DAY. A NEWSAGENTS.
Behind the counter is Debbie. She is a very pretty cockney
girl in her late teens. She is serving a couple of old
ladies. Del and Rodney enter. Her and Rodney exchange
smiles.
Rodney
Hello Debbie.
Debbie
Hello Rodney.
Del
(Mimics them)
'Hello Debbie.' 'Hello Rodney!'
Rodney
Shut up will yer!
Rodney moves away to look at the magazines.
Del
(To old lady)
Hello darling.
Old Lady
Been up to the hospital, love?
Del
Yeah, we just come back from
there now.
Old Lady
How is he?
Del
Moaning! The doctors 'ave been
trying to take his hat off,
but he wouldn't have none of
it! They gave him an X-ray
yesterday, and they found out
he got a pulled ligament in the
wallet, and severe fraying of
the trilby!
Old Lady
Give him my love.
Del
Ooh, he ain't up to nothing
like that!
Rodney
(To Del)
This is awkward!
Del
What is?
Rodney
Well, I wanted to buy one of
my adult art magazines.
Del
What's the problem?
Rodney
Debbie's serving! We've been
seeing each other, sort of
thing! She might think I'm
odd!
Del
She's gonna find out sometime
Rodney.
Rodney
Get it for us would you Del?
Del
Alright, alright, Rodney!
Rodney
Cheers Del, you're a pal!
Del
(To Debbie)
Here you are, darling, look
Exchange and Mart, oh, give me
one of yer dirty magazines
darling will you.
Debbie
Yeah, which one d'you want?
Del
(Calls)
Which one d'you want Rodney?
Rodney exits, embarrassed.
Del (cont'd)
(To Debbie)
Just the Exchange and Mart.
DAY. THE ESTATE.
Del and Rodney are walking past a tower block (Zimbabwe
House).
Rodney
'What one d'you want Rodney?'
I don't believe you sometimes!
Del
I wish I'd had my Polaroid
with me! You should've seen
your face!
Rodney
You've embarrassed me!
Del
I've embarrassed you! Oh, it's
alright for some bird to think
I'm a pervo though is it?
Rodney
You ain't taking her out, are
you?
Del
Don't know, I ain't made me
mind up yet!
Rodney
Oh, listen to him, will you!
Jason, a little nine-year-old, fair-haired boy dashes past
them and towards the road.
Del
Oi, oi, oi!
Del grabs the kid by the collar as he is about to run into
the road.
Del (cont'd)
Hey, what's your game, eh?
Jason
My Mum said she's gonna kill
me!
Rodney
Well she won't need to will
she? You'll kill yourself
running across the road like
that.
Del
No, haven't you ever heard of
the Green Cross Code?
Jason
But I'm gonna get killed in a
minute!
Del
No you're not. She's not gonna
kill you!
Jason
She said she was!
Del
Yeah, I know, but mums say lots
of things they don't mean,
don't they, eh?
(Taking fifty pence
from his pocket)
Here, tell you what. Here you
are, go and get yourself an
ice-cream at the Paki's on the
corner.
Jason
Oh thanks mister...what about
my brother?
Jason indicates a little West Indian kid standing a few yards
away.
Del
Ah, who's he?
Rodney
That's your brother is it?
Del
Is it?
(Producing another
fifty pence)
You'd better get him one an'
all hadn't yer?
Jason
Ta mister.
Del
Oi just a minute, why was your
Mum telling you off?
Jason
I let down the tyres on that
motor.
Del and Rodney turn to see the three-wheeled van with all
the tyres deflated.
Del
I'll kill you!
Rodney
Oh bloody hell Del, look at
that.
Del
Little scallywags round here
ain't they!
Rodney
Well it's nothing to laugh at
Del, I mean, look at it!
Del
Oh no, they're only kids
though ain't they? I used to
do the same sort of thing when
I was a nipper. I remember me
and Albie Littlewood we let a
couple of tyres down once.
Should have seen the palaver
it caused. Everyone had to get
off the bus! They were the
days! Still, I'll go round the
garage and get the foot pump
for you.
Rodney
Yeah right. Oi, hold on what
d'you mean you'll get me the
foot pump?
Del
You ain't 'alf getting indepen-
dent ain't yer? Alright, go and
get your on foot pump.
Rodney
That's more like it.
NIGHT. THE ESTATE.
Del, dressed to kill, exits from the tower block. He walks
to the van, gives a cursory examination of the now inflated
tyres, jumps in and drives off. As the van near Zimbabwe
House we see little Jason sitting forlornly on the kerb.
Del pulls into the kerb and alights.
Del
(Sitting next to
him)
Alright Champ? What you doing?
Jason
I'm running away from home.
Del
Running away from home are you?
Ain't got very far have you?
Jason
My Mum said I mustn't cross the
road!
Del
That makes it difficult then
dunnit? Where's yer brother?
Jason
His Dad says he has to go in.
Del
I see. Well I reckon that's the
best place for you to go an'
all, don't you?
Jason
She'll kill me!
Del
No she won't, listen, they were
my tyres that you let down
weren't they? So I'll come home
with you and I'll tell your Mum
that I asked you to let my
tyres down 'cos I wanted to
see how long it would take my
brother to pump 'em back up
again! How's that?
Jason
Alright then.
Del
There, good boy, see, you know
it makes sense! Come on then.
You'd better get in 'cos the
bogey man will be coming soon.
Jason
I've seen the bogey man!
Del
Have you? What's he look like?
Jason
He's got a funny hat and wears
pyjamas under his mac!
Del
That's not the bogey man,
that's my Grandad!
INTERIOR OF FLATS.
Del and Jason approach a door to one of the flats.
Del
Right, come on then. Is this
it? This is your house?
Jason
Yeah.
Del
Is it? Right, now don't you
worry. She'll be as sweet as a
nut, I'll guarantee. Just stay
there.
The front door opens.
June
Where have you been? I was just
about to call the police. Look
at the state of you. Go and put
your pyjamas on. I'll see you
in a minute.
Jason exits into the flat.
Del
(Recognising the
voice)
Does that go for me an' all?
June
You what? Del? Cor, I don't
believe it!
Del
Junie, how you doing?
June
I'm fine!
Del
Oh great.
June
You don't still live on the
estate, do you?
Del
Well yeah, over the way there,
you know Nelson Mandela House.
Here when d'you move in here?
June
Six weeks ago, there don't
stand out there, people'll
think you're the tallyman.
Come in.
Del
Right. 'Ere hang about. What
about the old man?
June
Erh, he's gone away for a bit.
Del enters into the flat.
Del
Oh gone away for a bit. Anyone
we know?
NIGHT. JUNE'S LOUNGE.
Del is seated having a glass of beer. June enters from
the bedroom.
June
He's soundo already. Didn't
even want a bedtime story
tonight.
Del
He's a little scallywag ain't
he?
June
Ooh, he's a right handful!
D'you know what he did today?
He only let the tyres down on
some crappy three-wheeled van
over there!
Del
Yeah?
June
I think he misses his Dad!
Del
Yeah, I used to miss my Dad -
till I learnt to punch
straight! When's the old man
get out?
June
(Pouring herself
a drink)
Oh, he's not in prison Del!
No, he works on an oil-rig.
Del
Oh I see! When are you
expecting him back then?
June
About six months if he keeps
his nose clean.
Del smiles at her subconscious slip. June, realising her
mistake, smiles as she concedes the point.
June
I'd have popped over and seen
you, but I didn't think for
one minute you'd still be
living here! D'you remember
what you used to say to me all
those years ago?
Del
I can remember quite a lot of
funny things I used to say to
you!!!
June
I don't mean 'that'! You used
to say, 'This time next year
I'll be a millionaire!'
Del
Did I? What a wally! Well, we
were much younger then weren't
we, I mean, anything seemed
possible in them days. 'Ere,
'ere, how long ago was it
that, you know, you and I,
well, we stopped seeing each
other?
June
Must be...19 years now!
Del
19 - 19 years!
June
It's longer than that in fact.
We broke up in September 1965.
Just after Albie Littlewood's
funeral.
Del
That's right! Yeah, that's
right, cor, we were a right
little team up till then,
weren't we?
June
What, the famous four! You and
me, Albie and...what was his
girlfriend's name?
Del
Deirdre.
June
That's it, Deirdre.
Del
Deirdre! Do you know I often
wondered what would have
happened if he hadn't been
coming over to see me that
night. You know, if he hadn't
taken the short cut across the
railway lines, you know - if
his bike hadn't accidentally
fallen on the live rail. I
mean what's the point of
talking about ifs! If me
brother had been a bird he
would have been me sister,
wouldn't he, eh?
June
Oh you had a kid brother!
Rodney. How is he?
Del
Oh, he's alright. He's just
reached that awkward age. You
know he's a bit like a
triffle!
June
What d'you mean, mixed up?
Del
No, no, he's thick and fruity!
June
Oh and what about your Gran-
dad?
Del
Oh Grandad, well, he's not too
fit at the moment, he's laid
up in Dock but I sometimes
think you know given half a
chance he could be thick and
fruity an' all.
June
I take it you never got
married!
Del
Me, no, no, no, I just got
engaged! 'Ere, talking about
that...you still got my
engagement ring?
June
Yeah, you don't want it back
do you?
Del
No, no, no, I - you know I was
just wondering that was all!
No, I was just wondering like,
'cos you know, I - I could
always whip over home and get
my Sheena Easton LP, if you
like!
June
Not much point, I haven't got
a record player!
Del
Oh, I'll have to keep my eye
open for one! For you, won't I,
eh? Don't worry, you leave it
to me, alright?
They go to kiss but the doorbell rings.
June
Oh Del. Oh! 'Ere Del, help
yourself to a drink.
Del
Yeah, thanks Junie.
June exits to the hall. Del moves over to examine a picture
or ornament.
June
(OOV)
Oh come in love.
June enters from the hall.
June (cont'd)
It's alright. It's a friend of
my daughter's.
(Calls)
Debs, it's for you! She's got
that bloody radio on again,
she'll wake Jason!
June exits.
Rodney enters from the hall door. He is carrying a Duran
Duran LP and a bottle of brandy. Del spots him. Rodney,
unaware of Del's presence, wanders around getting the feel
of the place. He smiles licentiously as he tests the
softness of the settee. Del observes all this. Rodney,
believing himself to be alone, relaxes and starts to play
'Joe Cool' in that optimistic way of someone who thinks
they will soon be getting their end away. He studies
himself in the mirror and has a very confident air. He
undoes another shirt button, pulling his shirt wider
apart to reveal more of his chest, has second thoughts
and does the button up. He now licks his hair to give a
more natural look, as he does this he sees Del's
reflection in the mirror. He freezes and turns his head
away and closes his eyes really tight as if he thinks
he is seeing thing. Rodney then looks back t the mirror
and Del's reflection is still there. Rodney turns.
Del
You little plonker!
Rodney
What are you doing here?
Del
What am I doing...What are you
doing here?
Rodney
Well, this is where Debbie
lives, ain't it? That bird
from the paper...'Ere - 'ere
you're not trying to...
Del
No I am not! Leave it out, I'm
a friend of her Mum's!
Rodney
Yeah, when d'you meet her then?
Del
1964.
Rodney
What and you've only just come
round to see her?
Del
No, I was engaged to her, soppy!
Rodney
What, another one! Stone me
Del, you've been engaged more
times than a switchboard ain't
yer!
Del
Don't you start getting lippy.
(Indicating record)
I don't know what you brought
that round for, 'Cos they
ain't got a record player!
Rodney opens it up to reveal that the sleeve is empty.
Rodney
That's alright, I ain't got a
record!
Del
You are a saucy little git you
really...
(Sees the bottle
of brandy)
Oi, I've got one of those at
home on the sideboard!
Rodney
Yeah alright, well I'll get
you another one tomorrow, wont
I!
June enters.
Del
Yeah you better...Junie, June,
you'll never guess who that
is? That is little Rodney!
June
You're kidding!!
Del
No, straight up!
June
I don't believe it! The last
time I saw you, you were about
that high! How old was he Del?
Del
Then, about two and 'alf!
June
Anyway it's very nice to meet
you again Rodney.
Rodney
And you...
Rodney is not sure how to address her, but is wanting
to ingratiate himself.
Rodney (cont'd)
Ma'm.
Del
Leave it out Rodney, you're
making me feel quite Tom and
Dick you really are.
June
You can call me June.
Rodney
Oh thank you.
June
Debbie won't be a minute, she's
just putting some clothes on.
Rodney
Oh she needn't bother!
June
What??
Rodney
No, no, no, I mean, you know,
she needn't bother to put on
anything special. I was
thinking actually...er...if you
two wanted to go out and you
know chat about old times and
all that, well you know I'm sure
me and Debbie wouldn't mind
baby-sitting.
June
What d'you think Del?
Del
I daren't tell you what I
think Junie! Come on let's go
out for a drink! Shall we?
Debbie enters wearing a dressing gown.
Debbie
Hello Rodney.
Rodney
Debs!
Del
You alright darling?
Debbie
Oh watcha.
June
You two met?
Debbie
Yeah, he came in the paper
shop this morning for a dirty
magazine.
Del
'Ere no, actually...listen...
Rodney
Er, I was just saying you and
me wouldn't mind baby-sitting
if Del and yer Mum went out
for a drink!
Debbie
Yeah, that suits me.
June
I'll get my coat.
June exits to hall.
Del
Yeah alight, darling. 'Ere I'd
do that up if I was you,
you'll get a cold on yer
chest!
Rodney
It's Debbie's house, she can do
what she likes. Do you want a
brandy Debs?
Debbie
Brandy eh? You're splashing out
ain't yer?
Del
Yeah well of course he's celeb-
rating ain't he?
Debbie
Celebrating what?
Del
Oh, hasn't he told you? He's
just heard from the clinic!
He's got an all clear.
THE NAG'S HEAD.
Del and June are seated at the table. Del raises his
glass, containing one of his concoctions.
Del
Well, there you go. Old times,
eh?
June
(Raising her glass)
Old times.
Del
Cheers.
June
Cheers.
Del
'Ere , Junie, I hope you don't
mind me asking, but there's
always been something that's
been bothering me.
June
Look, if it's something from
the past let's leave it.
Del
No, no, it's just that I
always wondered why it was that
you left so suddenly like that?
Without a letter, a word, or
nothing!
June
It's personal Del! All over
and done with now, right? Can
we talk about something
happier?
Del
Yeah, of course! What they put
your ol' man in prison for?
June
He stole some watches.
Del
Oh I see! Ain't still got 'em
have you?
June
We're getting a divorce when
he comes out. The marriage
never worked right from the
start.
Del
Oh, I don't know! It seemed to
have lasted quite a while!
June
Oh no, we've only been married
seven years!
Del
Seven years?? But no Debbie.
She must be...Oh I'm sorry!
June
He's not Debbie's father.
Del
No, no, sorry I didn’t mean,
you know! I wasn't trying
to...
June
'Ere, it's her birthday next
week. We're gonna have a
little party. D'you fancy
coming?
Del
Yeah, not half, I'll have some
of that! 'Ere, I'll have to
get that record player for you
a bit lively won't I?
June
Oh yes.
Del
'Ere what do you want? Another
one, or same again.
June
Oh, I'd love another one. Same
again.
Trigger
Here you go Del.
Del
Cheers Trig.
Del
(To barmaid)
'Ere you are, Maureen, same
again love, that's a Singapore
Sling and half of Strongbow.
Maureen
Coming up.
Del
What you up to Mickey?
Mickey
I've just come back from
evening school. I'm learning
Aikido.
Del
Really? Go on then, say some-
thing.
Mickey
Eh?
Del
Say something in Aikido.
Mickey
No, it's not a language Del.
It's a martial art! I had a
fight with five blokes last
night!
Del
What was it, a pillow fight?
Leave it out you ain't got a
mark on you son!
Mickey
That's because I wiped 'em out
with Aikido.
Del
(Sniffing the air)
Can you smell that? What is
that? Sheep is it? It's cows?
No, no, I know what it is.
It's bullshit!
Mickey
I'm telling you the truth Del!
Del
Leave it out Mickey. I can
always tell when you're lying.
Mickey
How?
Del
Yer lips move! 'Ere you are,
love. How much is that?
Maureen
(With drinks)
Two pounds and forty nine
pence.
Del
Right cheers.
Maureen
Cheers. Where's Rodney tonight?
Del
Rodney? He's round at that
young Debbie's place.
Maureen
oh yeah.
Mickey
Well I don't know what he sees
in her! I mean, she's just a
kid ain't she!
Maureen
She's 19 next week mouthy!
Del
What about your 19th birthday
Mickey?
Maureen
Yeah.
Mickey
What about it?
Del
Well, you looking forward to
it are you?
(To Maureen)
19, 'ere just a minute that
Debbie. That young Debbie, she
can't be 19!
Maureen
She's 19 next Wednesday, Del.
Mickey
Yeah, tell you what, I've got
an invitation to her 19th
birthday party.
Del
That's impossible!
Maureen
What's the matter with you Del?
Del
19 an 'alf years ago, me and
Debbie's Mum...
Del looks across to June, who smiles back at him.
Del (cont'd)
Oh my Gawd!
Maureen
What are you talking about
Del?
Del
Eh?
Maureen
What are you talking about?
Del
No, no, no, nothing! No it's
alright, no, forget it. Just
no - forget it.
Del returns to the table with the drinks.
Del
Junie, Junie, I know why you
left so suddenly all them
years ago!
June
Do you?
Del
Pot pourri...Why didn’t you
tell me?
June
I couldn't. I didn't know how
you'd take the news.
Del
I'm just going to the bog.
NIGHT. THE GENTS.
Trigger is just doing up his flies as Del enters.
Trigger
Alright Del Boy?
Del
(Desperately pacing
the floor)
No, I'm not alright Trigger! I
don't know what I'm gonna do!
I just don't know what I'm
gonna do!
Trigger
Hang on Del Boy, leave it to me!
(Banging on
cubicle door)
Come on hurry up, we've got an
emergency out here!
Del
No, no, no, not that Trigger!!
Come here. Listen to me. D'you
remember about 20 years ago, I
was - I was engaged to that
bird right.
Trigger
What June? Yeah, I remember
her! She's back on the estate
now.
Del
That's right. Well she's got a
- she's got a 19-year-old kid.
Trigger
Yeah, Debbie, works in the
paper shop. So what?
Del
So what? Me and June broke up
about 19 an' 'alf years ago
right. That means that she was
expecting her at the time!
Which means Debbie is my kid!
Trigger
But she's a pretty girl!
Del
Of course she is! I mean, look
- look, that' a chip off the
old block, ain't it, eh?
Trigger
Didn't June say nothing to you
at the time?
Del
No, not a dicky bird!
Trigger
You sure Del?
Del
Well, I would have remembered
something like that Trigger,
wouldn't I?
Trigger
I mean, you sure she's your
kid?
Del
Yeah, she's gotta be, I mean...
she's gotta be!
Trigger
'Ere, the little cow short-
changed me the other day!
Del
Well that is it then innit?
Trigger
You told the rest of the
family?
Del
No, no, I've only just found
out meself! Gawd knows what
Grandad and Rodney are gonna
say when they...Rodney!!
Rodney!!
NIGHT. JUNE'S LOUNGE.
The lights are low. Rodney and Debbie are laying on the
settee. They are about to kiss. The hall door bursts
open and the lights come on.
Del
Put her down Rodney!
Rodney
You're back early ain't yer?
June, seething with Del, enters.
June
Yeah, ain't we just, eh? I'm
going to bed Del!
Del
No listen, June we've gotta
talk.
June
Look, I knew this was how
you'd behave, that's why I
didn't tell you! I'll see you
around sometime...
Del
No listen, June.
June
Maybe!
June exits.
Del
Look we've gotta talk...
Rodney
You've made another lasting
impression I see!
Del
Come on and get up out of
there, come on. Give Debbie
some air. The poor girl can't
breathe.
Rodney
Yeah, alright! You want another
brandy Deb?
Del
No she don't!
Debbie
I'll make my own decision thank
you.
Del
Yes, of course! Of course,
it's just that if you have too
much to drink you might make
yourself sick! And you don't
wanna be ill for yer party next
week.
(To Rodney)
It's Debbie's birthday next
week, Rodney.
Rodney
(Quietly to
himself)
Yeah, I thought it was mine
tonight!
Del
I'll get you a nice present
shall I - dear? I'll get you a
solid gold watch, eh? A couple
of hundred quid at least!
Debbie
Alright!
Rodney
What's your game Del?
Del
Just feeling generous that's
all. Come on, Rodney I'll give
you a lift home, come on.
Rodney
Give me - Del, we only live 50
yards across the precinct!
Del
I know that - I know, but when
I came back tonight there was
a load of muggers hanging
about!
Rodney
Oh yeah?
Del
Yeah.
Rodney
Well perhaps I'd better go
Debs - I've gotta be up early!
Debbie
Alright then...
(To Del)
Goodnight.
Del
(Paternally)
Goodnight...Pleasant dreams.
Del exits.
Rodney
Well, goodnight Debs.
Debbie
Goodnight.
He puts his arm round her, he is about to kiss her when
Del's hand appears and pulls him out of the door by the
scruff of his neck..
Del
Come on Rodney!
STUDIO. NIGHT. THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE.
Del enters from the hall switching the lights on as he
does so. Rodney follows.
Rodney
Now just what is your game
Del? All that, 'Shall I buy
you a nice gold watch shall I,
dear?' And 'Sweet Dreams!'
Del
I was just being friendly,
that's all!
Rodney
You're trying to pull her
ain't yer?
Del
(Offended)
I am not trying to pull her!
What d'you think I am, some
kind of sicko or something?
Rodney
Well, you're trying to
interfere between me and Debbie
ain't yer?
Del
I am not trying to interfere,
Rodney. Now listen. Rodney,
look, I just...I don't think
that you two are...'right' for
each other!
Rodney
It's got nothing to do with
you! Me and Debbie think we're
right for each other! As a
matter of fact we're thinking
of getting engaged!
Del
You're what? You can't get
engaged to her Rodney. No,
what I mean - what I mean is,
what I mean is you're too
young!
Rodney
I'm 24 Del! By the time you
was my age you'd been engaged
to every bird this side of the
water! No, you're just jealous
ain't yer? You can't stand the
thought that I might end up
with a nice little wife.
Del
You're gonna end up with a nice
little stretch if you ain't
careful! Rodney, you mustn't
get engaged to her!
Rodney
You give me one good reason
why I mustn't??
Del
(Taking a deep
breath)
Because she's my daughter!
That's why!
Rodney
Debbie - is - your - daughter?
Del
Yeah!
Rodney
No. It's not real! No, it's
not happening to me! I'll tell
you what, I'm in the middle of
a bad trip! I'm gonna wake up
in a minute!
Del
I've worked it out on the
calculator Rodney! Me and June
broke up 19 and 'alf years
ago. It's Debbie's 19th birth-
day next week! You're the one
with the GCE in Maths, you
work it out yourself!
Rodney
Well maybe she met someone
after you!
Del
No, she was born a couple of
months after!
Rodney
Well then she was premature!
Del
Premature?? She'd have had to
have been bloody instant,
Rodders!
Rodney
But - she's a pretty girl!
Del
I know that - I can see Mum in
her! Come on...cheer up
Rodney.
Rodney
Cheer up?? Del I've just met
the first girl in my life who
really means something to me,
and it turns out to be my
bloody niece!
Del
Alright, Rodney. Come on,
that's why I had to tell you,
you see, 'cos this sort of
thing ain't allowed - it's...
well, it's incense! Say you
had got married to her - you
can see what sort of
confusion that would have
led to, I would have been
your father-in-law!
Rodney
Bloody hell!
Del
Yer mother-in-law would have
been yer aunt, yer wife would
have been yer second cousin -
Gawd knows what that would
have made Grandad - the fairy
godmother I should think.
Rodney
Del, are you absolutely
certain of this?
Del
Yeah, well, certain as I'll
ever be. Just think eh,
Rodney, young Debbie has grown
up all these years 'an she
never never knew that - I
was her Daddy! Do you think
I ought to tell her?
Rodney
Eh, no, no, that could come as
a great disap...great shock.
Del
No perhaps you're right!
Rodney
Could you do something for me
Del?
Del
Yeah sure.
Rodney
You go and see June. Right,
you go and se her and you find
out if it's definite -
definitely definite!
Del
Yeah, tomorrow - I definitely
promise!
Rodney
Well I'm going to bed. I bet
I'll have a nightmare! I bet
I'll have a nightmare where my
wife keeps calling me Uncle
Rodney, eh?
STUDIO. NIGHT. JUNE'S LOUNGE.
The lights are low and the TV is on. June enters followed
by Del.
June
Alright Del, you've got five
minutes! Say what you have to
say and then go!
Del
Is Debbie in?
June
No, she - she's gone over her
Auntie's. Look, if you've come
here to dig up the past again,
you can forget it!
Del
Come on Junie, there are
things that have got to be
discussed!
June
What sort of things?
Del
Look Junie! I know!
June
So you said last night!
Del
Well then? Are you gonna tell
her or shall I?
June
Tell her what?
Del
Oh come on, June. Don't play
the innocent with me. Tell
her - that I am her father!
June
You're her...Oh Del! When you
said you knew, I thought you
really knew! Debby's not your
kid.
Del
Yes she is. No, come on, she
was born six months after we
broke up! Well she's gotta be
- I mean, if I'm not her
father, then who is??
June
Albie Littlewood!
Del
Albie Littlewood? Albie
Littlewood? My bestest friend
in all the world? The greatest
pal a bloke could have, and
all the time he was doinking
my bird?
June
That's why I left!
Del
How could he do it to me? We
were blood-brothers!
June
We were just kids - we were
just playing games. That night
he died on the railway lines -
he wasn't coming to meet you
in the pub. He was coming to
meet me!
Del
For nigh on 20 years I've
carried that guilt around with
me, it's hung round my neck
like some great two-ton
medallion!
June
Well, well, now you're free of
it ain't you? Albie didn't
take the short-cut for you.
Del
It's not the only reason why I
was feeling guilty! 'Cos if
he had made it across the
railway lines that night he
wouldn't have met me in the
pub! I wasn't in the pub! I
was round at his bird
Deirdre's place!
June
You were with Deirdre??
Del
It's alright, June. We were
only playing games, only play-
ing games.
June
Why you dirty little toe-rag.
The front door closes and Debby enters.
Debbie
Hello Mum.
June
Hello love.
Mickey Pearce enters.
Debbie
I've brought Mickey back,
we're going to my room to
listen to the radio.
Del
Good evening young Michael!
Alright?
Mickey
Watchya Del! I just met Debbie
walking across the estate. So
I thought I'd better make
sure she got home safely.
Del
Yes! So you thought you'd
escort the young lady back to
her bedroom. Yeah, I know
Mickey, I know only too well
my son! Goodnight to you all!
Oh Mickey, make sure you
don't take the short cut
across the railway line.
'Ere, these pages are for lack of education purposes
only. If you decide to five-finger discount any of these
pages for your own hooky sites, at least try an' give us
a mention, will yer?'
Bonjour. Derek Trotter
President (T.I.T.)
Only Fools And Horses ™
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