Well my friends, it looks like we're finally beat.

When men can't settle their differences on a hardcore game of Yahtzee, they decide to pick up their rifles and blast each other. Hello friends, our country has gone into many conflicts in the past and win or loss we have pride, American pride. But now we are engaged in a great war against Iraq. A war which was suspected to last only a few days. And although it seems we have the upper hand, I can only suspect that Saddam has something up his sleeve. So I sat and hypothesized, for hours, even days. I didn't sleep much, I downed 4 gallons of steaming hot coffee... and had my esophogus repaired surgically, but while I was lying in the hospital bed watching war coverage on CNN I saw something that I bet no one else saw. Some reporter was reporting from Kuwait City, I didn't remember the name, because frankly I don't care, but off in the distance I saw something bizarre that I had to get up. So I did, I crawled all the way over to the tv and yanked it down from the ceiling... I must of had an andraline rush or something, but I saw what appeared to be a spider... but normally spiders are tiny insignificant creatures. Upon doing calculations I determined that this spider must be at least 25 feet tall. What was it doing in Kuwait? I dunno... maybe it was a spider spy and I just happened to outwit it. Doubtful but still, I can dream.

I crawled back to my medical bed and called the nurse in right away. She only complained about the mess I made, with the tv being on the ground instead of securely in the upper corner of the room then upped my morphene. I was out again, but this would not silence the truth. After a few hours I awoke again. I then took the nearest local EKG (electrocariogram) and transformed it to a working telephone, that and my "roommates" bed pan... Don't want go into any further detail then that. I learned how to do this with the help of Bob Vila, a great American hero. Anyway I decided I should first call the police (in my paniked state I dialed the Rose City Police) to tell them of my foundings and this is about how the conversation went.

"YOU HAVE TO CONTACT WASHINGTON!"I said

"Please hold..." The voice on the other line said ~This was followed by music, Elton John I think... not sure.~

After 10 minutes I finally got an answer. "Hello, this is Officer Thompson. How can I help you?"

"Ok, I was watching the war coverage about the War in Iraq and I saw a giant spider in the background!" I replied frantically."You have to call Washington or something!"

"Uh...Oh yeah... ohhhh" Officer Thompson muttered.

"Sir?" I replied now quite perplexed.

"Oh! Son uh... don't call here again and uh... don't do drugs." He replied as the voice trailed off before the phone was finally hung up. "Hehehe now you're a naughty cadet! Daddy's gettin' his paddle!"

I could only shudder to think...

Well you can understand my confusion. In fact I sat in bed giving confusing glances from the crudely made telephone to my hands... I was still kinda high on morphene. I decided to sketch out what I feel these giant spiders would look like. And here it is..

Well, basically if you seen the movie "Eight-Legged Freaks" then you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, then you have pretty good tastes in movies because this one is just awful. But... Maybe David Arquette was preparing us for something, maybe he knows...

I feel the spiders are 25 to 35 feet tall, have tough exoskeletons made out of a new from of chitin that is mutated by exposure to plutonium. These exoskeletons would be able to deflect bullets and deter any other form of weapon used by our government. These spiders which I will now called Iraqnids will have bio acid spit to use as a weapon. Bio acid is extrememly toxic and caustic to human skin. If even a mililiter of this stuff touches your skin you might as well shoot yourself in the face. Of course bio-slime is good against ground-troops but the majority of all wars are now fought in the air. With bombing raids and threats to use nuclear weapons its not like we're even counting civilian loses. So Saddam armed the Iraqnids with huge lasers, which would be mounted on the spiders abdomens. These lasers are strictly used for surface to air attacks only. The Iraqnids are indeed a impregnable force of destruction. Either we train an elite group of Orkin men or... kiss our asses goodbye, because these suckers are amphibious.

Until the dark clouds have passed, I will update all you readers on more information about the Iraqnids as I receive it. Until then, this is Son Pablo Rendaldo signing off, drive careful and godspeed.

I now leave you with Saddam in his mansion with his pet miniture Iraqnid.