen, listen,
listen Brendan, you know, go -
you know, give him a few quid,
eh? Bung him, eh. Eh? Well...
beat him up then! Well I'll
come down and beat him up for
you if you like! No Brendan,
look I've got 165 lowvery
doors in my garage! All my
capital is tied up in 'em! I
know we didn't sign a
contract but what am I
supposed to do with 'em? And
yours. I'll get you for
this, Brendan, you see if I
don't!
(Putting phone
down)
Damn! There they go. Look at
all that, I knew everything
was going too smoothly, all
that money!
Albert
Can't you take 'em back to the
warehouse and swop 'em for
paneled doors
Del
Take 'em back to the warehouse!
Rodney
Yeah, why don't we just take
'em back and swop 'em?
Del
We can't take 'em back can we,
eh? We were lucky to get 'em
out without being caught!
Rodney
They were hooky? Oh great
Derek! Cosmic! They were hooky
lowvery doors were they! Well
you didn't mention that small
fact to me, did you?
Albert is looking from a window.
Albert
Del?
Del
What?
Albert
You know that Denzil fella?
Del
Yeah.
Albert
Has he got any brothers?
Del
Yeah, five, why?
Albert
Nothing. It's just that five
West Indian blokes just got
out of a Rover!
Del and Rodney go over to the window to look.
Del
It's them! That is them, it's
Denzil's brothers!!
Rodney
Look at the size of them!!
Albert
What are you gonna do Del?
Del
Oh well, we'll just stay here.
We'll stay here. And if they
wanna cut up rough we'll
exchange punches you know
like man to man.
Rodney
You're not including me in
that are you? Fight 'em!
Derek, look at the size of
'em!
Albert
They'll look even bigger when
they get up here Rodney!
Del
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
what. Don't worry. Don't you
worry. Listen I'm gonna
explain. Bloody hell! I'm
gonna, what we're gonna do -
what we're - I'll tell you.
We can run for it. Come on
let's get out of here.
Quick!
DAY. THE CEMETERY.
Mum's monument is a faded, flaking gold. Del is in a mood
of quiet contemplation. Albert is sitting on the bench
bored. Rodney is agitated.
Albert
What's he brought us here for?
Rodney
Gawd knows!
Albert
I don't like these places,
they make me feel queasy!
Del
What's up with you two?
Rodney
Oh it's nothing, it's just
Albert, he don't feel too well!
Del
How bad is he? I mean, is it
worth our while taking him
home?
Albert
Oh, I ain't that bad Del!
Del
Oh good. Well you just sit
back and enjoy yourself then!
Rodney
Enjoy ourselves Del, we are
two grand in debt, we have a
garage load of hooky doors and
a mob or irate Rastafarians
after our blood! So what are
we doing hanging round Mum's
monument?
Del
Because I always come here in
times of trouble Rodney. I
just come here, stand here
and tell Mum my problems and,
somehow, she always seems to
provide an answer. She's
never let me down yet! I
mean, you take that time when
you were done for possession
of cannabis. I just came here
an' I told Mum that her
little baby was in trouble
with the law! And it was
almost as if I could hear her
voice saying to me 'Bribe the
Old Bill, Del!' And what
happened? When the case came
to court the police could
provide no evidence!
Albert
(To Rodney)
You told me you got a 250 quid
fine and a suspended sentence!
Del
Yes, because three days before
the trial this plonker pleaded
guilty by post! Mum wasn't to
know that was she! Don't
worry, she'll come up with a
solution to our financial
plight! Come on, sit yourself
down, just relax Rodders. Look
around you Rodney, just think,
one day all us Trotters'll be
here.
(To Albert)
Well I don't know about you!
Albert
That's alright Del, I'm with
the Co-op!
Del
Yeah, back in the sixties I
bought us all plots you know.
I thought land's a good
investment annit?
Rodney
Oh, can't go wrong Del can
yer!
Del
See, I'll be over there, next
to Mum, and Grandad, well he's
over there in the Gardens of
External Peace.
Rodney
Where will I be?
Del points into the far distance, so far he has to squint.
Del
Oh yeah, you are, oh look, see
look, see right over there.
Right over the back there.
Rodney
Yeah.
Del
There!
Rodney
Under the stinging nettles!
I ain't gonna be buried under
a pile of stinging nettles!
Del
Well it ain't gonna bother you
is it Rodney, 'cos you're
gonna be brown bread!
Albert
What happens when his family
come to pay their respects?
Del
He won't have no family, will
he? 'Cos I'll be there next
to Mum and you'll be picking
up yer divvies!
Albert
He could be married by then!
How's his widow gonna tend
his grave when it's covered
in stinging nettles?
Del
She'll have to buy herself a
decent pair of gardening
gloves won't she! Come to
think of it, I've got a
beautiful pair of gardening
gloves in the garage! They
retail at four pounds and
seventy five pence normally,
they could be yours for a
nicker!
Rodney
I don't want any gardening
gloves!
Del
Oh that's charming, innit, eh?
Never a thought for the poor
missus! There she'll be with
swellings and blotches all
over her hands, the poor
little mare!
Rodney
I don't believe this conversa-
tion is taking place! In 35
seconds you tow have married
me, buried me and given my
widow skin trouble!
Albert
Well, you've gotta look to the
future ain't yer Rodney?
Rodney
Not if I can help it Uncle!
Rodney spots something of interest in the distance.
Del
I often look into the future.
And I find it very reassuring
to know that whatever happens
down here, in this mortal
curl, one day we'll all be
together up there in Heaven -
for ever and ever, amen!
Albert
Do you believe in all that
Heaven and what 'ave yer?
Del
Oh yeah, it's true, I read it
in a book!
Rodney has got up. A butterfly has rested on some flowers
on another grave. Rodney's eyes are fixed on it.
Rodney
Del.
Del
Yeah, just think Rodney. When
you walk through them Pearly
Gates, Rodney - all like
clouds and things - the first
face you'll see will be mine.
Rodney
Yeah, that's cosmic Del!
Albert
Your Mum'll be there as well!
Del
Oh yes, Mum'll be there 'cos
she'll be wanting to see
Rodney, her little wonder
baby! She used to always call
him that you know 'cos she
used to wonder how the hell
he happened.
Rodney
Derek!
Albert
I suppose your Dad might be up
there as well, eh?
Del
Oh I do hope so. I do hope so
Uncle, can't wait to get my
hands on that old git! I'll
give him such a whack with my
harp he won't know if it's
Good Friday or Bonfire Night!
Rodney
Del, will you stop rabbiting
for one minute and come over
here.
Del
Oh Gordon Bennett, what's up
with you now?
Rodney
Look over there!
Rodney is pointing to some flowers.
Del
Where?
Rodney
Just by them flowers.
Albert
It's like that butterfly thing
from Rodney's magazine.
Rodney
That's because it is that
butterfly thing from my
magazine!
Del
Oh leave it out you wally!
What that thing over there's
worth three grand? Never...
Rodney produces the picture from a magazine. Del looks.
Del
It is, it is that 'an all.
Bloody hell! If we could, if
we could capture that all
our problems'll be over!
Rodney
Yeah.
Del
I told you two didn't I?
Didn't I tell you two that
Mum'd come up trumps.
Albert
Yeah, let's get it!
Del
No look, be careful, take yer
time. Take yer time! We've
gotta do this the way the
professionals would do it.
Albert
What d'you mean? We've gotta
jump over things and skid
around in the van?
Del
I don't mean Bodie and bleedin'
Doyle you stupid old git...I
mean professional butterfly
catchers! Albert.
Albert
Yes Del?
Del
Giss yer hat!
Albert hands Del his hat. He creeps towards the butterfly,
walking over a grave as he does.
Rodney
Derek!
Del
What?
Rodney
Have some respect!
Del
Oh sorry...
He closes in on the butterfly. Taking careful aim, he throws
the hat at the flowers.
Del
It's gone! Quick Rodney. Get
after it. Go on quick. Where'd
it go? Get after it. There
quick come on.
Del and Rodney chase after the butterfly.
DAY. A PARK.
Rodney's face is very concerned.
Rodney
Careful Del! Take it, nice and
easy does it!
Del is on the roof of one of the park shelters, inching his
way along to where the butterfly is perched.
Del
Yes, yes, thank you Rodney!
Rodney
'Cos you could slip and kill
yourself easy as anything!
Del
I know, I know!
He gets very close to the butterfly.
Rodney
(Shouts)
Now!!
This alarms Del and he starts to slip. He hits the ground
with a thud.
Del
Oh, you stupid idiot.
Rodney
Come on Del, he's getting
away!
Rodney pursues the butterfly. Del is spread-eagled on the
ground. He gets up painfully, brushing the leaves and
dirt off himself.
Del
The things I do for money!
DAY. THE PARK/LAKE.
Rodney is standing on a small boating platform when Del
arrives.
Del
Well, where is it?
Rodney
He's out there on that lily
pad!
Del
Oh, well we can't just leave
him out there can we?
Rodney
Well what d'you wanna do then,
phone the coastguard?
Del
Look, a bloody great pike
could come up and have him for
supper. No, one of us has got
to go in and get it. Go on
Rodney, I'll look after your
shoes!
Rodney
Eh? I'm not going in there!!
Del
This is no time for second
thoughts Rodney! That is not a
butterfly out there, that is
Denzil's money!
Rodney
So how comes I've gotta go and
get it?
Del
'Cos I'm not a very good swim-
mer!
Rodney
Nor am I!
Del
I know but you're taller than
me, ain't yer, It'll take you
longer to drown! It's only
shallow.
Rodney
How shallow?
Del
Well I don't know do I! Get in
and see!
Del pushes Rodney in. Rodney splashes about. A crowd of
passers-by has gathered to watch the going's-on. Albert
arrives, out of breath.
Albert
What's Rodney doing?
Del
I dunno - backstroke. Our
three grand's out there on
that lily pad. I begged him, I
begged him not to go in! Pity
you weren't here, this is
right up your street this
innit?
Albert
I can't swim Del!
Del
You used to be a sailor!
Albert
Don't mean a thing!! Nelson
couldn't swim!
Del
Course he couldn't, he'd only
got one bloody arm! He'd be
going round in circles
wouldn't he?
Rodney has got to his feet.
Del
There you are Rodney, it's not
as bad as you thought is it?
Rodney
You pushed me!
Del
I did not, I did not push you
Rodney. I just gave you a
little bit of encouragement!
Anyway come on Rodders you're
in now!
Rodney
Yeah, and I'm getting out 'an
all.
Del
Just a minute, just a minute.
Not ten yards, not ten yards
from you, right, is one of the
rarest, most beautiful and
precious of God's little tiny
creatures! And them wallies
in that magazine of yours are
gonna give us three grand for
that thing!
Rodney
I don't care Del, I'm still
getting out!
Del
Look, we give Denzil his two
grand back and we've got a
grand for ourselves!
Albert
I thought you said you'd give
Denzil three grand!
Del
That's funny you know, 'cos
Denzil thought I said that 'an
all. Rodders, everyone's a
winner! What d'you say?
Rodney makes his way out to the lily pad.
Albert
Nice and gentle Rodney.
Rodney
Shuddup!
Rodney reaches and gently scoops the butterfly up in his
cupped hands. He slowly makes his way back to the shore.
Del
Easy now, don't splash, go
slowly, don't disturb it.
Shush, mind how you go...
Rodney
I've got it!
Albert
He's got t.
Del
Good boy, come on.
Rodney
I bet I'll get a cold next
week now!
Del
Shut up you tart!
Rodney
This water'll make my hair go
frizzy!
Del
Don't worry, the alopecia'll
soon cure that Rodney. If you
get into difficulties, save
the butterfly right?
Rodney
Stuff the butterfly!
Del
There's only a few of them
things left in the world,
there's millions of you!
Albert
Nice 'n' easy Rodney, almost
there!
Rodney places the butterfly in Del's hands. Del and Albert
walk away a few yards leaving Rodney to get out of the
water alone.
Del
Careful, careful, got it, got
it.
Albert
Is he alright Del?
Del
Yeah he's alright. A bit wet,
but he'll survive. The sun'll
soon dry you out won't it? And
then we'll take you down to
the nice man who'll give Uncle
Delly Welly three lovely
grand!
There is the sound of reggae music approaching. Del looks
up to see Denzil approaching. Del holds his hands out to
show Denzil.
Del
Denzil I've got your money.
Denzil brings his hands smashing down on Del's in the West
Indian greeting.
Denzil
Great man! I'll see you down
the pub later!
Del looks straight ahead in shock. He looks down at his
hands and cringes. Rodney arrives dripping wet.
Rodney
What's that mess on your hands?
Albert
That used to be a butterfly
Rodney!
Rodney
The butt...But...You didn't...
Not when Denzil.
Del nods.
Rodney (cont'd)
Well what a plonker! So what
do we do now?
Del clears his hands of the butterflies remains. He turns
to the crowd.
Del
Ladies and gentlemen, how
would you like to be the proud
owners of a set of lowvery
doors?
'Ere, these pages are for lack of education purposes
only. If you decide to five-finger discount any of these
pages for your own hooky sites, at least try an' give us
a mention, will yer?'
Bonjour. Derek Trotter
President (T.I.T.)
Only Fools And Horses ™
& © The British Broadcasting Corporation (B.B.C). All Rights Reserved.
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