INT. THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE. NIGHT.
Rodney and Grandad are in the armchairs watching TV.
Grandad
I remember this film when it
first came out. It was in the
middle of the war. I remember
half-way through it there was
an air raid and we all had to
run for the shelter.
Rodney
I bet you all hated the Kaiser
that night eh?
Grandad
What's the matter with you you
moaning little git??
Rodney
What's the matter with me??
Grandad, it is Christmas night
and I am stuck in with...
Rodney is about to say 'you' but stops.
Rodney (cont'd)
I am stuck in - here, watching
a film that the Germans tried
to bomb!
Grandad
I know what you mean Rodney, I
feel exactly the same.
Rodney
I thought you liked this film.
Grandad
I do! It's just that it's
Christmas night and I'm stuck
in with you!
Rodney
Thank you very much.
Grandad
Well stop yer whining then! I
don't know why you didn't go
out with Del.
Rodney
He's seeing Lassie again ain't
he?
Grandad
You don't wanna let Del hear
you refer to her as a dog!
Rodney
Well he must know! When she
come back from Tenerife it
took him two weeks to get her
out of quarantine!
There is a ring at the front door bell. Rodney and Grandad
refuse to budge.
Grandad
Was that the bell Rodney?
Rodney
It sounded very much like it
Grandfather!
The bell rings again.
Rodney
There it goes again! Whatever
could it mean?
Grandad
It means there's someone at
the door you lazy little toe-
rag! Go on Rodney, it might
be Del popped back for some-
thing.
HALL.
Rodney exits from the lounge shouting to the front door.
Rodney
I suppose you've run out of
Bob Martins again!
He opens the door to Reg Trotter, Del and Rodney's father,
Grandad's son. Reg is fifty-six-ish, and wears a stained
and disheveled suit, he has a two-day growth of beard and
carries a small and battered case. He has a pathetic air
about him. At first he appears meek and helpless.
Rodney, who hasn't seen his father since he was five,
doesn't recognise him.
Rodney
Yeah?
Reg
Oh, good evening sir.
Rodney looks over his shoulder not realising Reg is
referring to him.
Rodney
Oh, what d'you want?
Reg
I'm sorry to bother you but I
wonder if you could help me?
Rodney
Yeah, hang on.
Rodney reaches into his pocket.
Reg
No, I don't mean like that!
I'm looking for a family
called the Trotters.
Rodney
The Trotters?? What makes you
think the Trotters live here?
Reg
It's written on your bell.
Grandad enters the hall.
Grandad
Who is it? Ro...Reggie??
Reg
Hello old 'un, how you diddl-
ing?
Grandad
It's really you!
Reg
It's me alright! Long time, eh?
Grandad
Too long Reg, too long!
(Embracing Reg)
Oh it's good to see you, it
really is!
Rodney
You two have met before have
you?
Grandad
I'm sorry, let me introduce
you. Reg, this is Rodney.
Rodney, I'd like you to meet
your Dad.
Rodney
Pleased to meet you!
INT. THE TROTTERS' HALL. NIGHT.
The front door opens and Rodney enters, followed by an
irate Del.
Del
Right - where is he?
Rodney
(Stopping Del)
Will you just calm down a bit!
Before you go in there
shouting and bawling, just
you remember, he's still our
father!
Del
Well you and me could be
spending the night in the
orphanage by the time I've
finished!
Rodney
Del, he's not the man you
remember. I mean, you've told
me how he used to be a right
Jack the lad, all flashy
shirts and gold cuff-links, a
bit like...a bit like some of
the blokes down the pub! But
he's old now Del. He's
disheveled and pathetic, he
seems kind of, frightened!
Just bear it in mind will
you, please!
Del
Alright, Rodney, alright.
LOUNGE.
When Rodney and Del enter there has been a transformation.
Reg has showered and shaved, he wears fresh trousers, one
of Del's killer-diller shirts and also one of his
medallions. He has a large scotch in one hand and one of
Del's cigars in the other. He is now full of confidence
and once again the master of the house.
Reg
Del Boy! Good to see you son.
Pour yourself a drink.
Del looks at Rodney who just shrugs.
Del
I had a shirt like that once!
Grandad
Yer Dad had a bath and a shave
Del, then he found he was low
on clothes!
Del
He'll be low on teeth before
he's much older!
Del takes the cigar and drink from Reg's hands.
Del (cont'd)
Get yer things together and
sling yer hook!
Reg
Alright, if you wanna talk it
over I'm listening!
Grandad
He only wants to stay for one
night Del!
Del
When he closed that front door
in 1965 he closed it for good!
Rodney
Have I got any say in this?
Reg
Let's hear what Rodney's got
to say.
Del
What's to be said Rodders? You
know what he's like!
Rodney
No I don't!
Del
Of course you do, I've told
you often enough!
Rodney
Yeah and that's all I know! I
wouldn't mind the opportunity
of judging him for myself.
Reg
(To Rodney)
I never raised a hand to your
Mother Rodney except in self-
defense!
Del
What do you mean 'judging
him'? He deserted you when you
was five years old! And not
just you. He walked out on his
own Father! In all that time
he didn't even know if Grandad
was dead or alive!
Rodney
Well we're never that sure!
Alright so he left, but he's
back now!
Del
After eighteen years! I mean
what happened, did his watch
stop? Stone me Rodders, we see
Hayley's Comet more often than
him!
(To Reg)
Just go will yer?
Grandad
Look, whatever you think of
him Del, he's still my son.
All he wants is a bed for the
night!
Del
I don't believe you two! Can't
you see what he's doing? He's
playing on your sympathy and
yer family loyalty! He is
evil! That is the devil
standing there!
Grandad
Don't be so bloody stupid Del!
That's your own Father!
Del
Yeah, but he sold his soul for
an ounce of Old Holborn years
ago!
(To Reg)
Give me one good reason, just
one, why I shouldn't chuck
you out by the scruff of the
neck?
Reg
I can't think of one Del. I'm
not proud of what I did Del.
I'm ashamed - ashamed and
sorry! Just recently I've been
laying in that hospital bed,
night after night, re-living
the moment I walked out of
here! It hurts Del Boy, it
hurts!
Grandad
(Rises)
Hospital bed? What's wrong
with you Reggie?
Del
Something serious I hope!
Rodney
Can't you wrap up for five
minutes!
Del
Don't be fooled by him Rodney.
He's had everything from
Galloping Lurgy to Saturday
Night Fever! I was doing some
homework once and I asked him
what a cubic foot was. He
didn't know but he tried to
have a week off work with it!
Grandad
What's wrong with you Reggie?
Come on son, you and tell me
and Rodney.
Reg
Well, a few months back they
took me into hospital, just
for a few routine checks.
Del
Jackanory Jackanory.
Reg
I'm telling you the truth this
time Del, look!
Reg produces a medical card headed: 'Newcastle Infirmary.'
Del
Newcastle Infirmary?
Reg
I've been living up there for
the last year or so.
The medical card convinces Del that the story is true.
Del
(More concerned)
So, what's wrong with you?
Reg is struggling for the right lies.
Reg
Er, well they discovered I had
this em, hereditary blood
disorder! It's called...well
it's a medical word!
Grandad
A long one Reggie?
Reg
Ooh yeah Dad!
Rodney
Can they cure it?
Reg
They're not sure! I just live
in hope. Hope's about the
only thing I've got!
Rodney
Oh come on... Dad! These
doctors can perform miracles
nowadays. Try'n be brave eh?
Come on, be bra...Hereditary??
Reg
Eh?
Rodney
You said it's hereditary! That
means I could have it as well!
Del starts laughing at Rodney, the laugh quickly dies.
Del
And me!!
Reg
(Grasping the
opportunity)
Yes. Well this is half the
reason I dashed down here! The
doctor said I had to warn my
children immediately!
Grandad
What have they got to do? Go
for blood tests?
Reg
As soon as possible! I've done
me best by you this time
ain't I Del Boy?
Del
(Still stunned)
Yeah. Thanks!
Reg
I'm feeling a bit weak. I
think I'll climb in. 'Night
boys.
Rodney and Del
'Night!
Reg
And Merry Christmas.
Reg exits.
Grandad
D'you think I'll have to have
a blood test as well?
Rodney
No, it's hereditary, it means
it's passed on not back!
Del
(Rises)
You're most probably the
carrier! What a right blinding
Christmas this has turned out
to be! Some people get wise
men bearing gifts - we get a
wally with a disease!
Grandad
You two had better get
straight down that hospital
after the holidays.
Rodney
Yeah, but with these National
Health cuts we could wait for
ever!
Del
No we won't. I'll phone Dr
Becker first thing in the
morning.
Rodney
He's not gonna see us on
Boxing Day!
Del
Oh yes he will! He owes me a
favour. See, his ten-year-old
son thinks the bike that
Santa brought him came off the
back of a sleigh. Me and the
doctor know better! Hang on,
where's Dad sleeping?
Rodney
I offered him my bed.
Del
Tch, you're a great big softy
ain't yer!
Rodney
Well, he's not very well and
all. You'd have done exactly
the same thing wouldn't you?
Del
Yeah, of course I would!
Rodney
Good, 'cos he turned my bed
down and chose yours! Nite!
Rodney exits.
Grandad is fearing that his bed may be in danger.
Grandad
See you in the morning Del!
Grandad exits.
TROTTERS' LOUNGE. STUDIO. EVENING.
Grandad is watching the TVs. Rodney is on the sofa. Del
enters from the bedroom.
Del
Where's the ghost of Christmas
past then?
Grandad
He ain't here Del.
Del
You mean he's gone?
Grandad
Only down the pub for the New
Year's Eve do.
Del
Oh, I thought it was too good
to be true.
Grandad
You talk about your own father
as if he were an alien. You
seem to think of him as ET.
Del
No I don't Grandad, ET went
home!
Grandad
A couple of letters arrived
for you two this morning. I
think it's the results of your
tests!
We see the two brown envelopes.
Del
(To Grandad)
Oi, these have been opened!
Grandad
Well that must have bin yer
Dad.
Del
Well the saucy...
Grandad
You can't blame him Del! I
suppose he was too worried to
wait for you!
Del
Yeah, well alright then! Well
go on then Rodders, what's
yours say?
Rodney slowly lifts the results card from the envelope.
Rodney
(Great relief)
All clear! All clear! I got an
all clear my son! Well don't
look so cheerful about it Del!
Del
I ain't had a look at mine yet
have I?
Rodney
Oh no, sorry!
Del lifts his results card from the envelope. He studies
it. And then with a horrified expression looks to Rodney
and Grandad.
Grandad
What - what's it say Del?
Del can barely raise his voice above a whisper as he
replies.
Del
It says - it says, result of
test...negative!
Rodney and Grandad are left stunned by this news. Rodney
now reacts.
Rodney
Negative?
Del
Yeah!
Rodney
Well that means all clear you
plonker!
Del
Does it?? Thank Gawd for that!
I thought it was a medical
term for curtains! Why don't
they bloody well put all clear
then?
Rodney
Oh who cares? Listen, we gonna
have a drink to celebrate?
Del
Yeah I need something Rodders!
Rodney
Right, I'll go'n get changed.
Rodney exits. Grandad sits at the table. Del exits into
the hall.
Grandad
That's funny!
Del re-enters the room.
Grandad (cont'd)
Your blood group's AB -
Rodney's is A.
Del
It can't be can it! He'd have
the same blood group as me!
Grandad
(With growing
suspicion)
That's what I thought!
Del
Giss 'em here!
(Checks reports)
Look, my blood group is AB...
and Rodney's blood group is A!
A! - Well, how's that wally
managed to get himself a
different blood group?
Grandad gives him one of those 'I'm saying nothing'
looks.
Del
Look, we're brothers right? So
we should have the same blood!
I mean we had the same mother,
we had the same fath...er!!
(A thought, then)
Are you suggesting Rodney's
got a different dad?
Grandad
I'm saying nothing! But I
always remember Maisie Turner!
Del
Maisie Turner! Who the hell's
Maisie Turner?
Grandad
She married Bernie. Remember
Bernie? Used to pull the stall
out down the market.
Del
Yes yes! What about 'em?
Grandad
Well she had two sons. One by
Bernie, the second by some
bloke she met on a charabanc
trip to the lights! Bernie
found out and divorced her.
Del
How did he find out? Blood
tests?
Grandad
No, the youngest boy was half-
caste! Now I ain't saying
anything against yer Mum, Gawd
rest her soul. But if you put
two and two together...
Del
You come up with Rodney!
Grandad
You remember just before your
Mum announced Rodney was on
his way, her and yer Dad were
having lots of rows. She
started going out with...new
friends.
Del
You mean that trumpet player
from the Locarno?
Grandad
I thought he played the saxo-
phone!
Del
No that was the other one!
Yes, yes it's all beginning to
make sense now! Remember when
Rodney joined the Boys'
Brigade? He was a natural with
that bugle weren't he?
Grandad
And look at him Del. He's sort
of...
Grandad raises his hands to indicate height and shape.
Grandad (cont'd)
...different!
Del
(Rises)
Oh my Gawd! Why did this have
to happen eh? I mean this of
all things!
Rodney, now wearing a suit, enters.
Rodney
Alright?
Del and Grandad put on big false smiles.
Del
Yes, wonderful Rodney!
Grandad
Couldn't be better Rodney!
Rodney
What's wrong?
Del
Nothing, honest! Everything's
brill!
Rodney
Good! I wonder where Dad is?
Del
That's exactly what me and
Grandad were wondering...I mean
there's no telling which pub
he'll be in!
Del looks Rodney up and down. Rodney checks his flies.
Rodney
What?
Del
Just admiring the suit Rodney.
New is it?
Rodney
No, I bought it five years
ago, it weren't new then! Look,
something's wrong, now is
anyone gonna tell me??
Del
Oh I suppose you've got a
right to know Rodney! Although
I want you to understand that
it doesn't make a blind bit of
difference! Everything will
still be the same! Rodders,
that man you call Dad - ain't!
Rodney
Ain't what?
Del
He ain't yer Dad!
Rodney
What is it, a joke?
Del
No, I wish it was Rodney!
Rodney
I don't get you. Of course
he's my Dad!
Del shakes his head 'no'.
Rodney (cont')
But he must be, Grandad intro-
duced us!
Del
Just take my word on it
Rodney, let's leave it at
that!
Rodney
(Standing up)
No I will not leave it at
that! You are trying to tell
me that that man is not our
father?
Del
No he just isn't yours! You've
got a different blood group
Rodney, look!
Rodney
(Reading the
reports)
So I've got a different blood
group, what does that prove?
Del
It proves you're a whodunnit
Rodney! There's more to it
than just that. You see, just
before Mum fell for you,
she'd met a new 'friend'!
This trumpet player from the
Locarno!
Grandad
And a saxophone player!
Del
Yes, thank you very much Grand-
father!
Rodney
What are you trying to tell
me. My Dad was a band?
Del
No Rodney, no! Just the brass
section!
Rodney
No I don't believe it! I mean
the way you've always
described Mum she'd never do
anything like that!
Del
Well normally she wouldn't! It
must have bin a sort of one
off!
Rodney
Great! I can't wait to fill in
my next passport application
form. Mother's name: Joan
Mavis Trotter. Father's name:
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana
Brass!
Reg enters from the hall. He is in an angry mood and,
as we shall discover, knows the truth.
Grandad
Been for a drink Reggie?
Reg
Yeah I've bin for a drink Dad.
I've got bloody good reason
to ain I?
Del
What are you moaning about
now?
Reg
I can read Del Boy! Earlier
this morning I happen to
notice them medical reports! I
thought that's funny, differ-
ent blood groups! So just to
be on the safe side I checked
my group with me donor's card,
then I checked yer Grandad's
group with his old arm
records. And what do I
discover? We've got a Lone
Ranger in the family!
Del and Rodney look at each other.
Reg (cont'd)
I'd just like to know ho the
hell Tonto was! If your Mother
was alive now I'd kill her!
Del
You what??...
Del tries to get at him but is obstructed by the table
and chairs.
Reg backs away from him.
Reg
Try'n see it from my point of
view Del! How would you like
to have a son who you love and
care for, who you fetch up as
yer own, only to find years
later that he's a mystery?
Del
Love and cared for him? You
walked out and left Rodney
when he was five years old!
You didn't care if he had
shoes on his feet or grub in
his belly!
Reg
What do you keep bringing
Rodney into this for? You're
the mystery!
THE NAG'S HEAD. DAY.
Del is seated alone at the bar. He is reading the News
of the World, unable to concentrate. he folds the
paper up and places it on the bar. He reaches into his
inside pocket and produces the now very crumpled
medical report card. He studies it for the thousandth
time and shakes a frustrated head as he still cannot
find an answer.
Del
(Mumbling to
himself)
AB. Why?
Karen
You alright Del?
Del
Eh? Yeah, I'm alright darling.
Karen
I thought you'd have been in
last night or the New Year's
Eve do! The rest of the family
was here.
Del
Were they? No, I er, I got a
bit involved elsewhere.
Karen
Your Dad's a giggle ain't he?
Del
Yes Karen, that man is one
long grin!
Karen
He got up on the stage and
sang a couple of Adam Faith
songs.
Del
You're kidding? What after all
these years he's still doing
the Adam Faith impression?
Karen
He was good! He sang 'What do
you want if you don't want
money?' and, what was the
other one? Oh yeah, 'Someone
Else's Baby'.
Del
Someone Else's Baby?
Karen
Do you want another one?
Del
Yeah, Grand Marnier and grape-
fruit.
The main doors open and Reg, Rodney and Grandad enter.
Rodney is wearing 'the suit', Grandad is in his funeral
gear and Reg is wearing Del's sheepskin. They are all
laughing at some outrageously story that Reg is telling.
Rodney
Oh leave off Dad!
Reg
It's true I'm telling you!
Grandad
What, he still didn't know it
was you?
Reg
He didn't have a clue. I saw
him years later and he still
had the scar!
They now reach the bar and react as they see Del on the
opposite side.
Rodney
Alright Del?
Del
Yeah triffic Rodders.
Grandad
Why didn't you turn up last
night for the New Year's Eve
party?
Del
I, I had a bit of business to
attend to...
(To Reg)
Can I get you a drink?
Reg
That's nice of you, but I'm
with my family.
Del
(Through clenched
teeth)
Well I'll get yer family a
drink as well! Karen, give
them people over there a large
brandy each.
Reg
Cheers.
Reginald is toasting his drink to Rodney and Grandad
whilst gesturing them towards a table.
Reg (cont'd)
Anyway let me finish the story.
Rodney
Well I'm gonna have a chat
with Del.
Reg
Oh! Alright Rodney - don't be
long, eh!
Reg and Grandad move to the table. Rodney moves around
the bar and joins Del.
Rodney
You didn't come home last
night?
Del
No, er, I stayed round at
Trigger's place. I'm fed up
with kipping on that settee.
Rodney
Is that the only reason?
Del
Yeah - yeah that's the only
reason!
(Reg laughs)
You and the old man are seeing
a lot of each other, ain't
yer?
Rodney
Yeah. I think he's trying to
make up for all the lost years.
Del
Oh yeah!
(Referring to
the suit)
You bin out this morning?
Rodney
Yeah. He took me to the zoo.
Del
Oh yeah...alright was it?
Rodney
Yeah, you know, animals and...
things!
Del
Good! Listen, I don't want to
spoil the surprise, but I saw
him up Selfridges on Friday
checking out the Action Men!
Rodney has to grin at this picture.
Rodney
Hey Del, why don't you just
come back home, eh?
Del
How can I Rodney, with him
there? He'll never let me
forget that I'm a - a Lone
Ranger!
Rodney
Del he hasn't mentioned it,
honest!
Del
Maybe not to you, but every
time he passed me on the
landing he kept shouting hi ho
silver!
Rodney
Look, I'm sure I can remember
that during a biology lesson
at school, the subject of
kinetics came up, and the
teacher said that the children
of the same parents can have
different blood groups!
Del
Thanks Rodders - you're trying
to cheer me up. You're a
diamond Rodney!
Rodney
No, I mean it, Del. Why don't
you get some advice on the
subject. Go and see Dr Becker.
Del
I couldn't Rodney!
Rodney
Why not?
Del
Because then he'd know!! He's
been the family doctor for
years. He treated Mum when she
was ill. I don't want him
thinking 'that' of her! No,
it's all clear cut, Rodney,
it's oeuf sur le plat as the
French say! The rest of the
family are A, but I'm AB!
Rodney
So what does it matter eh?
You're just one letter out.
That's nothing is it? The only
difference between us is a B.
Del
And you know what B stands
for?
Reg
(Calls)
Rodney! You gonna play cards
with us?
Rodney
Yeah, in a minute! You wanna
game?
Del
No not me Rodney. He's bound
to find something to wind me
up!
Rodney
No he won't Del! Look, if you
just sit over here on your own
he'll think he's beaten you!
C'mon. He who dares wins!
Del
(Rises)
Alright then!
Del and Rodney move across to the table where Reg and
Grandad are sitting. Reg is shuffling a pack of cards.
Reg
Take a seat Rodney...oh, does
your friend want to play as well?
Grandad
Now just lay off him will you
Reg!
Del
Don't say anything to annoy me!
Reg
Oh as if I would! He's touchy
ain't he? Don't know who he
gets it from. Right, what
shall we play?
Rodney
Before you say it, no, we don't
wanna play Happy Families!
Reg
Alright. We'll play Pontoon...
(Dealing one card
to each player)
One for me, Dad, Rodney,
Kimasabi.
THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE. NIGHT.
A disgruntled Rodney is watching the TVs. Grandad is
clearing the table. Reg is looking for a cigar u/s of TV.
Reg
You got any money Rodney?
Rodney
I gave you my last fiver this
morning.
Reg
Dad?
Grandad
You know I'm skint!
Reg
Well why didn't you nip Del
for a few quid?
Grandad
I can't ask Del Boy for money
after what's happened!
Reg
No I don't suppose you can!
Rodney could!
Del enters from the hall. This is the old Del, rubbing
his hands together and full of the old bounce.
Del
Alright Grandad, Rodders.
Evening Reginald! Stick a
pizza under the grill Grandad.
Grandad
You in for the night Del?
Del
Yes I'm in for the night!
Grandad exits to the kitchen.
Reg
Good!
(To Rodney)
We can all have a family sing-
song this evening.
(To Del)
You can join in if you like!
Del allows the jibe to wash over him and simply smiles
through it..
Reg exits into the kitchen.
Del
(To Rodney)
What's up with you?
Rodney
Well, earlier on I showed him
my GCE certificates. He said
he was proud of me! Then he
went and wrote a bet on the
back of one of 'em!
Del
He wrote a be...! He's the
devil Rodney!
Rodney
I'm beginning to think you're
right!
Del
I tell you one thing, you were
right!
Rodney
Was I?
Del
Oh yes. I took your advice
Rodney!
Rodney
Good! What advice was that
Del?
Del
(Winks to Rodney)
I'll tell you in a minute!
Reg exits from the kitchen.
Reg
(Shouting back
at Grandad)
Well there were four in there
earlier!
Grandad follows Reg in.
Grandad
Yeah, and you drunk 'em all!
Reg is angry and frustrated at not having a drink. He
now puts on a sweet smile for Del's sake.
Reg
You don't fancy popping down
the off-licence and get a few
drinks in do you Del?
Del
No!
Reg
Oh!
Del
No I'm off the drink for the
moment. I went and saw Dr
Becker this evening.
Reg is slightly alarmed at the news.
Reg
Yeah? Why what's wrong with
you Del?
Del
(Aimed at Reg)
Well, for the last week or so
I've been suffering from this
pain in the arse! So while I
was there I asked the doctor
to give me a second blood test,
just to double-check things.
But he told me there was no
need because, as you so
rightly said Rodders, a
person's blood group doesn't
mean a thing! A mother and
father could have three
children, and them kids could
all have different blood
groups!
Reg
That's rubbish! I mean what
does he know anyway?
Del
Oh he knows a lot! Like he
knows that my blood group is A!
Grandad
Well why's he written AB on
the results?
Del
He didn't! Someone else added
the B!
Rodney
Now I wonder who could have
done that??
Reg
Well it must have been someone
at the clinic having a joke! I
mean the letters arrived by
post. The envelopes were
sealed!
Grandad
Until you opened 'em!
Reg
I was only trying to make sure
that my two boys didn't have
the same...
(Becoming weaker)
...illness as me!
Del
Oh yeah, Dr Becker was very
interested in your 'blood
disorder'. So he phoned the
Newcastle Infirmary just to
find out what exactly was
wrong with you. And what do
you reckon?
Rodney
They'd never heard of him!
Del
Now how'd you know that
Rodney?
Rodney
I'm clairvoyant!
Del
Well they ran his name through
their computer but they didn't
have a patient called Trotter.
But, they had a porter called
Trotter! But he left two weeks
ago with 57 blankets, 133 pair
of rubber gloves and the chief
gynaecologist's Lambretta!
Reg
I don't feel all that well!
Del
I mentioned that and Dr Becker
recommended lots of fresh air,
new surroundings and plenty of
exercise - like a long...brisk
...walk!
Reg
Did he? Yeah maybe he's right.
(Checks watch)
Is that the time? I really
must be on my way!
Del
So soon?
Reg
Don't wanna outstay me welcome
Del! I'll...I'll get my things
together.
Reg starts to exit to the bedroom area.
Grandad
The crafty, conniving little...!
Del
Alright! Hey Grandad, I hid a
bottle of scotch under the
sink.
Grandad
Good boy Del.
Grandad exits to kitchen.
Rodney
I'm glad he's going! He's made
this a right miserable
Christmas for us all.
Del
All over now Rodders. Before
you know it we'll be back to
just how we used to be.
Grandad enters from the kitchen.
Grandad
Del Boy, I've burnt yer pizza!
Del
See what I mean!
'Ere, these pages are for lack of education purposes
only. If you decide to five-finger discount any of these
pages for your own hooky sites, at least try an' give us
a mention, will yer?'
Bonjour. Derek Trotter
President (T.I.T.)
Only Fools And Horses ™
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