By: Jungle Bunny
I
rish kids surfing on giant bananas, toned bodies, and facial expressions that make no sense. These are just a few of the ad angles that Kmart's "Joe Boxer" uses to get you to buy their clothing. They are obviously aiming at the hip, new, computer generation to buy their over priced merchandise.
Over the past few years Kmart has carried many big names including Martha Stewart, Kathy Ireland, and now Joe Boxer... Joe Boxer, what kind of name is that? Is he a model like Kathy Ireland, or does he have his own television show like Martha Stewart? Whatever he does, it must include exaggerated facial expressions, like those in his ads.
This is Jungle Bunny signing out, and no, I�m not racist... I just love bunnies!
Even though there isn't a computer in sight, LOL* seems to say it all...
"Awesome! I paid $26.99 for an inferior shirt!"
Besides his pants looking like they�ve ripped under the stress of bending over, much like a fat man doing a squat, he obviously feels great. By the look on his face, kmart�s new shirt has delivered the exact amount of "umph!" he needs to prepare for the picture shoot. He�s roaring to go and I�ve never seen anyone, other than a 3 year-old on crack, so excited. Nothing�s standing in his way of fulfilling a career in the mime business, and Joe Boxer is giving him all the experience he will ever need... because who besides a mime emphasizes his body actions that much?
It�s Halloween and this little Asian child is overwhelmed with fear... I can�t figure out why though, since seeing past his nose might prove impossible. Look at those glasses! He looks prepared for the scariest holiday on the calendar, but is he really ready for what is to come? I see no bag to put candy in, nor is he wearing shoes. I don�t know about you, but when I was a kid, going from house to house, my feet were sore by the end of the night. (and my hard work wasn�t worth the sugar rush I�d get after eating the entire bag by the next morning) But what we probably don�t know is that this child has never worn shoes in his life, and probably made the pants he is wearing in a sweat shop near China�s border.
Warning: Joe Boxer is not Liable for Eye Injuries
Yeah... I see how this ad works, but what I don�t see is how retarded phrases have to ruin a perfectly good underwear section.
Second of all; this phrase just irritates me, and the sad thing is, out of all seriousness I heard someone say it the other day. "100% Genuine Flirt Material"... just shoot me, please. They actually said this phrase out loud in public. It kills me just to write it, so I couldn�t even imagine what it feels like to say it aloud.
Shazam!
Trust me, if this lady ever comes up to you swearing that all Joe Boxer Panties and Daywear are 25% off, don�t listen, just run. By the look of this photo and her attack position she, has already killed the photographer and most likely her manager for getting her this shitty job.
*Note* Just on the next page of the underwear section there were advertisements of "respectably normal" companies, only adding to the overwhelming effect Joe Boxer advertisement has on the common U.S. citizen.
Nightwear maybe, but daywear, no... In fact, if I saw that girl running down the streets of West Branch I might just pull out my nine and cap her ass. There�s no place for that here.
Now, I liked how Hanes advertised their merchandise. Even Fruit of the Loom does a nice job in keeping their product respectable... but what was Joe Boxer thinking when they came out with "Super Socks" and "Foot Covers"?
Foot Covers? That�s like calling pants, leg and genatalia concealers. It�s just over simplifying the obvious. Not to mention makes Joe Boxer sound cheap and well... Kmart material.
It sounds like something an old lady would wear to keep her cats from scratching her feet and bleeding to death because, on top of financial problems, she is a hemophiliac.