This fic is a collection of short stories and poems about Ustarda that I wrote. Through these short stories and poems you'll be able to see how Ustarda views herself, her family life, her school life, her love life,Yaten, and the word. I hope you enjoy this fic. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Herself Who is this lonely girl? Why is she always alone? "She has no friends!" they whisper,I know I can here them.I hate everything.Just everything.I'll lock myself in a shell,so no one can see the real me. The weak, tender ,gentle me. I'll hide it all behind a face of happiness. "Who is she?! She's so weird!" I'll pretend whatever they say doesn't even phase me. But it does. It strikes me deep inside like a double edge sword..How can Abbie be so happy here?! I know she surely doesn't plan to go on enjoying the place like it was our home?! It's not fair. I'm jealous of her I suppose,She's surrounded by friends and people who care. I'm contently stuck in the background. I've gotten used to it. I hate but I've grown use to it. This is the way things are going to be...I faint and fall,pass out at times..Sometimes I wish I could just stay passed out..that way I can't be bugged. I can just rest. I've always wanted to cry, but I can't. I can only just force myself to keep going and gather more courage. "Makenai!" My sister says. "Don't give up!" she says. If she only knew, I give up a long time ago. What happens when a warrior has no more courage to gather? What happens to her then? Is she coasted aside? Or honored for the days she spent in war? My life was and still is a war. Never-ending. I can tell people only the honest truth. Most don't seem to like it, then it's just to bad for them. If someone asks me a question I'll only tell the truth. I'm always trapped. I'm inside a prison a glass coffin,that is chained to the ocean floor. I can see all the others from above, but they can't see anything below. Just water. Not the girl trapped in the underwater prison. My watery hell. "At least" I tell myself "At least you don't have to hear them talk behind your back." My vision goes soft, my eyes sink and become black. I drop my staff and just sleep and stay there. No one will ever find me here and help me. I'm trapped forever. By myself. In a prison of solitary confinement...I should be happy in the least. I'm alone. It like it always has been and how it always will be... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Her family life. I finally made it. We're here. Abbie-chan and me..I can't believe we left home. For Tokyo,Japan. "Is this really our home,now?" I ask.. "Yes" she answers as her unpacks a lamp. I shallow the anger I have deep inside me,the hate,the rage, the pain, and the regret..I shallow it alI. Knowing it's going to come back soon. I'll keep it inside for as long as I can. I'll plaster on a smile to hide the pain. My whole family killed before my eyes..Abbie-chan thinks I was too young to remember. But she's wrong.I remember all to well,the blood,the screams, the pain and the anger. I cried then. I swore I'd never cry again. But sometimes I wish I could. I walk to a window and stare at the sunset. Abbie-chan says I shouldn't look directly at the sun.But I don't care. I stare till I hurt my eyes. "I'm tired" I announce. "Your bedroom's in there" She tells me as she points down the hallway. "Fine." I said as dryly as I can. I can still taste hate in my mouth. "Ustarda,"She says. "What?!" I snap. "Everything's going to be ok. We're starting over."She says with a gentle voice. "You're starting over." I say dryly again.Then walk down the hall to my room. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ School life My first day at school. I've just been here five minutes and I hate it. I hate everything. This stupid plaid skirt,the ugly short garnet blouse with the ugly plaid bow. I want to home! I want to scream out loud "I HATE THE WORLD!!" But I don't. I can feel that I'm growing bitter. I have every right to grow bitter! My home,and family was destroyed! I make a fist. Then breath slowly and open the class room door..."Class,this is Hemoko,Ustarda. She's new at Mugen high. I hope you all make her feel welcome." My teacher says. I feel like I'm on display...oh wait a minute I AM!! "Hello Ustarda!" My class says smiling at me. I put on a shy smile and wave a bit. in my class I notice a girl really tall for a girl,short blonde hair,she wears a boy's uniform. I wish I would have worn a boy's uniform..I narrow my eyes at her. She catches me and narrows back. Great. First day of school and I've already made an enemy...prefect...Way too go... "Who will be Ustarda's guide around the school grounds?" My teacher says. Now,I really wish I could go home... a small girl raises her hand. She's cute. Not as cute as the blonde, or myself, but cute none the less...she short she has black hair with purple highlights...I think I like her. "Ahh yes Hotaru!" My teachers says.. ."Hotaru" I think to myself.. "pretty name. Not as pretty as "Ustarda" But pretty none the less.." "Ustarda,Hotaru will be your tour guide for the first day of school." my teacher announce. "I know that." I reply. "Well.." my teacher says..then pushes up her glasses. I take my seat behind Hotaru without the teacher even telling me to do so. I already knew that's where I was supposed to sit. "Let's begin with the lesson,shall we?" my teacher says. I hate it here. Not a million pretty girls could fix the way I feel about this place. I just hate it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Love life I am falling I am fading I am drowning I can hardly see Please help me.. Beneath this hell I'm captured in I can see her face looking down at me... But I know she can't see me.. But,I can see her... those beautiful eyes looking down at me shining like that of emeralds.. I beg of you notice me... The beautiful silver hair blows in the wind... behind her slim figure.. a goddess of amazing beauty, She's too good for me, I don't know why I even try to get close to her... But if she can't see me why does she still stand here? Why doesn't she leave? Why is she holding out her hand?! She lifts me up from the watery depths of hell and holds me close... She does notice me and she does care even when others don't... As I looked into her eyes And found her longing stare I stopped myself from saying words That show how much I care To put my hand up to her face To hold my feelings in I wouldn't say the words again To show my love for her The last time I had told her How much she means to me She put my hands away from her And said to leave her be I never spoke the words again For fear of her deep fright I thought it was the last time Until that blissful night Her fingers traced around my face Pushing hair away And I was quite unprepared, for what she has to say My heart beat quickly, my head raced on I thought that I might Cry She looked as if he might faint I imagine this strong girl But never would I be more Impressed With anything she'd do Than when she took that heartfelt leap And told me, "I Love You." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Yaten Her name's Yaten And oh how she rocks In keds, and tube socks, but she doesn't know who I am And she doesn't give a danm about me.. cause I'm just a teenage dirt bag baby.., yeah I'm just a teenage dirt bag.. Yeah listen to the iron maiden with me baby,oooh Oh yeah dirt bag but she doesn't know what she's missing!, Yeah her lover's a chick She'd simply kick yeah her lover's a chick I have a dream about her She rings my bell I got gym class in heaven She rings my bell I have a dream about her Her name's Yaten and oh how she rocks!! but she doesn't know who I am And she doesn't give a danm about me.. cause I'm just a teenage dirt bag baby.., yeah I'm just a teenage dirt bag.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The world It has been long,very long I think my war is finally over. I have avenged the souls of my family. I have Yaten,Abbie,Hotaru,Chibi-usa,Haruka,and the senshi. I've finally been let out. With their help I've broken the glass coffin which holds me prisoner. I swim up to the surface, and feel sunshine. It's been long since I've last felt it. I accept Tokyo as my new home. It may not be that bad, I mean their all lots of pretty girls here... I'm truly resting but not in death. My soul is at peace. I don't need to plaster a smile on my face anymore. This time the smile's real! I cried, I broke my promise to myself and I couldn't feel better. I lay back on my bed my window open the wind kissing my face.. I smile and breath in deep. When we first got here Abbie-chan said that we where starting over. I said only she was starting over. I was wrong. I was starting over too it just took me a while to realize it I suppose. In a way I'm glad it took me longer then Abbie to realize this was my home. But in a way I regret it a bit. I take another deep breath and think of the things that have happen this past year. Love and loss, Pain and Healing, Death and Re-birth, somehow I suppose my life is coming together now...It's been a long time. Too long. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope you enjoyed my fic! If you have any feedback to give me then please e-mail me at:sailorstardus40@hotmail.com