Only Fools And Horses

Cash And Curry

TOWN HALL CAR PARK Rodney pulls up in the three-wheeled van next to a rather rusty Vauxhall Velox Mark 3. He switches the engines and lights off on the van before slamming the door angrily. He glances at the Velox. On the front grill, between the rusty chrome and spotlight with a missing glass front, is a brand new Playboy bunny motif badge. As Rodney glances at it, there are two Indian fellows sitting surreptitiously in the front seats of a car. One is large and casually dressed (the heavy) and the other is smaller and smartly dressed in western style (Mr Ram). TOWN HALL FOYER. A sign on the wall reads: 'Peckham and Camberwell Chamber of Trade Dinner/Dance'. A few middle-aged men and women in evening dress are descending a flight of steps from the main hall. As Rodney enters the foyer, Del, in a flashy evening suit, smoking a fat cigar and slightly sloshed, is descending the stairs. Del Ah, you made it Rodders, good! Well done my son. Rodney You've got a bloody nerve you have Del, phoning me up at home and demanding I come down here and pick you up! Del What could I do Rodney? What - what could I - listen, look I've got the Vauxhall Velox outside haven't I, eh, and I've had a few, you know what I mean, a few drinky poos and I thought to myself, what, I could get a little old mini- cab and then I thought to myself no, no, no, what is more impressive - is more impressive is if you get your driver to come round and drive you home in your Vauxhall Voox - Vauxhall Velox! Rodney What do you mean impressive, eh? Who are you trying to impress? Del Ssssshhhh! A contact Rodney! Contact. New man in the area - stone rich, looking for 'business opportunities'. We could earn out of this Rodders my little brother! Rodney Del, what you failed to realise is when you phoned I was in the flat with a friend! Del Well why didn't you bring him with you? Rodney It wasn't a he! Del Well, what is it then? Have you been up to naughties Rodney? Rodney No. I just had a feeling some- thing was going to develop! Del Develop! You've been playing with my Polaroid again haven't you, eh? Rodney No! Vimmal Malik, an evening-suited and sober Indian gentle- man, passes. Vimmal I'll just collect my coat Derek! Del Alright. No rush Vammil me old mucker! Rodney Who? Del Vimmal...Vimmal contact! Say no more! TOWN HALL CAR PARK. Del, Rodney and Vimmal exit from the foyer. They start to walk across the car park. Del So he said 'She can't come now 'cos she's weighing the postman.' (Laughs) 'ere, d'you fancy a nightcap Vimmal? I know a nice little pub that does late tasting, eh. All three stop. Ram and the heavy are barring the way. Ram Thought you'd given me the slip did you Vimmal? Vimmal Why don't you go away and leave me alone! Ram (To Del) I have no quarrel with my friend. It's this pig's behind Malik that I wish to see! Del Friend of yours is he Vimmal? Vimmal He's no ones friend. Del Listen John, I don't know what this barney's all about and I don't want to know! So why don't you chaps get out of the way before someone gets a smack in the ear! Right! Ram Please, do not threaten me with violence my friend. My colleague here is a second Dan in karate! Del And I'm a black belt in origami, now get out of my way! Ram gestures to the heavy. The heavy moves menacingly to within a yard or so of Del and then leaps into a karate pose. Del is coolness itself, relaxed, almost nonchalent. Rodney Watch him Del, watch his kari tari, mate. Del I'll watch your bloody kari tari in a minute Rodney, just shut up will you! The heavy goes through the psyching out process - lots of yells, stamping of feet, flurries of feet, etc. Del (Glancing over the heavy's shoulder) Police! The heavy turns, as do Rodney, Vimmal and Ram. There is a thud and a groan. Del is still cool and relaxed, but the heavy is kneeling on the ground clutching his groin. Del Rodney! You and Vimmal in the car quickly! Rodney Right, let's go! Del (To Ram) Well it's been very pleasant meeting you both. Have a nice evening won't you. Ram My friend! It's not good to part in such circumstances. Could we talk? Del I've done all the talking I wanted to. Goodnight each. With that, the Vauxhall with Rodney and Vimmal inside roars past Del and out of the car park. Del (Shouting) Rodney! I didn't mean drive off! What a plonker! (To Ram) Well, on second thoughts I quite fancy a nice little chat! Perhaps you could drop me off home after? (They help the heavy to his feet) Oh, oh dear, come on me old mate, come on. No, you'll be alright. You'll be alright. Here, what happened? INDIAN RESTAURANT. Del, Ram and the heavy are seated at a table eating a meal. Ram Agur ye budha kuch aur mngy to kahna ka bawarchi khana band ha. Del Ah John, that is twice, right? Rodney enters Starsky and Hutch fashion and surveys the restaurant. Ram I think your brother has now arrived Mr Trotter. Del Ah, oh yeah, yeah, could you excuse me a minute Mr Ram. Excuse me. Rodney! Rodney Del - are you alright son? I thought you was in bother! Del Oh, that's why it's taken you an hour an' 'alf to get here is it? Didn't Grandad tell you that I phoned? Rodney Oh yeah, he told me! 'Del Boy's been captured by the Indians' he said. I didn't know whether to phone the police of the Texas Rangers! Del If you were so worried at your brother, you know, you were so worried about me, how come it's taken you till twenty to one in the morning to come to me rescue? Rodney Because your telephone message lacked something in clarity, didn't it? You didn't tell Grandad which Indian restaurant you was in! I've been crashing through the doors of every curry house and take-away from Battersea Bridge to Colliers Wood tube station! I can now leap out of the Vauxhall Velox, Dukes of Hazzard fashion, make a chapati and say get stuffed in Urdu! Del I forgive you, Rodney. Rodney Oh that's nice. Del Alright then. Rodney So there's gonna be trouble is there? Del No, no, put that spoon down. Rodney Thank God for that! Del Right, come on. Rodney I would like you to meet Mr Ram, he owns this restaurant. (indicating heavy) Of course you know Oddjob don't you! Rodney Well - nice restaurant you've got here, Mr Very... Del Indian. Rodney Yeah, Indian! Ram Thank you. Del Sit down, sit down. Ram I was just telling your brother how well I've done since I came to Britain. I now own 18 of these restaurants all together. I also own a lot of land. Del Yeah, yeah, Oddjob's got a couple of acres and all hasn't he? Ram I am telling you now if I got into my car at nine o' clock in the morning, it would take me up till two in the afternoon to drive around my land. Rodney Yeah, we had a car like that once eh? Ram What? Rodney Don't matter. Del So Mr Ram you and this, er, Vimmal, you've been having a bit of an up and downer then have you? Ram Don't mention that name at this table. It will sour the food. Del What's it all about then? Ram I'll tell you what it's all about Mr Trotter. It's about truth - it's about righteous- ness, but above all it's about justice! Vimmal that...that pig's behind, has something that's rightfully mine! You see our families have been engaged in a vendetta for many, many years. It goes right back to the days of the Old Empire. Rodney He means the British Empire not the Kilburn! Del I know that! I know that - pray continue. Ram Now my family fought against the British whereas the Maliks family supported them! When the conquest of Mother India was finally complete the British Raj decided to reward the Maliks' loyalty by giving them my family's land! Rodney What, you mean they just took it off your family? Ram That's correct. They destroyed the home, they plundered the family's temple and then they sold the land. The Maliks have built a business empire with the proceeds. Del Here, couldn't you write to That's Life? Ram That's Life! Del Yeah. Ram But this happened a century ago Mr Trotter! If Lord Krishna himself couldn't help us I really don't think Esther Rantzen would stand much chance! Del No, no, that was just a thought. Oh - get off! Ram Vimmal Malik has in his possession the one, single item that remains of my birthright. It's a simple porcelain statuette of Kuvera. You know of Kuvera? Del and Rodney Oh yeah. Del You don't know who Kuvera is! Rodney Yes I do! Del Alright tell us! Rodney What? Del Who is he? Rodney Who? Del Kuvera! Rodney Em...Well er...He was, alright I don't know! Del There you are, see what I mean Mr Ram? He's got two 'O' Levels and he thinks he's Bamber Cascoigne's vest! Rodney Alright Mastermind, who is he then? Del Kuvera was one of India's premier wicket-keepers. Rodney You berk! Ram Kuvera is the Hindu god of wealth, from the second aspect of the Trimurti - the Hindu Trinity! Del Oh yeah, oh that Kuvera? Oh yeah, gotcha now, yeah, yeah, there was two of them see. Ram In worldly terms the statuette is off little value, but in religious and sentimental terms it's precious to me... and I want it back, it's mine by right! I'm a rich man Mr Trotter, I shouldn't have to stoop to the kind of intimidation you witnessed tonight. I'm prepared to buy it back from Vimmal Malik. I would pay four thousand pounds! Del (crumbling his poppadum) Four - four - four thousand pounds. Well, why don't you just go and make him an offer? Ram Oh it's impossible! It's this wretched cast-system you see. He belongs to the high ceste and I belong to the low caste. Del Oh no, don't put yourself down. Ram We cannot meet, talk or communicate in any manner! So you see my friends I am up a gum-tree without a paddle! Del It seems to me Mr Ram what you need is a mutual friend, you know. Someone who can talk to the both of you, you know act as a sort of go-between! Ram Perhaps you and your brother! Del What us? I suppose we could, I mean, cor, why didn't we think of that Rodney? Rodney I think one of us already did Del! Ram If you help me to reclaim the statuette, I don't know how I'd ever reward you! Del Well I've always fancied one of those video recorders. But no, no, pas de Basque. Pas de Basque. We'll go and see this Mr Vimmal tomorrow. Um, four grand, right? Ram Right. Oh, but I must make one thing quite clear. I don't trust this man Malik, you see he comes from a long line of swindlers! I won't part with a single penny until I have the statuette safely in my hands! Del Don't you worry, don't worry Mr Ram, me and Vimmal we're like that! (he twists his fingers) Good job that we didn't call the police tonight. Del jerks his elbow and hits the heavy. Del (cont'd) Oh, what happened? VIMMAL'S HOTEL ROOM. A typical room in a smaller, cheaper hotel. The kind of place where reps who are fiddling their expenses might stay. Clean and tidy but the Dorchester it is not. Vimmal casually dressed has just been informed by Rodney and Del of the previous night's meal. Vimmal I'm surprised at you Derek, and you also Rodney! How could you share a meal with that...with that gutter dog? I thought you were my friends? Del We are your friends Vimmal me old mucker! Just trust me will you, trust me! You see this Mr Ram - the gutter dog - told us about the little misunder- standing that your two families have been having for the last 100 years or so! He also mentioned something about the statue of some god or another. Vimmal Of Kuvera, the god of wealth! Del Ah, that's him - that's the boy! Yeah well, yeah, well you know. Well without beating about the bush, you know, I mean - well - you know to cut a long story short, well not to put too fine a point on it... Rodney He wants to buy it off you! Vimmal Buy it from me! He must have gone mad or he's been eating too many of his own curries! Buy it from me indeed! I wouldn't sell it to him if he offered me a million pounds! How much did he offer? Purely out of curiosity you understand. Rodney is about to say four when Del beats him to it. Del Er, two grand! Rodney Two grand! I thought Mr Ram said... Del Yeah, a grand, that is right Rodney but I persuaded him to double it! Vimmal Two grand! No, no, no, I cannot sell it to him. Del Two grand Vimmal me old mucker. You know it's not to be sneezed at, is it, eh? Vimmal I will not deny that I'm tempted Derek. I thought of selling the statuette once before. The most I was offered was a hundred and fifty pounds! Del Now look Vimmal, you see, I get the impression that you're not quite as rich and successful as you told me you were last night at the chamber of trade bash. I mean, take a look at this place, it's hardly the Ritz is it, eh? More like the Nits! Vimmal I will admit I have suffered some misfortunes in my business dealings of late. Del So two grand on the hip would come in dead handy, eh? Vimmal Two grand would come in handy as you say! But I cannot communicate with him, I'm of a high caste, he's a low caste! Del But you don't have to communi- cate with him Vimmal me old mucker. That's where me and Rodders come in. You see we're acting as the go-betweens! Vimmal Even so I cannot accept this offer. You see it would be like betraying my family. The statuette was left to me by my father! You wouldn't understand what that means would you? Del Oh yes, yes we would, wouldn't we Rodney? Rodney Would we Del? Del Oh yeah, yeah. Our - late mother - well she's dead now - she left us this family heirloom. It was um, it was this - this Victorian globe. Rodney It meant the world to us. Del As he said it meant the world to us. Yeah but there came the time when we fell upon stony ground. Rodney We fell upon stony ground did we? Del Yes, we fell upon stony ground. And the only thing we had of any value was - was this Victorian globe which we cherished! Vimmal You sold it? Del Well, no, no, no, I raffled it down the betting shop! Vimmal But, of course, you understand the sense of loss? Rodney Well not really, no, because by some stroke of fortune Del had the winning ticket! Del I think it was God...or something! Vimmal You think I should sell it to him Derek? Del Yes, of course I do Vimmal me old mucker. I mean, what is it, it's just an ancient piece of old religious pottery! And with two grand wisely invested. I mean in a couple of years you could replace it with um...who knows what, a Capo Del Monte! And personally, anyway, I'm not - I'm sorry I've got to tell you this but I think that statue is cursed! Vimmal Cursed? Rodney Oh leave it out Del! Del Do not underestimate the powers of darkness Rodney. I mean for a god of wealth he ain't done Vimmal no favours has he, eh? Vimmal I'm not a superstitious man Derek but I'm a business man and a realist...I have decided to accept his offer! Del Well, you know it makes sense Vimmal! Vimmal moves to the door. Del Yeah good man. Rodney Now just what's your... Rodney has noticed Vimmal standing at the door. Vimmal Do excuse me, won't you. Del Oh certainly, yes. Vimmal exits. Rodney Now just what is your game Del? Ram offered four grand, how come you're only offering two? Del Slip of the tongue, Rodney. Rodney Oh so when he comes back you won't mind me telling him the truth? Del No, don't you do that or other- wise he'll think I'm trying to con him. Rodney You are trying to con him! Del No man is an island, Rodney. Rodney I know that Del. What I'm on about is the - what's that supposed to mean? Del What it means - what it - look the French have a saying, Rodney. Bouillabaisse mon ami. Rodney Bouillabaisse mon ami? That means fish stew, my friend! Del Need I say more. Rodney Now don't try an' fob me off with your stupid French phrases. You're trying to con him out of two thousand quid...We're going to get lumbered, Del Del How? Rodney Alright, say Ram and Vimmal meet and discuss the deal? Del That's the beauty of it, Ram and Vimmal cannot meet because of the wonderful caste system. It's Christmas come early for us. And anyway if it wasn't for kind-hearted people like you and me willing to act as go- betweens, Vimmal would end up with nothing. And as it is two grand is better than a kick up the bot from Bobby Charlton innit, eh? Rodney It's immoral. Del It's free enterprise. Rodney It's illegal then. Del Alright so it's against the law, and all. But look, you and I can earn a grand a piece out of this. Rodney It's fraud. Del Are you in? Rodney Yeah, all right. Vimmal re-enters carrying the statue. Del Right. Ah, ah, oh well, this is it is it Vimmal my old mucker? Oh, that is lovely that - wonderful workmanship. Of course I'm a Ming fan myself, you know. Oh yeah, he made some wonderful stuff didn't he that Ming, yeah. Pity he went and died hen he did weren't it, eh? Vimmal Ming was a dynasty, Derek! Del I don't care what he was Vimmal, he made a smashing vase. Anyway, look we'll pop this round to Mr Ram and bring you back your two grand post haste as they say in Ancient Rome, alright? Vimmal (taking statue from Del) No, no, no, Derek. This does not leave my sight until his money is on the table. Del Ah? No, no, no, no, no, sorry, look you don't understand, you see. 'Cos he said that you won't get a penny until he has the statuette safely in his hands. Alright. Vimmal I don't care what he said Derek, I do not trust the man - he comes from a long line of cheats. You bring me his money first then you can take him the statue. Del No but you see - you see he said - he said bring the statue and then - then you can have the money. Vimmal I don't care what he said, Derek. Rodney He don't care what he said, Derek. Del Yes I heard what he said. I'll leave Rodney as a deposit. Rodney Eh? Del Well what else can I do? I mean look he won't let that go till he gets the money and he won't have the money till he gets that. Oh Gordon Bennett - this is classic this is, isn't it, eh? It's the bacon and egg situation all over again. Rodney It's the chicken and egg Del. Del We haven't got time to discuss food Rodney. Vimmal Talk to him, Derek. Persuade him to submit to my terms. After all you have influence over him, you have already persuaded him to double his offer from a grand to two grand. Del Yeah, well...well, alright, alright. Right Vim, I'll see what I can do then shall I, yeah? I'll um, you know I'll um, I'll get back to you. Alright. You know you er, right, stay loose. Okay and don't you worry Vimmal, don't worry. I mean me and old Ram, I mean, we're like that, we're like, we're like, yeah. Rodney twists his fingers for him. Del (cont'd) Thanks. Come on. HOTEL HALLWAY. Del What are we gonna do now? Rodney Just forget the whole thing Del. Del What do you mean forget the whole thing. How can we forget the whole thing? Two grand up for grabs and you say forget it. No, no, there's got to be another way round it. Rodney There isn't. Look, Ram won't pay a penny until he's got the statuette in his hands and Vimmal won't let the statuette go till he's got Ram's money. Del Yeah cheers. Yeah, what he thinks is Ram's money. Rodney What you on about now? Del Well let's say, just for instance, that we had two grand lying around at home doing nothing in particular. Rodney Just mooching about. Del Yeah, you know, kicking its heels, that sort of thing. And let's say that we - we gave Vimmal that two grand right and we pretend that we'd just collected from Mr Ram. Well Vimmal, he wouldn't know any better, would he, eh? So thinking that he'd won the battle and, and as happy as a sand boy, he'd hand over the statuette which we would then whip round to Mr Ram who was also thinking that he'd won the battle, and being equally chuffed as a sand boy, would hand over to us 4,000 lovely smackeroonyos. We would get on our bike leaving them to play sandcastles. Brilliant innit, eh? Rodney Yeah, there's only one problem I can see Del. How the hell do we get two grand? Del You always bring little details up don't you, eh? We get it from a bank. Rodney What rob it? Del Well, that's a... Rodney Oi! Del No, no, no, we'll borrow it from a bank. This is gilt-edge security innit? Rodney Del, you can't stroll into a bank and ask for a loan to help you pull off a con-trick. Besides, we haven't got a bank account. Del Oh well there's got to be another way of raising the money. I mean there's just got to be. Here, we're general traders aren't we? Rodney Yeah! Del Well why don't we start generally trading. I mean we could flog all our stock that we've got in the garage, couldn't we? We could sell the deep-freeze, the Vauxhall Velox. Rodney Three-wheeled van? Del You're jesting, they'd want a tenner to take that away. No we could flog Grandad's telly, we could flog - 'ere my jewellery, that would bring in enough, I mean it's 27 carat. Rodney I thought it was nine carat! Del That was when I was buying, now I'm selling! We could sell that leather coat. Rodney You're not talking about my leather coat are you? Del No, no, I'm talking about - have you got a leather coat? Oh we'll knock that one out and all Rodney, yeah that's a good idea. Rodney Come on Del, we'll never raise two grand. Del We can, Rodney...You can do anything if you want it hard enough. We can do it Rodney, we can do it! Rodney Yeah, yeah. Del Come on then. THE TROTTER'S FLAT. Del is standing outside the front door. Two blokes are carrying a deep-freeze out of the flat. Del is handed a bundle of notes. SECOND-HAND CAR SITE. Del, Rodney and a car trader are examining the Vauxhall Velox. The trader hands Del money. The amount is growing steadily. THE TROTTERS' FLAT. Del is standing outside the front door as a couple of blokes carry a colour telly out. More money is passed into Del's hand. LONDON BACK STREET. The three-wheeled van is parked outside of an Almost-New Clothes Shop. A sign in the window read: 'We buy second- hand clothes.' Outside the shop is long trestle table upon which lie bundles of second-hand dresses, jumpers, etc. Rodney takes a great heap of clothing from the back of the van and carries it into the shop. Del pauses, checks the street and then scoops up all the dresses and jumpers, etc, from the trestle table and follows Rodney in. He is paid more money. JEWELLER'S SHOP. Del removes his watch and hands it to the jeweler. He then removes his rings, his tie-pin, his identity bracelet, his necklace and medallions. Rodney removes his watch but the jeweler looks at it and hands it back to him. More money is given to Del. VIMMAL'S ROOMS. Del places a large bundle of crumpled notes and a bag of coins on the table. Del Well, thanks a lot, it's tempus fugit then, eh? Del goes to look at the time on his right wrist, but has forgotten that his watch has been sold. Vimmal Where's your watch, Derek? Del My watch. Oh, it's at the menders, I broke it last night playing you know, volleyball. (he mimes a tennis stroke) Vimmal I thought you were right-handed! Del Me - no, no, no, no, I'm ambiguous. OUTSIDE THE HOTEL. Rodney is sitting in the three-wheeled van. A victorious Del emerges from the hotel holding the statuette up high like the FA Cup. As he descends the hotel steps, he stumbles and juggles with the statuette. He finally catches it diving at full length, inches from the floor and breathes an almighty sigh of relief. INDIAN RESTAURANT. Del and Rodney enter. An Indian approaches. Man Good afternoon, gentlemen. A table for two? Del No thank you. Man No thank you? Rodney We'd like to see Mr Ram. Man Mr Ram? Del The owner? Man The owner? Del (To Rodney) Terrible echo in here ain't there, eh? Yeah we'd like to speak to the owner Mr Ram! Man The owner, Mr Ram? Del There it goes again. What is the matter with it. Eh, don't keep doing that. Now listen, listen, we would like to talk to the proprietor of this restaurant. Man I am the proprietor of this restaurant. Rodney No, no, he don't understand. Del What's he on about? Rodney We want to see the real owner, right. Man I am the real owner. Del Alright, alright - listen - just wait. Just watch my lips alright. Where is Mr Ram? Man Look, I don't know any Mr bloody Rams. So will you please leave. You dunks always come here causing trouble. Del Trouble! We're not drunks are we? Look, I was having a couple of meals here quite recently, you must remember me! Man I am sorry, you all look alike to me. Del Alike, what's he talking about we all look alike. What's the matter with him? Rodney He don''s making it up. Look! Look, look my brother, right? Del That's me. Rodney Was in here dining with a couple of Indian gentlemen. Right? One was sort of large - large and aggressive. Right? Big, and the other one - smaller. How small? Del Well he's smaller than that weren't he - get down there. Rodney About that big and more business-like and he had a beard - beard! He had a beard about that big. Man Oh, that Mr Ram! Rodney and Del Yes. Man I know who you are talking about now. Del At last. Man He's the one who gave me a bouncy cheque. A short while ago I went to the address which is written on the back. He scarpered owing three weeks rent. Rodney Del Boy!! Del No, no, no, no, no, no, there must be a mistake! It's got to be a mistake. I mean he told me he owned this restaurant. He told me he owned 18 of them in fact. Man Maybe he was fibbing! Del Fibbing! Maybe he was fibbing. I've just given him two grand for this on the strength of his 'fibbing'. Man Two grand, but why? The Man is indicating an area of the restaurant where there are two replicas of the statuette being used as decoration. Man (cont'd) You can get them in Portobello Road for seventeen pounds each! It's amazing what you can save if you shop around. Del I've got a nose-bleed coming Rodney! MOTORWAY. INSIDE CAR. Vimmal and Ram are both opulently dressed and smoking fat cigars. The atmosphere is one of celebration. Vimmal He tried to tell me that the statue was cursed! Ram You know he told me that he thought Kuvera was a wicket- keeper. Let's see, now we've done Cardiff, Bristol, Southampton and now North and South London. Where to now? Vimmal Oh to Birmingham, then Manchester, then Newcastle, even maybe Liverpool. In fact, anywhere where there're people who think they can exploit the religious bigotry of two stupid immigrants. We'll be rich my friend, very rich! Ram I'll drink to that, my old mucker! HOTEL. Rodney is waiting in the van, anxiously. The Hotel door opens and Del emerges and descends the steps like a man in a trance. Rodney No sign of Vimmal. Del No, he packed his bags and had it away on his toes five minutes after we left! As Macbeth said to Hamlet in A Midsummer Night's Dream, 'We've been done up like a couple of kippers.' Rodney Right, let's go to the police. Del Oh yeah, that's a good idea, that is - oh that's marvellous, we'd give them a good laugh down there couldn't we, eh? Can just imagine it? Trotter brothers conned out of two grand. It'd be all over the manor in no time, we'd never be able to hold our heads up in court again! I don't know how people like Vimmal and his mate can sleep at night, honest I don't. Lost every- thing. Leather coats, Vauxhall Velox, Grandad's telly! Rodney Ah, I've just remembered something. Grandad was renting that telly. Del Oh triffic, come on - let's get something to eat, I always feel emotionally peckish when I've been gutted. Rodney Well there's a curry house down the road Del. Only joking, Del Boy... Del! Del hurls the statuette across the top of the van at Rodney.

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