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The Homeless Challenge

     Most of the time, the ignorant jokes or comments made toward the homeless are made by those who have no understanding of what it means to be homeless.  So the New York Two Cents is throwing out this challenge.  Be homeless for a night.  Anyone is welcome to join one of our staff members for a night on the streets, just to see if they have what it takes to survive.  Until he was homeless, this reporter had no idea what it meant to be homeless.  The reality is much harsher than the idea.  For a limited time, any reader joining us for a night on the streets will get a free ham sandwich from the soup kitchen in the morning.  You could win a free trip to Central Booking.  No purchase necessary. An enlightening time will be had by all.  For more information,
contact us by e-mail at: [email protected]


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Homeless Count

     Every local paper has given its take on the number of street homeless.  It seems ridiculous for a homeless paper to miss out on this apparent gold mine.  First it is important to understand why anyone cares about how many homeless live in the streets.  While a few good Samaritans do actually care, the government is (as always) worried about the all mighty dollar.  The breakdown is simple.  If there are only a few hundred street homeless then why would any additional funding be required to help these people?  However, if there are a thousand or more, then someone could start new programs or increase the funding of existing programs. 

     The New York Department of Homeless Services (DHS) reported their official count as 2,694 unsheltered homeless living in New York City.  On the same web site in which they reveal their findings, you can find this quote, "In some cases these data were used simply to inform capacity management, and standard quality assurance procedures were not in place.  In some cases, there is a lack of consistency in reporting data  and data are either missing or incomplete."  (This quote is letter for letter, so do not blame the two cent for the uncomfortable grammar)  Basically, the public has been told a number that works best to suit their purposes.  Now while the Two Cent makes no claims on being homeless counting experts, this number does seem a bit low.  The only possible way to know, would be to make the homeless want to be counted. 
     Trust this reporter when he tells you the Two Cent is aggressively seeking funding to make this happen.  Why not offer some sort of incentive, and let the homeless come to the source?  So cherished reader, stay tuned because this story ain't over yet.
The Homeless Big Five

5.   When they go to his place there isn't enough cardboard for two

4.   She gets tired of waiting while he pays for dinner with pennies from a cup

3.   She doesn't consider screaming at a lamp post a fun date

2.   Whenever they sit down he falls asleep

1.   He doesn't notice the smell she keeps mentioning

 

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Thank You


What is this?  What did you just spend your hard earned money on?  What you are reading is hope, an opportunity, and a chance to improve our community.  This paper was written by homeless people, edited by the homeless, marketed by the homeless, and distributed by the homeless.  So what has this utterly homeless group of people done?  We have created a fighting chance for ourselves and others like us to work.  No matter how we look, smell, or act we have pulled together and found a place for each of us in this unique alliance.  We are the functional.  We have hope for our futures.  We are ready to show New York City that we are good for more than just asking for your spare change nothing in return.  So what have we done?  We have researched and written these stories, prepared a "camera ready" layout, licensed our company, solicited corporate funding, hired a printer and distributed this paper into your's and others' hands.  Let me be the first to thank you for supporting this infant program.   Many of us are seeing this as our "shot" to really make a differance with our lives, and to help the homeless to have a voice.  Without you and people like you we would have no reason to even attempt this project. We look forward to bringing you objective stories as they apply to the homeless, novel opinions, and hopefully a laugh or two.  Thanks for your continued patronage.

Please send letters to the editor to:
Billy Kaszil
blah, blah, blah
New York, New York
      10001
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