You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-- Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
-- Plato
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
-- Benjamin Franklin
The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.
-- old Russian proverb.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
--William Shakespeare, 'King Henry V.'
Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old.
--Bishop Still (John)
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
-- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
-- Winston Churchill's reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
-- David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
-- Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
-- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chambers of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts--queerest fancies,
Come to life and fade away:
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.
--Edgar Allan Poe
For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.
-- William Shakespeare, 'A Winter's Tale.'
Whiskey's to rough,
Champagne costs to much,
Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain,
Will help me explain,
As a matter of fact,
I like beer.
--Tom T. Hall
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-- Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
-- Homer Simpson
To alchohol, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-- Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
-- Washington Irving
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
-- Ernest Hemmingway, 'For Whom the Bell Tolls.'
And little Sir John with his nut brown bowl
And his brandy in the glass
And little Sir John with his nut brown bowl
Proved the strongest man at last . . . 
-- H. Gorson (1607-1641), last verse of the song 'John Barleycorn.'
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
--Miguel De Cervantes
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
--W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? 
--W.C. Fields
Candy,
Is dandy,
But Liquor,
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
Drunkenness . . . is temporary suicide.
-- Bertrand Russell
I often sit back and think, "I wish I’d done that," and find out later that I already have.
-- Richard Harris
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk;
The best of life is but intoxication.
-- Lord Byron
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think.
-- A. E. Housman
It is not I who become addicted, it is my body.
-- Jean Cocteau
All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation.
-- W. H. Auden
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. 
--Ambrose Bierce 
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as a drink.
-- G.K. Chesterton
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
--Henry Lawson
O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass!
Names that should be on every infant's tongue.
-- C.V Calverley
'Did you ever taste beer?'
'I had a sip of it once,' said the small servant.
'Here's a state of things!' cried Mr. Swiveller . . .
'She never tasted it -- it can't be tasted in a sip!'
-- Charles Dickens, 'Ye Olde Curiosity Shop.'
Hermit hoar, in solemn cell,
Wearing out life's evening gray;
Smite thy bosom, sage, and tell,
What is bliss, and which the way?
Thus I spoke; and speaking sigh'ed;
-- Scarce repressed a starting tear;--
When the smiling sage reply'd --
-- Come, my lad, and drink some beer."
-- Samuel Johnson
Oh moonshine, oh moonshine
Oh how I love thee
You killed me dear father
But dare you kill me
I'll eat when I'm hungry
I'll drink when I'm dry
And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die.
-- Anon
Doth it not show viley in me to desire small beer?
-- William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV.'
Life ain't all beer and skittles, and more's the pity.
-- George DuMaurier
When people drink, then they are successful and win lawsuits are are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.
-- Aristophanes, 424 B.C.
Lo! the poor topper whose untutor'd sense,
Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense;
Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer,
Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.
-- George Crabbe
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I've lain,
Happy -- till I woke up again.
-- A.E. Housman
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
--Mark Twain
Gott erfand das Bier damit auch die häßlichen Mädchen hin und wieder gebumst werden.
-- German saying
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
-Anon
You foam within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises; here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer.
-- A toast in Bedrich Smetana's 1866 opera 'The Bartered Bride'
If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons we should drink:
Good beer -- a friend -- or being dry --
Or lest we should be by and by --
Or any other reason why.
-- Henry Aldrich
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. 
--Humphrey Bogart 
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer Simpson
I don't drink water, fish fuck in it.
-- Oscar Wilde

"I pity people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's the best they feel all day" - Frank Sinatra 
"Being half drunk is just another way of saying 'your almost there'" - Jarrod Conway, Brisbane, Australia
reality is an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol. 
"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!" (chugs beer) --Homer Simpson 
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for DaddIES, and kids with fake ID's." "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
NO POINT IN STEERING NOW!!
"Reality is just an illusion, brought on by an alcohol difficency. written by Roy Cameron" - Jared Conway
"We're making the world a better place to drink: one beer at a time." - Joe Gural
"Cold War bad. Cold BEER good" ~unknown~
"In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria." - German proverb 
"I don't have a drinking problem so much as I have a drinking solution" -Anonymous
The blood is now running through my alcohol stream.
Some people see the glass half-empty. some people see the glass half full. I say it's beer man, just drink it! 
There's nothing like a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning -homer simpson
Why is it that when you drink seven nights a week in college you are a partier, and after that you are a alcoholic? 
"Beer is good; drink it." --Anon. 
There are many good reasons for drinking,One has just entered my head. If a man doesn't drink when he's living, How the hell can he drink when he's dead? 
A wise man once said " Never mix beer and hard liquor.... unless you've only got one glass" 
"There are those who drink and those who pound, and those who dont are bound to frown. No matter what you say or what you do, Always cheer your frosty brew!" ~Arn~
"My advice to you... is to start drinking, heavily..." ~John Balushi, Animal House~
A wise man once said " Never mix beer and hard liquor.... unless you've only got one glass"~
Beer is the fountain of happiness 
we should not question it's power 
but blindly frolic in its foamy ways. 
A DRINKING SONG by William Butler Yeats 
Wine comes in at the mouth And love comes in at the eye; That's all we know for truth Before we grow old and die. I lift the glass to my mouth, I look at you, and I sigh.
"O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance revel and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!" William Shakespeare Othello 
"Being half drunk is just another way of saying 'your almost there'" 
- Jarrod Conway, Brisbane, Australia
BEER PRAYER Our lager, Which arts in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as in the tavern, Give us this day our foamy head , And forgive us our spilages, As we forgive those who spill against us, And lead us not into carnation, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lagger forever and ever 
"Trinken ist nicht die Antwort, aber beim Trinken vergisst man die Frage." Translation: Drinking is not the answer, but by drinking, you forget the question. 
"WHEN IT'S FOURTH AND INCHES, I'LL TAKE THE WHISKEY DRINKERS OVER THE MILK DRINKERS ANY DAY." 
Cliff Clavin said (edited/paraphrased): "When a lion kills the weakest gazelle in the herd, it makes the herd stronger and faster as a unit...alcohol kills the weakest brain cells, thereby making the brain a faster and more efficient machine...that's why you feel smarter after a few beers." --Max McGee, tight end, green bay packers in 1960's on ideal team mates. 
"If you can't drink tomorrow night, there is no reason to drink slow tonight!" From Jeff Stake
"Sometimes, when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - by Jack Handey
"If beer is liquid bread, the guinness is liquid cake." -Naveen Kumar
"Everyone has to believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink." From Jason Weis 
"I may be drunk, but in the morning i'll be sober and you'll still be ugly." -- Winston Churchill, From