The Restroom Review

By: Jungle Bunny


Bathroom Map
H opefully by the end of this article you will be able to do several things:
  • Choose the perfect place to take a crap
  • Know which bathrooms to avoid
  • Locate all of the bathrooms available (even the hidden ones)

    *Note* I�ve only labeled the boy�s bathrooms above because that�s all I am familiar with. If a girl out there wants to review their bathrooms I would be glad to put it up also.

    Locating the Perfect Place to Crap
    This one�s a no-brainer if you�ve been attending OHHS very long. Just go to the newest bathroom in our school which I labeled "D" above. Here you will have a selection of two different stales. One is cramped but perfect for those who are paranoid about defending themselves if someone happens to take a peak inside (which doesn�t seem like it would happen too often, but it strangely does). The second bathroom is a handicap stale that is quite roomy. I don�t know why a non-handicap person would need that much room, but I�m glad it�s there anyway.

    This bathroom is clean, well facilitated, and has three sinks but oddly enough, only two hand dryers... The only thing that bothers me is the strange scent that you smell every now and then. Given, it is a bathroom but this smell is unnatural to restrooms... you might have to sit down and figure it out for yourself sometime.

    Anyway this is the place to be when the urge strikes and I�ve even heard of kids walking across school to get there.

    Bathrooms to Avoid If Possible
    Some bathrooms are tolerable, but this next one I describe is the worst (labeled "A" above). On top of being the worst bathroom around it�s also surrounded by pricks when lunch hits. I recall one time walking out of the bathroom and about seven people, in unison, called me a faggot... I don�t know why. I usually don�t get that response from most people, but I guess I was looking extraordinarily gay that day.

    A few days later they all just stared at me as I walked in and I remember thinking, in the back of my mind, how this might end up on a Montel Williams episode of, "How School Bullies Shoved Pencils Up My Asshole and All I Could Do Was Cry!". Startling of course, but the worst part was that the damn door wouldn�t stay shut...

    Besides the gang out by the entrance, this bathroom is still a piece of shit. It highlights one hand dryer where some "intelligent" youth try to scrap out letters to make clever phrases but only got things like, "#and ##ye## help #rot### the environment."
    The door to the ONE stale doesn�t lock and, even worse, it slowly creaks open, revealing you to whomever decides to enter. To say the least, this bathroom sucks.

    Tell Me More About These Bathrooms...
    Since you�ve already heard about restrooms "A" and "D" I will leave you review them for yourself, and gladly bring up the remaining few.

    Bathrooms "B" and "C" are the most commonly used since they are readily available to most people drifting between classes. They each have two stales, and in both cases the left stales� door (up against the wall) always sticks shut. These bathrooms are identical.

    The only difference is who attends them. Bathroom "B" is right by the shop so naturally the shop students go there. I also noticed that it is used quite often in the middle of classes (I can�t figure out why though).

    The Unfamiliar Bathrooms...
    I can only think of two at the present (not counting the Annex). One is in the Library. This could be very useful seeing as how the other nearest bathrooms might be a minute or two away (taking hall traffic into consideration).

    The other "mystery" bathroom is only known to people in metal shop. It�s a small bathroom, but extremely well built... I�m not saying that it�s facilitated, no. I�m saying that this "bunker" could take an explosion. It even has a deadbolt and a metal door. (This would be the "Perfect Place to Crap" but sadly it�s not available to everyone)

    Well, that�s all the bathrooms I know about that are available to students, but if you happen to know of another one just drop me a line and I will check it out.

    My Personal Rating: (From Best to "Shittiest")
    Bathroom "D"
    Bathroom "C"
    Bathroom "B"
    Bathroom "A"

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