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A guy died and went to heaven. After St. Peter had let him through those oh so pearly gates he gave him a tour around heaven. Showed him his mansion, the crystal sea, and let him sign up for the choir. They then came to a very large building, they went inside and all around where clocks. The man soon found his name and saw that the clock was no longer working. St. Peter said, "These are clocks to show how much time people have left on earth." The man then noticed that some clocks were running faster than others. The man asked "Why?" St. Peter replied, "The clocks runs faster with each lie that you tell!" The man began looking around. St. Peter asked what he was looking for. The man replied, "I'm looking for John Kerrys clock." St. Peter laughed and said," Oh! We're using his for a ceiling fan!" |
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"The White House began airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. he said it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected unless, of course, it's the Vietnam War."--Jay Leno |
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John Kerry was scheduled to visit the Caltholic National Cathedral outside Washington as part of his campaign. Kerr's campaign manager made a visit to the Cardinal and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Catholics because of Kerry's position on abortion and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say "John Kerry is a saint." The Cardinal thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The church is in desperate need of funds and i will agree to do it. "Kerry shows up looking especially smug today and as the Mass progresses the Cardinal begins his service. "John Kerry is petty, self absorbed, a hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low intelligence weasel. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen." The Cardinal continued; "He is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally known. But campared to Ted Kennedy, John Kerry is a saint." |
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"The Secret Service had announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why---with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." --Jay Leno |
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John Kerry was in Florida this week, reaching out and talking to elderly voters. You know, I think it made Kerry a little uncomfortable to be with these elderly people. He finally got a chance to see what he'd look like without Botox. (But he still won three purple hearts!!) |
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