Lost soul

Hombre

 

Note: Chris has given a home to both Vin and JD, having adopted them when Vin was 16 and JD was 11. Both boys had been living in a children’s home that Chris had raided on a drugs tip-off when he’d been a cop. In this story, Vin is now 17 and JD 12. Chris gave up his job as a cop when he adopted the boys and he joined a project that Josiah, a social worker and counselor, set up which offers accommodation to temporarily homeless people. Now Chris is going to be asked to take in another lost soul. Can he and the boys cope? Thanks to Sonia for helping to sort out a few things in my mind. Thanks also to Dusty for checking the story over and giving me a few suggestions.

 

 

Chris, the blond, green-eyed ranch-owner sat staring into space. It wasn’t often that he was inactive, but today he felt slightly lethargic. He’d folded his six foot frame onto the couch half an hour ago and done a bit of thinking. His two adopted sons, Vin and JD, were outside with the horses and the house was serenely quiet, which helped him remain in his thoughtful state.

 

He reminisced about his late wife and son who had been killed in a house fire eight years previously. He still missed them terribly but having volunteered to care for Vin and JD for the past year had meant that he’d gained a new purpose in life. With their help, he had finally come to terms with the loss of his blood family. The fact that he also had strangers staying temporarily in his house every so often, when a halfway house was needed, meant that he didn’t have much time for brooding nowadays anyway. He enjoyed his new occupation and he really felt that he was doing some good in the world. Not that being a cop had been a waste of time, but this job had so many rewards too.

 

The phone rang shrilly in the silence, startling Chris from his musings. He got up wearily from the couch and wandered to the table to answer it. Really must move the phone and then I wouldn’t have to get up each time, he groused.

 

“Larabee.”

 

“Hey, Chris, it’s Josiah,” the voice on the other end said.

 

The blond leaned back against the wall. “Hey, big fella. What can I do for you?”

 

“You got room for another lost soul?” the social worker asked hopefully.

 

“Sure. What’s up?”

 

Josiah sighed as he crossed his fingers. The tall man really needed Chris to take this person in because he was the last resort. “I’ve got a young man, bit older than Vin, who really needs a place to stay. I warn you, though, Chris, he’s got a few problems.”

 

“What exactly? I’ve got the boys to consider in this, too,” the blond replied seriously.

 

The older man nodded. “I know you have and I ain’t forcing you to take him in. It’s just proving real difficult to place him. He needs stability ‘cause he’s had nothing but trouble in his life, son. I admit that I worry about him a lot.”

 

“Why are you having such problems finding a home for him?”

 

“It’s a bit complicated, Chris,” Josiah said quietly, not wanting to give out too much information at this early stage.

 

The blond realized that Josiah was avoiding answering him directly and that worried him. The social worker seemed more than a little reluctant to divulge too much information over the phone. “Can you come over and tell me everything? How soon would you need an answer?” Chris asked, definitely wanting to know more before agreeing. He was willing to take in anyone but only as long as he knew what he was up against. He didn’t want Vin or JD upset in any way.

 

“Well, he’s here with me at the moment but I can’t keep him forever, as much as I’d love to. I don’t usually take anyone in at all but I was struggling to get him in elsewhere and I’ve now grown quite attached to him. I can come over tonight if you’re free. I’ll find someone to keep an eye on Ezra while I’m gone.”

 

Chris assumed that Ezra was the person whom Josiah wanted to stay. “Why? Surely he’s old enough to stay on his own, isn’t he?” Chris said, thinking that it was odd that the man needed a babysitter.

 

“Yes, he is, but...look I’ll explain when I see you, okay, Chris?” Josiah sighed, knowing he probably wasn’t helping his cause by being so evasive. “As I say, it’s complicated and I don’t wanna talk about Ezra when he can maybe overhear. I’d rather do things face to face.”

 

Chris nodded at the explanation and stood up straight. He was definitely going to get to the bottom of Ezra’s problems when Josiah came that evening though. “I want Vin and JD to sit in ‘cause it’s their decision, too.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“Okay, see you later,” Chris said as he put the phone down and wandered to the window thoughtfully.

 

He smiled as he saw Vin and JD exit the barn and head across to the house. It looked as though they were having an animated discussion about something or other.

 

He thought back to when he’d first taken them in. JD, he recalled, had been a very clingy child. He’d been very insecure and had taken to following the blond around seeking approval and checking that he was really there to stay. Even when he’d been legally adopted it had taken him a long time to really accept his new life. Now he was turning into a boisterous boy who lived life to the full. Vin, on the other hand, had always been a very quiet boy and had spent an inordinate amount of time by himself. It had taken quite a long time until he’d begun to open up, but he’d always been very loving and protective toward JD and, now, to Chris too. JD was still prone to bouts of melancholy, odd behavior and insecurity but they were lessening as time went by. Vin was always even-tempered and although the two of them were very different, they got on tremendously well together.

 

The topics of his thoughts came into the living room and smiled at him.

 

“Everything okay?” Vin asked when he detected that Chris was a bit unsettled.

 

“Yeah, Josiah’s just called and he’s coming over to tell us about a new lodger. I want both of you to be here when he comes because this one’s a special case.”

 

“Special how?” Vin asked as he tilted his head on one side and put one hand in his pocket.

 

Chris shrugged. “I don’t know really, but Josiah was a bit cagey on the phone. The person’s got some problems so I want you to be aware of what we’re letting ourselves in for before we agree to take him.”

 

“Okay, that sounds fair. When’s Josiah coming?” Vin asked, still with head cocked on one side.

 

“Tonight.”

 

“We’ll be here,” JD said, wondering what all the fuss was about.

 

****************************************

 

The social worker drove out to Chris’s ranch, sincerely hoping that he wasn’t wasting his time. He’d never had problems with temporarily re-housing people before and he was beginning to let Ezra’s situation get to him.

 

Josiah pulled in at the front of the ranch house and saw the blond waiting for him on the porch.

 

“Hey, Josiah,” Chris called in greeting when the older man climbed out of his truck.

 

Josiah was almost a father figure to him. There was only about ten or so years between their ages but the older man had a fatherly way about him, although he’d never married and had a family of his own. He’d been a missionary during his younger years, traveling all over the world, but had come back to America to continue his good work, but for a different cause. Instead of spreading the Lord’s word, he was trying to ease the suffering of lonely, homeless people.

 

“Thanks for at least hearing me out, Chris,” Josiah said gratefully as he strode forward and shook hands with the man. The social worker then caught sight of Vin and JD in the doorway. “Hey, guys, how’s it going?” he greeted.

 

“Fine, thanks. Who’s coming to stay this time?” JD, the younger son, asked eagerly. He loved meeting new people and was developing a gregarious personality.

 

Josiah wandered through to the living room with his friends and sat on the couch. There was an open fire in the hearth and the heat flooded out into the room in waves. It gave the room a friendly feel and Josiah always loved visiting.

 

“Well, I’ve got a young man called Ezra who needs a place to stay,” the social worker said in answer to JD’s question.

 

“Why?” Vin asked. He always asked the same question. Although he knew all the people they put up were homeless, he wanted to know the circumstances behind their situation. He was a very caring person, despite, or perhaps because of, the trials and tribulations of his own childhood.

 

The older man looked at the teenager and smiled sadly. “Well, he’s kinda been shoved from pillar to post throughout his life. He’s got a few problems to contend with, son.”

 

“Like what exactly?” Chris asked, wanting to find out what Josiah had been so reluctant to tell him on the phone.

 

“He can be aggressive or withdrawn. He finds it hard to trust anyone and that can make him volatile. He needs to be shown that he’s cared for and wanted.” Josiah smiled. “He was sent away to boarding school at age seven, which I think he found real hard. He’s highly intelligent but he had a real troubled childhood.”

 

“Like me,” Vin said. “Troubled childhood, I mean, not highly intelligent,” the long-haired teenager pointed out with a grin.

 

Josiah smiled as Chris passed over a whiskey. “Kinda. Unlike you, his mother’s still alive but she’s never played much part in his life. Well, that’s a lie really. She raised him until he was seven and then almost washed her hands of him. During the school vacations he was handed out to relatives or foster parents. He didn’t see much of his mother at all.  Think she lives in Canada now and doesn’t have a lot of contact with him. Ezra’s never been shown any real love and as a consequence feels like an outcast. It’s really affected him. He always had good schooling, though, so his mother was good in some ways.”

 

“He ain’t violent in any way?” the blond asked nervously.

 

“No, just hard to handle on occasion and he doesn’t take criticism well. I haven’t had much trouble with him since he’s been with me, but he’s still trying to find his feet. Once he’s settled somewhere his problems may surface again. He has good days and bad days, so you’d have to take things one day at a time with him.”

 

“How old is he?” JD asked, his big hazel eyes wide with curiosity.

 

“Eighteen.”

 

Chris frowned. “Has he ever had a job?”

 

“Not for long. He’s moved from place to place so often that it’s been hard for him. He can’t settle and seems to rub people up the wrong way,” Josiah admitted as he looked over the three people in front of him. “He was in an accelerated learning program in High School and he graduated from that as he turned 17. I think he heralds from the south somewhere originally, but he lived in Washington for a good few years. Before his world really fell apart, that is.”

 

“What do you think, guys?” the blond asked as he turned to consult his companions.

 

“He needs help, like we did. We should give it a go, Chris,” JD said with a shrug.

 

“Vin?”

 

“Ain’t right to turn him away,” the blue-eyed teenager said with a decisive nod.

 

“One other thing, Chris,” Josiah said quietly.

 

Chris looked at the man sharply and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Why don’t I like the sound of that? You saved the worst till last?”

 

“Sorry,” Josiah replied, looking uncomfortable. This last piece of information had been the reason no one else would take Ezra in. His heart started pounding as he wondered whether the same would be true here.

 

“Well, what is it?” the blond demanded.

 

Josiah paused and looked at his companions nervously. “He’s just recovering from a suicide attempt.”

 

Chris came out in a cold sweat at the news. This was something he’d never even contemplated and he couldn’t understand how someone so young had become so disillusioned with life that he wanted to end it. “Jeez, how did he try to kill himself?”

 

“Slit his wrists and he was only just found in time. After he was released from the hospital, he spent some time in a psychiatric facility. Maybe if he’d sought medical help earlier he wouldn’t have got so low and taken such desperate measures.”

 

“Why did he do it?”

 

“He was bereaved. I don’t know all the details, because he doesn’t like talking about it, but I think it was a friend, his only friend, who died. Anyway, it was the last in a long line of unhappiness and he couldn’t cope. He’s been suffering from depression from age sixteen, you see? Personally, I think he was suffering from it a long time before that, though.”

 

Chris rubbed a hand over his face, his mind in turmoil at the change of circumstances. He looked at Vin and JD and chewed his bottom lip as he contemplated what Josiah had just told them. It put a whole new complexion on their decision and he really didn’t know what to do. He knew Josiah was desperate to find Ezra a home and he really didn’t want to turn him down. On the other hand, he had two other people to think of. Their welfare was just as, if not more, important. He continued looking at both his sons and a sudden thought came into his head. There but for the grace of God go I. If I hadn’t taken in JD and Vin when I did, either of them could have got into the same circumstances as Ezra is right now. I really want to help him and give him the same opportunities that they’ve had.

 

“Chris?” Vin said quietly as he watched his adoptive father closely. “Can’t we help him? He must be feeling real low, so we can’t turn him away. I know what it’s like to have nowhere to turn.”

 

The blond nodded distractedly and looked his youngest son. “JD? What do you think, son? Don’t feel you have to say yes just ‘cause Vin has.”

 

JD shrugged uncertainly. The mention of suicide had struck fear in his heart and he was suddenly worried about having an unstable person in the house. He could see by the look on his father's face, though, that he wanted to take Ezra in. Despite Chris’s words, JD didn’t want to be the one who said no, so he nodded and said, trying to sound brave, “But I want to. I agree with Vin. Let him come.” He hoped he’d done the right thing.

 

“Okay, there you have it, Josiah,” the black-clad man stated with a shrug. He wondered what they were letting themselves in for. He chastised himself for those thoughts and vowed to be much more positive in future.

 

For himself, Josiah couldn’t help smiling broadly. He was so relieved. “Thanks, guys. I really owe you. He’s on medication, Chris, so make sure he takes it ‘cause he gets real depressed if he don’t. Don’t be surprised if he cries for no reason too ‘cause he’s just real jumbled emotionally and can’t help how he acts. Nate knows everything about his situation so call on him if you need to.” Nathan Jackson was a doctor and good friends with Josiah and Chris. Josiah coughed and said, “I’ve agreed to act as Ezra’s mentor so I’ll come and visit him every so often. I’d have come anyway, ‘cause as I said, I’ve grown rather fond of him. I’ll call him every few days too, just to keep tabs on how he is mentally, but you can always call me in-between times if you’re worried. I’m available 24/7, you know that, don’t you?”

 

Chris nodded as he stood and shook hands with Josiah before escorting him out to his truck. “Sure, I do. I’ll see how things go to start with, but feel free to come, or call, whenever you like. I’ll be glad to touch base with you as well.”

 

**********************************

 

“Here ya go, son. This is your new temporary home,” Josiah said as he drew up outside the ranch house the following day. He looked across at his silent passenger to see what his initial reaction was. As usual, he couldn’t read the carefully composed features.

 

Ezra climbed out of the truck and looked around at the house and yard. He was apprehensive about meeting his new housemates and he shuffled from foot to foot, unable to keep still.

 

“Come on in and meet Chris and the boys,” Josiah said as he put an arm round Ezra’s shoulders and herded him toward the house. He felt a bit of resistance, so he tightened his hold, hoping in consequence to ease the very obvious tension in Ezra’s body. He wasn’t sure that he was succeeding, because Ezra seemed to be trying to escape his grip altogether.

 

The blond stepped out onto the porch after seeing Josiah’s truck arrive. “Hello, Ezra. I’m Chris Larabee. I hope you’ll be happy here.”

 

The younger man stepped forward and held out his hand uncertainly. “Nice to make your acquaintance, Mr. Larabee,” he said very formally.

 

Chris was taken aback at the language used by Ezra. In this day and age it was rare for a young man to speak in such a way and it momentarily threw the blond’s concentration. “Call me Chris,” he said hastily, when he realized that he’d been staring at the newcomer. 

 

Josiah squeezed Ezra’s shoulders. “Oh, he won’t do that, will ya, Ezra? He calls everyone Mr,” Josiah replied with a laugh.

 

“What? Even ladies?” Chris said, trying to make the younger man feel at ease. Although it was hard to tell from his expression, the blond knew that Ezra must be feeling like a coiled spring. “Come inside and meet my sons.” Chris beckoned forward his two adopted sons. “Vin? JD? This is Ezra.”

 

“Hey, glad you came, Ezra. We’ve been looking forward to it, ain’t we, JD?” Vin said quietly as he stepped forward and patted the newcomer’s back.

 

“Yeah, we have. Anything ya need, just ask,” JD said generously and in relief.

 

He didn’t know what type of person he’d been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Ezra. In his mind’s eye he’d envisioned someone who was disheveled and who had a slightly crazed expression. Ezra on the other hand looked totally normal, just a bit quiet and withdrawn. JD was pleased that maybe his fear about having a suicidal person to stay wasn’t going to be as bad as he thought. He looked Ezra up and down speculatively as if sizing him up but he felt an elbow in his ribs from Vin. JD looked at his brother and saw him shake his head gently. He turned back to Ezra and wiped all previous expression from his face.

 

“Thank you,” Ezra said softly as his gaze flicked between the two of them. He was pleased to see that there was someone of his own age in the household. That, for some reason, made things seem much better.

 

Chris, meanwhile, was also studying Ezra. Although he dressed the same as anyone else his age, he looked different. He had a certain polish about him. His jeans were faded but they hung nicely and his shirt was tucked into them properly. He wasn’t the run-of-the-mill eighteen-year-old.

 

“Come on, I’ll show you to your room and help you get settled in,” Chris said as he took hold of Ezra’s bag and led him out of the room.

 

“He don’t look like a candidate for the nut house,” JD said, voicing his previous thoughts, as he crossed his arms decisively.

 

“Is that right?” Josiah asked ominously, feeling upset on Ezra’s behalf. “What should he look like?”

 

JD shrugged and frowned, wary of the man’s tone. It didn’t stop his tongue running away with him, though. “Don’t know, but he don’t look like a fruit loop,” he said unwisely.

 

The social worker couldn’t help snapping back his reply. “He ain’t crazy, son, just immensely sad. There’re a lot of reasons why people need psychiatric help. Would it surprise you to hear that I once spent time in a psychiatric facility?”

 

JD nodded and looked astonished, not knowing what to say. Josiah always seemed so self-assured and level-headed to him.

 

Josiah knew that he shouldn’t give into his temper, but he would always defend Ezra, no matter who was involved. “Well, I have, so never judge a book by its cover, son. Ezra keeps things buried real deep but you’ll see some of the signs he exhibits later on,” he managed to say in something close to a normal tone.

 

******************************************

 

Upstairs, Chris showed Ezra through to the guest bedroom. It looked out to the front of the house and had a lovely big picture window. Ezra wandered over and looked out. He could see the barn, the yard and even some of the horses.

 

“Okay, Ezra? I hope you’ve got everything you need. There’s plenty of closet space,” Chris said as he pointed the facilities out.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The room was indeed better than any he had ever stayed in before. Usually he was given a small poky room with a tiny window. With this one, though, he didn’t quite know how he’d cope with so much space. He was surprised, but worried, and wondered if Chris had given him the wrong room. In the past, he’d always interpreted the size of the room to mean how much he was wanted in the house. A small one had always meant that he wasn’t really welcome and that the person hoped he wouldn’t stay long. Maybe this was truly different, but he would have to wait and see to be sure. He wondered whether it was reverse psychology being employed this time - making him feel uncomfortable by being too welcoming.

 

Chris’s voice cut into his thoughts. “Let me show you the bathroom and then we’ll go back downstairs. You can get settled properly when Josiah’s gone.”

 

Ezra followed the man along the hallway and was shown another large room containing all the necessary equipment. The corner bath was huge and he could imagine wallowing for hours in it. This was luxury compared to what he’d been used to.

 

“You’ll share this with Vin and JD, okay? I’ve got a bathroom attached to my own room, so you won’t be bumping into me in the middle of the night.”

Ezra smiled shyly, not quite sure how to respond.

 

Chris smiled and took him back downstairs where they walked into the tail end of the discussion between Josiah and JD. Chris could detect the faintly strained atmosphere in the room and he looked at the three occupants, seeing different emotions on each face. JD looked startled and unsure of himself, Josiah seemed angry and Vin appeared to want to stay out of whatever was going on.

 

“Everything okay?” Chris asked curiously.

 

“Yeah, fine. Just disagreeing about who’s gonna win the Super Bowl this year,” Vin said quickly as his eyes begged his father to drop the questioning.

 

The black-clad man nodded and said, “Yeah, well, that ain’t surprising. The number of arguments we’ve had over the years outweighs the number of hot meals I’ve ever had.”

 

“All set then, Ezra? Got everything you need?” Josiah asked, turning the subject back to the most important person in the room.

 

“Yes, thank you. I appreciate you accommodating me over the past few weeks, Mr. Sanchez.”

 

“It’s been a real pleasure, son,” the social worker said as he stepped forward and gave the man a brief hug, which Ezra wriggled from as soon as possible.

 

Chris noticed, but put it down to Ezra not wanting to be hugged in front of others. Hell, Chris thought, I stopped wanting to be hugged, by a male or female, when I was eight or even before. What boy didn’t? Way too uncool

 

Josiah left the room after saying his good-byes to the rest of the room’s occupants.

 

Chris went onto the porch with him and put a restraining hand on his arm before he could leave. “What was that all about in there? It sure as hell wasn’t about the Super Bowl, Josiah.”

 

The big man turned to face Chris and bowed his head in shame. “I just lost my cool with JD a bit. He said something about Ezra not looking crazy enough to need being in a psychiatric hospital. You know my feelings on that sort of thing and I just snapped. He wasn’t being nasty. I don’t think he’s got a nasty bone in his body, but it rattled me just the same. I’m sorry, Chris.”

 

The blond nodded in understanding. “It’s okay. I’ll have a word with him. He sometimes opens his mouth without thinking. His intentions are always good, though. As you say, he never means to be nasty, but he can be a bit childish. Hell, he is a child.” Chris patted the big man’s back. “I knew it didn’t have anything to do with the Super Bowl ‘cause Vin and JD prefer baseball much more.”

 

The blond waved in farewell once Josiah started on his journey home. Chris then turned on his heels and went back indoors.

 

He ended up standing beside Ezra. “How about a tour of the ranch? Vin, can you show Ezra everything?”

 

“Sure,” Vin agreed as he took Ezra out into the yard.

 

“JD? A word,” Chris said to his youngest son, taking the opportunity while they were alone, to speak his mind. “Josiah told me what the disagreement was about earlier. Just take care what you say, especially around Ezra, will you, bud? He’s obviously got a few things to contend with and I don’t want a silly comment upsetting him.”

 

JD seemed suitably chastised and looked up at Chris sorrowfully. “I’m sorry. I was just saying what I thought and being honest. He seems nice although he talks real weird. He just don’t look crazy.”

 

Chris sighed. He couldn’t complain about JD’s honesty, but there were some things better not said at all. “I know, kid, and that’s real good, but as Josiah told you, Ezra isn’t crazy. He’s just real depressed.”

 

JD pursed his lips and nodded as he squirmed slightly. “I know and I’m sorry, but I just don’t know how to behave around someone like him,” he admitted.

 

JD was at a turning point in his life. This section was his rite of passage, his coming of age. He was going to change from the sometimes self-centered person he could be, into a really caring, thoughtful young man.

 

Chris studied his dark-haired son and softened his tone. He had to admit that he’d been thinking the same as JD. It truly was a difficult situation, but he tried to be practical. “I understand, but he isn’t any different from us. It’s not like he’s from another planet. I know we’ve never had to deal with someone who’s tried to kill themselves before, so we’ll have to learn as we go along. Just try and treat him as you would anyone else; don’t think of him as someone who’s attempted suicide. I know we don’t know all the details surrounding what happened to him yet but I’ll try and get him talking so that we know exactly what we’re facing. Just take care, all right?”

 

“Okay,” JD said as he wandered away into the living room, not particularly placated by what Chris had just said.

 

Outside, Vin began his tour. “Do you like horses, Ez?” he asked as he took Ezra over to the barn.

 

Ezra scowled at the shortening of his name, but he answered Vin’s question amiably enough. “Can’t admit to having had any contact with equines before. Why?”

 

“Oh, we breed them. There are loads here and we ride most days. This is a great place to live.”

 

“I’ve never even sat on a horse before,” Ezra admitted shyly.

 

“We’ll teach ya to ride if you like,” Vin offered generously.

 

“Maybe,” Ezra replied, with an uncertain shrug of his slim shoulders. He probably wouldn’t be around long enough for that. “I expect that both you and your brother are expert horsemen,” he said.

 

“Well, let’s just say we can ride pretty good.” Vin paused. “JD ain’t my real brother, Ez. Chris adopted us both a year ago, but we still like to use our own surnames, so we ain’t a Larabee; only on paper, I mean. I'm a Tanner and JD is a Dunne. His real name's John Dunne, we just shorten it to JD,” Vin babbled.

 

“Oh, thank you for enlightening me, but being adopted doesn’t mean that you are any less of a family.”

 

Vin looked at Ezra and wondered if he should ask him a question about his mother or keep his mouth shut. Given the obvious bad relationship between mother and son, Vin didn’t want to upset the man on his first day by saying the wrong thing. He decided to word his question as a casual observation. “Josiah said your mother lives in Canada.”

 

“I have no idea where she is to be honest. We haven’t communicated for quite some time although a letter arrives out of the blue sometimes. She obviously keeps track of my movements somehow,” Ezra said with an uncaring shrug. “I think you are probably in a much better position than me by being adopted, Mr. Tanner. Mr. Larabee obviously loves you a great deal.”

 

“Yeah, he’s been real good to us. He had a wife and son, but they were killed in a fire. He don’t like talking about it, but if he mentions the names Sarah and Adam, at least you’ll know who he’s talking about,” Vin said, giving a bit more family history.

 

“Thank you. I will take care in conversations with him,” Ezra said gratefully. At least he felt that he now had something in common with the blond man. They had both lost people they cared about deeply, so Chris would understand his feelings about his own friend’s death.

 

Ezra couldn’t help wondering why Vin called Chris by his given name. He expected him to at least call him Dad. Perhaps they just preferred it that way, he thought to himself.

 

Vin nodded and continued with the grand tour of the barn and outbuildings, ending up back in the kitchen.

 

“All right, Ezra?” Chris asked as he looked up from where he was heating up some food.

 

“Yes, thank you. You certainly possess a substantial establishment,” Ezra replied as he stood awkwardly just inside the door. He didn’t feel comfortable enough to just walk in and sit at the table until he was invited to do so.

 

“Yeah, we breed horses, but I expect Vin’s already told you that. He’s my partner in the business, but I bet he didn’t tell you that,” Chris said wryly as he exchanged glances with his shy older son.

 

Vin had never been particularly academic and when he had moved to live with Chris he’d opted to work rather than continue in High School.

 

“No, he didn’t. You are a dark horse, Mr. Tanner,” Ezra said with a quiet smile when he realized his pun.

 

Chris grinned. “Well, everyone who stays with us usually lends a hand around the place. Is there anything that you’d like to do?”

 

Ezra squirmed and shrugged in indecision. “Well, I’m not suited to manual labor and I know nothing about equines.”

 

“We’ll see what we can find for you, so never mind for now. You hungry?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Chris was trying very hard to make Ezra feel welcome, but he could see that it was going to take time. Ezra seemed terribly tense, rather like a horse in fight or flight mode. “Take a seat, then. Nettie made us pasta and I’m just reheating it. She’s a neighbor and can’t help mothering us. I don’t reckon she thinks we can take care of ourselves,” he said with a smile as he pointed to a chair for Ezra to sit in.

 

Ezra took up position, not relaxing in the seat at all. Once a plate of food was put in front of him, he ate quietly as he studied his companions surreptitiously. They seemed nice and were definitely friendly but he couldn’t help wondering how long it would be before they tired of him. It would happen, it always did.

 

JD, meanwhile, was thinking about what Chris had said earlier regarding how to treat Ezra. He decided to put those thoughts into action. “Where are you from, Ezra?” he asked, trying to get the silent man talking. He then held up his hand and smiled, stopping the conversation before if had even started. “No, let me guess. From your southern accent I think you’re from Alabama.”

 

“No, Georgia,” Ezra replied quietly.

 

Vin laughed. “JD likes to try to guess where our guests are from. He always chooses Alabama, though, and, so far, no one has been from there.”

 

The dark-haired youngster narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Someone will one day,” he said, sounding sulky. “You got any other kin?” he then asked as he turned back to Ezra. “Sister, maybe? I’d have liked a sister, but instead I got stuck with Vin.”

 

Ezra didn’t answer and looked highly uncomfortable at the questioning.

 

“JD? Leave it, son. This isn’t twenty questions, okay? Let Ezra finish his meal,” Chris chastised, staring at his youngest son to make him remember the other conversation they’d had.

 

JD winced and looked down at his plate of food. “Sure, sorry, Ezra.”

 

Ezra looked back and forth between the two, unable to understand what had passed between them. “Nothing to apologize for, Mr. Dunne,” he said with a frown.

 

“What would you like for dessert?” Chris asked, seeing the disconcerted look on the man’s face. “I’ve got apple pie, or some chocolate sensation that Vin’s been slaving over. He made it especially for you. He’s a real good cook.”

 

“Oh, well, in that case I will indulge in a bit of waist-expanding delectation,” Ezra replied with a smile.

 

“Huh?” JD grunted, wondering what the hell Ezra was saying.

 

“He means my chocolate surprise,” Vin explained proudly with a smile.

 

“Just watch out for the surprise, Ezra. Knowing him, he may have put a lump of rock in the middle of it so that you break your teeth,” JD warned sourly as he looked at his brother in a challenging fashion.

 

“He’s only kidding, Ezra,” Chris said reassuringly. “It’s more than Vin’s life is worth to do such things. He’d find himself doing a week’s hard labor on the muckheap if he did.”

 

“Glad to hear it. I’ve already got one gold tooth,” Ezra said as he flashed it so that they could all see. He considered having one gold tooth sophisticated, but that was the limit - any more would be tacky. “I don’t desire having all my teeth replaced in such a fashion,” he said.

 

Vin stood and went to get his precious dessert as he winked at Ezra. “Nor would I. Might get mugged and the thieves would chip each tooth out to sell on.”

 

Ezra looked appalled at the thought, but remained silent. He did, however, run his tongue over his one gold tooth just to check that it was indeed still there.

 

“Come on, guys. Stop teasing Ezra and let’s eat Vin’s pudding,” Chris ordered. “Looks great, Vin,” the blond praised, as a dish of dessert was placed in front of him.

 

“You ain’t tasted it yet,” JD whispered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

Vin pretended to slap his brother and Chris and JD laughed. Ezra smiled shyly but didn’t laugh out loud. They then settled down to eat Vin’s food and despite JD’s warning it tasted delicious.

 

After Ezra’s brief show of personality, the shutters came down and it was almost as if he regretted letting his guard down. For the rest of the day, Ezra kept to monosyllabic mutterings and watched his companions interplay from the sidelines, not participating despite their attempts to include him. Chris knew that they faced an up-hill task to make Ezra really feel at ease with them. There seemed to be a very thick protective wall that needed to be broken through to get to the real Ezra.

 

*******************************************

 

Later that evening Josiah called Nathan to update him. The two men had been communicating regularly about Ezra and that wasn’t going to change just because he was now living with Chris. Both men were still going to be very much involved in his life in the near future.

 

“Hey, Nate,” Josiah said as he call was answered. “I dropped Ezra off at Chris’s today.”

 

The medic nodded and sat down on a nearby chair thinking he might be in for a long conversation. “How did he seem?”

 

“Bit quiet, but you know what he’s like,” Josiah said with a shrug.

 

“How did he interact with Vin and JD?” Nathan asked with interest.

 

Josiah thought back to the introductions and he shrugged. “Didn’t really while I was there, just to say hello or whatever. Chris took him up to show him his room, though, and he seemed kinda pleased when he came down. JD and I had a bit of a disagreement while they were gone, but I’ll tell you about that later.”

 

Nathan nodded. “Okay, well, I’ll try to go out and see Ezra at some point, too. How are you keeping in contact?”

 

“I’ll phone every other day and I said I’d go over and visit, too,” Josiah said. “You know how I feel about him. Even if I weren’t his mentor, I wouldn’t want to be seen as deserting him now that he’s moved on.”

 

“Yeah, I know you’re real fond of him. Speak to you soon,” Nathan said, surprised that the call was ending so soon. When Josiah got onto the topic of Ezra he had been known to talk for an hour.

 

“Yeah, bye.”

 

*********************************************

 

The sun rose to start the first full day of Ezra’s stay at the ranch.

 

He awoke to the noise of JD’s high-pitched voice and the sound of stomping feet. Ezra rolled over and sat on the side of the bed as he wriggled his toes on the soft carpet. He then stretched before rising, getting dressed slowly and making his way downstairs.

 

The noises he’d heard grew in intensity as he descended the stairs and he followed the sounds to the kitchen, where chaos seemed to reign.

 

“Hey, Ez,” JD greeted as he looked up. The kid then went back to what he was doing, which seemed to be tipping out the entire contents of the laundry basket onto the floor. He proceeded to sift through it, throwing aside the odd smelly sock in his quest for something of obvious importance.

 

Ezra watched, and hoped that JD wasn’t looking for a dirty pair of underpants to wear. As the youngster was already dressed, though, that didn’t seem an option, but Ezra couldn’t really think why else JD would be looking in the washing.

 

Ask, and you might find out, he thought to himself wryly. “What’s all the excitement?” he asked wearily as he ruffled his hair, realizing that he hadn’t yet combed it.

 

“I’ve gotta go to school. Bus will be here any minute and I can’t find my cell,” JD explained as he picked up a pair of boxers between thumb and forefinger and put them aside.

 

The green-eyed man had totally forgotten that his young house-mate was of school age. He’d been so wrapped up in his own change of circumstances that it had gone clear out of his head. Come to that, he hadn’t even realized it was Monday. Days tended to merge one into the other and he just drifted along on the ebb and flow of life.

 

Chris hurried into the room, looking slightly harassed, and smiled at Ezra. As the day before, Chris was dressed from head to foot in black. Ezra wondered if the man possessed any other color, and why he chose to wear such a morbid hue. Maybe because of the loss of his family, Ezra thought to himself.

 

“I’ll get some breakfast for you in a minute, Ezra, once JD’s got out of our hair,” Chris said distractedly. The blond walked on through and yelled out the door to the yard, “Vin? Find Arnie and give him his breakfast, will ya?”

 

“Sure,” came the faint reply.

 

Ezra stood by the sink and watched as JD shoved the dirty clothes back in the basket with an exasperated sigh.

 

“No luck, kid?” the blond asked.

 

“No,” JD replied. “I only used it last night.”

 

“What’s that over there? Is that it?” Ezra asked as he pointed to a cell on the shelf next to the cereal packets.

 

JD turned to look and smiled broadly. He strode forward, collected the cell and stowed it safely in his pocket. “Great eyesight, Ez. I owe ya one.”

 

“I’m gonna tie it round your damned neck one day, JD. I’ve lost count of the times we’ve had to search for it in the morning. Put it away in yer backpack when you’ve finished with it, will ya?”

 

“Yeah,” JD replied with a frown as he looked round the floor in mystification. “Where is my backpack?”

 

“Jesus,” Chris cursed as he shook his head in despair. He moved forward and pretended to slap his youngest son. “It’s in the living room. Go get it and get out of here before I have a breakdown.”

 

JD laughed as he ran and collected his bag, and then waved cheerily as he came tearing back through the kitchen and disappeared outside to go and catch his bus.

 

“Thank God. Might get some peace now. He’s like a damned human whirlwind sometimes and it wears me out just watching him. We sometimes call him Taz after the Tazmanian dust devil cartoon character.”

 

Ezra smiled. “Is it always like this? Pandemonium, I mean.”

 

“School days, yes. JD’s very good academically, but he’s hopeless at organizing himself. He’s always losing something and he tends to leave things to the last minute. I’m not going to do everything for him ‘cause he’s gotta learn to cope on his own.”

 

Ezra nodded as he thought back to another question he’d wanted to ask. “Who is Arnie? Is he a hired hand?”

 

Chris laughed and held out his hands to say he didn’t mean any offense. “No, he’s my dog, but he’s very independent. It’s a definite case of cupboard love with him. He spends all his time outside and sleeps in the barn, only showing himself when there’s food to be had. I forgot to introduce you to him yesterday.” Chris saw that Ezra was still standing awkwardly by the sink. “Make yourself at home, Ezra. What do you want for breakfast?”

 

“I can do it if you’re happy for me to look around to find what I want,” Ezra said, hoping that would mean he’d be left on his own for a while.

 

“Sure, knock yourself out. You already know where the cereal is,” Chris said with a grin, “but if you want something cooked, all the pans are over there in that closet. Help yourself to anything in the fridge.”

 

Ezra looked round the room to orientate himself properly. “Thank you.”

 

“You okay if I go and see to the horses with Vin?” Chris said as he watched Ezra head toward the fridge.

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

Ezra opened the fridge door and looked on the shelves, deciding what he wanted. He first cooked British-style fried bread, putting the slices of loaf in lots of bacon grease and frying it before adding some bacon and eggs to complement it. When it was all cooked to his satisfaction he took it over to the table and tucked in. He’d just mopped up the last of the egg yolk when Chris and Vin came back in.

 

“Jeez, that smells good. I’ve already had breakfast but I could sure eat another after smelling yours,” Vin said with a smile as he headed to the sink and washed his hands.

 

“Take a seat and I’ll cook you something,” he offered as he took his dirty plate to the sink.

 

“You don’t have to,” Vin said, picking up a towel to dry his skin.

 

“I want to. Would you like something, too, Mr Larabee?”

 

The blond nodded. “Yes, please, but you shouldn’t be waiting on us.”

 

“I’m just cooking you breakfast. If you’ll take it better, make it a thank you for taking me in,” he said shyly.

 

Chris studied the young man and then nodded, knowing that to turn down the offer would be seen as an insult. “Great, that’s real kind, Ezra.”

 

“Well, you said make yourself at home,” Ezra hesitated, wondering if he’d done wrong, “so I’m trying.” He couldn’t quite read Chris’s face and he clenched his jaw nervously.

 

The blond smiled broadly when he saw the real uncertainty on Ezra’s countenance. “Great. We live real free and easy, Ezra. We don’t stand on ceremony or anything.”

 

Ezra got to work and soon placed a plate of steaming food in front of each of his companions.

 

“Thanks, Ezra. Looks real good,” Vin said as he licked his lips.

 

They both tucked in with gusto and then sighed happily when they’d finished.

 

“That was terrific, especially the bread. Never had that before. Food always tastes better when you haven’t cooked it yourself. You’re a damned good cook, Ez. If you don’t watch out we could get used to this sort of treatment every day. Thanks very much,” Chris said as he reached out and patted Ezra’s back when he came to collect the crockery.

 

Ezra blushed. He’d never been complimented about his cooking before and he had to admit that it felt good.

 

“Well, what do you wanna do today, Ezra? Chris has given me the day off, so I can show you round a bit more if you like. We can go out into the country,” Vin offered.

 

“I’d enjoy that,” Ezra replied, after a moment of contemplation.

 

“Okay, are you sure you’ll manage without me, Chris?” Vin asked as he looked at the blond questioningly.

 

“I’ll be all right. You two go and have fun. Just be back for putting the horses to bed, though.”

 

“Sure thing.” Vin turned to Ezra. “Can you ride a bike?”

 

“Yes. I haven’t done so for years, but you never lose the ability so they say.”

 

Vin took Ezra over to the barn and produced two ancient bikes. “Prefer motorbikes myself. Beats all that pedaling,” Vin said with a laugh.

 

“I think I rather agree,” Ezra said as he studied his rusting machine in despair. It certainly wasn’t in its first flush of youth.

 

A bark sounded and a large black Labrador appeared out of nowhere. The canine immediately headed to Vin and ran round him excitedly.

 

“Hey, Arnie. Finally come to see Ezra, have you?” Vin said as he bent down and patted the dog’s belly.

 

Ezra smiled and fondled the dog’s ears. “Nice to meet you,” he said.

 

Vin stood up and straddled his bike. Arnie barked, and as Ezra got on his machine and set off, the dog followed along behind.

 

*****************************************

 

“Had a good day, guys?” Chris asked when Vin and Ezra appeared in the kitchen, covered in mud.

 

“Yeah, saw some deer and buzzards, and that cougar left his mark up in the woods again,” Vin said as he moved to the sink and washed his hands.

 

“Thanks for telling me. We’ll have to be careful when the new foals are out and about.” The blond turned toward his new housemate. “You okay, Ezra? You look kinda tired.”

 

“I am. Cycling is rather strenuous when you’ve been used to doing no exercise whatsoever,” Ezra said as he rubbed his calf muscles to try and ease the ache that had settled there.

 

“I can sure understand that. Why don’t you go and have a shower while Vin and I see to the horses? We’ve got company for dinner tonight. Nettie’s coming to cast her beady eye over you. Hope you don’t mind, and I’ll warn you now that she speaks her mind.”

 

Ezra nodded and went off to enjoy a refreshing shower. He returned to the kitchen to find an elderly, gray-haired lady in residence. The sound of Vin and JD’s voices drifted in from the porch outside and Ezra wished he could just walk on through and join them. Chris was sitting beside Nettie deep in conversation. The blond saw movement in the doorway and he looked up and smiled.

 

“Hey, Ezra. Come in and meet Miz. Nettie,” Chris invited as he beckoned the young man forward.

 

Ezra stepped into the room and moved to stand in front of Nettie before extending his hand. The lady stood, clasped it and patted the back of it gently. She studied him intently as she pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes.

 

“Nice to meet you, Ezra.”

 

“And you, Miz. Nettie,” he replied quietly, feeling uncomfortable under the close scrutiny he was receiving.

 

The lady smiled and pulled him over to a chair. “JD’s given a very garbled version of what he knows about you. Now, why don’t you tell me all about yourself?”

 

Ezra paled as he flicked a desperate look at Chris before focusing on Nettie again. He clenched his jaw and mumbled, “There’s nothing to tell. Nothing you’d want to hear.”

 

The elderly lady put out a quick hand and rubbed his arm, noticing how Ezra almost flinched at the touch. She smiled, trying to put him at ease. “Sorry, son. I’m too nosy for my own good. I didn’t mean you to think I wanted to hear all your deepest, darkest secrets.”

 

“I just can’t…” Ezra mumbled as he came to a stop.

 

Nettie flicked a quick apologetic look toward Chris. “Oh, dear. I seem to have ruined things, and I’ve only been here a few minutes.”

 

“No, it’s all right,” Ezra said quickly, hoping he hadn’t cause offense.

 

The blond smiled at him. “Tell Nettie what you and Vin did today. How about that for starters?”

 

Ezra nodded and gave the bare details of his expedition. He was becoming more and more uncomfortable as time passed and he soon ran out of things to say. He hated being the center of attention like this.

 

“Let’s go and join Vin and JD, shall we?” the blond suggested, seeing that Ezra wasn’t going to settle down anytime soon.

 

Nettie headed on outside, but Chris hung back and stopped Ezra.

 

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

 

Ezra bowed his head and nodded. “I didn’t mean to embarrass anyone, but talking about my life doesn’t exactly fill me with pleasure.”

 

“I understand. I hate talking about myself, period,” Chris said as he tried to cheer Ezra up.

 

“I’m sorry,” Ezra apologized with wince.

 

“No need to apologize, Ezra. Nettie isn’t offended at all.”

 

“Hey, you two,” JD called, interrupting the conversation. “Vin’s eaten all the pretzels.”

 

Chris patted Ezra’s back and then picked up a packet of snacks from the table. “Come on, Ezra. Better feed those two vultures. JD tends to go a funny color if he’s without food for too long.”

 

Ezra smiled and collected a new packet of pretzels as well and took them outside. “Here you are, gentlemen.”

 

“Thanks, Ez,” JD said as he took possession of the packet and began tucking in.

 

“Easy, JD. This is just a snack, you know, not your main meal. There are other people here who might actually want to eat some, too,” Chris complained. “Have some manners, will you?”

“Yeah, Pa,” he said sarcastically as he held the packet out to Nettie.

 

“Now, now, young man. Speak to your father with a bit of respect. You could learn a lot from Ezra,” the elderly lady said sharply before smiling at Ezra kindly.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” JD grumbled. His stomach tightened and he blushed at the rebuke. He hated to be told off by Nettie in front of a guest. No one likes to have their faults aired in public.

 

“I think Ezra is turning into a very polished and polite young man,” she continued. “He’d be an asset to anyone.”

 

Ezra blushed at the compliment, but JD took offense thinking that Nettie meant that he wasn’t an asset in any way, shape or form.

 

“What did you get up to at school today?” she asked cajolingly, seeing the disgruntled look on his face.

 

“Nothing much,” he muttered.

 

“I hope that’s a lie, son,” Chris said with a grin.

 

The rest of the evening passed off fairly well, although Ezra kept himself to himself, only speaking when absolutely necessary. JD perked up as time passed and even tried a few of his well-known terrible jokes. He received the usual barrage of groans rather than the laughter he so craved.

 

Just after Nettie had gone, the phone rang. Chris answered it and smiled as he looked at Ezra and beckoned him over.

 

“Hey, Ez. It’s Josiah for you,” he said as he looked at his newest lodger.

 

“Thank you,” Ezra said as he took the phone from Chris’s hand. “Hello, Mr. Sanchez.”

 

Josiah smiled as he heard Ezra’s voice. He really missed the sound of it in his own house. “Hello, son. I just wanted to see how your first day went. I was told you were meeting Nettie. Did you like her?”

 

Ezra thought back to when he’d been introduced to the elderly lady. He wasn’t going to mention all the details of what had happened. “Yes, she’s very nice. We had an enjoyable meal,” he said simply.

 

“What else have you been doing?” Josiah asked, trying to get the youth to open up to him. He could tell that Ezra was a bit overwhelmed by things. Miz. Nettie could do that to a person.

 

“Vin and I went cycling round the ranch for most of the day. We saw lots of wildlife,” Ezra said, keeping to the bare bones and not elaborating about exactly what aninmals he’d seen.

 

“Great, I bet you enjoyed that.”

 

“Yes, I did, but it was tiring,. There’s a lot of land to explore. I think we only did half,” Ezra said, expanding in his conversation a bit more as he relaxed.

 

Josiah nodded in understanding. “Yeah, it’s a beautiful place.” He paused, deciding to leave the conversation there. He’d touched base with Ezra to let him know he still cared. He hoped that fact was made plain to Ezra. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. I’ll call again soon, all right?”

 

“Yes, thank you,” Ezra said. He liked Josiah and was glad that he was still going to be in contact.

 

“Can I speak to Chris?” Josiah asked before Ezra could put the phone down.

 

Ezra looked round and handed the phone back to the blond without a word. He saw that Vin and JD were not in sight so he left too, so that the blond could talk to Josiah in private.

 

“Hey, Josiah,” Chris said as he watched Ezra leave the room.

 

“Hi, Chris. Did everything really go okay? Ez seemed a bit subdued about meeting Nettie,” he commented worriedly.

 

Chris looked around the room to make sure he was truly on his own. “There was a bit of an awkward moment when they were first introduced, but all in all it went well. He was pretty quiet throughout, but he did talk when Nettie spoke to him.”

 

Josiah nodded. “Good. He can get a bit introverted when meeting new people. He usually comes out of his shell as time goes by though.”

 

“Yes, I think it will take one or two more meetings with her before he even starts to relax. He was like a coiled spring most of the time,” Chris said as he thought back over the evening. “Thanks for calling. It’s good that you’re gonna be checking on him like this. He’s more likely to talk to you rather than me at the moment if anything is bothering him. He’s still settling in and walking on eggshells around me right now.”

 

“It’ll just take time, Chris,” Josiah said in a plactaing tone. “As long as he gets to feel welcome and comfortable he’ll soon relax, I’m sure.”

 

The blond nodded. “Well, we’re doing all we can. Speak to you soon.”

 

*********************************************

 

The next morning dawned and it seemed as if it was going to be another fine, sunny day.

 

Ezra was helping Chris to wash up the breakfast crockery. He was hurrying because he knew Chris had a lot of work to do that day. He picked up the last plate to be washed, but it slipped out of his soap-sud covered hands and there was nothing he could do to save it. He watched the plate bounce on the edge of the sink, then fall to the floor where it smashed into tiny pieces. He flicked his horrified gaze to Chris and then looked back at the plate.

 

“It’s okay, Ez. We’ll soon clear that up.”

 

“But your wife gave that to you.” Ezra stopped short, wondering if he should have mentioned that fact. He decided on an explanation, so began babbling. “When we were clearing up after last night’s meal Vin told me it was a present. I’m so sorry to cause you distress.”

 

“It’s only a plate, Ez. I’ve still got Sarah’s memories, which are much more important to me.” Chris bent down and tidied up while Ezra just stood and stared at him.

 

“Come on. Let’s go mend that corral fence before JD gets back from school. It’ll take the best part of the day to do. Vin’s already started on it by the sound of it,” Chris said as he heard the banging of hammer on wood from outside.

 

The three of them worked all day, but Chris could tell that Ezra was still preoccupied and seemed upset. He was very quiet and despite Chris's attempts to get him talking, Ezra only ever let out the odd word.

 

“Ez? What you thinking?” he eventually asked.

 

Ezra stopped sawing the piece of wood and looked up at Chris. He wiped a hand over his brow and sighed. “About the plate. I’m so sorry.”

 

Chris narrowed his eyes, unable to understand why Ezra would be so worried about such a small incident.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Ezra. Don’t stress about it. You guys are all that matter to me now, not some trinket from the past.”

 

“But...”

 

“That’s enough, Ez. I’ve already forgotten about it and I want you to do the same,” Chris said, saying it more harshly than he intended.

 

Ezra looked at the blond but didn’t speak again. He winced at the sharpness in the blond’s voice and he blushed at the unintended rebuke. It was the first time that Chris had spoken to him in that tone and Ezra interpreted it as being because he really was upset about the plate.

 

JD arrived home from school at that moment with a yell of greeting and while Vin and Chris turned to greet him, Ezra walked back to the house disconsolately.

 

“Is Ez okay, Dad?” Vin asked worriedly after saying ‘hello’ to JD. “What were you talking about earlier?”

 

Chris watched Ezra and shook his head as he kept a welcoming arm draped round JD’s shoulder. “He broke one of Sarah’s plates, well…the cowboy plate she gave me actually, but he can’t seem to let it go. He’s really obsessing about it.”

 

“Call Josiah,” Vin suggested. “It may be natural with the way he is at the moment.”

 

The blond nodded. “Yeah, I’ll maybe do that. I’m so glad that I’ve got Nate and Josiah to call on if I need to.” Chris sighed, his eyes still following the progress of the departing man. “I hope I didn’t upset Ezra when I told him to drop the subject earlier. Difficult to know how forceful to be, isn’t it? Might cause more harm than good with just a casual word.”

 

Vin nodded and accompanied JD into the house to get washed up for dinner.

 

The blond, meanwhile, pulled out his cell phone, not wanting to use the house phone in case Ezra overheard him talking.

 

“Hey, Josiah, it’s Chris,” he said when his call was answered.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

Chris scratched his head. “Um…not sure, bud. Maybe I shoulda called Nate about this. It’s Ezra…”

 

“Tell me, Chris. If it’s to do with Ezra, I wanna know,” Josiah said insistently.

 

“He broke a plate and he keeps on apologizing about it. It was one that Sarah gave me and he seems to think I’m gonna be angry or something. I can’t quite explain what I mean, but do you understand?”

 

Josiah nodded in despair. “Yeah, I do. It’s all down to his depression. Sufferers feel excessive guilt over things that we wouldn’t give a second thought to,” he explained. “They sometimes feel guilt over imagined transgressions, too, Chris. It’s a tough one, but keep reassuring him it was just an accident.”

 

“I have, but it doesn’t seem to help,” Chris said as he wandered up and down the yard.

 

“Do you want me to talk to him?” the social worker offered. “I can call later on this evening and pretend it’s just another social call to see how he is.”

 

The blond considered the offer and then nodded. “That would be great. Maybe you can get through to him. He really respects you.”

 

Josiah nodded at the compliment, hoping it was true. “Well, I’ll call back later then. Don’t worry about it in the meantime, Chris. I had several bouts of this with him over really small things. He got over them in the end.”

 

Chris ended the call and went to get the evening meal ready for his family. They’d just finished eating when Chris’s cell phone rang and the blond answered it pretending that it was unexpected.

 

“Hey, Ezra, it’s for you,” the blond said as he held out the phone and smiled encouragingly.

 

“Me?” Ezra replied sounding confused.

 

“It’s Josiah again.”

 

“Oh,” Ezra stood up and took the offered phone. “Mr. Sanchez?” he said curiously. He couldn’t understand why the man was calling him again so soon.

 

“Yeah. Just checking in to see that you’re okay. Any problems you wanna discuss?” Josiah asked nonchalantly.

 

Ezra looked around the room and saw that his companions were inevitably listening in. He wandered outside onto the porch so that he could talk in private.

 

“No, no problems.”

 

Josiah knew he was going to have a hard time getting Ezra to admit what had happened. It seemed he was back to his monosyllabic self.  “You sure? You sound a bit…I don’t know…distant. Are you feeling okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Josiah plugged on. “Taking you medication?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Has something happened?” Josiah asked, being more direct in his questioning.

 

Ezra hesitated, his curiosity roused as to why Josiah was questioning him like this. “Has Mr. Larabee spoken to you? Is he angry?” he asked worriedly.

 

“Why should he be angry?” Josiah asked, not answering Ezra’s first question.

 

Ezra hesitated and then sighed. “I broke something…something valuable.”

 

“What, Ezra?”

 

“A plate – his late wife’s plate. It was a present from her.”

 

Josiah was pleased that Ezra had now finally admitted what was wrong. Now to get him to realize it couldn’t have been helped. “I’m sure Chris would understand that is was an accident. It was an accident, wasn’t it? It wasn’t deliberate?”

 

“No, but...”

 

Josiah needed to put a stop to the negativity before it really took hold. “Ezra? Listen to me, son. Don’t let this blow out of all proportion. It was just a plate, so put the incident behind you. Chris isn’t upset about it, so it’s not worth making your life a misery over it. It’s in the past, okay?”

 

Ezra was silent. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation at all. No matter what Josiah said, he still felt terribly guilty about the incident.

 

“Ezra? You still there?” Josiah called worriedly.

 

“Yes.”

 

Josiah sighed at the one word answer. “Do you want me to come over?”

 

“No.”

 

“Sure?” he probed.

 

“Yes.”

 

Josiah knew he’d done all he could. Maybe Ezra would think back on his words later and see the sense in them. Right now he wasn’t in a receptive frame of mind, though. “Anything else you need to get off your chest?”

 

“I don’t think so. I appreciate you calling,” Ezra said.

 

“Well, you know I don’t want to lose contact with you. You can call me if you need anything. You know that, don’t you?” Josiah said insistently.

 

Ezra nodded, wanting desperately to end the call now. He was beginning to feel panicked and trapped. “Yes, thank you.”

 

“Speak to you again in a day or so then.”

 

“All right.”

 

“Okay, Ez?” Chris asked when Ezra returned and handed the cell back to Chris. The blond could see that he looked a bit rattled and uptight.

 

“Yes, thank you. He’s going to call again in a few days. Is that all right?” Ezra asked, his eyes downcast.

 

“That’s great. He can call as often as he likes. If you want to call him at any time, just go ahead. It’s good to have someone else to talk to if you want,” Chris said kindly.

 

“Thank you,” Ezra said, although he had no intention of taking Chris up on the offer. He really couldn’t see that Josiah would want to be interrupted by him all the time.

 

***********************************************

 

The usual morning sounds woke Ezra early the next day. JD was busily tearing round the house collecting all that he needed, and being noisy about it.

 

Ezra wandered down the stairs and into the kitchen where the kid was packing his backpack.

 

“See ya, Ez.”

 

“Have a good day, Mr. Dunne,” Ezra replied as he stifled a yawn and scratched his chin. He was up earlier than he liked and he was feeling the effects already.

 

“Jeez, stop calling me Mister, will ya, Ez?” JD couldn’t help saying sharply. “You make me feel ninety-years-old. I’m only twelve.”

 

Ezra smiled as he contemplated what had just been said to him. “Quite right, Master Dunne. Is that better?”

 

“Not really,” JD grumbled as he shrugged the backpack over his shoulders.

 

“See ya tonight, bro’,” Vin said as he wandered in from outside.

 

“Did you do your homework?” Chris asked, coming in from the living room with an armful of papers.

 

“Bit late if he hasn’t,” Ezra said quietly with a gentle smile.

 

“Yes, course I did, Dad,” JD said out loud as he thumped Ezra lightly on the arm.

 

“Here ya go. Sandwiches for yer lunch,” Vin said as he picked up the food and passed it over with a grin.

 

“Thanks, big brother,” JD said as he tucked them under his arm. He flicked a quick look at Ezra, waved and then ran out of the house as he heard the school bus toot its horn.

 

**********************************************

 

JD ambled in and dumped his backpack by the couch and flopped down onto the seat. He toed his sneakers off and tossed them in the air to land on their sides in the middle of the floor.

 

Ezra frowned at the untidy behavior, but resisted standing and putting the footwear away. “Had a good day, Master Dunne?” he asked instead.

 

“Not bad. Got loads of homework, though,” JD answered as he ran the fingers of both hands through his thick, black hair.

 

“Anything interesting?”

 

JD grimaced and shook his head decisively. “No, only literature.”

 

“How can you say that literature isn’t interesting? It opens the doorway to your imagination,” Ezra couldn’t help saying slightly haughtily. He loved reading and could never understand it when others didn’t.

 

JD scowled and pursed his lips angrily. “Crap.”

 

“Obviously you have no imagination,” Ezra remarked wryly as he picked a fleck of dirt off his jeans.

 

The youngster looked at Ezra. “Do too. Just ‘cause I prefer computers don’t mean I ain’t got no imagination,” he said forcefully.

 

Ezra despaired at JD’s language. “Maybe. Do you require any assistance with your homework?” he offered generously.

 

“No, I can manage myself,” JD said decisively. “Thanks,” he added as an afterthought as he moved to the table to start work.

 

Half an hour later, though, JD was staring into space chewing the end of his pen. Ezra looked at him, but didn’t interrupt. Another ten minutes passed in the same fashion, though, so he decided to speak.

 

“Can I be of assistance now? You seem to have reached an impasse.”

 

“Huh?” JD said startled out of his reverie.

 

“You’ve come to a halt,” Ezra said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

JD looked at Ezra and pursed his lips. He was rapidly coming to the conclusion that perhaps he wasn’t quite as proficient at literature as he thought.

 

“Yeah, okay, I’m kinda stuck on this passage,” JD said as he pointed to the desired section with his pen.

 

Ezra stood and took a seat beside his companion. It felt good to be of use and he settled into the chair and began to suggest ways in which JD could complete his task adequately.

 

Chris put his head round the living room door half an hour later and saw Ezra and JD still sitting at the table, heads together. He could see the two of them talking and smiled when he noticed Ezra laugh.

 

“What are those two up to?” he asked as Vin wandered by.

 

“Ez is helping JD with his homework, I think.”

 

“Really? Great,” the blond said in surprise. Ezra really seemed to be making an effort to fit in. Maybe he was finally beginning to feel at home with them.

Chris left them to it while he made dinner. “Guys? Come and get it,” he finally called, another half an hour later.

 

“Chris? Can you help me fill in this form?” Vin asked as he ambled in with a screwed up sheet in his hand.

 

Chris nodded as he put some plates on the table. “Sure, what’s it for?”

 

“Competition entry for a Harley.”

 

“Wow. Give me a look.” The blond held out his hand and then studied the sheet intently. “You’ve got to name as many films as you can that feature motorbikes in them. We’ll make a list after we’ve eaten if you like.”

 

“I can lend you my pen if you want to note down any now,” Ezra offered as he held out the writing implement.

 

“No, it’s okay, Ez. Dad will do it later,” Vin muttered as he turned red, looking embarrassed.

 

Ezra frowned at Vin’s reaction because he felt as if he was being cut out of things and his face showed it for all to see.

 

Chris reached out and patted his eldest son’s back while smiling at Ezra. He tried to placate Ezra so that he didn’t feel slighted by Vin turning down his offer.

 

“Vin’s very dyslexic, Ez, so I help him with any paperwork.”

 

“Oh, I hope I didn’t cause offense,” Ezra said worriedly as he flicked his gaze between the two men. He seemed to have put his foot in it. Keep your mouth shut in future, he said to himself.

 

“No, you didn’t and we manage just fine between us, don’t we?”

 

“Yeah,” Vin whispered, not meeting Ezra’s gaze. He assumed that the highly intelligent man would think less of him because of his impairment.

 

Ezra tried to put him at ease and make amends. “Maybe I could help with your competition later on then. I’m sure three, sorry, Master Dunne, four brains can come up with many more answers. We want to be sure that you win.”

 

Vin looked up and smiled shyly. “Thanks, Ez. Always wanted a Harley. Never could afford one, so this could be my only chance.”

 

The four residents sat down after their meal and began listing as many film titles as they could. Vin was well pleased with their efforts. He became more and more animated as time passed. Ezra, too, had to admit that he had enjoyed himself and it had made him forget things, if only for a short time.

 

“This is great, guys. I stand a good chance now,” Vin said as he studied the list in pleasure.

 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Vin,” Chris cautioned.

 

“Can’t help being excited.”

 

“Well, not enough to stop you sleeping, I hope. You’ve got a long time to wait until the results are announced. Don’t you just hate that it’s months in the future?”

 

“I’ll sleep okay. If I don’t, I know you’ll call Nate to give me one of his horrible sleeping drafts,” Vin said with a grin.

 

“That reminds me,” Chris said. “Here, Ez, don’t forget your meds.”

 

Chris walked to the wall safe and opened it and extracted a bottle. He missed seeing the furious look that set itself on Ezra’s face at the sight of his locked away meds. Ezra felt a hint of animosity when he thought he was being treated like a child. He also felt unsettled because he realized that if the meds were left easily accessible he couldn't be held accountable for his actions, and that frightened him.

 

Chris turned and gave Ezra two pills from the bottle and took him through to the kitchen and poured him a glass of water. After watching the man swallow them he locked the remaining pills safely away and put the key in his pant’s pocket.

 

JD had seen the fleeting look on Ezra’s face earlier, and he felt very angry on his father’s behalf. He clenched his fists and allowed a mirror image of the same look to pass over his face as he stared at Ezra unhappily. Chris was doing the best for Ezra and the man didn’t seemed to appreciate it and that upset JD mightily. He scowled and felt a few pangs of resentment toward their guest. Chris had taken him into his home and was coping with what could be a potentially explosive situation in the best way he could. He thought that Ezra could have shown his gratitude a bit more.

 

*******************************************

 

Three days later, Vin entered Ezra’s room having been sent by Chris to get the sleeping man up.

 

It was nearly nine and Chris, being an up-at-the-crack-of-dawn type of a man, was not impressed that Ezra seemed to be a very late riser. Most of the jobs that needed doing around the ranch had to be done early in the day.  The blond didn’t stop to consider that depressed people either slept excessively or woke very early. He was going to come to realize that Ezra was definitely in the former category.

 

The long-haired teenager opened the door and looked over at the bed where he saw Ezra curled up under the blankets.

 

“Ez? Chris wants some help to get the horses mucked out. We’ve all been up and about since seven.”

 

Vin stepped inside the room and squatted down at eye level with Ezra. He reached out a hand and touched the man’s brow gently because one look had told him that Ezra wasn’t well.

 

“Ez? Wake up, will ya?”

 

The sick man opened his eyes and groaned at being disturbed from his feverish sleep. He feebly swatted away Vin’s hand and groaned.

 

“You feelin’ okay?” Vin asked anxiously.

 

Ezra made moves to get up but flopped back down quickly as he raised a hand to his head. “I was rather unwell during the hours of darkness. I’m still experiencing some rather disturbing nausea and dizziness.”

 

“Jeez, you swallow a dictionary as a baby?” Vin asked with a grin. He was finding it hard to get used to Ezra’s mannerisms and speech.

 

“Yes, and a copy of Roget’s Thesaurus, if you must know.”

 

Vin smiled, patted Ezra’s shoulder and pulled the covers back up over him. “Sorry that you ain’t feeling too well, bud. You stay in bed and I’ll go get Chris.”

 

Ezra curled up under the blankets again and closed his eyes with a heartfelt sigh. Vin, meanwhile, hurried downstairs and entered the kitchen to impart the news to his father.

 

“Where is he? He’s gonna have to learn to get up earlier,” the blond said irritably when he saw that Vin was alone.

 

“He’s sick, Chris. He’s real hot and he said he weren’t well in the night.”

 

Chris sighed and headed upstairs while shaking his head. “Ez? Why didn’t you come and tell me you were sick?” he asked as he entered the bedroom and stood beside the bed.

 

“Used to looking after myself,” came the muttered reply from under the blankets.

 

“Look, Ez, you aren’t on your own anymore. You’re part of my family, okay?”

 

Ezra nodded as he threw off the covers and rose from the bed shakily before hurrying to the bathroom. Chris followed along behind and heard the retching sounds from within. He wandered into the room and squatted down beside Ezra, who was kneeling in front of the toilet swaying from side to side.

 

“How ya doin’?”

 

“Can’t you tell?” Ezra managed to ask wryly before throwing up again.

 

“Not too good by the look of it. You just feel sick?” the blond asked as he reached out a hand to feel Ezra’s brow.

 

“Nauseous, hot but cold, dizzy, shaky and weak. My head aches and my eyes won’t seem to keep focused either.”

 

“Wow,” Chris said as he raised an eyebrow, unable to hide his smile at the details given. “Come on. Best get all those ailments back to bed.”

 

He pulled Ezra to his feet and held him steady until he’d regained his balance. He then escorted the sick man along the hallway, stopping whenever Ezra faltered. Several times the younger man would reach out for the wall, groaning loudly, and Chris would stop till Ezra was able to continue.

 

“Okay, Ez? Do you wanna sit down, or something?” Chris asked worriedly after the third stop in as many strides.

 

“No, I’m just dizzy. Very dizzy,” Ezra mumbled as he raised a hand to his head and rubbed his eyes.

 

“Sounds like you need to lie down. It’s not far to your bedroom now, so are you all right to carry on?”

 

“In a minute,” Ezra gasped as he bent forward slightly when his surroundings swirled first one way and then the other. “I feel faint.”

 

“Come on, sit down,” Chris said as he kept a tight grip on him.

 

“No, I’m okay now.”

 

“Sure?” the blond asked suspiciously. Ezra still looked very pale and wobbly.

 

“Yes.”

 

Chris continued into the bedroom and sat Ezra on the bed and then settled him comfortably under the covers before heading downstairs.

 

“Vin? Can you and JD see to the horses? I’d better stay and keep an eye on Ez ‘cause he’s feeling real rough. I think I’ll call Nate to have a look at him.”

 

“Sure, we’ll manage,” Vin agreed as he disappeared with his younger brother toward the barn.

 

Chris, meanwhile, headed to the phone and punched in Nathan’s number. He had to admit that he was quite concerned about Ezra’s condition.

 

“Jackson.”

 

“Hey, Nate. It’s Chris.”

 

“Hello, how’s it going?” the doctor asked.

 

Chris shrugged. “Okay, I guess, but Ez isn’t feeling too good. He’s real sick and dizzy. Can you come and take a look at him? I’m quite worried about him.”

 

“Sure I can. I’ll be there when I’ve finished seeing the patients I’ve got booked in for this morning,” the doctor promised. “I’m due to check in on Ezra anyway to see how he’s feeling mentally. This’ll give me a good excuse.”

 

“Appreciate it,” Chris said as he ended the call and headed back upstairs to watch over Ezra.

 

Nathan arrived during the late afternoon and ambled into the kitchen, where his friends usually congregated at that time of day. JD and Vin were the only occupants of the room today, though.

 

“Hey, guys. How’s the patient?” he asked.

 

“Puking like an erupting volcano,” JD said with a slight smile. He’d just been up to see his sick housemate but Ezra didn't seem to be improving at all.

 

“Jeez, better go and see him then, hadn’t I?” Nathan said as he headed upstairs.

 

“Hello, Mr. Jackson,” Ezra mumbled weakly, when he saw who had entered his room.

 

“Hey, Ezra. Nice to see ya again, although I’d rather the circumstances were different. What seems to be wrong?” Nathan asked as he sat on the bed and automatically reached out a hand to feel Ezra’s sweaty brow.

 

Ezra sighed. “I’ve been expectorating since last night and I feel dizzy and shivery.”

 

“Okay, well, let’s take your temperature and see what we’re up against.” Nathan found the correct instrument in his bag and stuck it under Ezra’s tongue. While he waited for that to take effect he took Ezra’s pulse and then felt around his neck to see if the glands were swollen.

 

He finally took the thermometer out of Ezra’s mouth and looked at the reading. “Well, you’re not going to melt through being too hot. You’re only a little bit feverish. The glands in your neck are up a bit, but I think you’re gonna recover just fine in a day or so. I reckon it’s a rather nasty virus that’s doing the rounds at the moment. Just have to wait for it to run its course, I’m afraid, but take some of this and it’ll maybe help a bit.”

 

“Smells disgusting, what is it?” Ezra asked as he eyed the bottle that Nathan showed him.

 

“Something herbal. It’ll do you good,” Nathan replied, seeing that his brews weren’t going to be too popular with Ezra either. No one in this household appreciates my potions, he thought to himself with a self-deprecating smile.

 

Ezra screwed his mouth up when he was handed a mug of the brew but he drank the liquid down in one go. The look on his face told his companions what he thought of it.

 

The doctor smiled and then turned to Chris. “Can I have a few minutes with Ezra alone?”

 

“Sure,” Chris said as he nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him to give the men some privacy.

 

“Do I detect a counseling session? I thought that was Mr. Sanchez’s job,” Ezra stated quietly as he sat up slightly.

 

“It is, but as a doctor I treat body and mind. I just want to see how you’re settling in. Are you getting on all right?”

 

Ezra nodded and rather wished that he hadn’t because it set the world spinning again. “Yes, thank you.”

 

“Taking yer medication?” Nathan asked, trying to tell Ezra’s real feelings by studying his face. As usual, though, the young man wasn’t giving too much away, yet.

 

“Yes, Mr. Larabee sees to that. He hands them out like treats and keeps them locked away in the safe in case I get any ideas.”

 

The doctor frowned when he heard the slightly upset tone in Ezra’s voice. “How do you feel about that? Has Chris any cause to worry about you doing something to yourself?”

 

Ezra sighed and shifted uncomfortably in the bed as he tried to fend off a bout of nausea. “He doesn’t trust me and who can blame him? It just makes me feel like a naughty schoolboy when he gives them to me. He watches to make sure I’ve had them and then kinda follows me to verify that I haven’t kept them in my mouth to spit out later.”

 

Nathan’s frown deepened when the upset tone turned to outright resentment instead. “Are you saying that you want to take charge of your pills?” he asked quietly.

 

Ezra clenched his jaw and stayed silent. He couldn’t really guarantee that he wouldn’t be tempted to use the medication for harmful purposes, though, so he shook his head and averted his embarrassed gaze.

 

“That’s okay, Ezra. It’s good that you know what you are capable of,” the doctor replied softly as he patted Ezra’s shoulder in comfort.

 

“Capable of killing myself, you mean.”

 

Nathan shifted further up the mattress toward Ezra. “No. What I meant was, you are capable of making a rational decision. You could have just said yes to my question and then wouldn’t have been able to cope with the responsibility. It was good that you realized you weren’t ready. That’s real good,” the doctor said as he held Ezra’s gaze.

 

“If you say so.”

 

“I do and I’m proud of you for admitting your limitations.” Nathan smiled and stood up. “You look tired so get some rest. I’ll come back in another couple of days and we’ll maybe talk again.” The doctor watched Ezra settle in the bed and then went downstairs.

 

Chris was waiting anxiously on his own in the kitchen. “Is he okay?” he asked.

 

“He’ll recover in a couple of days.” Nathan sighed, knowing that wasn’t what Chris had wanted to know. He looked at Chris seriously and shrugged. “I had a bit of a chat with him, as you know. I just wanted to hear from him how he thought he was getting on. He seemed to resent you handing out his medication and keeping it locked up.”

 

The blond bit his lower lip and said, “But…I thought it best after...you know.”

 

Nathan reached out and patted Chris’s back. “It is, Chris. I’d never have let him take them himself, but I went ahead and asked Ezra straight out if he wanted to take charge of the medication. I’d have found some excuse if he’d said yes, but fortunately he said no. Sounds as though I wouldn’t have been happy with whichever answer he’d given, doesn’t it?” Nathan asked with a sad smile. “It’s a double-edged sword, I s’pose. He’s sensible enough to know he isn’t ready to administer the pills himself, but at the same time that’s probably because he’s still considering suicide.”

 

“Do you really think so?” Chris asked worriedly.

 

“I hope not, but if he starts acting oddly in any way, getting untidy in his appearance, becoming very withdrawn, call me immediately and we’ll get him readmitted to the psychiatric hospital. I’m probably being oversensitive, but I do worry about him.”

 

“Yeah, so do I.” The blond nodded and looked perturbed.

 

Nathan narrowed his eyes as he tilted his head on one side. “Are you coping okay with him?”

 

Chris smiled weakly. “Yeah, I reckon so. I’m just walking blind, you know? I don’t know what to expect from him in the way of behavior, although he’s been fine so far. It’s just a bit daunting.”  

 

Nathan nodded. He knew what a hard situation it was and he knew that he could never have contemplated taking on the same responsibility if their roles had been reversed. “I understand, but you need to be strong and decisive, yet sympathetic and patient depending on Ezra’s mood. It’s a fine line, Chris. Sometimes he needs a kick up the ass to get him going, but at other times he needs a sympathetic ear. Quite often it’s just the fact that someone wants to listen that makes all the difference. I know he probably hasn’t opened up to you yet, but if you show you care and that you’re interested in helping him, it will give him the confidence to tell you what he’s truly feeling. You know you can call me or Josiah at any time, don’t you? We aren’t expecting you to do this on your own.”

 

“Thanks, Nate. I appreciate that,” Chris said gratefully. He was glad to have such good friends to call on.

 

The doctor nodded and left to go home while Chris went to meet up with JD and Vin in the living room. He sat with a sigh on the couch and rubbed both hands over his face wearily. He really hoped that what Nathan has just said wouldn’t come true.

 

“Dad?” Vin said worriedly. “You okay?” It was times like this that he reverted to a closer way of addressing Chris. If the blond seemed upset or in need of comfort Vin always called him Dad. It was the same if either Vin or JD needed a bit of reassurance. The word ‘Dad’ was an anchor in times of crisis.

 

“Yeah, just tired and worried.”

 

“About Ez?”

 

Chris looked at his eldest son and nodded. “Bit. Nate seems to think he may still be contemplating killing himself.” The blond leaned forward and looked at his sons seriously. “You will come to me straightaway if you think he’s gonna do something stupid, won’t you?”

 

“’Course we will,” Vin replied quietly.

 

JD nodded but didn’t speak. He was becoming a bit overwhelmed by the circumstances that Ezra had brought with him, but he wasn’t going to voice his concerns. Not yet anyway. He instead allowed them to consume him, which wouldn’t do him any good at all in the long run.

 

************************************************

 

The house was rather quiet and Chris couldn't help but wonder why. There was usually a bit of shouting and noise going on, mainly from JD. He wandered out onto the porch and found his son curled up on the swing seat. He stood in the doorway for a while and studied him closely. When the youngster didn’t move, he eventually stepped outside and approached the boy.

 

"You okay, kid? Not like you to be out here on your own and quiet," he said with a grin.

 

"I just wanted some time to myself. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?" JD replied in a snapping tone, not looking at his father.

 

Chris frowned. It was unlike JD to be like that. "No, if that's what you want, then that's fine. Are you sure you're all right, though?"

 

"Yeah, I'm just thinking about stuff at school," JD lied as he turned his back toward Chris a bit more.

 

“Everything okay? Nothing I need to know about?” Chris asked, wondering what could possibly be wrong at school. Maybe he’d had a run in with a boy he’d had trouble with before. He hoped not. That had been a difficult situation to resolve and it had done nothing for JD’s confidence at the time.

 

JD looked up at Chris irritably. “No, it’s fine, just leave it, Dad, please,” he pleaded.

 

Chris put his hands in the air and backed off. “Okay, okay, kid. Just asking.”

 

In fact, JD had really been thinking about Ezra and what Nathan had said the day before. Ezra was probably still suicidal and JD didn't know how he should be feeling about that. He was very confused and worried about the entire situation. It was a lot for a twelve-year-old to handle. He certainly wasn't going to confide in his father, though, he thought he was just being stupid with the feelings he was experiencing.

 

He watched his father go back indoors and he sighed. Maybe he’d just have to avoid being with Ezra on his own if at all possible. At least he'd feel a bit more confident if there was someone else with him.

 

*******************************************

 

“Hey, Ez, how’s your math?” Chris asked as he ambled into the living room with hands in pockets.

 

“Straight A’s.”

 

“Wow. You’re the man I need then. Do you think you could help me with the accounts? I’ve kinda got behind and now it’s mounting up,” the blond admitted sheepishly. Liar. It's a godawful mess.

 

Chris loathed paperwork and tended to leave things until absolutely necessary. For a business man it wasn’t a particularly good trait to possess. He had hired a secretary but she’d quit a few weeks ago and chaos had reigned ever since.

 

Ezra nodded. He enjoyed accounting and it would be a nice diversion. “I’ll certainly lend you a hand. Just explain what needs doing exactly.”

 

“Okay, let’s go to the barn where the office is.”

 

Chris led the way and unlocked a small door at the back of the building. Chris opened the door and stepped back to allow Ezra to go inside first. Ezra frowned and gasped at the untidy piles of paper that were scattered on the desk. He'd never seen anything like it.

 

“Good God. When was the last time you were in here?” the young man asked incredulously, unable to help his outburst.

 

Chris scratched his head as he wandered in behind. He cast his eyes over the desk and frowned. He was sure it hadn’t been that bad last time he’d looked “Not sure to be honest. I’ve tried to get on top of things, but time’s gotten away from me.”

 

Ezra wandered over to the desk and began trawling through the pages on the top of one pile. The whole lot was in danger of toppling off, so he tidied it up distractedly as he continued to read the top sheet.  “Mr. Larabee,” he said as he looked up sharply, “some of these are payments to you for horses you’ve sold. They are getting on for a month old.”

 

“See what I mean? I need help,” Chris said with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

“Fine. Leave me here all day and I’ll see what I can do,” Ezra said, already sitting down and sorting the paper into piles for those to be paid to suppliers, those that were money owing from the buyers of Chris’s horse stock, and those that were checks or cash for horses bought and paid for.

 

“I’ll just sign a few checks for you in case you wanna fill in the amounts,” Chris said as he found his check book and began writing.

 

Chris then smiled and left the office quietly. He checked on Ezra every hour, but he was buried in work and other than accepting a drink and a sandwich for lunch, didn’t stop. Six o’clock came and the blond wandered over to the barn to see how Ezra had got on. He stopped dead and gasped when he entered the room. The desk was cleared.

 

“Ez? You didn’t just burn it all, did you?” he asked in disbelief as he looked in the trash can suspiciously.

 

Ezra looked up and smiled. “No. I have sent off checks to the feed suppliers, farrier and all the other people you owed money to. Miz Nettie came in while you weren’t here and she took the letters to post for me. I’ve put all the checks and money that are to be paid into the bank in here,” Ezra said as he passed over an envelope. “I have also written to all the people who owe you money. Everything, I think you will agree, is now in order. Oh, and all the relevant papers are now in the filing cabinet.”

 

Chris stood with hands on hips as he shook his head in surprise. “Christ, you’re a miracle worker.”

 

“I’m surprised your business is still running,” Ezra said wryly, unable to stop the comment.

 

Chris put out his hands and grinned. “Yeah, I know, I’m an appalling bookkeeper.”

 

Ezra smiled and nodded but didn’t speak. He’d rather enjoyed himself and time had flown by. He’d really been able to immerse himself in the work and he hadn’t had a sad thought all day. He’d been shown an awful lot of trust by Chris, given that he was a virtual stranger. Writing out checks and dealing with monetary matters was something not to be taken lightly in any walk of life. Ezra couldn’t help but feel pleased and proud. It had been a good day all round.

 

“Do you wanna take over doing the accounts while you’re here? It would be a weight off my mind, Ez,” Chris said hopefully.

 

Ezra’s smile broadened at the suggestion. “I’d like that very much. Thank you for placing your trust in me.”

 

“No, it’s you who I owe thanks to. You’ve dug me out of a really big hole.” Chris smiled.

 

**********************************************

 

“Ez? Have you given any thought to what you want to do when you leave here? What sort of job you’d like? Where you’d want to live?” Chris asked as the four of them sat down to their meal.

 

Ezra frowned and looked up at the blond in confusion. The man had just offered him the task of doing the accounts, but now it seemed he was already thinking of him leaving. Ezra had just thought that he might be settled at the ranch for at least a few months, but now he wasn’t so sure.

 

“Um,” he stuttered. “I haven’t considered my options yet,” he said quietly.

 

“Well, you seem adept at accounts. Maybe you could think of a career in that. It’s a shame to waste such a talent,” Chris said encouragingly.

 

“I suppose so.” Ezra so very nearly said that he would be happy to work fulltime for Chris in the office if he wanted. He didn’t voice the thought though for fear of rejection.

 

It seemed, however, that Chris was also thinking along the same lines, although he too didn’t voice what he was thinking. He knew he needed to discuss things with Josiah before making any firm arrangements. He’d been very pleased with the quality of Ezra’s work and he knew he would be an asset to the ranch if he took him on permanently.

 

The fact that neither of them was up front about their thoughts, meant that confusion reigned in Ezra’s mind. He couldn’t help but think that Chris was subtly saying that he wanted him to move on soon.

 

Ezra went to bed that night with a lump in the pit of his stomach. He’d really begun to enjoy staying on the ranch and he certainly didn’t want to leave yet, if ever.

 

*******************************************

 

Chris looked out the kitchen window. JD was over by the barn, hands in pockets, looking miserable. The blond watched as his son paced up and down before kicking a stone across the yard. Vin ambled into the kitchen and moved to stand beside his father to see what he was watching so intently. He looked out the window too and frowned.

 

Chris turned to face him, looking concerned. “JD hasn’t spoken to you about school, has he? Is he having any problems?”

 

“Not that I’m aware of. Why?”

 

The blond shrugged. “He just mentioned something the other day and he was a bit angry when I questioned him about it. He was brooding on the porch and I thought he might be being bullied, or that he was in trouble with a teacher but didn’t want to admit it to me.”

 

Vin couldn’t help smiling at that last statement. That was JD all over. “Do you want me to talk to him?” he asked, when he saw his father looked very unsettled.

 

“Would you mind?”

 

“’Course not. I’ll do it now.” Vin stepped out onto the porch and set off to join his brother. He approached him and came to a standstill nearby. “Hey, kid. What ya doin’?” he called.

 

“Nothin’.”

 

Vin studied the youngster’s posture. He looked hunched and unhappy. “Anything on your mind?”

 

JD pulled his hands from his pockets and gestured in the air in exasperation. “Jeez, what is it with everyone? Can’t I have time on my own if I want to?” he complained as he looked at his brother sourly. “First Chris and now you.”

 

“Chris is just worried about you. He said you mentioned something about school the other day. Is everything okay?” Vin asked, not being put off.

 

“Yes, it’s fine. I was just worried about some work I had to do, that’s all,” JD lied again. “I wasn’t sure if I’d done it right, but everything’s all right now.”

 

Vin nodded, knowing he wouldn’t get anything else out of his brother. He could be very stubborn and tight-lipped when he wanted to be. He had the feeling he’d been lied to because JD wouldn’t look at him while he spoke. He wondered which bit had been the lie though. “Okay, but you know you can talk to me if you need to. You should share your problems with us.”

 

JD just shrugged and walked off toward the creek. Vin watched him go before shaking his head and going back to the ranch house. Chris was still there waiting to see how he’d got on.

 

“What did he say?” the blond asked anxiously.

"He said he’d just been worried about some work he had to do for school. He then said it’s all been sorted. I don’t know, Dad, he still seemed a bit upset about something more than that. If it’s been sorted, then why is he still moping? It just doesn’t make sense,” Vin said sensibly.

 

“Well, we’ll just have to keep an eye on him over the next few days. He’s always been a worrier,” Chris said as he patted Vin’s back in thanks before carrying on with the daily chores.

 

*********************************************

 

That weekend, Buck Wilmington, a fire-fighter and good friend of Chris’s, drove into the yard and pulled up outside the ranch house. He climbed out of his truck and stretched his body luxuriously, his dark-hair shining healthily in the sun.

 

“Hey, pard. How’s it going?” he greeted when he caught sight of Chris on the porch.

 

The blond stepped down into the yard and strolled, with hands in pockets, to meet his friend. “Fine. Got a new guest at the moment.”

 

“Any problems?” the mustached man asked, detecting the slightly worried expression on Chris’s face.

 

“Not really. He wasn’t well the other day but other than that we’ve managed so far. I think he’s still trying to find his feet. Josiah says he’s prone to unpredictable behavior but we haven’t seen anything much like that yet. I don’t think we’ve even seen his true personality. He’s very guarded and kinda shy right now, but I reckon he’ll turn into the exact opposite given time,” the black-clad man admitted with a shrug.

 

“How old is he?”

 

“Eighteen.”

 

“Where’d Josiah dig him up from?” the tall man asked as he moved to put an arm round his friend’s shoulder.

 

“Buck!” Chris snapped angrily. Buck was sometimes too flippant for Chris’s taste. The blond was inclined to think that his friend didn’t take his new vocation seriously and that irritated him immensely. “He needed help and Josiah stepped in. We’re pleased to have him here. Josiah came across him at the hospital where Ez was recovering after a suicide attempt. He had a session in a psychiatric hospital after that and needed somewhere to live when he was discharged.”

 

The ladies’ man frowned in concern. This was something he hadn't expected to hear. “Suicide? You sure you can handle that, pard? What about Vin and JD living with an unstable person?”

 

“They were here when Josiah came to tell me about Ezra. We all agreed that we wanted to give him a home. They’re doing real well and so’s he. We’re just taking it one day at a time.”

 

“Where is he now? Can I meet him?”

 

“Sure. Just don’t spook him with your over friendly nature. He’s a bit quiet and lost at the moment, as I said before,” Chris warned.

 

Buck was a boisterous person and very touchy-feely in nature. He was well known for hugging anyone or anything. Chris knew that Ezra would be anything but pleased to be ravaged by the tall man.

 

The mustached man held his arms up and looked all innocent. “Hey, come on, pard, I can be sensitive.”

 

“Really? You surprise me,” Chris retorted wryly as the two men wandered across the yard.

 

“Hey, Vin,” Buck said as he strode forward and hugged Vin enthusiastically before doing the same to JD. The younger boy loved being hugged and he reciprocated in kind.

 

“Ez? This is Buck Wilmington, my oldest friend,” Chris said as he moved to stand beside Ezra. He smiled at Ezra in encouragement, knowing he had real trouble meeting someone new. He’d had a lot to cope with over the past few days, and the blond hoped he wasn’t feeling the pressure.

 

Buck took a step toward the younger man but Ezra actually backed away. Chris couldn’t help wondering why Ezra didn’t like to be touched. Perhaps he just wasn’t used to tactile people. Not everyone liked being mauled, especially the way Buck did.

 

The ladies’ man, meanwhile, hesitated and decided against enveloping the man in a bear hug. He settled for a pat on the back instead, but even so he felt Ezra flinch. Buck smiled broadly and tried to make him feel at ease. On first impressions, he liked what he saw. As Chris had said, he was a bit quiet, but that was certainly not a fault. “Settled in with these mad men then, have you?” he asked kindly.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Ezra replied softly.

 

“That’s good.” Buck turned to the blond, not quite knowing what else to say. “The others coming tonight?”

 

“Yeah, should be here any time soon.”

 

“Let’s go and get ready, guys, shall we?” the ladies’ man said. “Always enjoy a good barbecue. Great weather for it.”

 

Josiah and Nathan arrived soon after and the group congregated out in the yard. Buck and JD, as usual, began messing about together. The ladies’ man had a very juvenile personality and JD loved him for it because he was always willing to keep him entertained. Chris and Vin, meanwhile, were busy cooking the food. It was all being done in celebration of the school vacation that had just started for JD. Smoke rose lazily into the air from the barbecue and a tempting aroma drifted around the yard making everyone’s mouths water. Music was playing loudly from Chris’s CD player in the living room and all the windows in that room had been opened to allow the melodies to reach the men outside.

 

The only person who was missing was Ezra. Josiah looked around worriedly and then smiled in relief when he saw Ezra exit the kitchen with a plate of sausages to cook. The tall man left Nathan to join in Buck and JD’s antics, and walked over to meet him.

 

“Hello, Ezra,” he greeted.

 

“Mr. Sanchez,” Ezra said as he passed the plate to Vin to take care of. He then stood awkwardly next to the social worker, not sure what to do or say next.

 

“How’s it going?” Josiah asked with a kind smile.

 

“Fine, thank you,” Ezra replied as he flicked a look around the yard, taking in all the activity nervously.

 

“Getting on okay with Vin and JD?” Josiah asked as he took Ezra away from the barbecue.

 

Ezra nodded but didn’t speak.

 

“Bet living here is better than my town house. Lots of fresh air,” Josiah commented, trying to get Ezra talking.

 

“Yes, it’s nice, although I miss your chili.”

 

Josiah smiled at that admission. He was glad that his speciality dish had made an impression on the young man. “Well, I’ve missed having you around the place, son. I’ve started talking to you before I’ve remembered that you’re not there.”

 

Ezra looked embarrassed. He didn’t know what to say in answer to that comment. It made him feel uncomfortable. He looked around the yard again as if looking for a means of escape.

 

“Sorry, Ezra,” the social worker said when he saw how uptight Ezra was. “Didn’t mean to say something to make you feel awkward, but it’s the truth.”

 

Ezra smiled shyly. He wasn’t used to being told that he was missed and he didn’t know how to handle it. It was usually the other way round, he was told he wasn’t wanted and that he was a nuisance.

 

“Food looks good, I can’t wait to tuck in,” Josiah said, cutting into Ezra’s thoughts. “Smells real good, too,” he said as he took a deep breath to enjoy the heady aromas that were wafting from the barbecue.

 

“I’ll get you a plate,” Ezra said as he walked away quickly glad for the excuse to cut the conversation short.

 

“He okay?” Nathan asked over Josiah’s shoulder. He’d been watching the interaction between the two men and had seen that Ezra was ready to bolt.

 

Josiah turned round and smiled softly. “Yeah, I reckon so. Still settling in and finding his way. He still can’t take a compliment though. Said I missed him and he didn’t know what to say.”

 

“It’s gonna take time. He’s had a rough life,” Nathan agreed. “Hey, Ez, good to see you,” he said as Ezra returned and handed Josiah a plate.

 

“Mr. Jackson. Can I get you a plate, too?” Ezra asked, before the doctor could strike up a proper conversation with him.

 

Nathan reached out a hand and stopped Ezra from leaving. “No, that’s okay. I’ll find one in a minute. It’s nice to have a get together like this, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes,” Ezra agreed although he was finding it all a bit claustrophobic. Everybody, it seemed, wanted to talk to him and he had no idea of what to say to them. Most of his life had been a lonely existence, but now he'd been thrust into the middle of a bustling family and circle of friends. He was finding the change difficult to cope with. He'd always imagined being part of a family, a loving family, like this one, and he craved to be part of it like never before. He was scared of letting his guard down, though.

 

The party got going and six of the group began talking animatedly, but after half an hour Vin noticed that Ezra was missing. The long-haired teenager went off in search of his new house-mate to make sure he was okay. He searched the house and yard first and then ambled over to the outbuildings. He found Ezra in the barn with Arnie and the horses.

 

“Hey, Ez. Everything okay?” Vin asked as he moved to stand beside him. He studied him and saw that he looked a bit flustered.

 

“Yes, thank you. I just needed some time to myself,” Ezra replied truthfully. He found the company of the animals very soothing and he was slowly beginning to relax after being with them for just a short time.

 

Vin reached out and patted Ezra’s back gently. He could understand the need for solitude. Vin enjoyed his own company every so often. It gave him time to think and make sense of the world. “Ready to go back and join the others? Bet Chris is having kittens wondering where we are. ‘Spect he thinks we’re up to no good, like pouring glue in his boots or something for a joke!” he said with a grin.

 

Ezra looked at Vin in amusement. “I’ll obviously have to beware of your humorous streak. It sounds from what you’ve just said, and what JD intimated when I was eating your dessert, that you play tricks on a regular basis.”

 

“Sure do. Gotta make life fun sometimes,” Vin said with a deep laugh. “Come on, I expect there’s still some more food left if you’re hungry.”

 

Vin herded Ezra back to the barbecue. Chris, as expected, had wondered where they had gone and he caught Vin’s eye anxiously. He raised a questioning eyebrow and received a nod from Vin to say that everything was all right.

 

********************************************

 

Two days later

 

Ezra ate his breakfast quietly in the kitchen but he got slower and slower and found it harder and harder to swallow. His mouth was dry and he seemed to have developed a lump in his throat. He felt hot and could tell that Chris was watching him, which made matters worse. He managed to consume the rest of the meal and washed it down with a mouthful of tea but felt as if he might choke.

 

He helped the blond wash up in silence and Chris knew better than to push the man right now. The blond could see Ezra clenching his jaw constantly and he knew something was in the offing because Ezra hadn’t looked at him once.

 

Ezra washed a red mug and felt tears prick his eyes. He’d been desperately trying to keep control since getting up that morning and that red mug, for some reason, was the last straw.

 

He dropped it back into the water with a large splash and grabbed hold of the edge of the sink with one hand while rubbing his stomach and chest with the other.

 

“Ez? Whatever’s wrong?” Chris asked in concern as he quickly threw aside the cloth that he’d been wiping up with.

 

The tears that Ezra had been trying to keep at bay were now let free. They dribbled down his cheeks and dropped into the water. He let out a huge sob and quickly raised a shaking hand to his mouth.

 

Chris placed a hand on his back and rubbed it gently, knowing that Ezra needed human contact right now, not words.

 

Ezra got the unmistakable feeling just near his heart and then the weird sensation under his tongue and at the sides of his mouth that signaled the coming sickness. He breathed deeply in-between the sobs that he was emitting, but as he had expected, it had no effect. He vomited into the sink after bending forward fast.

 

“All right, take it easy, Ez,” Chris said as he turned on the cold faucet.

 

Ezra reached out a shaky, cupped hand and caught some of the water, which he then raised to his face.

 

Chris kept rubbing the man’s back as he threw up again. “Okay, Ez, try and relax. Just calm down.”

 

Ezra continued crying, unable to stop at the moment. His whole body started shaking and he felt goose bumps erupt over his skin. He wasn't sure if he would remain upright much longer.

 

Vin walked in at that point and saw what was going on. “Chris? Anything I can do?”

 

“Not right now thanks, Vin. Can you find JD and just see to the horses for me?”

 

“Sure,” the teenager replied as he turned to go in search of his brother.

 

The blond returned his attention to Ezra. He’d kept a hand on the man throughout the conversation with Vin. “Ez? Come and sit down. You still feel sick?” he asked kindly.

 

“Bit.” Ezra nodded and rubbed his stomach gingerly.

 

Chris found a suitable receptacle and then escorted the man to the kitchen table and sat him down. He pulled another chair round so that he could sit next to Ezra. After he’d sat down he put his hand on Ezra’s back once more.

 

Ezra wiped his face on the back of his right hand as he held the bowl tightly in his left. He now felt awkward and embarrassed about what had happened. There was nothing worse than breaking down in front of a relative stranger.

 

The two men sat in silence for a couple of minutes until Ezra had totally settled. He still clutched the bowl tightly, as if it was a lifeline.

 

“Feel better?” Chris asked quietly when he felt the time was right.

 

"Sick still,” Ezra replied with a shrug, his eyes downcast.

 

“Okay, well just stay where you are for the moment. Do you want a drink of water? It might take away the taste in your mouth.”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Chris collected a full glass and handed it to Ezra, who took a small sip. The blond immediately put his hand on Ezra’s back again and gave it a quick rub. He could feel the man trembling, but he removed his hand after feeling Ezra trying to shake it off. He’d been surprised that Ezra had let him touch him for so long. He really didn’t seem to like a tactile relationship at all.

 

“I’m sorry,” Ezra apologized after another couple of minutes had passed in silence. He rubbed his stomach slowly and sighed.

 

“It’s okay, Ez. Can you just tell me what’s wrong? What are you feeling exactly?” Chris asked as he watched Ezra closely.

 

He saw the man clench his jaw and expected him to decline to reply. The blond was glad when Ezra began talking, though. It seemed he was beginning to open up and Chris hoped it would continue.

 

“I don’t know.” Ezra shrugged. “I just get these feelings that I can’t control. I don’t know why I suddenly feel like crying, it just happens. I try to talk myself out of it, I say that I haven’t got anything to worry, or be upset, about but it never works.”

 

Chris nodded in understanding. “What about the sickness?”

 

Ezra wrung his hands continually, not looking at Chris at all. “When I feel upset it kinda goes hand-in-hand with it. I know this may sound ridiculous but I can think myself sick. I keep thinking over and over that I will vomit and in the end I do. I only have to feel a bit odd when I wake and I convince myself that I will be sick that day.”

 

Chris smiled sympathetically.  “Well, when you feel like this again will you tell me? Maybe we can work through it together. Is there anything that makes you feel better?”

 

Ezra shrugged and spent a few seconds thinking. “If I’m occupied I don’t have time to think. That’s why I enjoyed tackling your invoices because it diverted my attention elsewhere. I can’t keep busy all the time though, so it’s inevitable that I will start to dwell on things.”

 

Chris reached out and took the unused bowl from Ezra’s lap and waited until the man looked at him. He smiled kindly. “Well, promise that you’ll confide in me. Vin would always be happy to listen to you if you prefer someone nearer your own age.”

 

“Thank you.” Ezra stood up and moved back to the sink where he emptied his glass of water. “New washing water required, I think,” he said as he looked down into the vomit-filled bowl of washing up.

 

“Leave it, Ez.”

 

“No, it’s my mess, I’ll clean it up.” Ezra pulled the fouled dishes out. “Would you rather throw it all away?” he asked awkwardly. He wouldn't look at Chris, still embarrassed about what had happened.

 

“No,” Chris said while handing over a bottle of disinfectant. He could see that Ezra was still trembling. "Put it in some of this and leave it to soak and we’ll see to it later on. Let’s go and help Vin and JD with the horses.”

 

Ezra nodded, so after sorting out the dishes, they walked out into the yard and headed toward the barn.

 

“Left anything for us to do?” Chris asked as he leaned over the stall door where Vin was working.

 

His eldest son looked up and smiled. He flicked a look at Ezra and saw he looked pale and that his eyes were red from crying. “Yeah, Peg and Dustin need seeing to.”

 

“Okay, you do Peg, Ezra, ‘cause Dustin can be a bit nasty,” Chris said as he picked up a fork and handed it to Ezra. “I’ll show you what to do.”

 

For the next half an hour Ezra was taught how to brush down a horse and muck out a stable. He found the work satisfying although it went against his oft-spoken words that he didn’t do manual labor. He found brushing the horse down especially soothing and relaxing and he looked forward to doing it again.

 

***************************************

 

“Everythin’ okay, Dad?” Vin asked later when they were alone.

 

“Not really. Look, I hope you don’t mind but I said to Ez that he could talk to you if he ever wanted to.”

 

Vin shook his head and smiled. He was willing to do anything to help Ezra through his current crisis. “’Course I don’t. I wanna help him if I can.”

 

The blond nodded in relief, not that he’d really expected any other answer from his caring son. “Josiah said to expect him to cry but until you see it, it don’t hit home. He was sick too, which made him feel even worse,” Chris said as he thought back on the moment. “We need to try and keep him occupied so that he hasn’t got time to contemplate things. Think we’re in for a rough ride.”

 

**********************************************

 

JD ran into the kitchen waving some letters in the air. “Mailman’s been. There’s one for you, Ez.”

 

“Thank you,” the green-eyed man replied as he took the offered envelope and studied the writing. He looked at his companion and then made his way outside to read in private.

 

“Wonder who it’s from,” JD said to himself softy as he moved to the window to see where Ezra was going.

 

The slim southerner sat on the swing seat on the porch and tore open his letter. He spread the sheet out and read it, hoping for something that he knew would not be there. He put the letter on his lap when he’d finished and stared at the barn. He then snatched up the letter and screwed it up before shoving it in his pocket. Ezra finally stood and stepped down off the porch and set off across the yard with an angry stride.

 

JD watched him go and noted roughly where the man was heading. He was worried about tackling Ezra on his own in his current mood, but there was no one else available to check on him. He felt a stab of fear, but he managed to push it to the back of his mind, knowing that Ezra’s welfare over-rode his own feelings. JD was a caring individual and was willing to help anyone in distress and this time was no different. He waited a few minutes and then set off after Ezra because the man had certainly looked upset when he'd left.

 

He found Ezra sitting under a tree with his back to the trunk facing the creek. The depressed man was tearing grass out of the ground beside him and throwing it at an unseen foe. Ezra was desperately trying to keep a lid on his emotions, but he knew he wasn’t going to succeed. He felt the familiar build up of irritation, sadness and anxiety in his body and no matter what he did he couldn’t ease it.

 

“Ez? You okay?” JD asked as he wandered up noisily to stand beside Ezra.

 

“Just go away, Master Dunne.”

 

“Call me JD,” the youngster said insistently as he planted himself right in front of his housemate.

 

Ezra scowled and looked up irritably. “I’ll call you something else in a minute if you persist in pestering me,” he snapped as he threw a clump of dirt forcefully at the ground just by JD’s feet, making him move sideways hastily.

 

“Jeez, talk English, will ya?” JD wasn’t going to be put off by Ezra’s actions, though. He moved back to his previous spot and stood firmly with legs spread. “What’s the matter? Who was your letter from?”

 

“Master Dunne!” Ezra stood up threateningly and moved to within a few inches of his unwanted companion.

 

JD could detect tears in the man’s eyes so he turned, walked away hastily. This was the sort of situation he'd been worried about encountering ever since Chris had told them about Ezra possibly still being suicidal. JD wondered whether this was the time when Ezra was going to do something stupid. The fear he’d felt earlier returned with a vengeance and his stomach tied itself in ever tighter knots. He ran to the house and immediately sought out his father who had just returned from Nettie’s. JD hoped he hadn’t pushed Ezra over the edge with his behavior. “Dad?” he said quietly when he finally tracked the man down.

 

“Yeah, kid?” Chris asked in concern as he turned to face his son quickly. He knew that tone of voice well and it usually boded ill.

 

JD stood in front of his father and fidgeted constantly. “Ezra seems real upset. He had a letter today and he stormed off across the yard after reading it. I followed him and I only asked him what was wrong and who his letter was from and he got real funny.”

 

Chris studied his son and could see that he was very worried by Ezra’s reaction to his question. “What happened?”

 

JD shrugged uncertainly. He couldn't understand why Ezra still refused to really confide in any of them at times like this. “I irritated him, I think. I talked too much.”

 

Chris couldn’t help smiling at that admission, but at the same time the blond was concerned about Ezra. He wondered why the young man would be so upset after such a simple inquiry. Perhaps I’ve only heard half the story. JD is sometimes economical with the truth if he knows he’s overstepped the mark. “What did he do?” he asked.

 

“Yelled at me,” JD said as he ran the fingers of his left hand through his hair worriedly.

 

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” the black-clad man pointed out calmly although his worry was building over Ezra’s angry behavior.

 

“He looked like he was gonna cry. He had tears in his eyes, Dad. I’m worried after what Josiah said about him crying sometimes,” JD said as he took another pace forward to get nearer his adoptive parent. Not to mention what Nathan said, he said to himself. What if he tries to hurt himself? I could be the cause because I kept bugging him when he asked me to go away. Maybe I shouldn’t have left him on his own either, but I had to get help.

 

JD seemed really affected by the situation so the blond knew he’d have to be proactive. He certainly couldn’t leave things as they were. If Ezra was upset for any reason he needed to be shown that they cared and that he could come to them whatever the problem was. Despite all their attempts so far, though, he had yet to really open up. Perhaps today was the day when that would change.

 

“Okay, son, I’ll go check on him.” Chris went out into the yard and JD pointed him in the direction where Ezra was. The blond hesitated before setting off toward the man, wondering what he was going to encounter. As he drew near, he slowed his pace unsure of how Ezra was going to react to him. “Hey, Ez. How are you getting on?” he called.

 

The young man shrugged, noting how all three of his house-mates now called him Ez instead of Ezra.

 

“Can I join you?” Chris asked quietly, still studying the forlorn, hunched shape of his companion.

 

Ezra shrugged again but didn’t speak.

 

“Everything all right? You know you can talk to me about anything?” Chris asked as he sat down beside Ezra. He took heart from the fact that he hadn’t been told in no uncertain terms to go stuff himself. Perhaps JD had overreacted after all.

 

Ezra stayed silent but seemed unsettled. He then spoke quietly, “I had a letter from Maude, my mother, today.”

 

“Oh. Is that good or bad?” the blond asked, unable to tell from Ezra’s face how he felt.

 

“Neither really. She just seems to ask after my welfare in a way that makes it clear that she doesn’t really care. It’s just surface chat with no real feeling or meaning." Ezra’s voice got louder and angrier the more he spoke. "I never feel that she listens to anything I’ve said in past correspondence. I’ve always believed that I’m an encumbrance: not a son, as proved by the fact that she doesn’t wish me to abide with her.”

 

“Have you ever lived with her?” Chris already knew the answer, but he wanted to get Ezra talking.

 

“Only until I was seven,” Ezra replied with a shrug and a sigh. “After that, she would come and take me away from my carers for maybe two weeks at a time and then palm me off on someone else. She only really appeared when the people who were looking after me in the school vacations expressed a desire to be rid of me. I never stayed anywhere longer than a few weeks.” Ezra's voice was now no louder than a whisper.

 

“Well, you’re welcome here as long as you want or need, Ezra,” the blond said forcefully as he patted Ezra’s knee firmly.

 

You say that at the moment but I won’t hold my breath for what the future holds, Mr. Larabee, Ezra thought to himself sadly, keeping his gaze downcast.

 

The black-clad man watched Ezra closely for a few seconds. “Can I ask you something?” Chris asked tentatively, really hoping he wasn’t doing the wrong thing after what Josiah had said previously.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Why did you try to kill yourself?”

 

Ezra’s face clouded ominously and his head snapped up, eyes flashing angrily. “I suppose you perceive me as a coward because of that. Maybe you think that I should have worked through my problems instead,” he shouted angrily.

 

Sure sign of the trouble ahead. Chris kept his tone quiet and non-aggressive. “I didn’t say that, Ez. I’m just trying to understand you. I’ve never had to deal with this sort of situation before and I want to help you as much as I can. I can only do that if you confide in me, but if you don’t want to tell me I’ll respect that. I’m not going to force you into anything you’re not ready for.”

 

Ezra’s face softened and he dropped his gaze in embarrassment. “I apologize.” He then thought to himself, I always think the worst of everyone because that’s what I’ve grown accustomed to. I tend to assume what people are going to think about me rather than wait and see. So far in my sorry existence, though, my thoughts have always been correct.

 

“You still haven’t answered my question,” the black-clad man pointed out quietly.

 

Ezra drew in a deep breath which he let out slowly. “I don’t like discussing it, but seeing as you’ve been kind enough to give me somewhere to stay I think you deserve an explanation.” He stayed silent for a couple of minutes and then started talking softly, almost to himself. “I’d been suffering from depression for a few years and then I had several things go awry at once, just when I thought I’d finally got my life back on track. It all came to a head when I became friends with a very likeable man, Josh Marshall. We got on tremendously well and he was making me feel that there were things to look forward to in life after all. I then saw him killed in a drive-by shooting.” Ezra paused and wiped his eyes, which had suddenly filled with tears at the memory. “I spiraled out of control and first lost my job and then my apartment in consequence. I’d always had trouble holding down a job for long anyway and I haven’t worked since. Maude made it plain that she didn’t want me back with her so I gave up. That probably sounds ridiculous but Josh’s death upset me deeply. He’d been the only person to want to get to know me. Me. To everyone else I was a hindrance to be passed on as soon as possible.” Ezra sighed and wiped his eyes again as he hiccuped loudly and tried to keep a full blown crying bout at bay. “I can still see his face the moment he died. He looked straight at me. I wish it had been me that was killed, because he didn’t deserve to die in such a brutal way. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t have been missed,” Ezra said as he let the tears have free rein.

 

“I’m sure that’s not true, Ez.” Chris rubbed Ezra’s back and gave him a slight hug, which was soon shrugged out of. The blond then changed tack slightly. “How did you come to meet Josiah?”

 

Ezra took a little while to regain his composure and he sat fidgeting as he wrung his hands in anguish. He was surprised that Chris seemed to be genuinely interested in him. That certainly made a change from everywhere else he’d stayed. He sighed. “He was at the hospital one day when I was there. As you must know, he visits people who have no one to go and see them. I assume someone informed him that I was visitor-less and he arrived at my bedside.” The young man sighed as he shook his head. “My own mother never came, but a complete stranger was willing to take the time to talk to me. That meant an awful lot at the time.” He shrugged. “I never expected to set eyes on him again, but to my astonishment he came every day, even when I transferred to the psychiatric hospital. When I was released, he very kindly offered me somewhere to stay.”

 

“Well, I’m glad he did ‘cause we’d never have met you if he hadn’t.”

 

Ezra seemed taken aback by the comment and Chris could tell how little he expected from anyone, or from life in general. Hopefully Josiah’s good intentions, though, had been the start of making Ezra realize that there were other good people in the world who really wanted to help him.

 

“How about a riding lesson?” Chris asked all of a sudden. He didn’t want to continue the conversation now that he’d seen how much the memories upset Ezra. They’d made a start at building a relationship so he wasn’t going to ruin things by pushing too soon. He decided to get Ezra active and busy thinking about something else for a while, instead. “Vin said that you’ve never been on a horse before. You’ve learned how to take care of them, so it’s only right that you get to ride them, too.”

 

Ezra looked up at Chris and smiled, glad that he wasn’t going to be asked any more questions. “No, I haven’t, but I’d like to try,” he said as he wiped his eyes to get rid of the last of the tears.

 

“Great. I’ll go get the boys and we’ll go out together.”

 

“But...” Ezra said, suddenly having second thoughts.

 

“I’ll have your horse on a lead rein. There’s no need to worry.”

 

The blond stood up and reached down a hand for Ezra to take. Chris then pulled his companion to his feet and put his arm back round his shoulders and herded him back to the house.

 

“Hey, guys. Wanna help me take Ezra for his first ride?” he asked as they stepped into the kitchen to find both Vin and JD there.

 

“Yeah, sure we would,” Vin agreed with a broad grin. He could see that Ezra had been crying and knew that Chris was trying to keep him occupied.

 

JD moved to stand beside Ezra to apologize for bugging him earlier. He studied the man as his stomach tied itself in knots again. He knew after this episode that he was going to be even more scared to be around the man. “Sorry if I made you angry, ‘cause I didn’t mean to,” he said quietly as he clenched his jaw. He was relieved when Ezra answered him perfectly normally.

 

“I know, and I apologize for reacting the way I did. I’m afraid I can’t always help my actions or moods. I hope you can forgive me,” Ezra said in turn as he held out his hand, which JD clasped tightly.

 

“Come on then. Let’s go riding,” Chris said as he led the way over to the barn.

 

Four horses were quickly saddled and Chris, Vin and JD mounted their animals after first getting Ezra settled on the mare that Chris had chosen for him. The blond then leaned over and picked up the lead rein that was attached to the horse’s bridle.

 

“Okay, Ez?”

 

“I feel rather unsafe. Don’t these things have seat belts?” he asked as he looked down the distant-seeming ground worriedly.

 

JD couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled alongside his housemate, feeling a bit more relaxed. “No, Ez. You’ll soon get used to it.”

 

Chris urged his horse on and Ezra’s followed alongside amiably. The younger man clung tightly to the saddlehorn and clenched his jaw anxiously.

 

“Relax, Ez. Horses can pick up on what you’re feeling but Peg’s a real old softie. She won’t do anything, so try and enjoy yourself,” the blond assured him.

 

“I’m trying, but it seems rather a long way from the ground,” Ezra said as he looked down again and wobbled.

 

“Well, as they say when people go climbing, don’t look down. Take the opportunity to look at the scenery instead. You’ll soon feel better.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

The four companions rode for an hour, in which time Ezra had relaxed slightly. Chris looked over and saw that he wasn’t clinging quite so tightly onto the saddlehorn. He even looked less apprehensive.

 

They pulled up in front of the ranch house and Vin jumped off his horse and moved to help Ezra dismount. He made sure that the man landed on his feet safely and then patted his back in encouragement.

 

“There ya go. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

 

“I feel like I’ve been sailing. I think I’ve developed sea-legs,” Ezra said as he looked down at his shaking lower limbs.

 

Vin patted his back again and said, “It’ll pass. You’ve just used loads of muscles that’ve never been made to work before.”

 

“Never knew I had muscles in some of the places that are aching right now,” Ezra admitted as he pulled his jeans from his crotch awkwardly before rubbing his ass too.

 

“Tell me about it.” Vin laughed and herded the man inside the house, leaving the other two to see to the horses.

 

***************************************

 

Something had been playing on Chris’s mind for quite some time and he decided that it was time to act on it. Ever since Ezra had started taking care of the accounts, the blond had been considering asking the young man to stay on permanently. He felt that he needed to discuss it with Josiah first though to get his opinion, seeing as he was his mentor.

 

The blond picked up the phone and punched in the social worker’s number.

 

“Sanchez.”

 

“Hey, Josiah, it’s Chris,” the blond said as he settled down on the couch in the living room.

 

“Hello, what can I do for you?”

 

The blond hesitated. “I want to talk to you about Ezra’s future.”

Josiah’s heart dropped, thinking that Chris wanted Ezra to move on. The blond’s next words had him speechless though.

”I’ve been thinking of asking him if he wants to live with us permanently,” Chris said as he rubbed his right eye.

 

Josiah was flabbergasted. “Jeez, Chris. I never expected to hear you say that. I’d certainly be very pleased for him to do so. I can’t see a problem with it at all.”

 

“Well, he’s helped me out with the accounts and he’s fitting in real well, I think. I just felt it would be good to offer him the chance to stay if he wanted.” Chris then realized how some of his words had sounded. “I didn’t mean that I only want him here to do the accounts. I’ve come to really like him and I think he would make a good family member.”

 

Josiah nodded in pleasure. This was a dream come true for him. “So do I. Well, I have no objections to you speaking to him about it.”

 

“Great. I’ll think on it a bit more and make my mind up for sure before bringing the topic up with anyone else. There’s not only me to consider in this.”

 

Chris put the phone down, unaware that he’d been overheard. Vin and JD had been outside the room and had heard every word. Both of them were going to react differently to what they had just learned, though. Vin was very pleased. He’d grown fond of Ezra and really looked forward to him being around all the time. JD, however, was worried, more than ever. Although he liked Ezra, he was still apprehensive about his suicidal tendancies. It made him very nervous and he could feel his stomach tighten at the prospect of Ezra becoming a permanent member of the family.

 

*****************************************************

 

The following day, Chris was out in the barn mending a stall door. JD found himself at a loose end and he really didn’t know what to do with himself. Vin was out for the day with Nettie and Casey, so the house was silent. JD’d spent some time with Chris in the kitchen earlier, but now the blond had gone to get on with his chores. The youngster wandered into the living room and found Ezra there reading a newspaper so he walked straight through the room and back out onto the porch without stopping or speaking to the man. JD didn’t want to be alone with Ezra so he’d headed to the barn when he’d heard the sound of hammering. He wandered in, sat down on a nearby hay bale and began twiddling his thumbs. He look kind of lost and uncomfortable.

 

“Hey, kid,” Chris greeted. After being in the kitchen with the blond earlier, Chris was curious as to why he’d now appeared in the barn as well. The youngster was usually quite happy amusing himself all day, either riding his bike or going fishing. “Everything okay?” he asked.

 

“Yes, I want to watch you working.”

 

That seemed rather an odd thing to want to do and Chris frowned. He smiled. “Well, I’m not doing anything exciting. Why don’t you go and talk to Ezra? He’s in the house on his own and I expect he’d like the company.”

 

JD blanched at that thought. That was the last thing he wanted to do. “No, I want to be here with you,” he said as he wriggled nervously on the hay bale.

 

Chris studied his son. This was the kind of behavior he’d encountered when he’d first taken JD in and he wondered why he was reverting to his old ways of following him around. He was obviously in need of comfort so Chris wasn’t going to turn him away, but it did make him curious. “Okay, kid, whatever you want. You can probably help me if you want.”

 

“Okay.”

 

The two of them spent a couple of hours working steadily until they’d finished the job. Despite Chris talking to his son constantly during their time together, he got no nearer the truth.

 

“Enjoying the vacation, Taz?”

 

“Yeah, it’s been great so far. I enjoyed the barbecue we had. I was glad that Buck was able to make it.”

 

Chris smiled as he thought back on his best friend’s antics with his son. “Yeah, I don’t know which one of you had the best fun.”

 

“Me, for sure. He’s just like my big brother,” JD said with a grin.

 

“Yeah, well, he sure doesn’t act his age. Glad you enjoyed him being around, though.” Chris paused in sawing the piece of wood and wiped his brow on the back of his forearm. “What else do you want to do while you’re off? We could maybe have a day out if Vin and Ezra will stay and look after the ranch.”

 

“Yeah, that would be good,” JD said, looking forward to some quality time on his own with his father. There hadn’t been much of that lately.

 

“Well, I’ll have to see what we can arrange. Can’t guarantee when it will be though. Things are a bit hectic right now.” Chris started sawing again. “Maybe you could arrange some activities with Vin and Ez. Bet they’d be only too happy to entertain you. I don’t need them here every day. Ez has got lots of spare time now that he’s broken the back of the accounts.”

 

JD shrugged, not looking overly keen. “I’ll see how things go,” the youngster said noncommitedly. “I just like hanging around here kicking my heels. I like helping you out around the place. Please say that I can, Dad. It’s nice to go out, but it’s even better just hanging around with you, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I understand.”

 

Chris was as baffled by JD’s behavior as he had been at the beginning. Most kids couldn’t wait to get away from their parents for a while, but JD seemed to want to be around him. Chris didn’t once think that Ezra was at the root of the problem.

 

**************************************************

 

Two days later, Chris, Ezra and JD were out on the porch.

 

“Here ya go, Ez. Get those down you,” the blond said as he handed over Ezra’s pills and a glass of water.

 

Eza took them but remained silent, just holding the pills and glass in his hand.

 

“Okay?” Chris asked, not able to read Ezra’s face. The man seemed slightly morose and that worried Chris for some reason.

 

The young man nodded and took his medication.

 

“Sure? Come on, Ez. You looked unsettled. Is there anything you wanna talk about? I heard you muttering Josh’s name earlier. Is it something to do with him, son?”

 

The change in Ezra was startling. “I am not your fucking son. I’m a fucking nuisance. Why don’t you just admit it?”

 

“Whoa! Where did that come from, Ezra?” Chris asked as he held out a placating hand. This was the first really aggressive reaction he’d had from the man. There seemed no reason for it either. Unbeknownst to Chris it was the anniversary of Josh’s death.

 

Ezra looked furious and had actually turned red in the face. “You’re stifling me. Always asking questions. You’re not my father and you’ll never replace Josh if that’s what you’re trying to do.”

 

JD stood open mouthed as he looked from his father to his house-mate. His anger came to the surface on seeing Ezra’s treatment of Chris.

 

“Ez? I ain’t trying to take his place. I just want you to feel that you can talk to me, if you need to,” the blond said.

 

“All you ever want to do it listen to me, but that’s only because Josiah told you to. Do you actually like me, or are you just trying to sort my problems out so that you can get rid of me?”

 

That was about as much as JD was going to take and he snapped. “Do you do all this attention-seeking just ‘cause you don’t wanna be ignored? Are you really sick or are you just play-acting?” JD countered angrily as he took a threatening pace forward. He didn’t like Ezra talking to Chris in such a way. He’d taken him in and didn’t deserve to be treated like this and he was going to defend him. It seemed that Chris didn’t feel the same way though.

 

“That’s enough, son. Go inside,” Chris scolded as he turned to his youngest son and pointed to the kitchen. When he turned back, though, Ezra had gone. “Ez? Come on, don’t run off without sorting this out.”

 

“Chris?” Vin asked as he wandered out of the barn. “What’s up?”

 

“JD’s upset and said something about Ez being a fraud. He just took something Ez said the wrong way and now Ez has stormed off somewhere. I think we’re gonna see a different side to him now.”

 

“I’ll look for him,” Vin offered. “He might take things better if I talk to him.”

 

Vin started scouring the area starting with the outbuildings and then going further afield.

 

Chris meanwhile met up with JD in the kitchen. “You okay, kid?”

 

JD shrugged.

 

“Look, Ez still ain’t sure of himself. He can’t live with people but he can’t live without them, if you get my meaning. He’s scared, son. He’s finally looking to the future but he’s being held back from grabbing it ‘cause it’s uncertain and he don’t know if he can cope,” Chris said.

 

“Is he gay?”

 

“What?” Chris asked, taken aback by the totally unexpected question. “Not that I know of, why?”

 

JD shrugged uncertainly. “Just the way he talks about Josh, and then him saying about you taking his place.”

 

“You saying you think I’m gay?” Chris asked wryly as he arched an eyebrow.

 

“No. Oh, hell, I thought he was taking you away from Vin and me. You’re ours,” JD said, letting his tongue have free rein.

 

“Son,” Chris said in a warning tone. “I don’t belong to anyone. I gave both you guys a home and you’re my sons. You knew when you came to live here that I would take in others. You haven’t had a problem before, why now?”

 

“They never stayed very long. He’s gonna stay longer – maybe forever, ain’t he? I heard you talking to Josiah a few days ago.”

 

Chris was silent. He’d never figured JD for being the jealous type, there must be something else to be making JD act in such a way. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. You heard Josiah when he first came to us with the idea of taking Ezra in. I just ran this new idea by Josiah to get his thoughts. Ez needs stability and I really would like to offer that permanently, although it’s not decided for sure yet. Don’t you like him?”

 

“He’s okay, I s’pose. Talks funny, and he’s demanding but he’s okay.”

 

“Why don’t you want him to live with us then?” Chris asked, wanting to hear what JD’s objections were.

 

“Two’s company, three’s a crowd.”

 

“JD! That’s pathetic. Come on, kid. You need to grow up a bit. You’re saying that I have to throw him out?” Chris asked, looking very angry.

 

JD just shrugged and wandered away, leaving Chris wondering what to do. He realized that JD had been acting a bit out of character for a while. He was sure that JD was hiding his true thoughts, but the problem was how to get him to voice them. Having one person not opening up was enough to deal with, without having someone else who usually talked non-stop ceasing to communicate as well.

 

************************************

 

Vin, meanwhile, headed off to the creek. He knew that Ezra had a hiding place there that he visited when upset. When he caught sight of his prey, the long-haired teenager stopped for a minute and studied Ezra.

 

“Ez? Can I join you?” he called as he approached so that Ezra could see him.

 

“If you must,” Ezra said shortly, not looking at his companion.

 

Vin took a seat beside Ezra. “Beautiful place, ain’t it? I always used to go to a place just a bit further up the creek when I weren’t happy. Just spending a minute out here, listening to the water and the birds, and I felt much better.”

 

The two housemates sat in silence together. Vin didn’t want to push Ezra into talking. He waited patiently until Ezra felt ready to confide in him.

 

“Does JD hate me?” Ezra asked eventually in a whisper. As he spoke, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. He began fiddling with it, moving it between his fingers distractedly.

 

“Not that I know of. Why do you think he does?” Vin asked as he watched the man warily. He held his breath for a few seconds as his heart began to beat faster, not knowing what Ezra intended to do with the weapon.

 

“He appears to resent my presence. I’m not aware that I have done anything to upset him.”

 

“Guess we’re all just getting used to having an extra person around.”

 

Ezra looked at him sharply as he started tossing the knife from one hand to the other deftly. “I thought Mr. Larabee accommodated waifs and strays all the time.”

 

“He does, but quite often they’re only here for a week or two at a time. I think JD realizes that you may be here permanently.”

 

“Whatever makes you say that?”

 

“I know Chris well enough and he’s even talked to Josiah on the phone about it. JD overheard him and he’s confused, I s’pose. He always thought it would just be us two. I’d really like you to stay with us. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I’d look forward to you living here all the time.”

 

“Why?” Ezra asked, not understanding why anyone would want him around permanently.

 

“I like you. You make me laugh with those fussy words you use. I ain’t never heard a lot of them before. It’s been an education knowing you, Ez. I can swear in four different languages now.”

 

Ezra laughed and put away the knife, his dark mood lifted. “Don’t expect Mr. Larabee would appreciate me educating you in that manner.”

 

“Give me the knife, Ez,” Vin instructed quietly as he held out a hand to receive it.

 

Ezra looked at Vin but did as he was told without question. “I wasn’t going to do anything.”

 

“I know, but it’s best if I take it with me, I reckon.” Vin studied the man quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Are you happy here?”

 

Ezra frowned and said, “Yes, it’s very nice.”

 

Vin pursed his lips unhappily. “Then why don’t you settle in? You seem to wanna keep yer distance all the time. We haven’t done anything to upset you, have we?”

 

Ezra looked up when he heard the faint hint of upset in Vin’s tone. “No, you’ve made me feel very welcome.” Ezra shrugged forlornly. “It’s hard to feel a part of your life. You’ve all obviously lived together for a year and I feel like a spare wheel. I didn’t come to live here because you wanted to be friends with me; I came because Mr. Larabee was doing Josiah a favor. I feel more like a business venture than an integral member of your group, if you get my meaning. Under normal circumstances I would never have been part of your life,” Ezra replied with a shrug.

 

Vin couldn’t quite get what Ezra was saying but he knew there was more to the explanation than met the eye. “That’s not all, is it?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You’re scared of letting us into your life. Yer scared that if you do, you’ll lose us somehow. Whether you stay here or not don’t mean that we don’t wanna remain friends with you and that we’d just cut off all contact when you left.”

 

Ezra stared at Vin. He was astounded at the perception of his companion. It seemed that he totally understood.

 

“We won’t let you down. We won’t get bored with you and we certainly won’t throw you out. We like you and we want you here,” Vin continued.

 

Ezra squirmed in embarrassment. He really liked Vin and always felt at ease with him. There were no conditions on having his friendship. He seemed to take a genuine interest in him so Ezra decided to open his heart to him. He looked down at his feet and said, “I feel comfortable with you all. It’s the first place that I’ve ever felt that. Well, that’s not true, I felt comfortable with one other person before and I lost him. You’re right in saying that I’m scared of commitment.”

 

“Well, you can guarantee that we’re committed to you, bud,” Vin said as he patted Ezra’s back.

 

“Yes, I’m coming to see that.”

 

Vin went back to the house alone, leaving Ezra to think over what he’d just said.

 

“You find him?” Chris asked worriedly. He’d been pacing up and down the porch ever since Vin had left. He’d only just been able to resist the urge to run and see what was happening.

 

“Yup.”

 

“Well?” the blond prompted.

 

“He’s okay,” Vin pulled the knife from his pocket as he spoke and held it out to Chris, “although he had this knife with him. I was kinda worried for a while but he handed it over easily enough. He is gonna stay with us like you said, ain’t he? Permanent, I mean. I kinda said that you were gonna let him.”

 

“You overheard me on the phone?” Chris said resignedly.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Vin. It’s not set in stone yet,” Chris said, slightly annoyed that without a concrete agreement the plans might not come to fruition. If they didn’t, Ezra would feel abandoned again and Chris didn’t want that. “Well I hope he can, but JD’s got to sort out a few problems first. He’s real jealous and childish about Ezra being here. I just don’t understand him. He’s usually so friendly. Something’s really eating him but he won’t talk to me. In some respects his behavior’s getting back to how it was when he first came to live here.”

 

“He’s at a difficult age, Dad. Do ya want me to talk to him?”

 

Chris smiled, thinking what a fatherly comment Vin’s words had been. “No, thanks. I’ll get Josiah to have a word.”

 

“You feel close to Ez, don’t you?” Vin observed after a silent minute had passed.

 

The blond looked up at his eldest son. “Nothing much gets by you, does it?”

 

“I’m real observant,” Vin said proudly.

 

Chris patted his shoulder. “Yes, you’re right about me feeling close to Ezra. I see a lot of me in him, or what I could have become if you guys hadn’t come along and pulled me back from the brink. I know it’s going to be an uphill struggle with him, but I really want to help Ez regain his life.”

 

“Did you want to die when you lost your family?” Vin asked quietly, hoping he wasn’t overstepping the mark. He’d never questioned the blond about his wife’s death before and he was worried about doing so now.

 

Chris didn’t seem upset or offended by the question though. “No, I just lost my way for a while. I was sad, but not in the way Ezra is. I don’t ever remember behaving like him. I was on medication for about a year and I had Buck’s support, which was monumental. Everyone needs a true friend in times of crisis and I want to be Ezra’s.”

 

*******************************************

 

“Hello, JD. What ya doing?” the social worker asked as he ambled into the barn.

 

JD was busily saddling a horse. “I was going riding,” he said, stopping himself from snapping sarcastically, ‘what the hell do you think?’.

 

“On your own? Can I join you?”

 

“Sure.” JD sighed. He knew that the big man would not take no for an answer.

 

Josiah collected Chris’s largest horse and saddled it quickly. They then rode out of the yard side by side, though not talking at that point.

 

“Anything you wanna talk about, son?” Josiah said after fifteen minutes of silence had passed.

 

“Chris asked ya to come, didn’t he?” JD said resignedly, realizing he’d been set up.

 

“He said you had a problem with Ezra yesterday,” Josiah said as he nodded to confirm JD’s thoughts.

 

“Yeah. I never expected him to possibly stay forever. Just thought he’d move on like all the others. I like it being just Vin and me,” JD said sulkily.

 

“That’s a bit selfish, ain’t it? You and Vin were real lucky that Chris wanted to take you in permanently. Why shouldn’t Ezra have that right?”

 

“Surely there’s someone else he can live with. He’s got a mother, ain’t he? Why does he have to stay with us?”

 

“Why not you?” Josiah shot back, trying to remain calm. JD’s attitude had really changed. He’d been excited when Ezra had first arrived, but now it seemed he couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

 

JD realized that he didn’t have a valid argument. He bit his lip and looked ashamed.

 

“Look, son. I know it’s hard to adjust to a change like this but is it really so bad? Ezra’s a great guy. You like him, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah, he’s funny and kind.” JD hesitated and clenched his jaw nervously. He looked up at Josiah and turned slightly red as he admitted, “I guess I’m kinda scared of him, though.”

 

Now we might get to the truth, Josiah thought to himself. “What’s to be scared of?”

 

“What if he…you know…tries to kill himself again. We’ve never had anyone like him stay before and I wouldn’t know what to do if he tried to commit suicide. That scares me ‘cause I don’t wanna be the one who’s the cause. I’ve said things to him that were real nasty. I sometimes speak without thinking and I don’t wanna kill him. I don’t wanna find him dead.”

 

“Have you told Chris any of this?” Josiah asked quietly as he studied his companion closely.

 

The youngster shook his head negatively. He’d had a hard enough time admitting it all to himself without talking about his fears to someone else.

 

“Maybe you should, son,” the social worker urged gently. “You ain’t got nothing to worry about. Ez’ll understand your feelings too ‘cause he feels the same things. He’s scared every day, wondering what will happen. He can’t help his emotions, his anxieties. You’ve gotta make him feel good about himself and let him see that there are things to look forward to. He wants to let go of his uncertain past, but he’s uncertain of the future too.”

 

“Chris said something like that as well,” JD said. “Ezra had a knife with him the other day, ya know? Vin made him hand it over but he coulda done something to hurt himself.”

 

“But he didn’t hurt himself.”

 

JD looked across at his companion and squirmed uncomfortably as he let out his innermost feelings. “No, but it got me thinking. I could never kill myself. Think it kinda takes guts to know you’re ending your life. Once it’s done there’s no turning back even if you suddenly regret doing it. That must be horrible.”

 

“I know what you mean, JD, but suicidal people just get to the stage when they don’t care about anything anymore. Life holds no pleasure for them,” the big man shrugged, “or it just becomes a constant battle to want to carry on, either because of sickness, pain, loneliness or whatever.”

 

“Still couldn’t do it.”

 

“Bet Ezra never thought he could either, but he’d reached a certain point in his life when he thought it was the only option. He equated it with putting himself out of his misery - like you would with an injured animal.”

 

JD shivered as he thought how low Ezra must have been to come to such a decision. “Do you think he was angry that he didn’t succeed? That he was found in time?” JD asked with a shiver.

 

“Really couldn’t say, son. Hopefully he’ll look on it as having a second chance and I really hope he takes it.”

 

The two riders made their way back in silence, each consumed with their own thoughts. Josiah went straight to see Chris on arriving back at the ranch, leaving JD to take care of the horses.

 

“What did JD have to say?” the blond asked anxiously. He’d been worried ever since he’d seen the two of them ride out of the yard.

 

“He likes Ezra but he’s afraid that he’ll still kill himself. He thinks that he could make a careless comment that might cause it and he doesn’t want to find Ezra’s body if he should kill himself. He also admitted to being a bit scared of Ezra, but I think it’s all natural fears, Chris. JD’s only young but he’s a deep thinker. It was inevitable he’d dwell on things. This is a hard situation for anyone to have to deal with, let alone him.”

 

Chris was appalled at the burden his youngest son had been carrying round with him. “Jesus. I shoulda sat him down and talked to him long before all this. The behavior he exhibited earlier was just a cover for all of these fears. Dammit, poor kid.” The blond sighed deeply. “Thanks for getting to the seat of his problem, Josiah. I really appreciate it.”

 

“That’s okay. Quite often people will open up to someone who’s not quite so close.” Josiah smiled. “Well, I’d better go and track down Ezra and see what he’s feeling.”

 

“Thanks, and I’ll try and catch JD when he comes back.”

 

Josiah wandered outside and saw Ezra moping around on the porch. He strode toward him and smiled when Ezra looked up at him.

 

“Hello, Ezra.”

 

“Mr. Sanchez. How are you?”

 

Josiah stopped beside the young man and nodded. “I’m fine, but more importantly, how are you?”

 

“I’m okay, thank you. Have you been riding?” Ezra asked as he nodded toward the barn where JD could be seen brushing down the horses.

 

“Yeah, with JD,” Josiah said as he picked a horse hair off his shirt.

 

“Oh.”

 

Josiah studied Ezra closely and then tilted his head on one side. “You getting on okay with him?”

 

Ezra shrugged and admitted, “I don’t really know. I thought I was, but now I’m not so sure.”

 

“Let’s sit down over here and have a chat. I’ve already spoken to JD and he’s got some issues. What do you think he feels about you?”

 

Ezra shrugged again as he lowered himself onto a seat. He shifted on it uncomfortably, not looking at his companion. “I’m not really sure. I suppose I’m not sure if he wants me here anymore.”

 

“Well, we need to talk, son. I mean really talk.” Josiah sat down as well and  then told Ezra about the reason JD was nervous of Ezra staying.

 

“Oh, I see,” Ezra said turning red. He fidgeted a bit more, still not looking at Josiah.

 

“How do you feel about that?”

 

Ezra sat clenching and unclenching his fists fitfully. “I can understand it, but maybe I’d better depart for everyone’s sake.”

 

“But you don’t intend to harm yourself, do you?” Josaih asked anxiously.

 

“It’s not something I plan at this precise moment, no,” Ezra answered evasively as he flicked a quick look up at the social worker.

 

Josiah didn’t quite know what to make of that. “Would you like to stay here?” he asked instead.

 

“Yes, I like doing the accounts. Mr Larabee’s almost let me have complete control over all the finances.”

 

Josiah smiled when he heard the genuine pleasure in Ezra’s voice. “How does that  make you feel?”

 

Ezra couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across his face.“Great. I know he trusts me and that feels wonderful. I’ve never had that before.”

 

“Terrific.”

 

The two men continued speaking for quite some time and Josiah knew it would be a shame if Ezra had to leave the ranch. It was the first place he’d been truly animated about and that could only be a good thing.

 

************************************

 

Half an hour later, JD ambled into the kitchen looking disconsolate.

 

Chris looked up and smiled. “Hey, Taz. I think we need to have a talk.”

 

“Bet Josiah’s already told you everything,” JD said quietly as he shuffled from foot to foot anxiously. He wondered what his father was going to say to him and he rather wished he’d kept his mouth shut earlier.

 

“Some, but I want to talk some more.” Chris indicated a seat and waited for JD to sit in it. “Now, tell me what you’ve been thinking about Ezra since he’s been with us. Everything. What made you blow up at him earlier?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know.” JD paused and looked at his father with half-lidded eyes. He then shrugged and squirmed like a worm on a hook. “I guess I was angry at him ‘cause he didn’t seem to appreciate what you did for him,” he finally blurted out.

 

“Why do you say that? I’ve never felt that,” Chris said truthfully as he studied the uncomfortable youngster.

 

JD wriggled again in embarrassment. “Whenever you give him his pills from the safe, he looks real angry. You may not have seen it, but I have and it made me mad. It looked like he felt you were treating him like a kid.”

 

Chris considered that and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, well, it was for his own benefit. Nate said something about that when Ezra was sick that day. He agreed with me continuing to lock the medication away, so whether Ezra likes it or not is inconsequential.” The blond paused. “Anything else?”

 

JD muttered, not looking at his father, “I felt insecure and unsafe around him.” JD sat and thought a bit more about what he’d been feeling lately. He knew he needed to be totally truthful now and he was actually very pleased that things had come to a head. He knew he should have said something much sooner. He sighed, looking down into his lap as he spoke, with hands clasped tightly together. “He also takes quite a lot of your time and I kinda felt left out.”

 

Chris looked horrified at that as he reached out and took hold of JD’s hands. “Jeez, Taz. I never realized you were feeling abandoned. I’m sorry, kid.” Chris paused as he studied his son closely. “I’ll never stop loving you, bud. You’re my son, JD, my son. Not just on paper, but in here,” Chris said as he put a hand over his heart. “I never need the adoption papers to prove you’re mine. I loved you at first sight and wanted to take you in from that moment. Nothing and nobody will ever change that.”

 

“I know you love me, but I can’t explain what I’m feeling about Ezra,” JD sighed and took a few moments to really think about things. He then shrugged and said, “After what Nathan said about Ezra being suicidal still, I was just worried that he’d try to kill himself. I was scared to be around him.”

 

“I understand and I’m sorry you felt that way. Is that why you were brooding when you were on the porch the other day? There wasn’t anything wrong at school,was there?”

 

“No, I was just thinking about Ezra,” JD admitted as he squirmed on his seat nervously.

 

“You say that you don’t want to be alone with Ezra. Was that why you spent time with me the other day? Because he was in the house on his own and you didn’t want to be with him?” Chris paused when he saw JD nod his head slightly. “You know you should have told me these things earlier, kid.”

 

JD nodded and shrugged. “I didn’t feel as though I could say anything though. Ezra’s a guest and I didn’t wanna upset things.”

 

“I understand, but he’s never been anything but kind to you from what I’ve seen, though. He helped you with your homework, didn’t he? He’s never been nasty to you, has he?” Chris asked gently, wondering if there was more to it.

 

“No, he’s been nice.” JD shrugged and repeated, “I was just scared to be alone with him.”

 

Chris looked up as he heard a noise and he blanched. Ezra stood in the doorway and had obviously been glued to the spot listening to every word.

 

“Come in Ez. I think we need to clear the air a bit, don’t you?”

 

Ezra didn’t move, but stayed hovering in the doorway uncertainly. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave if JD is having such a hard time accepting me. I’m sorry if I’ve outstayed my welcome.”

 

“No,” JD said hastily as he stood and hitched up his pants in agitation. “You haven’t and I want you to stay here as long as you want. I really like you.”

 

“I never meant to make you feel awkward around me. I know that it can’t have been easy for you having me here,” Ezra said as he moved to the chair that Chris pulled out for him.

 

JD sat down again once Ezra was seated. “I couldn’t help how I felt, but I should have spoken to Chris before I shouted at you. I’m sorry I did that. I didn’t mean to make you feel that I didn’t want you around.”

Ezra didn’t quite know how to feel. He’d just started to feel a bit settled, but now with this blowing up, he wasn’t quite sure of his place again.

 

The three of them kept talking over things for another half an hour and by the end of it everyone knew where they stood. JD was still a bit apprehensive, Ezra was unsettled and Chris vowed to make everyone feel a part of things.

 

************************************

 

The next day, Chris was driving back to the ranch with Vin and Ezra after going to town for a visit to the dentist. Vin was sitting up front with Chris and they were talking animatedly. Ezra sat in the back and stared out of the side window and began to clench his jaw in anguish.

 

Chris realized that Ezra hadn't spoken for a while and he looked in his rear-view mirror. He was just in time to Ezra wipe his eyes as his face crumpled in distress.

 

"Ez?" the blond said quietly as he flicked his gaze over his shoulder in concern.

 

Vin turned round, too, and Ezra dropped his head to avoid their scrutiny. Chris looked back at the road and saw a place to stop. He pulled over and then turned the motor off.

 

“What’s up, Ez?” he asked as he looked at the upset man.

 

Ezra shrugged and wiped his cheeks with the palms of his hands. In truth, he’d found the trip to the dentist a bit hard to handle. He didn’t know why, but he’d felt flustered and claustrophobic while he was there. The feelings had grown after his appointment - his stomach was churning and his breathing was increasing in pace.

 

“I’ll sit in the back, Dad,” Vin offered as he climbed out and shuffled in next to Ezra instead. He put his arm round his friend's shoulder and squeezed him in encouragement.

 

"Okay to go on, Ez? You don't feel sick?"

 

"No, I'm fine," Ezra whispered as he hiccupped.

 

"All right, but give a yell if you want me to stop." The blond started the motor and pulled out into the traffic again.

 

Ezra turned his gaze out the window and cried quietly. He hated behaving like this, but he had no control over his emotions at all.

 

Vin continued sitting beside him with his arm round the man, not knowing what else to do. Ezra, for once, didn’t shake the comforting arm away.

 

"Okay, Ez?" Vin asked after a few miles had gone by in silence. He could feel Ezra trembling and sobbing under his hand. All he got in reply was a slight nod so Vin patted Ezra's thigh and squeezed his shoulder again.

 

They eventually drew up outside the ranch house and JD was sitting on the porch waiting for them.

 

Vin heard Ezra groan in frustration. The last straw was knowing that he was going to have another witness to his distress.

 

"Wait here, Ez," Vin said quietly.

 

The long-haired teenager climbed out and headed toward his brother. "Hey, kid. Come with me, will ya?"

 

"Why?" JD asked as he stood up and looked over at the Ram curiously.

 

Vin draped an arm round JD’s shoulders and urged him onwards. “Ez is a bit upset. He don't want you to see him like it, I reckon."

 

"Oh, what's wrong?" JD asked as he strode alongside his brother obediently. He resisted the urge to turn round and look toward the Ram again. He knew that was the last thing that Ezra needed right now.

 

Vin shrugged. "Don't know. He just started crying, and stayed crying all the way home. Best let Dad talk to him."

 

“Hope it wasn’t what he overheard me and Dad saying yesterday. I think I really upset him.”

 

“You cleared the air and I’m sure Ez understood what you were feeling.”

 

Back inside the Ram, the blond watched Vin and JD walk away toward the barn. "Okay, Ez, let's go inside."

 

The younger man climbed out and Chris escorted him to the kitchen, shielding him from the sight of Vin and JD who were still in view.

 

"Want a drink?"

 

"Tea, please."

 

"Can you find the mugs while I fill the kettle?" Chris asked as he studied his companion discreetly.

 

Ezra nodded and picked two mugs off the mug tree, the china clinking musically together as he did so. He helped prepare the beverage and then sat at the table with Chris. The blond let Ezra drink his tea for a while in silence, letting him settle before attempting conversation.

 

"Feel okay?" he eventually asked.

 

"Yes, thank you. I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

 

"You don't have to apologize to me, Ezra. Do you wanna talk about why it happened?"

 

Ezra shook his head slowly. He just wanted to forget the whole sorry episode. He definitely didn’t want to discuss it and bring back the feelings of embarrassment. "No, I don't think so. I need to clear my head. Do you mind if I take Arnie for a walk?"

 

Chris wasn’t going to force the issue so he just smiled and nodded. "Of course I don't. Dinner will be ready in about an hour, okay?"

 

"Yes."

 

Ezra stood and went out to the barn where Vin and JD were brushing down Mercury. He felt a little awkward and he hovered in the doorway nervously.

 

"Hey, Ez. Wanna help?" JD asked as he moved to stand near the man.

 

"No, thank you. I was going to take Arnie for a walk but I can't find him," he said quietly.

 

Vin wandered out of the building and put two fingers in his mouth. He let out a high-pitched whistle and then called Arnie’s name. The dog came lolloping out of the trees nearby and came to a halt in front of Vin.

 

Vin bent down and stroked the dog’s head as he pointed to Ezra. “Come on, Arnie. Ez is gonna take you for a walk.”

 

The dog barked and ran up to Ezra with tail wagging. He barked again and headed off toward the creek.

 

“I was taking you for a walk, not the other way round,” Ezra said as he hurried off after the happy canine.

 

Once Ezra had gone, JD and Vin went back to the house to see what had happened, leaving the rest of the horses to be finished later.

 

Chris looked up and smiled as they entered the kitchen. “Hey, guys. Thanks for disappearing,” he said gratefully.

 

Vin nodded in acknowledgement. “Is he okay? We just saw him with Arnie and he seemed happier.”

 

“Yeah, we’re just gonna have to be patient with him. I didn’t push him to talk to me. I think he just needs to see that we care, maybe even more so after yesterday. He gets embarrassed when he cries.”

 

“Why does he cry?” JD asked softly, feeling guilty. "He cries an awful lot."

 

“There isn’t usually a reason, kid. He’s immensely sad and it sometimes just overflows into tears.”

 

JD nodded, but he still didn’t really understand. “It really wasn’t because of me, was it? You know, what I said yesterday.”

 

“Look, Taz, I can’t say that it didn’t have something to do with it. Maybe you need to spend some time with Ez from now on to show that there’re no hard feelings.”

 

“Okay, I can do that,” JD said as he put his hands in his pockets. “Vin could come, too, so we can all mix and have fun. We can take him riding or fishing. That’s a good time to talk and get to know someone.”

Chris smiled, glad that JD seemed enthusiastic about the suggestion. “It sure is, JD. Good idea. Maybe arrange something when Ezra comes back after his walk.”

 

Ezra returned half an hour later and then sat playing for a while with Arnie in the yard. He’d enjoyed his time with the dog. Something about animals always cheered him up. Arnie was a particularly lively character and he had done wonders for Ezra’s mood.

 

“Ez? Dinner’s ready,” Chris called as he stepped onto the porch and waved.

 

Ezra looked up and nodded. He stood up and brushed down his pants. He patted Arnie’s head and turned toward the house, while the dog headed to the barn.

 

“Have a good walk?” the blond asked with a welcoming smile.

 

“Yes, thank you, but Arnie didn’t really seem to require my presence.”

 

Chris patted Ezra’s shoulder and then went back to what he was doing. “Well, he liked you playing with him from what I saw just now.”

 

“So did I.”

 

“Hey, Ez,” Vin and JD greeted as they took their seats at the table.

 

“Hello,” Ezra said apprehensively, his gaze flicking between the two of them.

 

JD waited until Ezra had sat down and then said, “We’re goin’ fishing tomorrow. Wanna come?”

 

Ezra put his head on one side, looked at JD, and then nodded. It was time to really try to get to know his housemates. Maybe that would stop him feeling awkward around them. Relationships couldn’t all be one way if they were to work. “I’d like that,” he said quietly but enthusiastically.

 

“Great, we’ll make a day of it. You in, Chris?”

 

“Sure, unless you don’t want an old fart like me cramping your style,” Chris said as he put a plate of food in front of Vin and Ezra.

 

“Chris,” Vin said as he laughed.

 

Chris moved back to the stove and filled plates with food for JD and himself before moving back to the table. “On second thoughts, why don’t you three go on your own? I forgot that Josiah’s coming over to look at that new mare Johnson bought last week.”

 

Vin knew that Josiah was coming next week, not tomorrow, but he didn’t say a word to contradict the blond.

 

“Okay. We’ll have an under twenties day out,” Vin said with a smile.

 

*************************************

 

Vin, JD and Ezra set off toward the creek with their fishing poles. It was luckily a beautiful day with just a light breeze. It was going to be a perfect day for sitting by the creek just relaxing.

 

“Reckon this is a good spot,” Vin said as he began setting up his equipment. He’d chosen a stretch of creek that varied in depth, with shallow pools alternating with deep water, and he hoped it would contain some fish for them to catch.

 

JD moved a bit further down the stream and Ezra moved upstream. They needed to be far enough away from each other so they they didn’t interfere with each others’ activities.

 

JD sat next to a deep stretch of water and got ready to cast his line into the water after attaching some bait. He flicked the line back over his shoulder and attempted to let it fly toward the water. He was stopped halfway through the movement and he looked over his shoulder to find his line caught in a tree.

 

“Vin!” he wailed.

 

“What ya doin’, kid?” Vin asked as he looked up from his position.

 

“I’m caught.”

 

“Thought you were supposed to be catching fish not yourself,” Vin said as he ambled toward his brother with hands on hips.

 

JD was standing tugging on the line as if he had a great big fish on the end. He pulled it this way and that in a futile attempt to free himself. All he was doing, though, was tying the knots tighter. Ezra watched in amusement as he tried to bait his hook.

 

“Hold still, JD. You’ll pull the tree down in a minute,” Vin said as he looked at the swaying branches. He reached up and began trying to free the line. He shook his head in exasperation as he carefully pulled the line from around the branch. It took him quite some time but he eventually got it loose without resorting to scissors. “There ya go, now move along a bit and watch what you’re doin’.”

 

“I’m a good fisherman. I’ve never done that before,” JD said proudly.

 

“Have too. Just don’t do it again,” Vin said sourly as he headed back to his own pole.

 

Ten minutes passed quietly as the three of them sat watching the floats bobbing on the water. So far no–one had even had a nibble. It was relaxing, though, and the three of them took pleasure in the peace and quiet that surrounded them.

 

“What do you like watching on TV, Ezra?” JD asked, thinking it was about time he tried to get to know his housemate a bit more. Now Ezra was hopefully relaxed he might open up a bit.

 

“I don’t really watch much. I tend to read books.”

 

“Oh, like what?”

 

Ezra stretched his arms above his head and suppressed a yawn. He’d been on the verge of dozing when JD had spoken to him. “I like reading the Richard Sharpe books by Bernard Cornwell.”

 

“What are they? Science fiction?” JD was an avid sci-fi fan. Star Trek, Stargate, Babylon 5, you name it, he loved it.

 

Ezra scratched his ear and recast his line again. “No, they’re about the Napoleonic wars.”

 

JD didn’t look overly impressed. History to him was dry and uninteresting.

 

Ezra arched an eyebrow when he saw the look on JD’s face and said cajolingly, “There’s lots of blood and gore and they’re very good historically They’d help with your school work.”

 

“Blood and gore? Cool.” JD stood up and cast his own line again to try and get it into the middle of the creek. “Oh, no,” he said as a look of indignation flitted over his face.

 

“Jeez, JD, what did I tell you?” Vin said as he saw that JD had caught his line on a different tree this time.

 

Ezra guffawed and then let go a lovely, ringing laugh. He doubled up and JD and Vin couldn’t help but join in. It was infectious. Ezra finally got back in control and he wiped his eyes and rubbed his aching stomach. He was really beginning to feel much more relaxed and his true nature started to show through.

 

“You’ve caught more trees than fish,” he giggled. “I thought you said you were a good fisherman.”

 

“I am, but not today,” JD said as he grinned broadly and tugged his line gently.

 

“Don’t believe him, Ez,” Vin said as he stood up and moved to release his brother’s line from the tree again. “He’s never caught anything except leaves and branches.”

 

Half an hour later silence finally reigned.

 

Ezra lay back on the bank and dozed as the sun shone through the trees. The sound of the light breeze rushing through the leaves, combined with the tinkling water, was enough to calm and lull anyone to sleep.

 

The peace was suddenly shattered though.

 

“I got one! I got one!” JD yelled exuberantly. He stood up and jigged about like he was standing on hot coals. It looked rather like a victory dance.

 

Ezra sat bolt upright and frowned at the younster’s exuberance. “Master Dunne, what is the meaning of you causing such a hullabaloo?” he asked indignantly.

 

“I caught a fish,” JD continued yelling excitedly as he held up the wriggling creature.

 

“Yes, and in the process frightened off any others. Fishing is supposed to be a relaxing occupation.”

 

“Look, Vin,” JD shouted, ignoring Ezra altogether. He waved the fish in the air as he smiled from ear to ear in happiness.

 

Vin didn’t look overly impressed at having his rest interrupted either. “Pipe down, kid. Jeez, Ezra’s right. Put the fish in the damned keep net and shut up.”

 

JD scowled and slumped down on the boulder he’d previously been sitting on. “Least I caught something. That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?”

 

“Hell, shut your yapping or I’ll feed you a maggot sandwich,” Vin warned as he held up the tub of wriggling creatures.

 

“Yeuch,” JD said in disgust as he cast his line in the water again.

 

“Well, he is correct in one thing. He has caught two trees and a fish,” Ezra said as he burst out laughing at his companion’s antics. “That’s better than either of us.”

 

“Well, we can’t eat the trees,” Vin said with an indulgent grin.

 

Half an hour later, the three of them packed up their equipment and set off for home. Ezra had to admit that he’d really enjoyed himself. He was finally beginning to get a sense of belonging and it was a nice feeling to have. He thought back on the day and smiled. JD had certainly lightened the atmosphere considerably with his antics. Today, all in all, had been a good day and he began whistling a jaunty tune on the way home. He felt really upbeat.

 

*********************************

 

Two days later, the sun shone brightly again as it turned into another beautiful day. Birds were chirping in the trees and the sky was a lovely clear blue with just the hint of a few wispy clouds on the horizon.

 

Buck and Ezra were in the barn mucking out the horses while Chris and the boys went into town. Ezra was covered in dirt and had managed to sit in something disgusting.

 

The ladies’ man looked over at his companion and smiled when he saw the state he was in. He wandered over to join him. “Hey, pard. Thought you were supposed to be cleaning out the stalls, not putting all the shit on yerself instead.”

 

Buck reached out and slapped some of the mess off the seat of Ezra’s pants. He got a rather disturbing reaction.

 

“Don’t touch me!” Ezra yelled as he spun round. He saw Buck close behind him and swung a strong fist, which connected with the ladies’ man’s jaw. “Get away from me.”

 

Buck toppled off his feet and sat unceremoniously in the dirt. He held out his hand in a placating gesture and said, “I wasn’t gonna hurt ya, Ez. I was just cleaning the dirt off yer pants.”

 

The mustached man put a hand to his jaw and rubbed the painful area as he studied his companion worriedly. He could see that Ezra was trembling mightily and looked highly distressed. Buck couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong and he was at a loss about what to do next.

 

Meanwhile, Ezra was reliving some unsavory memories from his past. Buck’s simple gesture had brought them to the fore. He felt cold, sick and tearful and he needed to get away. He threw the hayfork on the ground and hurried out of the barn as he began hyperventilating.

 

Buck was rooted to the spot, stunned. The atmosphere had changed from cheerful to disturbed in the space of a second and all because of an innocent gesture.

 

He struggled to his feet and headed out into the yard but Ezra was nowhere to be seen. The ladies’ man heard the sound of Chris’s Ram coming and he breathed a sigh of relief. The blond’s timing was perfect. He waved when the vehicle came into sight and ran over to meet it.

 

“Buck? What’s wrong?” the black-clad man asked as he leapt out of the Ram in alarm. He saw the nasty red mark on Buck’s face and frowned. That hadn’t been there when he’d left. Chris signaled for Vin and JD to stay where they were. Something bad had obviously happened while they had been gone and he wanted to know what.

 

Buck shrugged and gesticulated wildly as he spoke quietly. “Ezra…well, hell, I don’t know what I did, but he ran off. He was covered in dirt after mucking out and I tried to get rid of some of it from his clothes. He’d got some on his backside but he took exception to me touching him there. He yelled and looked real upset.”

 

“Did he hit you?” Chris asked as he indicated Buck’s jaw.

 

Buck nodded and automatically lifted his hand to touch the swollen jaw. “Yeah, damned hard, too.”

 

“Where’d he go?” Chris asked worriedly as he looked round him.

 

“I don’t know. I was on my butt in the dirt when he left.”

 

Chris turned back to his vehicle and beckoned to Vin who wound down the window but didn’t get out of the Ram. “Do you know where Ez goes if he’s upset?” Chris asked worriedly as he stepped up to the vehicle.

 

Vin pursed his lips and shrugged. “S’pect he’s gone to the creek, near the little waterfall. That’s where he went the last time.”

 

Vin and JD hadn’t heard what Buck had been saying and they knew better than to ask what was going on right now.

 

Chris turned round. “Stay here, all of you. I’ll go look for him.”

 

Chris headed off and found Ezra where Vin had said. He approached carefully and even though he wasn’t yet close, he could hear Ezra crying. He stood still and bowed his head as he listened to the upset sounds. He took a deep breath and stepped out so that Ezra could see him.

 

He studied the young man and saw he looked highly distressed. His face was tear-streaked and he was very pale. “Ez? Buck’s real worried about you. He doesn’t know what he did to upset you.”

 

Ezra sobbed and said, “Touched me.”

 

Chris narrowed his eyes and took a step closer. “He didn’t mean anything by it.”

 

“I thought…” Ezra halted as he hugged his body tight.

 

Chris moved forward again and squatted in front of him. He didn’t dare touch the man yet, although he longed to do so, so that he could comfort him. “You thought what, Ez? Tell me, son,” he cajoled gently.

 

Ezra shook his head as he wiped his eyes with shaking hands. Chris pursed his lips and remained silent for a while, hating to see Ezra so upset.

 

“Did someone touch you when you were younger? Is that why you thought Buck would do the same?” Chris frowned worriedly as the possibilities of what had caused the outburst came to the fore in his mind. “Ez? I need to know. Did someone hurt you sexually in the past?”

 

Ezra nodded, turning red in embarrassment. At least he hadn’t had to admit it out loud, but it hurt just the same. He sobbed, curling up even smaller as if he could disappear and leave all his troubles behind him. The fact that Buck looked slightly like his abuser only seemed to make matters worse.

 

Chris was pleased by events in a way. At least he now knew why Ezra hated being touched. It seemed, though, that the path to recovery was littered with memories like a minefield. Ezra took one step forward and two steps back.

 

The blond sighed sadly. “But Buck didn’t do anything like that just now, did he?”

 

“He touched me. Reminded me,” Ezra said haltingly as he covered his mouth with his right hand. He really was on the verge of losing total control of his emotions.

 

“I’m so sorry, Ezra,” Chris said, wishing there was more he could do. Words seemed so useless in this type of situation.

 

The young man had given into tears again, though, and wasn’t listening. Chris stayed beside him, hoping his company alone gave some comfort to Ezra. He knew he needed to be proactive now in getting Ezra some help, though.

 

“Stay here. I’ll be back soon,” Chris said after a few minutes as he stood and went back to the house. “Vin? Go where you can see Ez. Just watch him, okay? Don’t go near him or anything.”

 

“Sure Dad,” Vin said, not questioning his father.

 

Chris then turned to his younger son and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “JD? Go inside and stay in the house.”

 

Buck hovered nearby anxiously. He hadn’t said a word to Vin or JD about what had happened, leaving it for Chris to do later. Ezra, though, had obviously said something to get Chris jumping into action. “Pard? What’s going on? What did Ezra say? Is he okay?”

 

“No, he isn’t,” Chris said quietly as he looked at his tall friend sadly. “He says he was sexually abused as a kid. At the moment I don’t know whether he was just molested or actually raped. Anyway, you slapping his ass reminded him of it all.”

 

“Did he think I was gonna…?” Buck stuttered to a halt, appalled. He looked in the direction that Ezra was, before turning to look at Chris again. He really didn’t know what to say.

 

“I don’t think he did. The past and present merged a bit and he couldn’t separate them. He’s very upset understandably and I hate seeing him so distressed.”

 

“Dammit. Anything I can do?”

 

Chris nodded gratefully. “Can you call Nate and Josiah? I really need their help on this one.”

 

“Okay, pard. I’m real sorry,” Buck apologised as he ran shaking fingers through his thick, dark hair. He felt terribly guilty for his actions, even though he knew none of it was his fault.

 

Chris reached out a hand and rubbed Buck’s shoulder in comfort. “You weren’t to know, Buck. He’s obviously never told anyone about it, but I’m glad he finally felt secure enough to talk to me. That’s gotta be a good thing.”

 

Buck nodded and pulled out his cell phone to put in the calls. Chris, meanwhile, made his way back to Ezra and sent Vin back to the house.

 

“Ezra? You coming back?” he asked gently as he squatted in front of him again.

 

Ezra shook his head and shivered. “I can’t face Mr. Wilmington. What ever must he think of me? I’m so ashamed,” he mumbled. He wiped his cheeks with the palms of his hand and then balled them into tight, angry fists.

 

“Nothing to be ashamed about. He understands and he wants to help. He never meant to upset you and you can’t stay out here all night, can you?” the blond said reasonably as he stood up and held out his hand.

 

Chris pulled Ezra to his feet and escorted him carefully back to the house. Buck, meanwhile, had dispatched Vin and JD to Nettie’s for the night and Nathan was on his way to the ranch. Josiah unfortunately was away from town so wouldn’t be able to come until the following day.

 

The three of them settled awkwardly in the living room. It was a very tense atmosphere and no one felt comfortable with the situation. Buck sat opposite Ezra, not risking any closer contact.

 

“Sorry, Ezra. I’d never hurt you in any way,” he said gently when Ezra sat down.

 

“I know,” Ezra whispered, eyes downcast. He hadn’t looked at the man once since his return.

 

“Can I get you anything?”

 

Ezra shook his head. He’d never felt so embarrassed in all his life. He didn’t know what to do for the best. He just wanted to curl up in a hole and disappear. Chris sat beside Ezra and watched the trembling man anxiously. He really didn’t know what to do in the circumstances.

 

“Do you hate me?” Ezra asked the blond quietly as he fidgeted continuously.

 

Chris frowned at the question. “No, why should I?” he asked.

 

“I accused Mr. Wilmington…”

 

Chris shook his head quickly. “No, you didn’t. You just misread things.”

 

Ezra suddenly started crying again. Whenever he looked at Buck he knew he would be reminded of his experiences. The memories he was reliving were so vivid as to seem brand new.  He knew it was going to take time to come to terms with what he’d remembered.

 

“Oh, Ez.” Chris shuffled closer and put an arm round Ezra’s shoulder tentatively. The younger man actually leaned against him. It was the first time that Ezra had ever really reciprocated a touch, but it had taken something terrible for him to do so.

 

“Nate’s here,” Buck said as he heard a vehicle arrive. “I’ll leave you to it.”

 

“No, stay, please,” Chris said as he still held Ezra, “for me.”

 

Nathan strode purposefully into the room and studied the strained occupants. “Can I speak to Ezra alone?” he asked as his gaze settled on the upset man.

 

“Sure, we’ll be in the kitchen,” Chris agreed as he rose and indicated for Buck to accompany him.

 

Nathan and Ezra talked on and off for about an hour. Ezra found it difficult to confide in the doctor, but Nathan managed to put him at ease and once Ezra started his sorry tale he couldn’t stop. He had to admit that it felt good, after so many years, to actually get it all out in the open. When they’d finished, Nate went to join Chris and Buck to update them, while Ezra went to bed.

 

“Nate?” Chris asked as he leapt out of his chair. He’s only just sat down after spending the rest of the time pacing around.

 

Nathan rubbed his face wearily, looking upset. “He was staying with some people when he was fourteen. They were foster parents, not relatives. Anyway, the father took a fancy to Ezra. He didn’t rape him, but molested him every night he was there. Ezra got out after a couple of weeks before matters could be taken that extra step, but the damage was done. The memories will inevitably be with him forever. He’s obviously kept this to himself all these years and coulda been the start of his depression.”

 

“Is he okay?”

 

“I’ve just put him to bed with some sleeping pills. He was real upset.”

 

Chris sighed. It seemed that everything was blowing up at once and it couldn’t be doing Ezra’s state of mind any good at all. “Thanks for coming, Nate. Ez just can’t get a break, can he?”

 

“No. I called Josiah again and he can come early tomorrow,” Nathan said. “He was very unhappy to hear about this. He wants to be here for Ezra personally as well as professionally.”

 

The blond wiped a hand over his face as he thought back on the day. “Yeah, well I’ve got to tell JD and Vin somehow, too. You stay over tonight, Buck?” Chris said wearily, not looking forward to the task.

 

“If you want, pard,” Buck agreed, seeing that his friend really needed him.

 

Chris nodded. “Yeah, I’d appreciate it. This has been a tough day for everyone. I’m real glad to hear that Ez wasn’t raped, but being molested must have been a nasty experience for a fourteen-year-old to deal with. Where did he go afterwards, Nate?”

 

“He lived on the streets for a while until social services caught up with him. They luckily didn’t make him go back to the same foster parents, though.”

 

“I should hope not,” Chris said as he stood and shook Nathan’s hand before seeing him out to his car.

 

*******************************************

 

Vin and JD returned to the ranch the next day. Josiah was on his way and Chris was in the kitchen with Buck finishing breakfast. No one had got much sleep, except for Ezra, and that was only because of the medication he’d taken.

 

“Dad? What’s going on? Why did we have to stay with Nettie?” JD asked as he ambled in with Vin. He couldn’t think of anything that needed such drastic action.

 

“Sit down guys. Ezra just had a really tough day yesterday. He remembered something from the past that wasn’t at all pleasant, and I think I need to tell you about it.” The blond sighed and looked at both of them before taking a deep breath. “When Ezra was fourteen he was staying with some foster parents. The father behaved inappropriately toward him,” he paused in embarrassment, “sexually, and Ez remembered it after the altercation with Buck yesterday.”

 

Chris saw the horrified looks on his sons’ faces as they listened to the news.

 

“What did he do? The father, I mean,” JD asked, eyes agog.

 

Chris felt sad at having to tell his youngest son this. He’d hoped that JD would have retained a bit of innocence, but this situation had totally changed things. He didn’t feel as though he could hold anything back. “Molested him, you know, touched him sexually. He didn’t rape him, but what he did was bad enough. Ezra’s spoken to Nate about it and Josiah will be here any minute to talk to him as well.”

 

At that moment they heard soft footsteps outside the room. They turned to find Ezra hovering in the doorway.

 

“Hey, Ez. Come get some breakfast,” Chris said as he stood and offered the younger man his chair.

 

Ezra shuffled over to it and sat down gingerly. He looked tired, red-eyed and unhappy. Although he had slept it had been a restless sleep and he didn’t really feel much better for it.

 

“Did ya sleep okay?”  Buck asked gently as he studied his companion critically.

 

Ezra shrugged but didn’t speak. He was still mightily uncomfortable about the whole affair and he could feel Vin and JD’s eyes on him. He guessed they’d just been told the news and it unsettled him.

 

Chris placed some cereal and a mug of tea in front of Ezra who looked up and smiled sadly. He did eat, though, which pleased Chris immensely. He’d worried that he’d refuse to eat at all.

 

“Hello, everyone,” Josiah called as he stepped into the kitchen. “I’ll have what Ezra’s having, Chris. I could eat a horse.”

 

“Not one of mine, you’re not,” Chris said jokingly despite the strained atmosphere.

 

The blond turned in surprise when he heard Ezra chuckle.

 

The younger man looked up. “Sorry, it was funny,” he said, not understanding his fluctuating moods. He should have been sad, but Chris’s words had managed to cut through his despair.

 

“Don’t encourage him, Ezra. If you say his jokes are funny he’ll get all big-headed,” Buck said as he grinned broadly.

 

Chris patted Ezra’a shoulder and smiled at him as he gave Josiah some breakfast. He could see that Ezra looked confused by his emotions and he vowed to do all he could to make him feel at ease.

 

Once the two men had eaten, they transferred to the living room on their own. Ezra dreaded the session and he could feel his emotions overwhelming him again.

 

“Ezra? You know why I’m here, don’t you?” Josiah said gently as he took a seat opposite Ezra.

 

Ezra nodded and wouldn’t look at his friend. He could feel his face turning red and he felt hot all of a sudden.

 

“Do you feel up to telling me about what happened yesterday and what prompted it all?”

 

“It was nothing,” Ezra mumbled as he wiped a shaking hand over his face.

 

“Well, I don’t agree, son. Don’t think Buck would either come to that.”

 

Ezra sighed and fidgeted. He really didn’t want to discuss the topic again. Doing so just kept it all fresh in his mind when all he wanted to do was forget about it.

 

“You know you can tell me anything, don’t you? I won’t think any less of you, no matter what you say,” Josiah said sincerely, trying to cajole Ezra into talking to him.

 

Ezra sighed and repeated what he’d told Nathan and then shivered. It hadn’t been any easier saying it all for a second time. In fact it was worse for some reason. He’d had a whole night to think over things and he couldn’t get certain images out of his mind. Talking about it was like rubbing salt into an open wound.

 

“How do you feel about what was done to you?” Josiah asked softly, upset on Ezra’s behalf.

 

Ezra shrugged and picked at a loose thread on the couch. “I thought I deserved it. That it was my fault.”

 

Josiah narrowed his eyes. That was a common thought of sexual abuse victims. “Do you still feel that?” he asked.

 

“Don’t know. I’d buried it so deep that I hadn’t thought about it until yesterday.” He paused. “I suppose, I’m confused, angry and embarrassed,” Ezra whispered. “It feels like it only just happened.”

 

“I know, but we’re all gonna help you, son.”

Ezra shook his head and sat up a bit straighter. “I just want to put it behind me. It was only two weeks out of my life and I want to concentrate on the future.”

 

“Well, that’s good to hear, but you have to deal with this before you can move on. It’ll only come back to haunt you again. You won’t ever forget what happened, but you can hopefully find a way to live with it. I’ll arrange a few proper counselling sessions with me and we can talk things through more thoroughly.”

 

“Thank you,” Ezra said as he rose and left the room. He couldn’t bear to be there a moment longer. He was really beginning to feel the pressure and the thought of more counseling sessions only increased that feeling.

 

Josiah met up with Chris and he ran a hand over his face while sighing. “I’m so sorry, Chris. I knew he had problems, but I never expected you to have such a hard time. Dealing with something like this can’t have been easy for you.”

 

“Don’t sweat it, Josiah. I admit it’s been anything but plain sailing. It’s been an experience that I won’t ever forget, but I wouldn’t have missed having Ezra here for the world. He’s a terrific young man and I’ve been privileged to have played some part in his life. Just hope he can totally recover from this latest setback.”

 

************************************************

 

Ezra started spending as little time with his housemates as he could. When they were outside, he was inside and vice versa. Chris made sure he pulled his weight work-wise and tried to make sure that the man wasn’t on his own all day.

 

“Ez? We’re going into town to meet up with the guys. You coming?” he asked one evening.

 

Ezra hesistated. “No, I don’t think so, thank you all the same. I’m rather tired.”

 

Chris shook his head and stood with hands on hips. “I don’t like the thought of leaving you here, Ez.”

 

“I’ll be fine and I’m big enough to be left on my own, don’t you think?”

 

Chris looked at the man uncertainly. He didn’t want to appear pushy or worried that Ezra might do something stupid if left alone. The man needed to feel that he was trusted. He’d had several sessions with Josiah since the revelations, and the counselor seemed to think they had made significant progress. Chris wasn’t so sure though, given the man’s present behavior.

 

“Okay, I’ll call during the evening and you call me if you need anything,” the blond said as a compromise. He certainly wanted to keep in contact while he was gone.

 

“That sounds agreeable,” Ezra said as he ambled off into the living room to read a book.

 

Chris, Vin and JD set off to a local restaurant an hour later and met up with their friends there. The restaurant was almost full, but the group luckily had the last available large table.

 

“Where’s Ezra?” Josiah asked when the Larabee family arrived. He’d been worried to see that the young man was missing.

 

“He didn’t wanna come,” Chris said with a shrug as he took a seat and picked up the menu.

 

“He okay?” the counselor asked sharply.

 

Chris shrugged again and wriggled uncomfortably on his seat. “I hope so. I didn’t want to insist that he came with us. He’s been acting a bit strangely lately, though, and I can’t help worrying about him. His behavior seems to have been going downhill a bit since all the things he’s had to cope with recently.”

 

Josiah didn’t like the sound of that at all. He sat up straighter and fixed the blond with a penetrating stare. “What’s he done?”

 

Chris put aside the menu as he wondered if he was being oversensitive. “He’s been spending a lot of time on his own. He seems to be avoiding us. Is that normal?”

 

The social worker nodded and sighed. “Yeah, people suffering from depression cut themselves off from their friends and don’t wanna go out.”

 

“Like tonight?” Chris queried.

 

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“What can I do?” Chris asked.

 

Josiah leaned forward and put his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together. “Make him exercise. Try not to let him back out of social engagements ‘cause it’ll do him good to get out. He’d probably be fine once he’s out and about, but it’s the anticipation of it, if you get my meaning, that unsettles him. Is he eating okay?”

 

The blond nodded. “On and off. He mostly eats and then he’s sick soon after, but that’s been happening since he’s been with us.”

 

“Yeah, well, he’s anxious.”

 

“Well, I’m gonna call him during the evening just to make sure he’s okay,” Chris said as he picked up the menu again and tried to concentrate. He really wasn’t feeling very hungry now, he was too wound up about the young man he’d left behind.

 

The evening progressed but Chris didn’t feel at all comfortable. He picked at his food and didn’t join in the conversation that was going on around him. He called home half an hour after their arrival and Ezra answered, for which the blond was mightily pleased. Something in the man’s tone though unsettled him. The blond now just wanted to get home as soon as possible, so once the meal was over he made his excuses and left quickly despite his sons’ protests.

 

Chris and the boys finally arrived home and JD and Vin went off to bed, but the blond went to the kitchen in search of Ezra. He frowned when he thought he detected a presence in the dark and when he turned on the light he saw Ezra at the table.

 

“There is such a thing as a light, you know, Ez?”

 

No reply.

 

“You okay, son?” Chris asked as he took as step toward the seated man.

 

Ezra shrugged and then rubbed his chest and winced.

 

The blond took a seat beside him. “Talk to me, Ez. Do you feel sick or something?”

 

Ezra looked awkward as he rubbed his chest again. He took a halting breath and bent forward slightly with a soft moan.

 

The blond frowned and reached out a hand, which he placed on Ezra’s back. His breath caught in his throat as he watched Ezra closely. The man looked frightened.

 

“It hurts. My chest,” the young man finally admitted in an almost embarrassed tone. Ever since Chris’s phone call Ezra had been in pain, but he hadn’t dared call the blond back, not wanting to ruin his evening out.

 

Chris’s own heart skipped a beat and his chest hurt in reaction to what Ezra had just said. He cursed, wishing he’d stayed at home.

 

“What kinda hurt? Is it just in your chest or does it hurt somewhere else, too?” Chris was already thinking heart attack, or wondering if Ezra had taken something to cause the symptoms.

 

“It always feels like I’m in a vice.”

 

The blond latched onto the use of the word ‘always’. “So you’ve had it before?” Chris asked, not sure if that was good news or not.

 

“Yes.”

 

Chris chewed his lower lip anxiously. “I think I should get you checked out.”

 

“No, I’m alright. It’ll go soon,” Ezra said as he grabbed Chris’s hand to stop him leaving.

 

“Humor me, Ez. At least let Nate have a look at you. I’m worried about you.” And that’s an understatement, Chris thought to himself anxiously.

 

Ezra winced, never having had such good treatment before from anywhere else he’d stayed. He looked at Chris and saw the genuine concern in his eyes. He shrugged, which Chris took to be consent to his suggestion.

 

The blond stood and headed to the phone. Although it was late, he hoped Nathan would come out to the ranch. The doctor took quite some time to answer, though, and Chris felt like putting the phone down, suddenly unsure of calling the man out.

 

“Jackson,” a husky voice eventually said.

 

“Nate? Real sorry to bother you at this hour. Thought you’d heard the last of me, didn’t you?”

 

“Chris? What’s wrong?” the doctor asked, suddenly alert.

 

“It’s Ez. He’s suffering from chest pains and it’s not the first time from what he says. Can you come and take a look at him? It doesn’t seem to be a hospital case, but I’m worried all the same.”

 

Nathan nodded, already looking round for his slippers on the floor. “Sure, I’ll be as quick as I can,” he said as he ended the call.

 

Chris went back and joined Ezra, not talking, just keeping him company until Nathan finally arrived. It was an anxious time for them both and Ezra couldn’t help shivering in trepidation.

 

“Hello, Ezra. Chris tells me yer in a bit of pain,” the doctor said kindly as he hurried in the door an hour later.

 

Ezra nodded and automatically rubbed his chest. The pain had eased slightly but he still felt uncomfortable and he was glad to have Nathan visit. Although he’d had the symptoms before on numerous occasions it frightened him every time.

 

“Okay, let’s have a look at you.”

 

Nathan did a thorough examination and asked a lot of questions. “Well, I can’t find anything physically wrong. Chris? Can I stay over and I’ll run him to the hospital tomorrow?”

 

“Sure, thanks for coming tonight, Nate.”

“No problem. Now, Ez, get some sleep.Take a couple of these, but call me if you don’t feel well,” Nathan said as he handed over a couple of pills with a glass of water.

 

“Thank you, Mr Jackson. I’m sorry to bother you.” Ezra turned away and headed to his bedroom.

 

“Nate? Any ideas?” Chris asked, once Ezra had gone.

 

“I think it’s all down to his depression. Unexplained pains are par for the course, either headaches or chest pains are common,” the doctor said with shrug as he packed his equipment back into the medical bag. “After recent events I’m not at all surprised it happened to be honest.”

 

“So, it’s not something I need to worry about?” Chris said, still seeking reassurance.

 

“No,” Nathan said. “Well, he wasn’t having a heart attack if that’s what you’re thinking.”

 

Chris sighed in relief but then frowned. “Why are you taking him to the hospital tomorrow?”

“Just for his own peace of mind. He must be anxious when he gets these pains so telling him there’s nothing to worry about might solve his problem. He may not believe me but he’s more likely to take the word of a stranger.”

 

“Chris?” a voice called from behind.

 

The blond turned to find Vin hovering in the doorway.

 

“What’s up? Why’s Nate here?” Vin asked worriedly. He’d heard the voices downstairs and had realized that one of them was Nathan’s.

 

“I was just a bit worried about Ez. Nothing for you to lose sleep over. Why don’t you go back to bed?” Chris said with a comforting smile. He didn’t think they’d been talking loud enough to disturb his son, but they obviously had. At least JD was still asleep. The youngster was a terror to get back to bed once he’s been woken.

 

Vin shook his head and took a step forward looking determined to stay. “Chris, I don’t wanna be kept in the dark. I like Ezra and I wanna know what’s going on. We’ve got a right to know. It musta been a helluva worry for Nate to come all the way out here.”

 

“All right, Vin. Take a seat.” Chris waited until Vin was settled and then explained what had happened.

 

“He’s okay, though?” the long-haired teenager said with a frown.

 

Chris nodded and gave Vin’s arm a reassuring pat. “Yeah, Nate’s gonna get him checked out at the hospital tomorrow, but there’s nothing to worry about.”

 

“What can we do to cheer him up?” Vin asked, wanting to do whatever he could to help.

Chris smiled and moved his hand so that it rested on Vin’s shoulder. “Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Make him feel wanted. Try and get him to take part in what we do. I think he likes riding so maybe that’s the way to go. Encourage him in something that he likes and maybe it’ll pay dividends. It’s something we can all do together, too. Animals have been used in therapeutic ways before. Maybe it’ll work with Ez. He sure seems to like being with Arnie.”

 

******************************************

 

The following day, after a successful visit to the hospital, Ezra and Chris were in the barn and had just finished mucking out the horses. Ezra frowned and looked up toward the loft. He stood still for a minute with his head cocked on one side listening.

 

“Did you hear that?” he asked as he looked at Chris inquiringly.

 

“What?” Chris said as he shook his head.

 

Ezra looked up at the loft again and pointed. “I heard something up there. Like a scratching sound. Maybe we should investigate.”

 

“Up you go then,” Chris said with a grin as he pointed to the ladder. He didn’t want to go up there and discover a giant rat. He hated rats.

 

Ezra climbed the ladder but as he poked his head through the opening in the loft he gave a startled yell as something furry brushed his cheek. He let go of his grip unintentionally and fell backwards. He landed on his back with a thump at Chris’s feet.

 

The blond dropped to his knees immediately. “Shit, Ez. Just stay where you are. Don’t move.”

 

Ezra seemed slightly stunned and soon made it clear that he’d had the wind knocked out of his lungs. Chris quickly checked that Ezra hadn’t hurt his back or neck before sitting the young man up. He did what he could to improve Ezra’s breathing and slowly the dark-haired man stopped gasping.

 

“Ez? You okay? Does it hurt anywhere?” the blond asked as he rubbed Ezra’s back gently.

 

“I’m all right now. Hit my head on the ground and my ankle on the ladder, but I think there’s no lasting damage.”

 

“Let me be the judge of that. Stay there and I’ll look. Which ankle?” Chris asked as he looked at his companion seriously.

 

“Left,” Ezra said as he waved the appropriate limb slightly.

 

Chris pulled up Ezra’s pant leg and eased the sock down to reveal a vivid red mark on the joint. It seemed to swell even as he watched. “Well, that ain’t right for starters. Have to get some ice on that as soon as possible. Now, where did you hit your head?”

 

Ezra pointed in the general direction of the back of his skull.

 

Chris probed around in his hair and heard Ezra gasp. He looked more carefully but couldn’t see anything too bad, just a small lump.

 

“Let’s get you into the house.”

 

“But what’s in the loft?” Ezra asked as he looked upwards again.

 

Chris had forgotten all about the cause of Ezra’s accident. “Sit still while I check.”

 

The blond climbed the ladder tentatively and looked through the hole in the loft. Ezra heard his muffled voice and watched as the man reached out to something. Chris appeared with a kitten in his hands.

 

“Who’d have thought that this little fella would cause something so much bigger such trouble?” Chris asked as he climbed down carefully with his burden.

 

Ezra stared at the feline as Chris descended to ground level again. He reached out his hands and Chris passed the kitten over, watching Ezra make a fuss of it.

 

“Can we keep it?” Ezra asked as he tickled the kitten under the chin. He’d never had a pet before and he felt a childish pleasure at being able to have one, if only for a short time.

 

Chris smiled as he heard the word ‘we’. He hoped that meant Ezra was feeling a part of them now and would like to stay.

 

“Why not? Just don’t show him to Arnie or there’ll be fireworks. He’ll have to live in the house and he’ll be your responsibility, okay?”

 

Ezra nodded.

 

“What are you gonna call him?”

 

Ezra held the kitten up opposite his eyes and studied the creature. The tiger-striped cat stared back, its pink nose wriggling slightly.

 

“Rufus.”

 

“Any reason?”

 

“Just looks like one,” Ezra replied with a shrug.

 

“Fair enough. Let’s get him inside. God knows what he’s gonna eat, though. Seems to have managed on his own so far, though. There’s no sign of the mother or any other kittens up there.” Chris bent down and helped Ezra to his feet. “Put your arm round my shoulders,” he instructed.

 

Ezra clutched his kitten tightly under his right arm and put his left arm round the blond’s shouder. The two of them then limped across the yard.

 

Vin appeared on the porch and ran toward them when he saw that Ezra was hurt. “What happened?” he asked as he took up position on the other side from Chris.

 

“Ez fell off the ladder in the barn after our new family member startled him.”

 

Vin looked at the kitten and smiled. “He’s a real handsome fella, Ez. We keeping him?”

 

“Yeah, he’s Ezra’s, okay?”

 

Vin nodded and reached out to stroke the feline. “Sure. Have you named him?”

 

“Rufus.”

“Hey, Rufus. Looks like you’re gonna be spoilt rotten,” Vin said as he tickled the little cat behind its ears and made it purr. “Let me take him while you get settled.”

 

Ezra released his new friend but immediately held out his hands to retake him once he’d been settled on the couch in the living room. The blond disappeared to find some ice for Ezra’s ankle while Vin sat on the floor and continued stroking the cat, which now sat contentendly on Ezra’s lap. Chris came back with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel. He placed them on the injured joint and heard Ezra hiss in pain.

 

“Call if you need anything. Vin can help get you a drink or whatever. I’ll just run over to Nettie’s and borrow some cat food. Casey owns about five cats at the last count.”

 

After Chris had left the room, Ezra looked down sadly at the cat. “Maybe you’d better have him, Mr. Tanner. I’ll probably be moving on and he’ll get settled here. I’ve never had a pet before,” he said, sounding upset.

 

“Don’t get rid of him before you’ve even started. Who knows what the future holds. He’s yours, Ez.”

 

Ezra looked doubtful, but he’d always wanted a cat. He was worried about getting too attached to it if he had to move on. He would then have to abandon it, although he knew it would have a good home on the ranch.

 

Chris poked his head round the door and said as an afterthought, “Vin? He hit his head, but didn’t lose consciousness. Keep an eye on him in case of any problems.”

 

“Sure, Dad.”

 

While Chris was gone on his errand, JD came bundling in from school calling out to no one in particular. He came to a halt in the living room doorway and took in the scene before him.

 

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked as he stared at the recumbant man.

 

Vin looked up and grinned at his brother, knowing he’d love the new addition to the family. “Ez fell off a ladder and found a kitten. Dad’s gonna let him keep it.”

JD bounded over and stared in delight at the kitten.

 

“He’s Ezra’s okay, and he’s called Rufus,” Vin warned in case JD had any ideas over the ownership.

“Cool. Hey, Rufus,” he said as he leaned over and stroked the kitten gently.

 

Chris came back at that point with several cans of food in his arms and odds and ends for the feline. “Hey, JD. Good day at school?”

 

“Yeah, but sounds like it’s been more exciting here. Rufus is great, isn’t he?”

 

“Yes, but it woulda been better if he hadn’t made himself known in quite the way he did,” the blond smiled at Ezra. “Feel okay, Ez?”

 

“Yes, thank you. Rufus certainly dulls the pain.”

 

“After causing it, yeah,” Chris laughed. “Vin, can you help get dinner? We’ll have it in here to save Ezra moving.”

 

When Vin stood up, JD took his position and began stroking Rufus over and over.

 

“Arnie will get jealous,” Ezra said quietly.

 

“Doubt it,” JD scoffed. “He ain’t real cuddly although he likes the odd bit of fuss once in a while.

 

The four humans enjoyed a relaxing evening, making the new family member feel welcome. Ezra took it easy and Chris kept an eye on his injured ankle.

 

“Can he sleep in my room?” Ezra asked when it was time for bed.

 

“Sure, I’ll find some old clothes for him to sleep on.”

 

The arrival of the kitten had settled something in Chris’s mind and he vowed to sort things out once and for all the next day. He’d meant to do it earlier, but with the way things had been lately it had slipped his mind. Now seemed very appropriate though.

 

Chris watched the interaction between Vin, JD and Ezra and knew that animals could heal all sorts of divides. Ezra seems so much closer to them all now and all because of the cat.

 

**********************************************

 

“JD, Vin? Can I have a word?”

 

Chris sat down with his sons and studied them for a few seconds. “I’ve come to a decision about Ezra. I want him to stay, but I want to ask what you think. I know you overheard me talking about options with Josiah but now I know for sure I want him here. What have you got to say?”

 

“That’s great. He’s still got a way to go but he’s fitting in real well, I reckon,” Vin said as he grinned broadly. He really liked Ezra and he’d been hoping that this would be the decision that Chris would come to.

 

“JD?” Chris asked, knowing this would be the harder person to ask, although relations seemed to have improved immensely since the fishing trip.

 

“I want him to stay,” JD said decisively as he nodded enthusiastically.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah. I was being stupid before, but I reckon that three of us completes the family. He’s really nice and he’s had to put up with me being stupid, hasn’t he?”

 

The blond couldn’t have been happier with that answer. As JD had said, his family was now complete. “Great. I’ll go find him and give him the good news. That’s if he wants to stay with us, that is. I haven’t thought about it from that way before,” Chris mused doubtfully.

 

Ezra hobbled into the room at that point. His ankle was tightly bandaged and he’d taken a few painkillers to ease the pain so he could get around without too much trouble. He still had a slight headache but he didn’t feel too bad all things considered. He clutched his kitten gently under his arm and it seemed that Rufus had already become a permanent feature in the man’s life.

 

“Great timing Ez. Take a seat. I’ve got something to ask you,” Chris said as he beckoned the man in with a welcoming smile.

 

Ezra sat down on the edge of his seat nervously. He looked round the group of three people sitting opposite him and he saw that they were smiling. Well, whatever I am going to be told, it can’t be too bad, Ezra thought to himself.

 

Chris continued smiling. “Would you like to live with us permanently? I could sure do with your continued help with the accounts and that can be your job if you want it. I know Vin may have said something to you about this a while ago, but I wanted to ask you officially.”

 

Ezra opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. He took a deep breath as his mind whirled around with the news. “I’d love to, as long as I’m not in the way.”

 

JD guffawed. “You’re not in the way, you’re family. You belong with us and we want you here. All of us.”

 

JD couldn’t have said a better thing. Ezra looked very pleased to have got JD’s approval. His eyes filled with tears and he nodded in acceptance. “I’d love to stay,” he said.

 

“Great, I’m really pleased, Ezra. I think this calls for a celebration. How about another party this weekend? I’ll invite Buck, Josiah and Nate.”

 

**********************************************

 

A month later, Chris sat in the swing seat on the porch. He smiled broadly as he watched Vin, JD and Ezra playing basketball. Shouts, curses and laughter rang through the air. He focused on Ezra and watched him interacting with the others. He had changed totally since his arrival. The quiet, reticent man had been replaced by a laughing, tactile person. Before, where he’d cringed away from touches he now initiated them. Chris grinned as Ezra enveloped JD in a bear-hug after scoring. That would have been unheard of a month ago.

 

Josiah, who was visiting for the day, ambled out of the kitchen and sat beside Chris.

 

“Look at him, big fella, isn’t he great? He’s turning into a loving, happy guy. I’m gonna love having him here with us. As JD said, he’s made this family complete.”

 

The End