CHRISTOPHER
From the very moment that I first heard your tiny heart beating from within my own body I was in awe. The soft steady rhythm caught me by surprise and caused me to fall completely and unconditionally in love. My heart began to beat with yours.
On that cool November morning when your cries filled the room, I gazed in wonder at this son- my son; this life- my life. And then I held you for the first time on that glorious day. What had I done so well, that I had earned such a reward as this? I listened to your gentle breathing, as my heart beat with yours.
The years came and went quickly. You grew. Independence took over. You woke to each new day as if it were a challenge to be conquered. With wild abandon you took on life with no fear, and no prejudice. It was a journey, with wondrous sights to be seen along the way. And down every winding path I followed you, trying to keep up
And my heart beat with yours.
Soon you stood a young man, with a young man�s dreams and a young man�s scent- taller, wiser and full of a young man�s passion. The rounded cheeks faded to reveal chiseled features. The softness went away, but the tenderness never did. And I was so very proud as we walked side by side. Discovering our friendship, this mother and son,
knowing my heart beat with yours.
Then they came to tell me my worst fear had come true. I must go quickly. I tried, but it seemed to take so long, and yet I was afraid to arrive. To hear the truth, but I already knew. I knew with a mother�s instinct that it was too late. There were no kisses that would make this go away. No prayers to be said to stop the goodbye. I trembled at the thought of being me without you. And I was shocked that my heart didn�t stop beating with yours.
Now every beat of my wounded heart is painful. And sometimes I even pray that this will be my last. Just this last one and then the pain will be over. But then I feel that little bit of faith stirring from deep inside of me somewhere. I find hope that I had forgotten and courage I never knew I possessed. And with this faith comes the belief that you have been given a new heart, a heart that is strong and perfect; one that is filled with love and everlasting happiness- A heart that will go on for eternity.
And so it is that now and forever my precious son,
My heart beats with yours.
~Candy Bolin ( Sept. 2001)