Under the Talons of Ostriches

I don't really know what happened to me, or how it happened, or why: but what I do know is that I am the luckiest man to ever lay under foot. It started one day, as I was reading the "Trampled By Heavy Animals Board". I was just reading a reply to one of my posts when I began to feel strange. My vision began to blur and I felt myself falling into unconciousness....

When I came around, I found that I was nowhere near my home or my computer desk. I was in a field, the sky was just beautiful, and I thought for more than an instannt that I was dreaming. But it couldn't be, my dreams never had this much detail, I felt the breeze, the warmth of the sun on my skin, I could smell the grass, hear the birds in the nearby wood. This could not be a dream.

I hadn't a clue where I was, but I didn't care, the day was gorgious, soo I decided to make the best of my surroundings. I set out for the nearby woodland, but didn't get very far. As I turned around, I saw several mature Ostriches approaching. They were coming in at a respectable pace, not running, but not walking either. I thought I should get out of their way, but then I realized what a perfect opportunity this could be. My fantasy of being trampled under the great clawed feet of Ostriches could come true. I couldn't move, I just kept staring at their feet as they approached, their feet leaving deep footprints in the soft ground.

On they came, and I was amazed when one of them yelled out "Hello Stranger! What brings you to our world?" I was dumbfounded, an Ostrich had just spoken to me, what was going on here? Where was I? What was I going to d? "Uhh, hi?" is all I could manage to stammer, as one of the larger males stepped up to me. That gave me a very nice view of two large bird legs, with two beautiful taloned feet attached to them. It took me about a minute to remember that I should be looking up, not down, but a scruffy ostrich head came into my field of view, carried by a long neck. "What's wrong? You've never seen an Ostrich before?" the large ostrich asked politely, "You were staring at my feet."

Oh No! I thought, this could get ugly, then I felt a feathered wing touch me. "Oh," he said, "now I see, you're fond of feet." he finished. I don't know what compelled me at that moment, maybe it was the fact that the herd had fanned out, and I was now surrounded by large birds, or maybe it was just my desire that overcame me. Nonetheless, I couldn't bring myself to make up an excuse, so I just blurted it out, "I, I, well ... I've always wanted to be trampled by Ostriches."

Clucking and chirping filled my ears then as they began to talk amongst themselves, finally, the largest ostrich spoke: "We don't mind walking all over you, in fact I might even enjoy the feeling of your chest under my soles. But if you want to be under our feet, you've got to do something for us first."

NOW THIS WAS TURNING INTO THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! "What do I have to do??!!"

"Simple, there's a market in town where one of our sisters is being held, we think that she won't last very long there, I hear Ostrich meat is in demand these days."

"So where do I come in?" I asked confused.

"All you have to do is go into town, find the market and get her out,if she's still alive of course." he explained in a tone that gave away his real feelings. He didn't think I'd find her alive.

I looked at him then and gave my answer "Which way?"

* * * *

The town housed a bustling marketplace, anything and everything could be found there, which is the reason it took me more than half an hour to find what I was looking for. In the very center of the marketplace, there was a fenced in area where I found several exotic animals, and one sour looking ostrich. She was being led out of the enclosure where her new owner now waited. "There you are sir, one fine Ostrich for your table." the vendor exclaimed.

The man who bought the ostrich was surrounded by two large burly men, probably loaded up on steroids. I asked the man if I could persuade him to turn over the bird to me, in answer he gave a quick wave and one of his enforcers blocked my way, while the other slammed his fist into the bird's head, crushing her skull and dropping her to the ground.

Damn it, I thought, well if I can't bring back a live ostrich at least I can take revenge for this dead one. It seemed like the strength came out of nowhere, with a quick sideways move I got around the brute blocking me and wrapped an arm around his neck, with a backwards jerk I had him in a headlock and then I finished it off with a nasty uppercut to his jaw, which broke his neck.

The second one fell just as easily, although I didn't have to do a lot, the commotion I created while attacking the first one had spooked many of the animals, so when a well placed side-kick sent the unfortunate "Mr. Universe" over a fence and into the path on a spooked elephant and was immediately trampled flat. Needless to say, I wasn't too surpsied, but at that moment, I would have liked to be him...

There was only one left now, but I couldn't bring myself to finish him off, I glanced over at the body of the now-dead ostrich and simply gave him a warning that he wouldn't forget. "You etter enjoy this one, because if I ever catch you murdering these birds again, well, you'll think your friends' deaths would have been more pleasant than what I'd do to you."

With that, I left the marketplace and the town, leaving stunned storekeepers behind.

* * * *

When I got back to the field, I found the herd waiting for me. "Any luck?" came the question I had hoped I wouldn't have to answer.

"I'm sorry. I got there too late, if I had been 10 minutes earlier, I could have saved her. But when I tried to get her new owner to hand her over, he had his goons kill her." There it was, plain and simple, I thought I had just ruined my chances of feeling ostrich feet on me.... Turns out, I was wrong.

"You tried didn't you? And what of the goons, what happened to them?" He asked suspiciously.

"Dead, I lost it and took them out."

"Well then, you held up your end of the deal. So, are you ready to let us hold up ours?"

"YES! I thought I blew it?" the shock and surprise was evident in my voice.

"Lie down."

Everything seemed to move in slow motion then. I got down and laid at the largest bird's lovely feet. Then it began, the rest of the herd formed up in a 2 by 2 line behind him, making sure to give me a close look at the soles of their feet as they stepped over me.

The leader and largest of this herd took his first step, I was trembling as I saw his two-toed foot lift off the ground and move over my chest. He set his sole down just above my stomach, there was no weight on his foot yet, then I understood what he was going to do: He turned slightly, lifted his foot off of me, and hooked the collar of my shirt with his talons. He tore my shirt downward with enough force to tear it right off my body. He then tossed the torn shirt away and stepped over me, walking slowly, giving my eyes time to follow the movements of his feet as he took a place at the end of the line.

The next impact came without warning, while I was watching the leader walk back, the two behind him had stepped up and onto me. The female to my left set one foot down on my legs while the male had firmly planted his right foot on my stomach. Waves of pain rocked me as his talons dug holes in my body, but I was beyond pai by that point.

Six more birds remained, make that seven, I'm sure the leader wanted to tread me also. Two more feet came down simultaniously, one landing on my thigh, cutting a deep gash, the other pressing my throat under its leathery, spongy sole. Was I ever glad he picked his step carefully!!

4 more. Oh God the next one looked like it would land squarely on my face!! I was right, the leathery sole fell across my field of view and settled on my face with 200 pounds of pressure on top of it, the only thing I could see was the two toes splay across my face, coming just inches from cutting open my eye. I never noticed that the other had tread on my groin.

2 more! This was becoming too much!! I was losing conciousness, I tried to stay with it, but I kept falling in and out of darkness. These two wanted blood, and I watched mesmerized as first one, then the other walked over my entire body, starting from the feet and stopping with my head between their legs. Several more rivulets of blood flowed from me now. And I was afraid that I might have just signed my death-warrent.

Now only 1 bird remained, standing calmly where he had taken his place behind his kin, only now, he was standing in front of them again. He squawked something and the other six ostriches left, leaving me alove with the biggest bird I had ever seen. Slowly, deliberately, he walked towards me. With a few steps, he was now standing over me, I expected to see cruel dominance in his eyes as he lifted his foot over me, but all I saw was kindness. He lowered his foot, and as it landed on my sore chest, the pain subsided, the wounds closed, and I found myself looking up at a very concerned visage.

"How was that?"

It took me a while to answer, but I finally stammered out the words noticing for the first time the wetness in my pants. "More wonderful than I ever imagined."

* * * *

The next thing I knew, I waslying in my bed, beginning to feel like I had just awakened from a dream. The Ostrich feather on my face confirmed beyond any doubt that it had really happened.

If only I could do that every day........

Press'ton 5-16-98