I am overlooking the most important aspect of jobs. While most people frown on lowly, common jobs, such as digging ditches or farming, these are actually the best ones to have. Working these jobs six days a week, nine hours a day is gonna make you pretty damn strong. And I don't mean "I can bench 250" strong. I'm talking about "I eat rusty nails for breakfast" strong. These folks are the hardest of the hard in our society. When the Apocalypse comes, they will be the only ones strong enough to survive. What better way to prepare for the end of the world than a hard life of toiling in the muck?

As we all know, the end of the world is not far off. Don't even try to argue with me. I'll just have to bust out rule number five of San Pablo Renaldo's "How To Win an Argument." As our society becomes more and more technology oriented, most humans will spend their days indoors, basking in the comforting glow of a computer screen while they waste away to a pale, meatless husk. All the while, our friends with the menial jobs have been bulking up, growing nice and big and getting a good tan while doing so.

When the Earth opens up, and Satan's armies pour across the land, most humans will be captured and put into brutal slave labor camps. A few will escape, but they don't count, as they will end up eating their young. When being licked by the whips of the slave drivers, the pale, computer pansies will not be able to take it. Most will die within forty eight hours. I know this is a grim picture I paint, but it is the truth. The working types, however, will laugh right in the face of the big hulking demons. They might even spit right in the proverbial eye of the Dark One himself. (I say "proverbial eye" because I have no frickin' idea if the Devil even has eyes. How am I supposed to know?) Compared to splintered shovel handles, terrible lunches packed by your toothless wife, and having to use the outhouse right after four hundred pound Cletus, those whips aren't anything.

I see that look in your eyes, comrade. You do not believe me. And why should you? You probably don�t even know me. You are probably thinking, �This slack-jawed, cow tippin�, overall wearin� hillbilly doesn�t even know what he�s talking about. He�s just trying to get people to listen to him.� WRONG!!! I happen to be an expert in theology. I can back up my �wild and crazy claims� with hard proof. In the New International Version, the book Revelation, chapter five, verses eight through eleven, I directly quote.

"And I saw the skies opened up, and unto the Earth poured the Lord God's terrible wrath. A great burning filled the land, and the people were disheartened. But lo! I saw a great light shining in the south, for the laborers had thrown down their spades, and rallying the people, and it was good. 'Brothers! Fear not this loathsome fire, for it is a machination of the foul serpent! Come to us, and be protected!' And it was good."

At least, I�m pretty sure that�s how it went. I slept in church a lot. That�s the gist of it, anyways. And if you still don�t believe me, friend, well, then just use simple logic. The end of the world will be a horrific affair. Humanity will be driven to the wilderness, and reduced to foraging for food. Can a measly ninety pound pansy fight off an attacking grizzly bear? No! Only the strong will survive.
So, I say to all of you out there, do not mock the unskilled laborers. They are the future progenitors of the human race. Plus, they�re gonna get all of the good houses in Heaven. They�ll have first dibs. Thank you for your time.

Mouthful of Grandma
�Open wide��